Getting an Ex Back?

[13_Stitches]

I know most cases are different but what are the odd's of getting your ex girlfriend back?

Me and my girl broke up about a month ago, everything was going perfect and we'd been together for just over a year untill the easter weekend when her ex boyfriend shows up. They spent some time together, which i didn't mind, but after that she went weird on me and it soon after ended. Since then i've seen and spoken to her a few times (despite moving 3 hours away and quitting my job) and she has be completely upfront with me. She has been seeing her ex but they're not together and she has been with 4 other guys as well as smoking alot of pot and drinking constantly, which is worrying because it's out of character. Not to mention that she got a tattoo soon after i left.

I still care about her and want to get back with her but i have no idea how to go about this. She messaged me 3 days ago saying she "misses me" but i dont want to read to much into that.

Has anyone else been through this and what are your experience / advice?

 

[Delroy]

Dude move on.

She has.

 

[Ed_Gein]

What is your definition of "seeing" her ex? If they're not together it sounds like they could be having a bit of each other on the side. Who knows? It definately sounds like they have been anyway if your relationship with her ended not long after the ex showed up.

I say move on. Plenty of fish in the ocean mate.

 

[13_Stitches]

by "seeing" i mean hanging out with, maybe rooting, probably rooting but i'm not too sure, befor he showed up that one weekend they hadn't seen each other in over two years, it would have messed with her mind a bit i think. and basicly her friends and family have been hard on her after the break up because they all liked me and thought we were a good couple, i'm still good friends with alot of her friends and her family contacts me once a week or more for a chat. so i think she's basicly gone to him because he's the only one that isn't giving her a hard time about all of this.

i was dealing with it all untill she said she misses me and it screwed with my head again. one part of me wants to cut all ties and move on but another part doesn't want me to give up without a fight, she's definently worth fighting for.

 

[Pantsless]

I know most cases are different but what are the odd's of getting your ex girlfriend back?

Me and my girl broke up about a month ago, everything was going perfect and we'd been together for just over a year untill the easter weekend when her ex boyfriend shows up. They spent some time together, which i didn't mind, but after that she went weird on me and it soon after ended. Since then i've seen and spoken to her a few times (despite moving 3 hours away and quitting my job) and she has be completely upfront with me. She has been seeing her ex but they're not together and she has been with 4 other guys as well as smoking alot of pot and drinking constantly, which is worrying because it's out of character. Not to mention that she got a tattoo soon after i left.

I still care about her and want to get back with her but i have no idea how to go about this. She messaged me 3 days ago saying she "misses me" but i dont want to read to much into that.

Has anyone else been through this and what are your experience / advice?

Don't do it..move on.

I went out with a girl. Was all going well until she "needed a break". I move out but I miss her.

3 weeks laster she "misses me". We got back together. HUUUGE mistake. We fight all the time. I start getting suspicious and jealous which I've never been before. The trust slowly disappears. The heartbraking thing was I was loyal and to her right through and she was treating me like dogs balls and I couldn't see it.

One day I left and moved to Sydney from Melbourne to get away from her.

I find out later on that she dumped me the first time for another guy but as soon as she screwed him, he treated her like sh1t so she wanted me back.

That was 10 years ago. Haven't seen her since. I don't even have a picture of myself in my FB profile in case she might recognise if she goes looking for me. I've seen her profile in FB. She's put on stacks of weight!

Payback is a B1tch!!!!

 

[13_Stitches]

yeah you're probably right and i'm sure alot of people have gone through exactly what you have. it just anoyes me because it was going fine up untill that easter weekend, we'd never had a big fight or even look as though we'd split up, then BAM! I still don't even know what her reasoning was.

 

[Pantsless]

yeah you're probably right and i'm sure alot of people have gone through exactly what you have. it just anoyes me because it was going fine up untill that easter weekend, we'd never had a big fight or even look as though we'd split up, then BAM! I still don't even know what her reasoning was.

The way I see it, is if she was totally into the relationship she would have told the ex to bugger off.

Not everyone fights before things go wrong. How many times do you hear of 30 year marriages ending and the kids not having a clue it was even a possibility?

At the present moment, you probably don't want to know the reasons why it happened. When I found out, I was so over her so I didn't care too much but had I had found out while I still missed her, I may have gone completely mad.

 

[13_Stitches]

i didn't mind her seeing her ex, she actually asked if she could go have a beer with him, which like i said, i didn't mind. we lived in a small town so if anything happend i'd soon find out about it. And they were together for 5 years and i thought after not seeing each other for 2 years they would have been fully over each other and there would be no harm in cacthing up. i was wrong i guess.

 

[Aussiekate]

At the risk of beginning to sound like the Big Footy agony Aunt....

Stitches we all appreciate your pain man but..

"She messaged me 3 days ago saying she "misses me" but i dont want to read to much into that." <-- I can read into that for you, the other bloke wasn't around at the time and she was lonely and/or she likes messin' with blokes heads.

If you were meant to be together, you wouldn't have busted up the minute an ex boyfriend showed up.

You sound like a nice young bloke, move on, actually run in the opposite direction of her as fast as humanly possible.. and keep ya chin up.

 

[13_Stitches]

thats good advice and i did run, i live over 3 hours away from her now and i left basicly as soon as it was over, quit my job and left. i've been stopping myself from contacting her, yet waiting for her to contact me, i really do want to get back with her, but it's all up to her i guess.

 

[peternorth]

needs to be discussed on the limbo club for wholesome advice

 

[Aussiekate]

thats good advice and i did run, i live over 3 hours away from her now and i left basicly as soon as it was over, quit my job and left. i've been stopping myself from contacting her, yet waiting for her to contact me, i really do want to get back with her, but it's all up to her i guess.

