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Family & Relationships Long Distance Relationships

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I bleed Blue

I bleed Blue

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Ok guys was wondering if anyone has done a long distance relationship and can offer some good advice.

My girlfriend of 2 years has recently gone to India for about 6 months to do a semester of study abroad for Uni.

In the last two years we have barely spent a night apart so its a massive change for us. I know six months isn't very long in the big scheme of things but its our first really big test since we travelled together for 4 months.

Im hoping this doesn't change the dynamics of our relationship or make things too hard. Would appreciate if anyone has been through somthing similar and could offer some advice?
 
It's doable. Obviously it's going to be harder and requires some sacrifice, but it's nothing plenty of other couples have been able to work around. I guarantee you're thinking it's harder than it actually is. Don't look at it like you've lost the physical aspect of the relationship, and consider it a way that you can strengthen the other parts of your relationship ie communication.

You only really miss the physical aspect of the relationship, and if you get creative with things like the phone/Skype, you can come up with interesting ways to compensate, and it opens up other areas which you may not have been willing to go into before. Once you're solo for a while though your natural urges tend to quiet down a bit, so it does get easier.

You can still have the emotional intimacy and all the other shit that goes along with a relationship, but it's more telephone/chat programs instead of face to face contact. Use it as an opportunity (allbeit forced) to improve your relationship

Fly over and have a holiday there for a couple of weeks/a month if you can. Breaking it down into smaller blocks makes it easier, and the happy love hangover from the holiday will last for a while aswell, which makes it easier again. Find some sort of hobby where you can both do it together online etc etc etc.

Honestly, 6 months isn't that long, it's just a perspective thing. Like looking up at a tall building from the bottom, but once you step inside and look out it's totally different.

Don't sweat the small stuff mate, if you're both committed to makign it last, it will last.
 
I've done 6 months apart from Australia to Europe, followed up by another 2 months apart after seeing each other for just two months. I went back over for two months and got back last week, and have just started another two months apart. I'd like to think I know your situation.

I'll be completely honest. It's really, really shit.

People will tell you 'its not a long time' rararara but its bloody hard. Skype will become your best friend its its probably wise to buy a second sim card which has the cheapest calls/texts to India. My current vodafone plan has free international texts if thats of any help.

Communication is the key - don't let the distance make you moody, frustrated etc when you do get to Skype/call etc. About three months in to our 6 month stint, we both were moody about the whole situation which didn't bode well for the skype calls. Surprise your partner with letters, little parcels, emails etc just so she knows you are really making an effort. Also if its possible, head over there for a couple of weeks. Unfortunatly I couldnt afford to go back to Europe after so recently returning so did the whole 6 months apart... was the strangest feeling meeting her back at the airport and to see her again.

I am about to start a skype call as we speak, but best of luck and feel free to ask me anything!

oh and most of all, make sure you have a good internet connection. My 6 months involved one of those crappy usb modems because where I was living at the time wasn't able to get proper internet. **** that ****.
 

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IAMJUNGLEMUFFIN, Thanks for the advice. Im going to try to fly over after about the four month mark for a few weeks if I can get the time off work. Hopefully she should be coming home for her younger sisters 21st aswell in March which will break it up into smaller blocks. Love the idea of a hobby we can both do together online, thanks for the tip!

cats2rise, I know myself 6 months isnt a long time and when it is over it will have seemed to have gone by really quick. But like you said im expecting it to be really, really shit.

Im with vodafone aswell and I think international texts are included in my cap but I had better check befor I rack up a huge bill haha.

And also as you said im going to try to leave the "mood" of the situation out of skype calls and just try to be upbeat about the whole thing.

We have a great relationship and I have no doubt we can get through it but its great to get advice off you guys who have done it before.

Good luck for your next 2 months c2r
 
I've got no doubt you will get through it! Its certainly not a relationship ender unless one of you were planning on making it one, and it certainly sounds like that's not the case! Haha thanks, we'll get through it together champ - Ive got your back!
 
cats2rise said:
I've got no doubt you will get through it! Its certainly not a relationship ender unless one of you were planning on making it one, and it certainly sounds like that's not the case! Haha thanks, we'll get through it together champ - Ive got your back!
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haha thanks mate!

