Dad jokes - add yours

[andana]

Due to the current economic crisis Greece is cancelling the production of hummus and taramasalata.

It's a double dip recession.

 

[ChoppyGun]

Why are skeletons always so calm and composed?

Nothing can get underneath their skin.

 

[Le Grille]

View attachment 994233

Caps lock?


Sent from my iPhone using BigFooty.com

 

[gokangas]

I watched a doco on TV last night about what keeps the Sydney Harbour Bridge together. It was riveting.

 

[Rooboys Rool]

"Daddy, can you please put my new shoes on?"

"No, they are too small for me."

I use / used this on my kids all the time. Their response is actually a good tracker of their cognitive development:

Stage 1 - No idea what you are talking about.
Stage 2 - Take it literally. "No Dad, put them on meeee!"
Stage 3 - Understand the joke. "Haha, that's funny Dad!"
Stage 4 - Pity and disdain. "Dad, you're a loser."

 

[Hojuman]

I use / used this on my kids all the time. Their response is actually a good tracker of their cognitive development:

Stage 1 - No idea what you are talking about.
Stage 2 - Take it literally. "No Dad, put them on meeee!"
Stage 3 - Understand the joke. "Haha, that's funny Dad!"
Stage 4 - Pity and disdain. "Dad, you're a loser."

Shame stage 4 lasts the longest unfortunately.

 

[Le Grille]

The AFL


Sent from my iPhone using BigFooty.com

 

[gokangas]

What do you get when you pick a pigs nose? Ham boogers. I know, snot funny.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

 

[gokangas]

I'd never let my kids watch an orchestra. there is too much sax and violins.

 

[gokangas]

I just saw my wife trip over carrying a basket of ironed clothes. It all unfolded in front of me.

 

[gokangas]

I have a friend from Prague who is a sound engineer. He's a Czech one too and a Czech one too.

 

[krakouers]

 

[Falconista]

Scientists have recently added 'Ah' to the periodic table..
It's the element of surprise

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

Wife: Would you care to explain why the bottle of whisky you bought yesterday is half empty?
Me : It’s because you’re a pessimist.

 

[big_e]

I invented a new word yesterday: plagiarism.

 

[krakouers]

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?”
I replied, “No… It’s to look at.”

 

[krakouers]

I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

Somebody keeps picking around with tothe Wikipedia article for Darrell Lea chocolate...

Darrell Lea - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

It was about being Cambodian company from Pnom Phen earlier this week whick enticed Japanese airmen to perform kamakaze for lack of chocolate. Now it has a back story about the Titanic and the male heirs dressed as french call girls as the ship was sinking.

I will check in now and again on the site to see if the updates are funny.

 

[gokangas]

What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.

 

[gokangas]

Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.

 

[gokangas]

I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

 

[gokangas]

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

I got my test results back today. Negative – phew! What is IQ anyway?

 

[krakouers]

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.