Round 16 – Preview WCE v North Melbourne
(working title: does anyone have an Ark? We need to prepare for Brad Scott’s raging torrent of tears)
“I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Brad, and Lindsay was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and soft fixturing, and by the wild hipsters of Arden Street.” - Roovelations 6:8
2016 is nothing if not a season of uncertainty – indeed, there’s a good argument to be made that we are in the final throes before the end of days. For your consideration, the four horsemen of the apocalypse:
1: Donald Trump is actually a thing
2: Global markets plunge into deeply negative territory
3: Pauline Hanson returns
4: McGinnity kicks a bag
These are extraordinary times. And even as Eagles followers, we’ve enduring a topsy-turvy season. Games we should have carved up have looked sub-par, 50/50 games have almost all gone against us. And despite that, we sit a game off of second place.
How can an emotional Eagles fan find certainty in an uncertain world? What is it that can be relied upon in these volatile times?
Ladies and gentlemen: there’s not much more dependable than Brad Scott having a cry. We can look through the ages and, like clockwork, there’s Brad sooking it up:
AD 33 (approx.): The last supper takes place. Christianity finds itself as a crossroads. Brad is three doors over having a sook because he wasn’t invited.
1346-53: The Black Death grips Europe in one of the most significant pandemics in human history, killing hundreds of millions. Brad miraculously survives because he spent those years sitting in a field with no friends.
1600 (approx.): The game of cricket is nearly lost to the world when Brad, unhappy with being bowled out for a duck, literally takes the bat and ball and goes home.
1977: Brad debuts at Wimbledon and performs admirably, reaching the semi-finals from obscurity. Has a world-famous cry at the umpire and makes curly hair on men unpopular for a whole new range of reasons (only to be rectified by the beautiful Matt Priddis).
1999: Brad loses his s**t on national television when he loses his job, playing the role of Dickee Knee on fabled Australian television variety show, Hey Hey It’s Saturday.
2006: Brad represents France at the World Cup final against Italy. Antaognised by other players for, well, being Brad, he makes the curious decision to headbutt Marco Materazzi.
2016: Brad, fearing for his job, tries to blame Polish immigrants as a pre-emptive defence for his eventual sacking from North.
Then Brexit happens.
And this week, friends, HE returns to our humble shores. Thank goodness for continuity.
The key match-ups:
Lindsay Thomas V the entire body of scholarly work into human physiology:
How, just how does he do it? Scholars speculate that his ability to wobble his neck at angles and speeds previously unseen in footy (but never actually contesting for the footy) suggest that he’s made entirely of rubber. Can we find a way burrow underneath him when tackling him? Does anyone have some earth-moving equipment I can borrow? History will decide.
Brent Harvey V human decency
I would think this match-up is fairly self-explanatory.
Brad Scott V the drainage at Subiaco oval
A team of hydraulic engineers have been on-site at the ground for much of this week, preparing the ground’s drainage and plumbing for Brad’s weekly yield of tears. “We need to be ready for biblical lads!” one engineer was heard to remark.
Brad Scott V Ross Lyon
The battle for the mantle of AFL’s least popular coach continues on in earnest.
Sam Butler V Sharrod Wellingham V Father Time V Trampolines
Two beloved members of the team, Sam and Sharrod, both clock up 150s this week in very different looking careers. This is in spite of their own natural adversaries – in the case of Sammy Butler, every muscle in his own body. In the case of Sharrod, a free tramampoline which just won’t quit.
The actual preview:
The ‘line in the sand’ trope is well and truly overused in sporting commentary the world over. Indeed, it has been used on about five different games for us this season alone. That said – this is one of those games. As much as it pains me to say this, we need to shake the flat track bully tag. Can we do that fully this week against an injury-depleted North? Probably not. However, this is one of those games that can begin to redress the balance on that front.
For all of our inconsistency this year, we remain just one game from the top two – make a statement here this weekend, and we maybe kick start a return to form at the business end of the season. Our midfield faces a critical battle with Slyce having to take on one of the great rucks of the competition, Goldy, without our beloved NN.
North have a tall forward line which may trouble us if we allow fast entry from the centre. The fact that Tom Barrass has held his spot is a terrific vote of confidence in the young lad and he will inevitably face some critical battles with whichever talls whenever Gov and Schofield are unavailable.
For mine, this game is all about which version of West Coast 2016 shows up. If it’s the same below-their-best midfield performance that we’ve seen during other parts of the season, this game is more dangerous than it looks. Too many times this year it has been the Luke Shuey and Friends show in the middle. That needs to change quickly.
Overall, I think the home venue puts the game safely in our keeping.
