- May 23, 2012
- 15,540
- 14,279
- AFL Club
- Collingwood
- Other Teams
- Tottenham Hotspur, New Orleans Pels
Season's greetings Bball brothers, and welcome to the most festive week of the NBA season.
If you're anything like me, you struggle mightily when it comes to choosing gifts at this time of year. It's not just fighting for parking spots, or navigating the labyrinthine shopping malls that have become so uniformly similar that they're as tough to familiarise yourself with as the parking lots that service them. More than anything, when it comes to pondering potential presents, it's the agony of choice.
It got me to thinking about our NBA teams we know and love so well - what do they need?
Good help is hard to find these days - Boston & Milwaukee
These aristocrats of the NBA world seem to have it all, but fans continue to pot their respective coaches. It's probably too late to change horses midstream - so perhaps some special guest assistant coaches, bringing a few left-field ideas to iron out the gameplan deficiencies, wouldn't go astray in the meantime?
ML Carr and Rick Pitino are available as last minute bargains. Stocks are limited.
Those that are doing it tough in 2023 - Memphis & Cleveland
Life isn't always fair, what with wars, cost of living crises, pandemics and Kendrick Perkins being paid money to talk rubbish on ESPN. Many of us have loved ones who are a little down on their luck at the moment, but there are ways to brighten their day with a well chosen gift. For the Cavs and their fans, I suggest a commemorative DVD of their 2016 championship and a year's supply of RAT in case Sam Merrill or Dean Wade contract Covid. As for people like the Grizzlies who seem to have a permanent ward at the local hospital, why not arrange a special visitor this Christmas? Just make sure the water pistols and toy gun presents are just that, because... well, you know.
To quote a well-known Christmas classic: "Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!''
The affluent folks with the spoiled kids who have everything - LA Lakers & Oklahoma City
It's a dilemma that's as old as time and possibly Stu Lantz - what to get the folks whose cupboards are already crammed full and their purses overflowing? And who despite this largesse still often act like jerks? Well don't you worry, because the Thunder are in line to receive a new taxpayer-funded arena for their stolen franchise with a million future draft picks in the piggy bank. I think Qantas would be proud of that Christmas bonus. As for the Lakers, they have the money, the stars, the fans, the riches and the history, so there's only one thing for it...
Nothing says 'screw you' to an insufferably wealthy acquaintance quite like giving a KMart gift card at Yuletide. Or an IST banner.
The poor, the indigent and the abused - Detroit & Washington
Life at the bottom of the social pyramid is often a vicious circle of dependence, hopelessness and despair. These poor souls need something, anything to take their minds off the wretchedness of their tenuous existence. Some may suggest a year's subscription to Netlfix might be in festive order, but these people often don't even own a television or laptop - we're still confirming whether that's for economic reasons, or rather because they threw them out the window after watching their chosen NBA teams. The truth is that, like many of the stray puppies and kittens at the RSPCA, what they really need is a new owner.
An abandoned puppy or kitten might also make a nice present. They'd probably leave less sh1t on the floor too.
The stockbroker Uncle who's liable to have one too many Christmas beers - Golden State & Phoenix
We've all got that relative or friend who likes to live every day like it's their last - the risk takers who can be entertaining, but can also often be their own worst enemy. With economies all over the world stagnating, it's a good time to go back to basics with gift-giving - there's nothing wrong with wrapping up a good old-fashioned book for some enlightening holiday reading. Self-improvement books are often a popular choice.
Paying the luxury tax when your current circumstances dictate you're just a normal working stiff seems cruel.
The Agony of Choice, Part II - Pacific Parity
I'd just like to draw attention to the state of the Pacific Division for the 23/24 season - I'm not sure we've ever seen a division like it.
Not only is it tough to choose who will top the division, but it's equally tough to predict who might finish bottom. Conceivably any of the four California teams or Phoenix might win the division - however it's equally conceivable that any of those teams could finish bottom of the pile!
Pre-season the Suns would have been the favourites. The Kings won the division last year, and lead it again at present. After the IST tournament, folks were declaring the Lakers a title threat, then they went MIA. Meanwhile after a stumbling start to the season, suddenly the Clips put together a blistering few weeks, only to fall flat on their faces again in recent days. Oh, and the team currently bringing up the rear has won 4 championships from 6 Finals appearances in the past decade, including one as recently as 18 months ago.
