Media The Official Compendium of 'Know Your Opponents' Episodes for Season 35

[Tonga Bob]

Greeting Sweetarianiters,

There's been something that I've been doing for my team, and in particular the rookies and those returning after a lengthy sabbatical, over the past couple of season to help them to understand the mythos of Sweet. The first time that we play a team for the season I'll throw a post in the match thread entitled 'Know Your Opponents' (KYO for those of you who struggle with more than three syllables). It started off as a bit of background info regarding the team we were facing that week, but there's only so much that you can say before running the risk of repeating yourself as each season goes on.

So what I did this season was a little bit different. I tried to compare our opponents to something fictional. Many of these were in the form of a fictional family, but other teams lent themselves to a singular entity. Either way the individual episodes were both educational and entertaining, by which my team simultaneously learned something about our opposition while at the same time laughed at them. And you know what the best thing was? Our opposition laughed at themselves along with us! Laughter really does bring us all together!!

The downside though is that the KYO episodes are seen in isolation, and run the risk of being lost in the wilderness that is the season 35 match threads. So to mitigate this risk, I shall collate all of the KYO episodes for season 35 in this here thread!

So stick around and learn such fascinating things as:

• Which club captain is following in family tradition by sporting the hereditary high forehead/blank stare combo;
• Which club's dynasty ended with the death of The Mad King;
• Which club captain has an unsuccessful professional magician as an older brother;
• What is the 'Chip Cunningham Syndrome';
• Which club's player has been described as both 'Doctor Dunderhead' and an 'Incompetent Moronic Lump';
• Which club has a grave and stoic sage who bears a striking resemblance to the Crack Fox;
• Which club had a dog named Tiger who died early in the first season and had to be replaced, only for the replacement to disappear leaving the doghouse where teammates used to make out empty;
• Which club had a player leave to be in a film with Steve Buscemi.

All this and more you will discover as the thread progresses.

Yours in extreme benevolence,

Bob.

 

[Cadsky]

Subscribed

 

[James Colorado]

Dot point 5 could apply to any player at any club...

I'm just trying to think who could be described as both.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Thanks to our bye-having antics in round 1, the Warriors had to wait until round 2 before I unwrapped the first edition of Know Your Opponents. The Furies were the focus of our attention that week, and they were assigned the the fictional family of the Swiss Family Robinson.

The Swiss Family Robinson were a family of five - a father named James Colorado , a mother named Pickitt and three sons, ShaunDuggan omgfridge & JyeDye - who were travelling by boat across the globe, were attacked by pirates and got marooned on a deserted island. They rescue the pirates' cabin boy named Bovo who ends up being a woman who Duggan & the fridge fall in love with, fight and kill the pirates (RIP TJASTA and Dav and the rest of them), befriended a tiger, built a treehouse and lived the rest of their days away from the rest of civilization, idk

Fun Fact # 1: The TV show Lost In Space was based on the Swiss Family Robinson. That's why the space family were also named Robinson.

Fun Fact # 2: The character of the robot from Lost In Space was based on Furies player NaturalDisaster. See the following video for a comparison:

Spoiler: A list of descriptions for the Robot/NaturalDisaster

Animated Weather Station; Blithering Bumpkin; Blundering Bag of Bolts; Broken Down Has Been; Bubble Brain; Bubble Headed Booby; Bungling Incompetent; Cackling Clod; Cackling Computer; Clumsy Has Been; Cowardly Clump; Deplorable Dummy; Disreputable Dunce; Doctor Dunderhead; Evasive Coward; Fugitive from a Junk Heap; Fugitive from a Scrap Metal Yard; Fool; Garrulous Gargoyle; Idiot; Incompetent Moronic Lumps; Inept Goldbricker; Ingrate; Insensitive Brute; Insensitive Friend; Little Mother; Malicious Moron; Metallic Murderer; Miserable Mass of Metal; Monster; Monstrous Metallurgical Meddler; Mumbling Mass of Metal; Neanderthal Ninny; Nincompoop; Ninny; Nondescript Ninny; Presumptuous Puppet; Scurrilous Scatterbrain; Steely Eyed Sorcerer; Stubborn Clatter-Brain; Stupid Friend; Tarnished Friend; Tin Plated Fool; Tin Plated Fraud; Tin Plated Traitor; Traitor; Unabridged Dictionary; Ungrateful Wretch; Unspeakable Insult; Weakling; Worthless Electronic Scrapheap; Wretch

Fun Fact # 3: A film remake was planned starring Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith and their kids (Trey, Jaden, Willow & Shemp). It folded.

