Please help me

[CLUBMEDhurst]

What's the go with alcohol? Do I abstain altogether? (I forgot to ask today at my appointment). For a long, long time I've not been one to have 'a few quiet ones'. It was always in ridiculous amounts to numb everything. I drink to forget I'm here.

I've always been told I was an attractive man (not just from my mother either!) but my confidence levels, overall self-esteem and how I perceive myself have destroyed me. So whenever I'd go out, if I do find anyone, it's 'any old port in a storm' so to speak because I've just wanted anyone that'd have me, and all while I was copious amounts of alcohol deep. I don't want to be that way anymore.

There's also been countless times when I've rolled up pissed to meeting friends or events because I've not thought I was worthy to be there - my overall self-esteem and confidence is shot. I could also never work out why I've also fled events to be by myself...and I think it's so nobody sees me if I break down. Subconsciously I've probably wanted to just get out.

Today was a quick appointment and I've been referred to a psychologist for assessment and then a plan to sort it all out. I think it's going to take a long time. I just hope that I don't get misunderstood or anything at my next meeting and they think the problem is less severe than what it is.

I'd hold off on the booze, as despite providing some initial relief is really a depressant drug. Speak honestly to the psych about it, as it sounds like a tool you use in social situations. Keep the appointment and I doubt that they'll minimise the severity of your problem.

Good luck

 

[Wosh]

What's the go with alcohol? Do I abstain altogether? (I forgot to ask today at my appointment). For a long, long time I've not been one to have 'a few quiet ones'. It was always in ridiculous amounts to numb everything. I drink to forget I'm here.

I've always been told I was an attractive man (not just from my mother either!) but my confidence levels, overall self-esteem and how I perceive myself have destroyed me. So whenever I'd go out, if I do find anyone, it's 'any old port in a storm' so to speak because I've just wanted anyone that'd have me, and all while I was copious amounts of alcohol deep. I don't want to be that way anymore.

There's also been countless times when I've rolled up pissed to meeting friends or events because I've not thought I was worthy to be there - my overall self-esteem and confidence is shot. I could also never work out why I've also fled events to be by myself...and I think it's so nobody sees me if I break down. Subconsciously I've probably wanted to just get out.

Today was a quick appointment and I've been referred to a psychologist for assessment and then a plan to sort it all out. I think it's going to take a long time. I just hope that I don't get misunderstood or anything at my next meeting and they think the problem is less severe than what it is.

You have to let them know how close to the edge you are, how deep it is. Like any job, psychologists can get jaded too and you can become a number. Be very active in seeking out help. Please ring Beyond Blue too, I assure you they are wonderful people to talk to and can get you through a rough night.

As for your alcohol, classic case of using it as a crutch which it should never be. Make sure you tell them all this too because that may need specialist treatment in itself.

 

[Sublime]

Good on you Ischenko, you've done the right thing, and hopefully you can get the help you need.

Best of all is the help you've received from people round here, such a genuine bunch of people banding together to help someone in need. People who don't see eye to eye on many things, helping each other out. Love it.

 

[Dan Moody]

Come on over to the Depression thread on the Lifestyle board.
Plenty of us in a similar situation, lots of support and you'll soon realise that you're not going through this on your own.
Take care mate, it can and does get better after you seek help from a professional.

 

[ash_1050]

Solid advice from everyone above about seeking help etc. As someone who has been there before it totally sucks waking up with that feeling of numbness towards every aspect of life. For me there was a few small changes which helped towards getting myself back on track and making the tough days a little easier:

* Write out a 'to-do' list for the day or week. Include little things which you have been struggling with, no matter how trivial. A typical week may look something like this:

Sunday:
Breakfast
Washing
Lunch
Clean bathroom
Dinner

Monday:
Breakfast
Work
Lunch
Grocery Shopping
Dinner
1 beer with friends

Tuesday:
Breakfast
Work
Lunch
Dinner
Vacuum lounge

If you can hit the little goals which help you keep your world ticking over during your down days it makes a big difference in your overall mental state and you don't feel as guilty about not getting things done. If you don't get everything done on your list then it's totally ok, just add it on to a different day instead or move it to a 'Good day' list for when you're feeling up to it.

