Things you once did that you now look back on and cringe

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We had a video camera one summer in the early 90s that got a fair work out and I'd hate to think that any of that footage still existed.

We hired!! a video camera for a week in 1999 for a camping trip just after Blair Witch came out. Made the delightful "Innes Park Chocolate Project", which has unfortunately been lost to time...

One of my housemates in London had a video camera and she filmed the Orphans Xmas party we had at our sharehouse back in 1999.

It started off early in the day with everyone relatively sober and sensible and then it cut to later in the day when we were all rolling drunk.

We watched the video the next day, it was funny watching everyone else making fools of themselves but cringeworthy watching myself.

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Where do I start? There are way too many to mention.
I tell you what, I have to agree.

Taste in music for a start
Taste in women
Things I said or did.
Way I dressed. I look at some of my old photos and I'm so embarrassed. Probably from the age of 15-25 when I was still trying to work out who I was.

I'm not sure people can remember specific converstions or things they said, or did but I do. I remember specific conversations at school, and things I did that wouldn't fly today. I'd be in a huge mess today. I look back with ridiculous cringe.
I was a bully sometimes. Not physically either, really mean-spirited psychological shit lol

If I had my time again, I think there's people I'd have gone easier on.
I wasn't a day to day smoker but back in the late 90's when I could get into pubs and clubs, if the beers were kicking in then I thought it would be a good idea to smoke a few darts and look really cool.

Waking up the next morning and smelling your clothes and hair maybe reach for the bucket.
I lost my baby brother, so that teen trope where you want them to get out of your room and leave you be and it’s a naughty cheeky game to them that pisses you off. Those angry, belittling moments where you raise your voice, exclude or call them stupid. I was otherwise a really swell sibling and semi-parent but moments like those that are far from a constant hug sting with grief hindsight. If I had to watch my life back, I might cringe hardest at stuff like that.

Otherwise I was never very faddy or poseury or prickish, stayed much the same person throughout life and did what I genuinely liked. True blue scruplehead basically, for better or worse.
My younger brother died in a car accident when he was 19. I was 22. I re-lived every shit thing I had done to him for about a year after.
most of my pathetic moments relate to relationships that i stayed too long in but lacked the self-respect or whatever it was i needed to put someone behind me. before my current relationship (10+ years), i levelled with myself that i'd be ok if i never had another relationship and gave myself some proper boundaries if i ever did, which as it turned out haven't really been tested.
it kind of took various ways and times of being broken before i stopped stumbling into unhealthy arrangements and continuing them.

i shudder to think of some of my social faux pas but they are the sorts of things the individual who committed them lives with while the person on the other end has forgotten about it.
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