A joke that is rather funny.

[god_of_the_universe]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What! Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

 

[Nightwolf]

A joke that is rather unfunny

 

[Mog]

That was funny.

 

[HurricaneHazza]

A Texan takes his 12 year-old daughter to the doctor and asks to have him give her a subscription to the contraceptive Pill. "You want to put your 12 year-old daughter on contraceptives!?" asks the doctor, somewhat shocked, "Er, is she sexually active?" "Naw," says the Texan, "She's just like her ma, lies there like a sack of potatoes".
--
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

 

[Karbassiyoon]

all these would have been funny in year 9

so its of some worth to a few here at bigfooty

*waits for predictable idiot to make joke about me being in year 9/at a year 9 level of intelligence*

 

[silky-smooth]

I'd give the joke a 7/10. It was good, but I think the funniest thing I have seen/listen/read/heard in the past month was that dog running on the field in the IR Rules match.

 

[lana16]

Better than the joke that I told Jess Sinclair. Me and my friend were standing near him and I whispered in my friends ear that he had a nipple fat and she cracked up laughing.
He turned to us and said: "What's the joke girls?"
I replied after ********ting myself: "What time is it when an elephant sits on your chair? Time to get a new chair."
He laughed politely and I died! It was all I could think of because I was embarassed that he might have heard what I said in the first place. My frineds have never let me live it down

 

[Fred]

all these would have been funny in year 9

so its of some worth to a few here at bigfooty

*waits for predictable idiot to make joke about me being in year 9/at a year 9 level of intelligence*

No point - you already told it.

 

[god_of_the_universe]

Even a joke thread turns into bitching. I heart bigfooty

 

[Ricketts]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What! Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

very good Milne

 

[gerta]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What! Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

... Gold

 

[Rough_Edges]

all these would have been funny in year 9

so its of some worth to a few here at bigfooty

*waits for predictable idiot to make joke about me being in year 9/at a year 9 level of intelligence*

Your at year nine with an intelligence of a 9 year old

 

[Thewlis Dish]

A homosexual man goes to the doctor's complaing of ill-health, and the doc takes some tests and tells him to come back in a week.

A weel later he returns, and the doc says "I have bad news, you have AIDS. Now by law, I have to ask you who you've had sex with in the past six months".

The man replies "I don't know, I don't have eyes in the back of my head".

-------

What do you call a wog who jumps off a building?

Condescending.

 

[RooDog]

heard a corcker today:

Mildred is 93 and lives in a nursing home, her husband Frank recently died and Mildred cant handle being by herself, shes lonely and decides that suicide is the only way out. So she takes Franks gun out and is thinking about doing it, she decides to ring the doctor first, she inquires where a woman on a heart is so she doesnt miss and hit a vital organ, she wants to make sure she dies and he says just below the left breast. Later that night Mildred was admitted to emergency with a gun shot wound to the left knee!

 

[Thewlis Dish]

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

---------------------------------

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."

 

[Abracadabra]

I have a joke....

BigFooty Admin. Now thats a joke....

 

[Tim56]

all these would have been funny in year 9

so its of some worth to a few here at bigfooty

*waits for predictable idiot to make joke about me being in year 9/at a year 9 level of intelligence*

What's this year 9? More like year 4.

 

[hoss]

Was at Flemington the other day, and had some winnings to spend, but didn't know what horse to back in the last.

My mates Bill and Steve had accompanied me to the loo, and as we had a leak we discussed pooling our money and having one big bet.

Steve suddenly had a brilliant idea of adding up "our inches" and whatever it equaled, that was the horse we'd back.

Steve had his flopped out and said "Well, I've got six!" Bill chirped up with "I've got 4". "C'mon Hoss", they asked, "What's ya length?"

Meekly I replied, "Two."

So off we went to the bookies and put $500 on horse number 12.

Wouldn't ya know it, but horse number 12 comes in at 10 to 1 making us a small fortune. As we go to collect our winnings Steve says "how are we gonna divvy this up? Since I had six inches, being half, I should get half the winnings."

Bill goes, "Well my 4 was a third, so I'll take a third of the prize."

"C'mon guys, hang on a minute...I should get the whole lot!" I exclaimed.

"Don't be stupid", they replied, "how do you figure that??"

"Well, if I didn't have a hard-on, we'd have been on number 11."

 

[Kingpin]

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

---------------------------------

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."

HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAH

 

[Fred]

I have a joke....

BigFooty Admin. Now thats a joke....

I'm sorry you feel that way, because you were very useful to us. Whenever an example was needed to show a younger member what the consequences are of missing the bus to maturity, we used you.

Obviously, you don't appreciate our efforts so we'll just have to let you go.

 

[Thewlis Dish]

I'm sorry you feel that way, because you were very useful to us. Whenever an example was needed to show a younger member what the consequences are of missing the bus to maturity, we used you.

Obviously, you don't appreciate our efforts so we'll just have to let you go.

Got him, yes, gone.

 

[Higgs Boson]

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 47th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home she stops to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she asks the newsvendor, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," he replies.

"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47!"

Now she is feeling really good about herself. While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question.

He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me run my hands over your breasts. Then, I can tell exactly how old you are."

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead".

The old man slips both hands up her shirt and begins to fondle her breasts. Several minutes she says, "Okay, how old am I?"

He removes his hands slowly and says, "You are 47."

Stunned, the woman says, "That is amazing. How did you know?"

The old man replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's."

 

[Karbassiyoon]

bah, abracadabra actually got banned for his troubles!

at the risk meeting a similar fate....that's a joke!

 

[Farrand]

I'm sorry you feel that way, because you were very useful to us. Whenever an example was needed to show a younger member what the consequences are of missing the bus to maturity, we used you.

Obviously, you don't appreciate our efforts so we'll just have to let you go.

Surely he'll get some sort of redundency package? If not then there are problems that need assessment in the old Admin.

 

[Fred]

bah, abracadabra actually got banned for his troubles!

at the risk meeting a similar fate....that's a joke!

You're the joke bozo. Seeing as you know all about everything, would you like to tell me who abracadabra really is, his background etc?

As has been said before, if you don't know what you're talking about, it's best to remain silent lest you confirm the suspicions of many.