 

[ClarkeM]

Must be Beez season?

 

[Braklet]

The Swiss Family Robinson were a family of five - a father named James Colorado , a mother named Pickitt and three sons, ShaunDuggan omgfridge & JyeDye

Pickitt is the biggest mother I know!

 

[Jabba73]

This roll out is slower than a philthy rich match thread Sim posting. Not sure if it is as exciting though ...

Any chance you could change up the batting order and go with * checks notes * the Feenix who are our opponents this week? No idea who is in their squad or what they stand for, seems like the usual suspects that permeate every Bombers match thread.

TIA

 

[Tonga Bob]

Must be Beez season?

I am providing a community service Clarke.

Pickitt is the biggest mother I know!

What like a footling sub big, or a bucket of Kentucky big?

This roll out is slower than a philthy rich match thread Sim posting. Not sure if it is as exciting though ...

Any chance you could change up the batting order and go with * checks notes * the Feenix who are our opponents this week? No idea who is in their squad or what they stand for, seems like the usual suspects that permeate every Bombers match thread.

TIA

Think we played them in week 3 or 4 so they’ll be soon. I’m assuming you voted for them in the poll?

 

[Braklet]

What like a footling sub big, or a bucket of Kentucky big?

They say this cat Pickitt is a bad mother...
(Shut your mouth)
I'm talkin' 'bout Pickitt
(Then we can dig it)

 

[Tonga Bob]

Much to the relief of Jabba73 our round three opponents were the East Side Phoenix. They therefore became the second KYO subject, and the fictional family I lined up for them was the Cunninghams from Happy Days.

You may remember Happy Days... a show from the 70's and 80's that was based in the 50's about a clean-cut American family that were straight-laced on the outside but harbored some dark secrets. A show which, after a few seasons of sticking to the plot that made them successful, decided to roll out some ever-increasingly wacky plot twists and eventually begat several spin-offs which weren't as successful as the original. Kind of like a half-arsed rebrand you could say.

The Cunninghams have a mother named por_please_ya and father named thewizardmelon who are pretty much co-captains of the family. The main character is the middle child, a cat named MP_, who leaves after a half dozen or so seasons but returns for cameo performances. You may have noticed that I said MP is a middle child. Not many people know that, because the eldest son Chipmunk was mysteriously removed from the show after a couple of seasons and all references to him are erased from canon. There's now a pop culture reference called the "Chip Cunningham Syndrome" to describe this, which isn't as popular as another of the pop culture references that came from the Eyrie - "Jumping The Hawk". Oh yeah, there’s a daughter named akkaps as well who did some stuff.

There are other various characters with weird names like Potsie, Ralph Mouth, eth-dog, Chachi, Fonzie, Zoops, Laverne, Mitsumo "Arnold" Takahashi, Catsnlakers and Mork from Ork, some of whom went on to do different things. Things like work in a Milwaukee brewery with her friend Shirley, marry akkaps before dabbling in some right wing nutjobbery, space travel (plus a heap of coke), joining the army, teaching kids how to wax on and/or off and the aforementioned hawk-jumping on water skis whilst wearing a leather jacket. I mean seriously, what the f*ck were they thinking? In much the same way, there are people who have been in both Warrior persimmon and fire chicken green 'n' yella. Of course our very own Agent93 spent many a season over at the Eyrie and The Brothers of Destruction pantskyle & The Filth Wizard linked up together as Hawks, while current Phoenixellianerites Jack The Godfather (best four games of his career), Le Grille (he of the Le Grille-Gym4Life Golden Shittruck Award) and Itsmyshow (who we traded for a handful of beans named NaturalDisaster midway through season 29) have spent time at Van Cortlandt Park.

 

[thewizardmelon]

Phoenixellianerites - what on earth is this word?

 

[Tonga Bob]

Phoenixellianerites - what on earth is this word?

​

 

[Bovo]

View attachment 1683220

Thanks to our bye-having antics in round 1, the Warriors had to wait until round 2 before I unwrapped the first edition of Know Your Opponents. The Furies were the focus of our attention that week, and they were assigned the the fictional family of the Swiss Family Robinson.

