Dad jokes - add yours

[Hojuman]

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

I'm over 40 and never used essential oils......





Which makes me wonder how essential they really are

 

[Lomas]

One from the kid, but I cam only assume it originated with someone's dad:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Neither colour you want
When taking a poo

 

[Ligma]

One from the kid, but I cam only assume it originated with someone's dad:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Neither colour you want
When taking a poo

Your kid is going places


Sent from my iPhone using BigFooty.com

 

[Lomas]

Your kid is going places


Sent from my iPhone using BigFooty.com

To bed soon I hope.

 

[Ligma]

To bed soon I hope.

LMFAOOOOO I actually can’t stop laughing


Sent from my iPhone using BigFooty.com

 

[chairo]

 

[Orange Peanut]

 

[gokangas]

I used to sing my daughter to sleep at night, which is probably why her first word was “Stop”.

 

[gokangas]

WARNING: If you receive an email from me entitled 'canned meat', don't open it. It's spam.

 

[see see]

Heard about the skinny dog lover who went to Alaska for a year? He came back a husky f***er.

 

[gokangas]

The over 70s hokey pokey.

You put your left leg in
Your back goes out
You're creaking and cramping
And you've got a dose of gout
You twist and shout
And a little wee comes out
Thats what its all about.

 

[Lomas]

The over 70s hokey pokey.

You put your left leg in
Your back goes out
You're creaking and cramping
And you've got a dose of gout
You twist and shout
And a little wee comes out
Thats what its all about.

Shut up and get vaccinated!

 

[gokangas]

Shut up and get vaccinated!

In 2 weeks.

 

[Hojuman]

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced ?
A buccaneer

I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by
I kneaded the dough

Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “ Oh no, not U2 again "

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.

 

[D23D]

How does a tree get onto the internet?
It logs on.
How does a tree do a number 2?
It logs off.

 

[Orange Peanut]

International Procrastination Day is probably tomorrow.

 

[big_e]

Every crime in Port-au-Prince is a Haiti crime.

 

[Orange Peanut]

Every crime in Port-au-Prince is a Haiti crime.

Too soon bro.

 

[gokangas]

International Procrastination Day is probably tomorrow.

You reckon? I’m not sure.

 

[gokangas]

A cop called the station on his radio.
"I need back-up here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped”.
They said, "Have you arrested the woman?"
He said, "Not yet. The floor's still wet”.

 

[DERRINALPHIL]

Not my dog, he eats raw potato and onion if they drop on the floor. The thing is a vacuum cleaner.

Your dog must be starving

 

[danj]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

fsh

 

[ferball]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

fsh

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

 

[Samsquanch]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Eye doe no