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Entertainment & Music The Simpsons Part 3

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"Gime? What's a gime?'

"Ohhh... a gime"
 

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Homer: Listen here: my name is Homer J. Simpson. You guys think I'm dead, but I'm not. Now I want you to straighten this out without a lot of your bureaucratic red tape and mumbo-jumbo!

Bureaucrat: [typing] OK, Mr. Simpson, I'll just make the change here... and you're all set.

Homer: I don't like your attitude, you water-cooler dictator. What do you have in that secret government file anyway? I have a right to read it.

Bureaucrat: [spinning monitor around] You sure do.

Homer: [reading] "Wife: Marjorie. Children: Bartholomew, Lisa" -- aha! See? This thing is all screwed up! Who the heck is Margaret Simpson?
 
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So, I sez, yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cause I don't know where it is, ya baloney. You make me wanna retch!
 
Homer: But wait, you can't kill me for being Krusty, I'm not him. I'm Homer Simpson.
Fat Tony: The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?
Homer: Uh... Actually my name is Barney, yeah Barney Gumble!
Legs: The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?
Homer: Uh... Actually my real name is, uh... think, Krusty think... Joe Valachi!
Louie: The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the senate committee about organized crime?
Homer: Benedict Arnold!
Legs: The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?
Homer: D'oh!
 
Salesman: Well I can't give you the car Krusty, but I can let you have this little number for practically nothing; only $38,000.

[Louie fires at the car bonnet]

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Homer: Hey, what are all these holes?
Salesman: These are speed holes they make the car go faster.
Homer: Oh yeah, speed holes

[Louie shoots out the tyres and windows]

Salesman: You want my advice, I think you should buy this car.
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Ned: Whatcha diddly-doin' neighbour?
Homer: Putting speed holes in my car, makes it go faster.
Ned: Is that so? Well, gee, maybe the old Flanders-mobile could use some -- [a shot rings out] aah! [Nedcollapses] [he gets up slowly] Wow! Lucky I always keep a bible close to my heart -- [boom!] aah! [Ned collapses] [he gets up] Ho ho, lucky I was wearing an extra large piece of the True Cross today. I think I'llgo inside. [a shot hits Homer's pick axe]
Homer: What keeps doing that?
Tony: I told you we should have bought more than three bullets. Let's just grab him!
 
"Now this place you were at, Moe's, is this a business of some sort?"
"Don't tell him you were at a bar. But what else is open at night?"
"It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography"
"Heh, heh, heh. I would never have thought of that"

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Ned Flanders
You are the most ugly and hateful man I've ever met.
Moe
Hey, I may be ugly and hateful... Wait was the third thing you said?

Homer, you are the worst human being I have ever met.

Hey, I got off pretty easy!
 

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Moe: Hey, uh, I got an idea: we can play a game to pass the time.
Er, I'll make the sound of a barnyard animal, and, er, you
all try to guess what it is. Ahem: [makes some unidentifiable noise]
Wiggum: It's a pig!
Bart: It's a cow, man.
Lisa: It's a pony.
Krusty: No, it's a goat. You know, one of them lady goats.
Selma: There are no lady goats: a lady goat is a sheep.
Hibbert: I believe she's right.
Otto: You're crazy.
McAllister: Arr, what's it to you?
Otto: What's it to _me_?
[everyone starts arguing]
Marge: Stop it! Stop it! Can't you see this barnyard noise
guessing game is tearing us apart?
[Ned still sings "Que Sera, Sera" outside]
Say, Moe, was it a duck?


Homer: Shut up! Shut up! Stop it! Stop it. I can't take this any
more. I can't let that brave man out there die alone. I'm
surprised and disgusted by all of you -- especially his
children. I'm going out there!
[goes out, slams door behind him]
[pops his head back in] It was a baby ox.
Moe: He's right, you know.
Skinner: [surprised] About the ox?
Moe: About everything, dammit. Hey Homer, wait up. I want to die
too.
Apu: If you are going, I am going.
Barney: Me too!
 
"Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch ‘em in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke to treat you like dirt unless you’re on a team. Well I’m better than dirt, I-well, most kinds of dirt. Not that fancy store bought dirt, that stuff’s loaded with nutrients. I, I can’t compete with that stuff."

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Entertainment & Music The Simpsons Part 3

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