The Swiss Family Robinson were a family of five - a father named James Colorado , a mother named Pickitt and three sons, ShaunDuggan omgfridge & JyeDye - who were travelling by boat across the globe, were attacked by pirates and got marooned on a deserted island. They rescue the pirates' cabin boy named Bovo who ends up being a woman who Duggan & the fridge fall in love with, fight and kill the pirates (RIP TJASTA and Dav and the rest of them), befriended a tiger, built a treehouse and lived the rest of their days away from the rest of civilization, idk

Fun Fact # 1: The TV show Lost In Space was based on the Swiss Family Robinson. That's why the space family were also named Robinson.

Fun Fact # 2: The character of the robot from Lost In Space was based on Furies player NaturalDisaster. See the following video for a comparison:

Spoiler: A list of descriptions for the Robot/NaturalDisaster

Animated Weather Station; Blithering Bumpkin; Blundering Bag of Bolts; Broken Down Has Been; Bubble Brain; Bubble Headed Booby; Bungling Incompetent; Cackling Clod; Cackling Computer; Clumsy Has Been; Cowardly Clump; Deplorable Dummy; Disreputable Dunce; Doctor Dunderhead; Evasive Coward; Fugitive from a Junk Heap; Fugitive from a Scrap Metal Yard; Fool; Garrulous Gargoyle; Idiot; Incompetent Moronic Lumps; Inept Goldbricker; Ingrate; Insensitive Brute; Insensitive Friend; Little Mother; Malicious Moron; Metallic Murderer; Miserable Mass of Metal; Monster; Monstrous Metallurgical Meddler; Mumbling Mass of Metal; Neanderthal Ninny; Nincompoop; Ninny; Nondescript Ninny; Presumptuous Puppet; Scurrilous Scatterbrain; Steely Eyed Sorcerer; Stubborn Clatter-Brain; Stupid Friend; Tarnished Friend; Tin Plated Fool; Tin Plated Fraud; Tin Plated Traitor; Traitor; Unabridged Dictionary; Ungrateful Wretch; Unspeakable Insult; Weakling; Worthless Electronic Scrapheap; Wretch

Fun Fact # 3: A film remake was planned starring Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith and their kids (Trey, Jaden, Willow & Shemp). It folded.

Ha! I always end up being a woman! Time to grab the fishnet stockings and go all Rocky Horror again

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

I expect Coney Island will be The Munsters. TIFs high forehead lends itself to Hermann for starters. The show had a strong necro subtext and a large section of the Wazzes list occupies a bone orchard.

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

So to mitigate this risk, I shall collate all of the KYO episodes for season 35 in this here thread

Phew.

 

[Greenery]

I expect Coney Island will be The Munsters. TIFs high forehead lends itself to Hermann for starters. The show had a strong necro subtext and a large section of the Wazzes list occupies a bone orchard.

I would really appreciate a compendium of esoteric GUH quotes like this one.

 

[Tonga Bob]

I would really appreciate a compendium of esoteric GUH quotes like this one.

Just Google it mate.

 

[Greenery]

Just Google it mate.

View attachment 1683526

That's insulting friend.
When Horry communicates to us on here he is conveying messages from beyond the grave, he saves the dumb s**t for his carers.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Round four saw us against the Las Vegas Bears this week which gave me the third KYO opportunity. It was good to see the Las Vegans up and about. Fun fact: Las Vegans in Spanish means 'the vegans'.

Anyhoo, there's some famous bears & bear families out there. There's the Berenstain Bears, Don tony the mafioso who gives more than he takes which is a weird business model for a gangster, Yogi & Boo-Boo the pantsless pic-a-nic basket pilfering bears. There was the ones that survived the home invasion from Goldilocks named Millky95 whose porridge was too hard, Cap whose bed was too cold & Electronic_Renaissance who was NQR in general, and Brother Bear from the Disney film of the same name (which has two Muddiemoose as sidekicks voiced by Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas reprising their roles as Bob & Doug McKenzie from Great White North & the underrated film Strange Brew have you seen it, it's a beauty eh?). There's Winnie the Pooh of course, who's about to receive a cannibalistic reworking if you're interested in that stuff. There’s JoshWoodenSpoon who managed to escape from captivity and Supersuns who rides one of those little bicycles at the circus, Gentle Ben who has the talk show on the Simpsons. The Bad News Bears, a baseball team ironically devoid of actual bears. And BJ the truck driver's friend Bear who's actually a chimp but let's not get caught up in semantics. I could go on and on, and I will. Remember the I Dont Care Bears? What was that about? There's Paddington Bear (which is just MWPP in a duffle coat) who killed QEII with a marmalade sammich, Smokey Bear the arsonist (how else did the fires start?), Dingster who swallowed a beehive whole and had his tongue stung from a dozen bees so is now Thor, and Fozzie Bear who is pretty much Broken in a furry costume. They even brought in Rappin’ RonnieRaven, who has a cord in his back that when you pull it he starts spitting out mad poetry. Then there's pandas - Po from Kung Fu Panda, the grumpy one from those Egyptian cheese commercials and the sexual harassment panda from South Park. Koalas aren't bears but are sometimes thought of as such, particularly when dropping on unsuspecting tourists. The only bears in Australia are Humphrey and Senor M the Slightly Aggressive Bear - look him up.

