Yeah, I felt sorry for the Demon fans yesterday. It's one thing copping a flogging but quite another to have to sit through Dwayno's blathering as well. Sure, you can press the mute button but it's hard to watch without the atmosphere. S'pose you have to weigh up the lesser of two evils.
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dwayne ****head russel
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The straw that stirs the drink
The only reason I'm happy I was there instead of watching on TV.. Would have kicked my TV in because of that twat.
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He sounded deflated. Really, really sad that there wasn't even a smidge of competitiveness so he couldn't add some spice to the game through his commentary.
I really dislike the "shorts it" commentary which seems to be becoming prevalent.
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Actually, the veins in the forehead began to pop as Geelong got closer to breaking the record.
Always a silver lining with Dwayne in the excitement stakes.
In the last quarter, with the margin around 150 points, Jack Watts kicks an utterly regulation set shot goal. Probably about 35 metres out. Derwayne immediately intones - "it's a work of art".
A work of art? It's regulation you moron. Also when he informed us that Ottens was back from suspension - he wasn't. If that was the case he would've played against Richmond. They rested him an extra week.
Idiot. What can we do to get him off the air?
Ted_Striker
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Come on boys.......We are nearly at 1000 posts.....
Lets get it there.....
So we can do it all again.....
Lets get it there.....
So we can do it all again.....
Come on boys.......We are nearly at 1000 posts.....
Lets get it there.....
So we can do it all again.....
Thing is, every week there's a new game to call, and therefore tons of new material.
I forgot one from the first quarter last week. Andrew Mackie kicked a goal from outside 50 that hit the fence on the full. Russell's explanation? "He squeezes it". Squeezes it. How do you squeeze a 60 metre kick you oaf?
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Haha, I remember Duncan made a spoil late in the game and Russell screamed out his name like he had just seen Duncan take Mark and Goal of the year all in one action.
He's a popular boy, is Dwayno
The AFL commentators were invited to do the Test cricket series between Australia and Pakistan.
In the fourth innings, Pakistan were chasing a target of 521 to win.
Mitchell Johnson ran in for his first delivery.
“This will be the first ball he bowls in anger,” said Dwayne Russell.
Johnson bowled a short ball to Mohammed Hafeez.
“Shorts it,” said Dwayne Russell. “SENSATIONAL! That's one of the BALLS OF THE YEAR!” he screamed.
Hafeez nudged the next ball on the off-side for a single.
“OUTSTANDING!” yelled Dwayne Russell. “That is AS GOOD AS IT GETS!”
Shortly afterwards, Hafeez hit a six off Mitchell Johnson.
“Gives it some SKY! That's OUT OF THIS WORLD!” screamed Dwayne Russell. “That’s given the Pakistani innings a SHOT IN THE ARM! It could be the FIRE-STARTER!”
“Yeah great call Dwayne,” said Danny Frawley. “He’s eager to make hay while the iron is hot.”
“They're roaring now, the Pakistanis! ROARRRR!” yelled Bruce McAvaney.
“I loved that shot. I just love the way he goes about it,” said Luke Darcy.
“Hafeez, gee, he’s a delicious player, isn’t he?” added Bruce McAvaney. “You just get the feeling if this partnership can provide another 300 runs, Pakistan would be right back in this.”
But Robert Walls was not impressed by Johnson’s bowling. “More runs off Mitchell Johnson, because he is just SO STUPID with the way that he can play this game at times!” he ranted. “It is ridiculous! How many times does he bowl well outside off-stump and hurt his team!”
Hafeez went on to score a half-century.
“IS THAT 50?” screamed Dwayne Russell. “YOU BET IT IS! It's a half-century, a half-ton. From little things, BIG THINGS GROW!”
“He's really set himself now, hasn't he?” said Bruce McAvaney. “You just get the feeling he'll score a century now, don't you? No Pakistani batsman over 27 years of age has been dismissed for between 48 and 107 in the fourth innings in Karachi.”
Hafeez went on to score a century.
“That’s CRAZY GOOD!” shouted Dwayne Russell. “He turns 50s into 100s, now it’s PARTY TIME!”
Later, Ben Hilfenhaus trapped Hafeez LBW for 118.
“IN YOUR DREAMS! Hilfy delivers the KILL SHOT!” shouted Dwayne Russell. “That’s a GEM! It used to be the second mouse who gets the cheese, now it’s THE HILFENHAUS who GETS HAFEEZ!”
But the umpire called no-ball. The Australians used a referral, and replays showed that Hilfenhaus hadn't overstepped.
“He’s SQUEEZED it in from the PAINT! He’s given it some SHOE!” screamed Dwayne Russell. “The call from the umpire was HORRENDOUS!”
