Joke Thread

[Tormented Tiger]

An American, a Frenchman and an Aussie talking in a pub.
The American "when I finish making love to my wife her eyes light up"
The Frenchman "when I make love to my wife she floats 2 foot above the bed"
The Aussie "when I finish f*#king Shazza, I wipe my c#*k on the curtains and she hits the roof"

 

[Tormented Tiger]

3 ladies of the night meet for brunch on Sunday morning.
1st pro "I had 2 men last night and feel I need a cup of tea"
2nd says "I had 8 men last night and now I feel like a caffee late"
the 3rd annouces "I had 24 blokes last night and feel like a bucket of cream"

 

[Fwoy]

Q: What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahorrea?

A: One of them shucks between fits...

 

[jake]

Q: What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahorrea?

A: One of them shucks between fits...

LMAO dude. Was about to post the same joke. ROFLAMOOOOOOOO.

 

[GhostofJimJess]

Q. Why do blondes take the pill?

A. So they know what day of the week it is.

 

[Fwoy]

A young Italian girl of virtue was about to get married, and on her wedding day, spoke to her mother in a nervous tone.

"Mother, I am a virgin" she said. "I've never been with a man, and I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect, or what to do:

"That's ok" replied the mother. "Pappa and I will be in the room downstairs. If you have any fears, come see me and I'll talk you through them"

With this in mind, the daughter felt at ease, and went through with her wedding day festivities without a hitch. That night, in the bedroom with her husband for the first time, she watched him start to undress. He removed his shirt first, revealling a forrest of hair on his chest. Quickly she ran downstairs to he mother's room.

"Mother, mother! His chest has hair like a forrest!"
"That's fine darling...just go back upstairs and be a good wife"

The daughter went back to her room as instructed, and watched him continue to undress. This time, he removed his pants, revealling a forrest of hair on his legs. Quickly she ran downstairs to he mother's room again.

"Mother, mother! His legs have hair like a forrest too!"
"That's fine as well darling...just go back upstairs and be a good wife"

Once again, the daughter went back to her room as instructed, and watched him continue to undress. This time, he removed his socks, revealling a weird occurence. Half her husband's left foot was missing...the result of an errant axe in his teens. Quickly she ran downstairs to he mother's room one more time.

"Mother, mother! He has a foot and a half!!"
"Step aside...let mum handle this!!"

 

[R Man]

What do a paedophile and a tortoise both have in common?

They both beat the hair (hare)

Game.Set. Match

Beat that boys.

 

[oxx]

What do a paedophile and a tortoise both have in common?

They both beat the hair (hare)

Game.Set. Match

Beat that boys.

What did Woody Allen say to Michael Jackson ?

I'll give u two fives for a ten !

(pretty tasteless)

 

[oxx]

All men are created equal.
Now for a joke.

A Jew,an Abboriginal and an Aussie finish their drinks as the publican ushers them on their way.
Totally *******ated,the three guys walk blindly over a railway crossing only to be splattered by the midnight express.

The Publican is horrified and returns to the pub to notify authorities.

Next morning he's wiping down the bar and looks up to see the Australian.

"Phukc me " says the publican,"I saw u die last night !"

"Yeahh" says the Aussie.

"We got to the gates of heaven and Saint Peter made us an offer.
He rekkoned that Heaven was full and there was no room,so for a fee of 20 bucks we could come back to earth and continue our lives...so I gave him the money and whammo -Im here!!"

Puzzled,the barman asks "So where are the other two?

The Aussie replies,
"Well.......the Jew is trying to get him down to $10
and the Abbo is saying that the government will pay for it !

 

[Big Punt]

What's worse than grease on wogs?

Come on Aussie.

 

[roo_stew]

Enuff said...

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/nevercoppedafeel.swf

 

[Tormented Tiger]

What do a paedophile and a tortoise both have in common?

They both beat the hair (hare)

Game.Set. Match

Beat that boys.

Whats the difference between Micheal Jackson & acne ?

Acne waits till kids are 12 before coming on their faces. (sorry)


How do kids know it's bedtime @ Neverland ?

It's when the big hand touches the little hand.

 

[Infamy]

What do you call a wog in hospital?

Sick Mate!

 

[Tormented Tiger]

Why do elephants have Big Ears ?

Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

 

[Crumden]

An Australian man has been arrested at the airport in Bali wearing nothing but his speedos. He is charged with budgie smuggling.

And Kerri-Anne K has just been arrested at Bali airport for having 15kg of crack in her knickers.

 

[sante]

Collingwood.

Joke of the DAY, post it on the main board or the Pie board

 

[sante]

Why did the boy fall off his bike?

Someone threw a fridge at him.....



Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Chickens weren't invented




I WIN!!

 

[nut]

Mickey and Minny Mouse have decided to have a devource, but before they go through with they decide to go to a marrage councilor.

The Marrage councillor says to Mickey " you can't devource Minny because she is stupid, thats not a reason at all''

Mickey replies angrily '' I never said she was stupid, I said she's ********ing Goofey''

*** nut edits poor taste joke***

 

[Captain_Brown_7]

Q. Why did the little girl fall off the swing????

A. She had no arms.


Q. Why didn't the little girl get back on the swing???

A. She had no legs.

 

[Big Punt]

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no idea

 

[jake]

Q: Why are pirates called 'pirates'?
A: Because they arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[roo_stew]

(Q) What do you call a dog with no legs?
(A) Doesnt matter what you call it the b@sta@rd wont come to ya!

 

[oxx]

A Pom,a Jew and an Irishman walk into a pub.

Barman looks up and says,

"What is this...a joke ????"

 

[Punt_Road_Roar]

Madtiger2005

Biggest Joke of them all

 

[IDGAF]

Q - Whats black , white and red and sits in a tree ?

A - A magpie with a fat