But here's the bear I've landed on for you. This one is so perfect, if you ran the term Las Vegas Bears in some AI-based thing this is what would be spat out. Las Vegas is seedy as f*ck, just ask Hunter S Thompson or Nicolas Cage. So the perfect encapsulation of a Las Vegas Bear is this fella. Sweet, I give you Cocaine Bear.

 

[serial_thrilla]

Just Google it mate.

View attachment 1683526

I feel like that Google search result is a personal attack.

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

I would really appreciate a compendium of esoteric GUH quotes like this one.

David Helfgott with a keyboard.

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

David Helfgott with a keyboard.

I would never wear that absurd shirt

 

[Tonga Bob]

I would never wear that absurd shirt

Not what I remember.

​

 

[BLUEALLTHRU]

Not what I remember.

View attachment 1683600

View attachment 1683601​

I have a GIF for the last one but I value my account

 

[Broken]

View attachment 1683531

Round four saw us against the Las Vegas Bears this week which gave me the third KYO opportunity. It was good to see the Las Vegans up and about. Fun fact: Las Vegans in Spanish means 'the vegans'.

Anyhoo, there's some famous bears & bear families out there. There's the Berenstain Bears, Don tony the mafioso who gives more than he takes which is a weird business model for a gangster, Yogi & Boo-Boo the pantsless pic-a-nic basket pilfering bears. There was the ones that survived the home invasion from Goldilocks named Millky95 whose porridge was too hard, Cap whose bed was too cold & Electronic_Renaissance who was NQR in general, and Brother Bear from the Disney film of the same name (which has two Muddiemoose as sidekicks voiced by Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas reprising their roles as Bob & Doug McKenzie from Great White North & the underrated film Strange Brew have you seen it, it's a beauty eh?). There's Winnie the Pooh of course, who's about to receive a cannibalistic reworking if you're interested in that stuff. There’s JoshWoodenSpoon who managed to escape from captivity and Supersuns who rides one of those little bicycles at the circus, Gentle Ben who has the talk show on the Simpsons. The Bad News Bears, a baseball team ironically devoid of actual bears. And BJ the truck driver's friend Bear who's actually a chimp but let's not get caught up in semantics. I could go on and on, and I will. Remember the I Dont Care Bears? What was that about? There's Paddington Bear (which is just MWPP in a duffle coat) who killed QEII with a marmalade sammich, Smokey Bear the arsonist (how else did the fires start?), Dingster who swallowed a beehive whole and had his tongue stung from a dozen bees so is now Thor, and Fozzie Bear who is pretty much Broken in a furry costume. They even brought in Rappin’ RonnieRaven, who has a cord in his back that when you pull it he starts spitting out mad poetry. Then there's pandas - Po from Kung Fu Panda, the grumpy one from those Egyptian cheese commercials and the sexual harassment panda from South Park. Koalas aren't bears but are sometimes thought of as such, particularly when dropping on unsuspecting tourists. The only bears in Australia are Humphrey and Senor M the Slightly Aggressive Bear - look him up.

But here's the bear I've landed on for you. This one is so perfect, if you ran the term Las Vegas Bears in some AI-based thing this is what would be spat out. Las Vegas is seedy as f*ck, just ask Hunter S Thompson or Nicolas Cage. So the perfect encapsulation of a Las Vegas Bear is this fella. Sweet, I give you Cocaine Bear.

Want to give this an extra like for The Late Show reference.