On a different note I found that depression really killed my social life and I had absolutely no desire to go out and see friends etc. Instead of breaking it down into a do I go/do I stay home situation try and frame it differently, in that you resolve to go to whatever event it is and then after one hour/one beer if you're still not feeling it then it's totally ok to go home. This again avoids those feelings of guilt and overall negativity, you've gone and you didn't enjoy it, that's totally ok.

On a more personal level I found a passion for doing jigsaw puzzles while I was depressed. They're very low stress, engaging and they give you time to absentmindedly think things over with minimal negative thoughts. On top of that you get that small sense of accomplishment of working towards a goal and seeing it come together. It may work for others and I definitely recommend giving it a try. If you have any more personal questions or simply want to discuss how much it sucks, especially on the difficult days, please hit me up, I'm happy to discuss my experiences via PM and help you work through your own.

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

So frustrating. Have been on the phone to several places today to see someone. Need councilling asap...I can't wait until next week when my psych appointment is.

 

[Bell End]

So frustrating. Have been on the phone to several places today to see someone. Need councilling asap...I can't wait until next week when my psych appointment is.

I can recommend giving beyond blue a call.

 

[LanceRomance]

So frustrating. Have been on the phone to several places today to see someone. Need councilling asap...I can't wait until next week when my psych appointment is.

Mate. Hope you are feeling better. Go to a GP and tell them what is going on.

You'll get a referral to see some one.

I always feel self concious about doing stuff like that but it is worth it.

Though you might feel you are alone... you arent. Trust me.

Edit. Just noticed you made that appointment.

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

I can recommend giving beyond blue a call.

I did and they referred me on. Then the next joint referred me on and so on.

 

[Bell End]

I did and they referred me on. Then the next joint referred me on and so on.

That must be so frustrating.
Hang in there and don't give up.

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

I did and they referred me on. Then the next joint referred me on and so on.

Does your workplace have an employee assistance program? They're pretty good gap fillers. Otherwise call Beyond Blue, they've really helped me in the past.

 

[CLUBMEDhurst]

I did and they referred me on. Then the next joint referred me on and so on.

How old are you?

Headspace have a telephone counselling service
1800 650 890

 

[drviccles]

I hope you are doing ok.

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

I rang that many numbers today....that many that some I even rang twice because I'd forgotten I'd rung it in the first place. Most of which just bounced me around......'here call this number, blah blah blah'. It's such a f*****g disgrace. Men's Line were the best of all of them, chatted for half an hour, but once it hit half an hour that was it, they wanted to leave it there. I need a few hours at least face to face with someone.

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

How old are you?

Headspace have a telephone counselling service
1800 650 890

Too old for that. Thanks anyway.

 

[Gough]

I know it's hard, but relax, and try to slow down. You'll need some patience to ride this out.

 

[Cruyff14]

How about Lifeline?

 

[Wosh]

I did and they referred me on. Then the next joint referred me on and so on.

Really? That's a ******* disgrace.
These places are so overworked and understaffed..it's sickening to think someone is asking for help and no one is listening.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

scroll down to 'chat online' and let them know in no uncertain terms you need help now!

Also Lifeline
131114

Don't give up!

 

[Jay-Z]

Hey IUB, just saw this thread. Happy to hear you have made the first big step and sought help (though it absolutely sucks that the phone lines haven't been giving you the support you are looking for today). All I can say in that regard is don't give up, there are some fantastic resources out there for you (even if they can sometimes seem frustrating difficult to access)

More generally, I want to echo ash_1050s advice below. Obviously you've been using the grog as a crutch to this point and as someone who's down that a bit before myself, I'm sure you know deep down that this is not helping. What Ash has suggested below is definitely a better way to go (little to-do lists, routines, etc). Hopefully you'll find the little satisfaction you get from ticking these things off will start to turn your mind off the negative shit for a while.

Also, if you can find something you really enjoy (like the puzzle suggestion below) this can really help, especially if it's something exercise related. When I've been in a heavy drinking phase in the past I've tried to use various exercise activities ( running, walking, cycling - it doesn't really matter) as a healthy distraction. I would say to myself "if you want to drink tonight, you have to go for a run first" and then inevitably when I got back from the run I would find I no longer had that desire to drink (or at least it was severely reduced).

