Dad jokes - add yours

[Samsquanch]

I owe my tailor a lot of money,

but he's agreed to cut me some slacks.







I feel bad about cut and pasting these from elsewhere, but if it cheers anybody up then it's OK.

 

[Mav]

 

[Bertie22]

What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?

Ian.

 

[gokangas]

One time I peed so hard that a little laugh came out.

 

[Samsquanch]

I'm a bit of an old fashioned type, and I keep a foot long ruler from my school days to measure stuff. It's a really old wooden ruler, and it recently broke. In the hope I might be able to get a new one I went down to Officeworks. Bloody hell, when I asked for a foot long ruler the kid behind the desk said that they don't make them any longer.

 

[roomagic1984]

A Frog went on Ancestry.com and took a DNA test.
Turns out he is part French, part German, and a tad Pole

 

[Samsquanch]

Initially, I wasn't keen on a brain transplant... but they changed my mind.

 

[gokangas]

A bloke walks into a brothel and says, "I'm a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?"
The madam says, "$250.”
He said, "Wow, what do I get for that?”
She says, "A Carlton membership and a scarf.”

 

[Orange Peanut]

 

[gokangas]

The toughest part of a seven day lockdown is the first two weeks.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[jimandphilbadge]

Due to yet another lockdown, I'll only be telling inside jokes.

 

[gokangas]

My wife said sex is better on holidays. Probably not the best postcard I have received.

 

[Tiberius]

Why did the riot policeman leave early for work?






So he could beat the crowd.

 

[gokangas]

I just told my suitcases that we aren't going on holidays this year. Now I have to deal with emotional baggage.

 

[Bertie22]

Q: What did the geometry teacher say when she lost her parrot?

A: Where's my polygon?

 

[Lomas]

Q: What did the geometry teacher say when she lost her parrot?

A: Where's my polygon?

That joke strikes a chord.

 

[1975]

What does a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

They're both paris-sites

 

[Samsquanch]

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?"

"Pop," goes the weasel.

 

[Hojuman]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Bertie22]

I swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.

 

[Lomas]

View attachment 1209882

There are going to be some melts over this post.

 

[Samsquanch]

There are going to be some melts over this post.

You're stretching it a bit aren't you?

 

[Lomas]

You're stretching it a bit aren't you?

The joke was cheesey to begin with.