If you're feeling brave, post your final Pacific Division finishing order below. If anyone picks it correctly, peternorth has promised to donate a year's modding salary as prizemoney. OK I might have made that last part up, so instead I'll promise to donate all the money I made writing this Xmas OP.
Coming Up:
Tuesday - Christmas rivalries everywhere. The Nugs and Dubs renew their 'mole' rivalry, while the Sixers and Jimmy Butler will do their thing in South Beach. Oh, and just for a change the Lakers will appear on Christmas Day, hosting the auld enemy in Boston. I'm expecting no emotional posts whatsoever.
Wednesday - the NBA's 'have-nots' take centre stage while the rest of America is out getting into fist fights over discount toasters. Top dogs in the West, Minny and OKC, do battle in what TV executives fervently hope is not a preview of the WCF. Meanwhile the Pels will try not to blow another lead to Ja Morant and the suddenly buoyant Grizz.
Thursday - Markelle Fultz may watch on as his Magic host the red-hot Sixers. The Bucks continue their 'exclusively NY' road trip against the Nets after playing 18 of their first 28 at home. The Suns battle the Rockets in Houston in the Jock Landale Cup.
Friday - If you saw the Bulls possibly catching the Pacers in the standings a fortnight ago, you're a savant. Anyway, they meet in Indy. A resurgent Memphis visit the champs in the Mile High City, plus a real battle of the geezers between the Dubs and Heat.
Saturday - Are the Magic a good team? If the Knicks beat them, then probably not. The Nuggets will seek home-cooking revenge on the upstart Thunder who upset them last week, in a game with playoff seeding ramifications.
Sunday - This could be the day - unless the Pistons can top the Nets or Celtics this week, they'll need to beat the Raptors in Detroit to avoid the all-time mark for futility. Elsewhere the Knicks and Pacers lock horns like it's 1994, while the Lakers seek to avoid consecutive defeats at the hands of the Wolves.
Merry Christmas guys - may your stockings be stuffed fuller than Zion after a Christmas ham.
If you're anything like me, you struggle mightily when it comes to choosing gifts at this time of year. It's not just fighting for parking spots, or navigating the labyrinthine shopping malls that have become so uniformly similar that they're as tough to familiarise yourself with as the parking lots that service them. More than anything, when it comes to pondering potential presents, it's the agony of choice.
It got me to thinking about our NBA teams we know and love so well - what do they need?
Good help is hard to find these days - Boston & Milwaukee
These aristocrats of the NBA world seem to have it all, but fans continue to pot their respective coaches. It's probably too late to change horses midstream - so perhaps some special guest assistant coaches, bringing a few left-field ideas to iron out the gameplan deficiencies, wouldn't go astray in the meantime?
ML Carr and Rick Pitino are available as last minute bargains. Stocks are limited.
Those that are doing it tough in 2023 - Memphis & Cleveland
Life isn't always fair, what with wars, cost of living crises, pandemics and Kendrick Perkins being paid money to talk rubbish on ESPN. Many of us have loved ones who are a little down on their luck at the moment, but there are ways to brighten their day with a well chosen gift. For the Cavs and their fans, I suggest a commemorative DVD of their 2016 championship and a year's supply of RAT in case Sam Merrill or Dean Wade contract Covid. As for people like the Grizzlies who seem to have a permanent ward at the local hospital, why not arrange a special visitor this Christmas? Just make sure the water pistols and toy gun presents are just that, because... well, you know.
To quote a well-known Christmas classic: "Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!''
The affluent folks with the spoiled kids who have everything - LA Lakers & Oklahoma City
It's a dilemma that's as old as time and possibly Stu Lantz - what to get the folks whose cupboards are already crammed full and their purses overflowing? And who despite this largesse still often act like jerks? Well don't you worry, because the Thunder are in line to receive a new taxpayer-funded arena for their stolen franchise with a million future draft picks in the piggy bank. I think Qantas would be proud of that Christmas bonus. As for the Lakers, they have the money, the stars, the fans, the riches and the history, so there's only one thing for it...
