Dad jokes - add yours

[gokangas]

I just found out that the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress and not what I have been using them for all this time.

 

[gokangas]

So who picks up Guide Dogs 5hit?

 

[gokangas]

I recently read Great Expectations but it wasn't as good as I thought it would be.

 

[desie]

How did they know Lord Mountbatten had dandruff?

They found his Head and Shoulders on the beach.

 

[Samsquanch]

I applied for a science grant to genetically modify an echidna without spines.

My university rejected the grant as they said it would be pointless.

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

From my son:

In Hawaii you can laugh as loud as you like but they prefer a low ha

 

[Mav]

 

[gokangas]

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

 

[gokangas]

Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.

 

[gokangas]

Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

 

[krakouers]

I recently watched a TV Show about beavers
It was the best Dam program ever

 

[Ligma]

I recently watched a TV Show about beavers
It was the best Dam program ever

Not too late to check out my pun thread

Media - LigsMedia presents Valentines Day cards!

Hello fellow friends, I hope that you are gonna have a wonderful Valentine’s Day! Are you thinking “oh shit, how do I shoot my shot without having to talk to them?” Well you’re in the right place because who wants to actually interact with other humans:cautiousv1: Well here in Spotswood I’ve...

www.bigfooty.com

 

[Rod Stroker]

I'm not ashamed to admit, that I have a sugar daddy.



My father has diabetes.

 

[chairo]

 

[krakouers]

View attachment 1613062

See... the kids wont get that...

 

[Lomas]

View attachment 1613062

Vicky Vale loves this

 

[Gasometer]

Saw Jimmy Carr last night in the big smoke

Disgraceful. Disgusting.





















…my laughing that is

 

[krakouers]

Saw Jimmy Carr last night in the big smoke

Disgraceful. Disgusting.





















…my laughing that is

A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from a shop, so I called the cops.
He must be part of some extreme mist group.

 

[rickety]

A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from a shop, so I called the cops.
He must be part of some extreme mist group.

Kinda like the one where the Irish SAS squad burst into Harrods and destroyed the bedding and manchester section of the shop. The Irish commander confident they'd killed the New Summer Bed Linen.

If you say it with an Irish accent, after a couple of beers, and if nobody is listening too closely, it deadset sounds like Osama Bin Laden.

 

[krakouers]

 

[fnarr fnarr]

 

[ferball]

How did they know Lord Mountbatten had dandruff?

They found his Head and Shoulders on the beach.

What's red and white and flies around the beach at Mullaghmore?

Lord Mountbatten's thongs.

 

[fnarr fnarr]

Mother Teresa rocks up at heaven, circa 1997. St.Peter welcomes her in, and she sees Princess Diana walking past, with a circle around her head.
"St.Peter..mate... WTF! I've grown up poor and helped the people of Calcutta my whole adult life. Helped with medicine, food, cricket tickets... and she strolls in from a priveleged iife, does a bit of PR and some photo opportunities and gets a halo???"
"Relax" says St.Peter. "We haven't had time to remove the steering wheel"

 

[Tectonic]

I heard that 5 foot tall psychic escaped custody last night

Police are saying there's a small medium at large

 

[krakouers]

Spoiler: Little more adult than usual