Stephen Quartermain was angered by the umpire's mistake. “That is a disgrace!” he complained. “He should never umpire another Test match again! That is unforgivable!”
“He’ll learn from that, the umpire” said Danny Frawley. “He’s got to be better than that.”
With the latest innovation by the network to interview players during the match, Andy Maher asked Hafeez on the boundary line, “How does it feel to get out? Do you feel like you shouldn’t have played that shot? How does it make you feel?”
-----
In the days following the first Test, Johnson came under scrutiny for his poor bowling.
“Maybe he should be given a run as wicketkeeper,” said Robert Walls. “Just to find some form, you know, get him into the game.”
Incredibly, Johnson was named as wicketkeeper for the second Test, after Haddin and Paine were struck down by injury.
During the second Test, while attempting to take a bouncer, Johnson landed awkwardly and injured his foot, ending his match.
“That's why you don't put your thoroughbreds behind the wicket,” criticised Robert Walls. “You run the risk of injury by doing that.”
Danny Frawley agreed, “You don’t want to put all your chickens in the one basket, or else they’ll come home to roost.”
Paul Roos rushed onto the field to check how badly Johnson was hurt, and to have words with the opposition. But the umpire ordered him off as he wasn’t authorised to enter the field.
-----
Ricky Ponting announced his retirement from Test cricket at the end of the series.
Danny Frawley was invited to deliver a monologue at a function in his honour. “He’s humble, he doesn’t like talking about himself. He is the Don Bradman of our time. I’m sorry to get emotional… nope, I’ve lost it,” he said, choking back tears.
Some people questioned whether Ponting had hurt his legacy by not retiring earlier, but Malcolm Blight wouldn’t hear of it. "I couldn't give a rat's tossbag whether people thought he stayed too long or whether anyone thinks he’s a poor captain,” he ranted. “I’m happy with what he did. So the Cricinfo player of the decade, with more wins as Test captain than anyone else, will be remembered in a poor light? Come on, that's a wank!"
In the fourth innings, Pakistan were chasing a target of 521 to win.
Mitchell Johnson ran in for his first delivery.
“This will be the first ball he bowls in anger,” said Dwayne Russell.
Johnson bowled a short ball to Mohammed Hafeez.
“Shorts it,” said Dwayne Russell. “SENSATIONAL! That's one of the BALLS OF THE YEAR!” he screamed.
Hafeez nudged the next ball on the off-side for a single.
“OUTSTANDING!” yelled Dwayne Russell. “That is AS GOOD AS IT GETS!”
Shortly afterwards, Hafeez hit a six off Mitchell Johnson.
“Gives it some SKY! That's OUT OF THIS WORLD!” screamed Dwayne Russell. “That’s given the Pakistani innings a SHOT IN THE ARM! It could be the FIRE-STARTER!”
“Yeah great call Dwayne,” said Danny Frawley. “He’s eager to make hay while the iron is hot.”
“They're roaring now, the Pakistanis! ROARRRR!” yelled Bruce McAvaney.
“I loved that shot. I just love the way he goes about it,” said Luke Darcy.
“Hafeez, gee, he’s a delicious player, isn’t he?” added Bruce McAvaney. “You just get the feeling if this partnership can provide another 300 runs, Pakistan would be right back in this.”
But Robert Walls was not impressed by Johnson’s bowling. “More runs off Mitchell Johnson, because he is just SO STUPID with the way that he can play this game at times!” he ranted. “It is ridiculous! How many times does he bowl well outside off-stump and hurt his team!”
Hafeez went on to score a half-century.
“IS THAT 50?” screamed Dwayne Russell. “YOU BET IT IS! It's a half-century, a half-ton. From little things, BIG THINGS GROW!”
“He's really set himself now, hasn't he?” said Bruce McAvaney. “You just get the feeling he'll score a century now, don't you? No Pakistani batsman over 27 years of age has been dismissed for between 48 and 107 in the fourth innings in Karachi.”
Hafeez went on to score a century.
“That’s CRAZY GOOD!” shouted Dwayne Russell. “He turns 50s into 100s, now it’s PARTY TIME!”
Later, Ben Hilfenhaus trapped Hafeez LBW for 118.
“IN YOUR DREAMS! Hilfy delivers the KILL SHOT!” shouted Dwayne Russell. “That’s a GEM! It used to be the second mouse who gets the cheese, now it’s THE HILFENHAUS who GETS HAFEEZ!”
But the umpire called no-ball. The Australians used a referral, and replays showed that Hilfenhaus hadn't overstepped.
“He’s SQUEEZED it in from the PAINT! He’s given it some SHOE!” screamed Dwayne Russell. “The call from the umpire was HORRENDOUS!”
Stephen Quartermain was angered by the umpire's mistake. “That is a disgrace!” he complained. “He should never umpire another Test match again! That is unforgivable!”