Eagles by Brad’s daily average of tears produced: 38
(working title: does anyone have an Ark? We need to prepare for Brad Scott’s raging torrent of tears)
“I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Brad, and Lindsay was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and soft fixturing, and by the wild hipsters of Arden Street.” - Roovelations 6:8
2016 is nothing if not a season of uncertainty – indeed, there’s a good argument to be made that we are in the final throes before the end of days. For your consideration, the four horsemen of the apocalypse:
1: Donald Trump is actually a thing
2: Global markets plunge into deeply negative territory
3: Pauline Hanson returns
4: McGinnity kicks a bag
These are extraordinary times. And even as Eagles followers, we’ve enduring a topsy-turvy season. Games we should have carved up have looked sub-par, 50/50 games have almost all gone against us. And despite that, we sit a game off of second place.
How can an emotional Eagles fan find certainty in an uncertain world? What is it that can be relied upon in these volatile times?
Ladies and gentlemen: there’s not much more dependable than Brad Scott having a cry. We can look through the ages and, like clockwork, there’s Brad sooking it up:
AD 33 (approx.): The last supper takes place. Christianity finds itself as a crossroads. Brad is three doors over having a sook because he wasn’t invited.
1346-53: The Black Death grips Europe in one of the most significant pandemics in human history, killing hundreds of millions. Brad miraculously survives because he spent those years sitting in a field with no friends.
1600 (approx.): The game of cricket is nearly lost to the world when Brad, unhappy with being bowled out for a duck, literally takes the bat and ball and goes home.
1977: Brad debuts at Wimbledon and performs admirably, reaching the semi-finals from obscurity. Has a world-famous cry at the umpire and makes curly hair on men unpopular for a whole new range of reasons (only to be rectified by the beautiful Matt Priddis).
1999: Brad loses his s**t on national television when he loses his job, playing the role of Dickee Knee on fabled Australian television variety show, Hey Hey It’s Saturday.
2006: Brad represents France at the World Cup final against Italy. Antaognised by other players for, well, being Brad, he makes the curious decision to headbutt Marco Materazzi.
2016: Brad, fearing for his job, tries to blame Polish immigrants as a pre-emptive defence for his eventual sacking from North.
Then Brexit happens.
And this week, friends, HE returns to our humble shores. Thank goodness for continuity.
The key match-ups:
Lindsay Thomas V the entire body of scholarly work into human physiology:
How, just how does he do it? Scholars speculate that his ability to wobble his neck at angles and speeds previously unseen in footy (but never actually contesting for the footy) suggest that he’s made entirely of rubber. Can we find a way burrow underneath him when tackling him? Does anyone have some earth-moving equipment I can borrow? History will decide.
Brent Harvey V human decency
I would think this match-up is fairly self-explanatory.
Brad Scott V the drainage at Subiaco oval
A team of hydraulic engineers have been on-site at the ground for much of this week, preparing the ground’s drainage and plumbing for Brad’s weekly yield of tears. “We need to be ready for biblical lads!” one engineer was heard to remark.
Brad Scott V Ross Lyon
The battle for the mantle of AFL’s least popular coach continues on in earnest.
Sam Butler V Sharrod Wellingham V Father Time V Trampolines
Two beloved members of the team, Sam and Sharrod, both clock up 150s this week in very different looking careers. This is in spite of their own natural adversaries – in the case of Sammy Butler, every muscle in his own body. In the case of Sharrod, a free tramampoline which just won’t quit.
The actual preview:
The ‘line in the sand’ trope is well and truly overused in sporting commentary the world over. Indeed, it has been used on about five different games for us this season alone. That said – this is one of those games. As much as it pains me to say this, we need to shake the flat track bully tag. Can we do that fully this week against an injury-depleted North? Probably not. However, this is one of those games that can begin to redress the balance on that front.
For all of our inconsistency this year, we remain just one game from the top two – make a statement here this weekend, and we maybe kick start a return to form at the business end of the season. Our midfield faces a critical battle with Slyce having to take on one of the great rucks of the competition, Goldy, without our beloved NN.
North have a tall forward line which may trouble us if we allow fast entry from the centre. The fact that Tom Barrass has held his spot is a terrific vote of confidence in the young lad and he will inevitably face some critical battles with whichever talls whenever Gov and Schofield are unavailable.
For mine, this game is all about which version of West Coast 2016 shows up. If it’s the same below-their-best midfield performance that we’ve seen during other parts of the season, this game is more dangerous than it looks. Too many times this year it has been the Luke Shuey and Friends show in the middle. That needs to change quickly.
Overall, I think the home venue puts the game safely in our keeping.
Eagles by Brad’s daily average of tears produced: 38