Nothing says 'screw you' to an insufferably wealthy acquaintance quite like giving a KMart gift card at Yuletide. Or an IST banner.
The poor, the indigent and the abused - Detroit & Washington
Life at the bottom of the social pyramid is often a vicious circle of dependence, hopelessness and despair. These poor souls need something, anything to take their minds off the wretchedness of their tenuous existence. Some may suggest a year's subscription to Netlfix might be in festive order, but these people often don't even own a television or laptop - we're still confirming whether that's for economic reasons, or rather because they threw them out the window after watching their chosen NBA teams. The truth is that, like many of the stray puppies and kittens at the RSPCA, what they really need is a new owner.
An abandoned puppy or kitten might also make a nice present. They'd probably leave less sh1t on the floor too.
The stockbroker Uncle who's liable to have one too many Christmas beers - Golden State & Phoenix
We've all got that relative or friend who likes to live every day like it's their last - the risk takers who can be entertaining, but can also often be their own worst enemy. With economies all over the world stagnating, it's a good time to go back to basics with gift-giving - there's nothing wrong with wrapping up a good old-fashioned book for some enlightening holiday reading. Self-improvement books are often a popular choice.
Paying the luxury tax when your current circumstances dictate you're just a normal working stiff seems cruel.
The Agony of Choice, Part II - Pacific Parity
I'd just like to draw attention to the state of the Pacific Division for the 23/24 season - I'm not sure we've ever seen a division like it.
Not only is it tough to choose who will top the division, but it's equally tough to predict who might finish bottom. Conceivably any of the four California teams or Phoenix might win the division - however it's equally conceivable that any of those teams could finish bottom of the pile!
Pre-season the Suns would have been the favourites. The Kings won the division last year, and lead it again at present. After the IST tournament, folks were declaring the Lakers a title threat, then they went MIA. Meanwhile after a stumbling start to the season, suddenly the Clips put together a blistering few weeks, only to fall flat on their faces again in recent days. Oh, and the team currently bringing up the rear has won 4 championships from 6 Finals appearances in the past decade, including one as recently as 18 months ago.
If you're feeling brave, post your final Pacific Division finishing order below. If anyone picks it correctly, peternorth has promised to donate a year's modding salary as prizemoney. OK I might have made that last part up, so instead I'll promise to donate all the money I made writing this Xmas OP.
Coming Up:
Tuesday - Christmas rivalries everywhere. The Nugs and Dubs renew their 'mole' rivalry, while the Sixers and Jimmy Butler will do their thing in South Beach. Oh, and just for a change the Lakers will appear on Christmas Day, hosting the auld enemy in Boston. I'm expecting no emotional posts whatsoever.
Wednesday - the NBA's 'have-nots' take centre stage while the rest of America is out getting into fist fights over discount toasters. Top dogs in the West, Minny and OKC, do battle in what TV executives fervently hope is not a preview of the WCF. Meanwhile the Pels will try not to blow another lead to Ja Morant and the suddenly buoyant Grizz.
Thursday - Markelle Fultz may watch on as his Magic host the red-hot Sixers. The Bucks continue their 'exclusively NY' road trip against the Nets after playing 18 of their first 28 at home. The Suns battle the Rockets in Houston in the Jock Landale Cup.
Friday - If you saw the Bulls possibly catching the Pacers in the standings a fortnight ago, you're a savant. Anyway, they meet in Indy. A resurgent Memphis visit the champs in the Mile High City, plus a real battle of the geezers between the Dubs and Heat.
Saturday - Are the Magic a good team? If the Knicks beat them, then probably not. The Nuggets will seek home-cooking revenge on the upstart Thunder who upset them last week, in a game with playoff seeding ramifications.
Sunday - This could be the day - unless the Pistons can top the Nets or Celtics this week, they'll need to beat the Raptors in Detroit to avoid the all-time mark for futility. Elsewhere the Knicks and Pacers lock horns like it's 1994, while the Lakers seek to avoid consecutive defeats at the hands of the Wolves.
Merry Christmas guys - may your stockings be stuffed fuller than Zion after a Christmas ham.
