Health Lessons The Hard Way

[Spurk]

What are some lessons you've found out the bloody, sore or sad way?

Dont put sharp knives upright in the dishwasher

Pay attention when opening oysters

 

[The Dice Man]

Assure member is safely tucked away before zipping up.

 

[omit]

don't trust a hooker when she says she's clean

 

[omit]

also, don't trust a hooker when she says she's on the pill

 

[Spurk]

Assure member is safely tucked away before zipping up.

Nearly faced that a few days ago. Open fly, little lady thinks she's doing you a favour by zipping it up when you're watching the TV.

Little did she realise there were no boxer shorts in place. Lucky.

# Taking Milne into a Grand Final.

# Taking Betts, Garlett and Yarran into a finals series.

# Pushing a shitty window upwards from outside when severely pissed.

# Wearing an Argentina jumper.

# Having no shoes on when pissed and carrying heavy rocks.

 

[The Dice Man]

oh it hurts, believe me. I did it more than once before becomin an avid tucker away checker.

Now I dont leave the dunny without 3 steps.

1. put it away.
2. CHeck its away.
3. Double check its away.

Then zip procedures can safely commence. I wore only button jeans and shorts there for awhile.

 

[Spurk]

Haha, rarely use the zip anymore, just not worth it.

The whole lot undone and pants around the ankles almost.

The kids are right.

 

[The Dice Man]

Ah so thats what thats all about. Seems so obvious now.

 

[Pumbi]

This thread is screaming out for Arrested Development references.

 

[Papa G]

After pissing, make sure you shake the old fella thoroughly before putting him away, especially if wearing a lighter couloured jean or trouser.

 

[patsmith]

This thread is screaming out for Arrested Development references.

And that's why you always leave a note.

 

[ash_1050]

Button up jeans ftw

 

[Football God]

Do not start playing/training for footy again afer you havent trained for 10 months just sitting on your arse getting drunk with mates. hurts like a bitch

 

[EagleMan87]

Don't lift using your back. Unfortunately the effects are kinda permanent.

 

[Pee Tear Griffin]

Don't try to do backflips off walls to impress your mates..

 

[prankmonkey]

as a trainer for a footy club back in my uni days:
always wash hands THOROUGHLY after using deep heat, laughed at another trainer for not doing it, then the next week i didnt get it all, fire pants ensued

 

[Spurk]

as a trainer for a footy club back in my uni days:
always wash hands THOROUGHLY after using deep heat, laughed at another trainer for not doing it, then the next week i didnt get it all, fire pants ensued

Haha, reminds me of a capsicum spray night on the piss. Never get sprayed with that shit and even after a shower, do not touch your balls. Intense!

 

[Spurk]

Only try to do backflips off walls to impress chicks..

EFA

 

[GPW1]

never argue with a pregnant woman.

 

[Spurk]

never argue with a pregnant woman.

Blood, sweat or tears?

 

[Caesar]

Oh man. So much stuff.

- Never try and move a laptop when you're carrying something else.
- Never catch a Tokyo subway during peak hour.
- Never get curious about gross internet memes you've somehow managed to avoid.
- Never assume that an hour is "tons of time" to catch a connecting flight in another terminal.
- Always check that you have put your suitcase in the boot before you drive to the airport to go away for the weekend.
- Never use global roaming on your mobile whilst travelling overseas.
- Never assume "I'm not going to pick up tonight" as an excuse for not making your bed before going out.
- Never bid on an auction item on impulse.

And as I type this, one of my friends is about to learn the hard way:

- Never watch pr0n on your computer whilst MSN has "What I'm Listening To" turned on.

 

[RickSanchez]

- Never watch pr0n on your computer whilst MSN has "What I'm Listening To" turned on.

hahhahahhahahha ive done that before but i realized it pretty quickly and just put in my little box thingy haha did you all like that and tried to cover it up.

 

[emuboy]

I saw the following people learn things the hard way:

1. A bogan with a short, scrawny stature supporting a team at a suburban football ground found out the hard way that it is never a good idea to stand in the path of an angry, 6 foot five opposition player who has been sent from the ground, point at him, and yell words to the effect that the player was a "homosexual mama's boy".

2. In a First Aid course, a young woman for reasons for best known to herself wore a short, loose skirt on the first day. That evening, she must have put the words "first aid course", "panties", "practicality", "short skirt" and "modesty" into a logical order, and wore jeans the next day.

 

[ClarkeM]

Never drink a whole bottle of straight scotch just days after having a knee meniscus repair and arthroscopy whilst on crutches and heavy medication and it being 2pm in the afternoon with no breakfast or lunch prior. Just don't do it.

 

[Copulator]

Always clear browsing history before allowing other people to use your personal computer..