Of course, if you able to really enjoy it and get into it, exercise can also help you feel healthier and increase your self confidence and it has an inverse relationship with depression. Obviously it's not for everyone, but if you can make it work for you its a great outlet.

Anyway mate, good luck. I hope you start to turn the corner soon.

Solid advice from everyone above about seeking help etc. As someone who has been there before it totally sucks waking up with that feeling of numbness towards every aspect of life. For me there was a few small changes which helped towards getting myself back on track and making the tough days a little easier:

* Write out a 'to-do' list for the day or week. Include little things which you have been struggling with, no matter how trivial. A typical week may look something like this:

Sunday:
Breakfast
Washing
Lunch
Clean bathroom
Dinner

Monday:
Breakfast
Work
Lunch
Grocery Shopping
Dinner
1 beer with friends

Tuesday:
Breakfast
Work
Lunch
Dinner
Vacuum lounge

If you can hit the little goals which help you keep your world ticking over during your down days it makes a big difference in your overall mental state and you don't feel as guilty about not getting things done. If you don't get everything done on your list then it's totally ok, just add it on to a different day instead or move it to a 'Good day' list for when you're feeling up to it.

On a different note I found that depression really killed my social life and I had absolutely no desire to go out and see friends etc. Instead of breaking it down into a do I go/do I stay home situation try and frame it differently, in that you resolve to go to whatever event it is and then after one hour/one beer if you're still not feeling it then it's totally ok to go home. This again avoids those feelings of guilt and overall negativity, you've gone and you didn't enjoy it, that's totally ok.

On a more personal level I found a passion for doing jigsaw puzzles while I was depressed. They're very low stress, engaging and they give you time to absentmindedly think things over with minimal negative thoughts. On top of that you get that small sense of accomplishment of working towards a goal and seeing it come together. It may work for others and I definitely recommend giving it a try. If you have any more personal questions or simply want to discuss how much it sucks, especially on the difficult days, please hit me up, I'm happy to discuss my experiences via PM and help you work through your own.

 

[Jay-Z]

^^ this post has just reminded me of the two other things I've found incredibly helpful over the years:
1. Hot water - whether it's a spa, a bath or sitting in the bottom of the shower... There is just something about hot water that is incredibly cleansing at the end (or start) of a hard day
2. Music - when you're in a situation like yours it can be really hard to find the words to express yourself properly. Finding that perfect song that either describes how you feel perfectly or just takes you away to another place (eg Zombie by the Cranberries for me - great song to sing/scream along to at the top of your voice) can be an incredible feeling

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

^^ this post has just reminded me of the two other things I've found incredibly helpful over the years:
1. Hot water - whether it's a spa, a bath or sitting in the bottom of the shower... There is just something about hot water that is incredibly cleansing at the end (or start) of a hard day
2. Music - when you're in a situation like yours it can be really hard to find the words to express yourself properly. Finding that perfect song that either describes how you feel perfectly or just takes you away to another place (eg Zombie by the Cranberries for me - great song to sing/scream along to at the top of your voice) can be an incredible feeling

+1 for hot water. I think more clearly in the tub or shower

 

[Wosh]

It's very heartwarming to see so many people caring and trying to help a fellow human..people are good, it's a shame so few in the world spoil it for everyone.
Chin up IschenkoUBeauty you have friends.

 

[TheMightyEagles]

Good on you mate. Just by reaching out and making those calls, you're already on the path to a better future. I reckon don't think about too much right now other than getting well. Sometimes it's best just to take some time out to get your brain chemistry right again. It may not happen overnight but I guarantee one day you'll re read this thread and be awfully proud of yourself for how far you've come.

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

Good on you mate. Just by reaching out and making those calls, you're already on the path to a better future. I reckon don't think about too much right now other than getting well. Sometimes it's best just to take some time out to get your brain chemistry right again. It may not happen overnight but I guarantee one day you'll re read this thread and be awfully proud of yourself for how far you've come.

I really hope so mate. Even though the major part of the help hasn't got underway yet I feel that in four days I've done a lot for myself. To be helped I need to help myself.

 

[Wosh]

To be helped I need to help myself.

So many people don't understand this.