Stitches have some bollocks, decide what YOU want.

Want her back, then ok go GET her. A grand romantic gesture on your behalf may do it.. but don't expect her to read your mind sunshine. Sitting there 3 hours away from her WISHING her to come back won't do it. It'd be a bloody shame to find out twenty years from now that BOTH of you were sitting there waiting for the other to make a move and you missed out on a life together because neither of you would actually get off your arse and FIX the situation.

On the other hand if she's a bitch, and you feel that being dumped for a whimsical fling with an ex-boyfriend then move on...

 

[13_Stitches]

I will try and get her back but i think it's still a bit soon. Thats basicly why i made this thread "getting an ex back" how does one go about that? she's not the romantic type so an arm full of roses and a box of chocolates wont cut it. i guess i'll just have to figure it out. but in the mean time i will let her get all this rooting random guys and drinking every night out of the way.

 

[Ed_Gein]

dude, i have no idea why you would want her back if she was cheating on you. sure, she might be a great gal and all as a person, but trustworthy? if you take her back i'm sure she'd probably think she'll get it away with it next time knowing you'd take her back again.

 

[daddy_4_eyes]

As said by others, move on.

Do you really want to be her 2nd choice? She ran back to her ex straight away after she hadn't seen him for 2 years, what does that tell you about the strength of your relationship?

Letting her see him was a big mistake, even though i know you thought you were doing the right thing by not being overbearing.

In the future if something like this happens you need your gf to introduce you to the guy (pretend you're interested in her life & want to meet him) & establish yourself as the alpha male. Not by being an ar.sehole but by being friendly to him but being the dominant male in the interaction (lead the conversation, make the decisions, etc). In the girls mind you'll be a bigger catch than the ex.

 

[13_Stitches]

dude, i have no idea why you would want her back if she was cheating on you. sure, she might be a great gal and all as a person, but trustworthy? if you take her back i'm sure she'd probably think she'll get it away with it next time knowing you'd take her back again.

she never cheated on me, i'm positive of that.

i'm kinda just refusing to give up. if you came home to your house at night and everything inside it was gone, you wouldn't just sit in the corner and go "oh well, i can just buy more" you'd go to the effort of getting your old stuff back no matter how crap or stale it was. not that comparing women to furniture is a good example.

i just think seeing her ex shook her up and has obviously played on her mind, she was with him for quite some time, as i documented and i've heard from her and her parents that their break-up was really hard on her and it took her a long time to get over. That then made me think that after she seen him she didn't want to spend all these years with me only to go through another break-up like that.

But looks like the popular opinion is to move on, i would have thought atleast a handfull of you would have gotten back with your ex at some stage or another but it looks like the road is the right way to go.

 

[Tigger Please!]

you need to stop justifying her actions. the "wanting her back" feelings will diminish, give it time mate.

 

[davey_magik]

Don't even think about it.

This woman is obviously a bitch.

 

[Chief]

Really, you have three choices:

1) Accept that yeah you had your heart broken but move on. You will find someone who treats you better than this.

2) Make a last ditch effort. Make a date with her, tell her you want her back. Make it clear she has this one chance to say Yes or No. It's all or nothing. If she says no then thank her for the time you had together and leave immediately. Don't blank her but don't hang around like a bad smell. End it with dignity. If she says No but comes after you again then you are in the drivers seat.

3) Work for it. Make a few dates, but make it subtly clear they are not "friend" dates, that you do not want to talk about other guys she's been on with. Just win her over again with the attitude that you're worth her time. There must have been a reason you got together in the first place, find it and rekindle it. If she gets weird then just accept that it is over. Some things can't be fixed.

Don't play games, always make it clear that you want her back. In all of the above choices you always stay open about the fact you want her back. If she doesn't respond in kind or vacillates then just accept that and walk away. Anything else is just prolonging the agony as she doesn't know what she wants.

Just about every married/long term couple you see is not with the very first person they thought was "the one". You'll find yours, it may not be this girl. Whatever happens, have sex with her best friend or sister, too.

 

[13_Stitches]

very good points again. thanks.

she hasn't been my first, i've been with two other girls, one for 2 years and the other 11 months and they both didn't compare to this one. I'm not fussy as far as looks go with girls, i'm more keen on finding someone i can get along with and the last one was everything i'd ever wanted, the girl i was always looking for. its hard to let that go.

 

[Aussiekate]

Chief managed to put it all there plainly and simply, listen to nobody else but him the advice was GOLD!

 

[Tim the Toolman]

Cut off body bits like a toe or a finger and send her one every day until she takes you back.

Worked for me but it makes it hard to type these days.

 

[Bosun]

Stitches,

My advice is once you have broken up its pretty much impossible to get things back on again. Ive been there, I broke up with a girl then two years later we got back together over a drunken night where we ran into each other and thought a shag would be great, that lasted a few months but all it really was.....well just shagging. There was a reason we broke up and it didnt matter if we had changed or not.

You sound like a good bloke and seriously if she bolted as soon as the ex showed up its not going to happen, if you get back with her who knows what other "reasons" she might leave you for (also being on the dope in not encouraging either especially if she is enjoying stoned shags with other blokes).

Mate, there are plenty of good women out there who will not treat you like that, if Bosun can find one, anyone can.

 

[13_Stitches]

Cheers guys.

 

[dont bowl there]

So since you have broken up she has been smoking pot, drinking heavily, got a tattoo and im assuming she has been having numerous gangbangs.

I dont have an opinion I just wanted to get you to picture her having gangbangs!

But listen to most on here and move on, she has time and time again.