The only other issue is what to do with all my spare time now. Might just have to work on my golf swing untill footy season starts.
 
A mate of mine was asked for some advice on this issue by a bloke in his 20s, with whom he worked. When asked by the young bloke whether he should follow his girlfriend of twelve months-standing to England, my mate asked, "Does your member stretch 13,000 miles?" When the young bloke answered in the negative, my mate then said, "Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder, for someone else."
 
I bleed Blue said:
haha thanks mate!

The only other issue is what to do with all my spare time now. Might just have to work on my golf swing untill footy season starts.
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I'd say head to the gym or something (if you don't already) and hit the cardio and get as fit as you can... You'l be having some marathon sessions after the 6 months ;)
 
My girlfriend spent a year in Sweden. We made all sorts of promises and promptly broke them. Repeatedly. We were younger (17), but let's be clear - you'll both have a completely independent set of experiences in that six months.
 

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Lasted 8 months in one as a 21 y.o. in Europe, which I consider a decent effort.

Would not advise though and my reasoning is simple - you can't plan for it. At all. You can make all the promises you like and what not but once your over there it all changes.

The worst part about it though is other people being know-alls about the situation so if you wanna do it, just ******* do it.
 
Ruck Machine said:
She will come back with all these dreams to travel the world and she won't want to be tied down by a man.
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Well considering befor we met (we met overseas by the way) she had already been traveling for 1 year, working in Africa and Srilanka, I knew what I was getting myself into. Been with her 2 years now and we did a 5 month trip together last year.

Already know she wants part of her career to be overseas aswell but that hasnt stopped either of us

But yeah cool theory
 
Long distance relationships or long distance separations? Most of the ones in this thread seem to fall into the later category where you will (or at least plan to) be back in the same location full time at some point, so it's a matter of whether one or both parties drifts apart during that time. If you can last the time apart then the biggest risk is do you then drive each other nuts when you are back together after the freedom.

Long distance relationships where you are permanently based in different states/countries have their own set of issues. There's overlap with the long distance separation, but the biggest hurdle for them is at some point one or the other party is going to have to move and that's a much larger hurdle then if you are dating someone 20km away and move in together. One will leave behind friends / family / work ( / football team :eek: ). That's a potential recipe for resentment.

I'm from Adelaide and my wife from Melbourne. We did the once a month get together for 2 years before I moved over there and we shared a house. 7 years in Victoria and now so far 4 years back in SA. The biggest friction point has always been that we each like the state we came from the most. I wouldn't say to anyone don't go the long distance route, after 13 years together I don't regret it, but it is a lot harder then a close proximity relationship.
 
Andre said:
Long distance relationships or long distance separations? Most of the ones in this thread seem to fall into the later category where you will (or at least plan to) be back in the same location full time at some point, so it's a matter of whether one or both parties drifts apart during that time. If you can last the time apart then the biggest risk is do you then drive each other nuts when you are back together after the freedom.


Yeah I hear what your saying, long distant separation. Although could be talking about long distance relationship because she will be applying for jobs in Canberra when she gets back ...

Not an ideal situation but definatly one worth sticking at because we are blessed with such an amazing relationship.

thanks for the input and sharing your experiances mate! Ill update you in a few months to how we are tracking
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One of the old time Bigfootyites had a long distance relationship with a bloke she "met" on the internet. It lasted quite a while until the crunch came of actually meeting and the American bloke turned out a married bastard who didn't show up.
 
Done it before:

- skype for the comms
- keep busy with work/mates/family etc to keep yourself occupied )helps time pass quicker).
- write a 'journal' of sorts (I needed) before going to sleep (helps get things out as if 'talking to them').
- and the occasional 'release' to ease pressure.

Gl
 
If your relationship isnt strong enough to handle an 'open' stint where you are both free to do whatever you want with whoever you want while in different countries, then it is highly unlikely it will be strong enough to handle the many ups and downs that will be thrown at you over the course of your adult life.

Travel without travel sex is frikken crazy imho. Madness.
 

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