“He’ll learn from that, the umpire” said Danny Frawley. “He’s got to be better than that.”
With the latest innovation by the network to interview players during the match, Andy Maher asked Hafeez on the boundary line, “How does it feel to get out? Do you feel like you shouldn’t have played that shot? How does it make you feel?”
-----
In the days following the first Test, Johnson came under scrutiny for his poor bowling.
“Maybe he should be given a run as wicketkeeper,” said Robert Walls. “Just to find some form, you know, get him into the game.”
Incredibly, Johnson was named as wicketkeeper for the second Test, after Haddin and Paine were struck down by injury.
During the second Test, while attempting to take a bouncer, Johnson landed awkwardly and injured his foot, ending his match.
“That's why you don't put your thoroughbreds behind the wicket,” criticised Robert Walls. “You run the risk of injury by doing that.”
Danny Frawley agreed, “You don’t want to put all your chickens in the one basket, or else they’ll come home to roost.”
Paul Roos rushed onto the field to check how badly Johnson was hurt, and to have words with the opposition. But the umpire ordered him off as he wasn’t authorised to enter the field.
-----
Ricky Ponting announced his retirement from Test cricket at the end of the series.
Danny Frawley was invited to deliver a monologue at a function in his honour. “He’s humble, he doesn’t like talking about himself. He is the Don Bradman of our time. I’m sorry to get emotional… nope, I’ve lost it,” he said, choking back tears.
Some people questioned whether Ponting had hurt his legacy by not retiring earlier, but Malcolm Blight wouldn’t hear of it. "I couldn't give a rat's tossbag whether people thought he stayed too long or whether anyone thinks he’s a poor captain,” he ranted. “I’m happy with what he did. So the Cricinfo player of the decade, with more wins as Test captain than anyone else, will be remembered in a poor light? Come on, that's a wank!"
Tairy Greene
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That is quite possibly one of the best things I have ever read on the internet.
Best one yet.
Was in absolute stitches while reading that. One of the best pieces I have ever read on the internet, excluding none!! Simply amazing "those"!!!
I agree. It was SPECTACULAR!!!
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Thinks of it, types it, formats it, posts it! That's one of the posts of the year!
Awesome Those.
Awesome Those.
I'm leeching off the great work from Those.
Mohammad Asif bowled a ball that hit Michael Clarke in the groin, causing Clarke to drop to his knees.
"He's down and OUT! He has not moved!" shouted Dwayne Russell. "That's the end of his innings!"
The Australian physio attended to Clarke and gave him an oxygen mask.
"To breathe some life into him!" added Dwayne Russell.
Clarke faced up to the next delivery, a no-ball from Asif that overstepped the line by a long way.
"Is that DELIBERATE!?" came the scream from Dwayne Russell.
"Oh gee! That looks bad, he's in real trouble here," said Michael Christian.
"This could get ugly. The captain needs to remove Asif from the attack right now! He needs to get him off!" worried Tony Shaw.
"This could be one of the SCANDALS OF THE CENTURY!" bellowed Dwayne Russell.
Mohammad Asif bowled a ball that hit Michael Clarke in the groin, causing Clarke to drop to his knees.
"He's down and OUT! He has not moved!" shouted Dwayne Russell. "That's the end of his innings!"
The Australian physio attended to Clarke and gave him an oxygen mask.
"To breathe some life into him!" added Dwayne Russell.
Clarke faced up to the next delivery, a no-ball from Asif that overstepped the line by a long way.
"Is that DELIBERATE!?" came the scream from Dwayne Russell.
"Oh gee! That looks bad, he's in real trouble here," said Michael Christian.
"This could get ugly. The captain needs to remove Asif from the attack right now! He needs to get him off!" worried Tony Shaw.
"This could be one of the SCANDALS OF THE CENTURY!" bellowed Dwayne Russell.
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“Where angels fear to tread”.
“From the paint”.
“From four deep”.
In the first 10 minutes.
from four deep, seems a new phrase from ol' dwayno.
"That could almost be deliberate". REALLY Dwayne you freaking idiot?
"It's all about the bounce".
"Could be the heartstarter they needed".
This guy is too much.
"It's all about the bounce".
"Could be the heartstarter they needed".
This guy is too much.
It's shocking to listen too and you expect it everytime.
I hate how he commentates just using players surnames.
"Jack...Kennelly.. O'Keefe.... Bolton... Goodes.." actually call the play you tosswit Russell
He must just have a sheet with all his cliches and tick them off as the night goes on. Checklist of about 50.
I hate how he commentates just using players surnames.
"Jack...Kennelly.. O'Keefe.... Bolton... Goodes.." actually call the play you tosswit Russell
He must just have a sheet with all his cliches and tick them off as the night goes on. Checklist of about 50.
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