Health Thin shaming

[MrsEddieBetts]

I kills me a little bit on the inside. It just does.

That's ridiculous.

 

[Prudster]

Also, I'm fat. I'm also very successful in getting men I want to sleep with into bed, but there are guys who just aren't interested, and that's fine.

For a long time, I was ashamed of my size. I worked hard for three years to get down to a BMI that was still overweight. I did the low carbs thing, I did the zero cholesterol thing, I did the big set meals thing, I did the small servings thing, and I exercised endlessly, and I was still fat. Less so than I am now, but I was basically miserable and self-conscious, and it had a hugely negative impact on my life in a way that my actual size never did before or has since I realised that this attitude:



...was the problem, not my moobs or my thighs.

It's not a thyroid issue, it might be somewhat genetic, but basically my body is just extremely good at creating fat and very bad at using it up, and trying to be something other than who I am is what I think was the truly shameful thing.

I get that this is true of people who are stick figures too in some cases - no matter what they do, they're always going to be a bag of bones. That's OK for them, but I don't want to get with them. If people don't like me for my size, that's fine, there are plenty who appreciate what I have on offer. The only ones who do hurt are the ones who try to make me feel ashamed, and it's bullshit. People are welcome to say they'd never sleep with me cos of my size, and even that they find it disgusting, I guess. But they don't have the right to say I should be ashamed of myself.

The bolded bit is why i have a problem with a lot of body acceptance advocates. Outside of a very small minority, the reason people are fat is not because of genetics, or because "that's just who they are", it's because they take in more calories than they burn. Likewise, the vast majority of skinny people who can't put on weight no matter what they do are simply not eating enough.

Obviously eating less/more is often easier said than done, but don't write this off as a foregone conclusion and that being overweight is just who you were meant to be. Maybe you are one of the minority of people who literally cannot change it, but it's more likely that you are overweight because you eat too much. If you're okay with that, that's perfectly fine, but you've seen that you can lose weight, you could lose more if you really wanted to.

 

[Gough]

But equally my metabolism keeps me small, I don't work hard to keep my weight down, but never get above 70 odd kilos.

 

[Morganashlee]

See I'm not convinced this is good. Loving yourself no matter what is what leads to overly confident arrogant flogs like me!

Not jelly, just raging. I don't want a dadbod, I think they're really unattractive. I'm angry that people think that being lazy is attractive.

I don't think you do love yourself. I think it's all an act, hence why you require so much validation from those who don't matter.

You don't want one, don't get one. It's very simple.

 

[Prudster]

But equally my metabolism keeps me small, I don't work hard to keep my weight down, but never get above 70 odd kilos.

Metabolism is a bit of a furphy. Your metabolism is based off things like age, sleep, activity levels and calorie intake. While there is some variance in metabolism rate, for the vast majority of the population this is somewhat negligible (within 200-300 calories). It might make a small difference, but ultimately you weigh 70kg because you eat at a level that keeps you there for someone of your age, activity level, etc.

This might be an interesting read: http://examine.com/faq/does-metabolism-vary-between-two-people.html/

 

[Brad Goodman]

Fat people eat more than they realise. Skinny people eat less than they realise.

More or less.

 

[Andre]

But equally my metabolism keeps me small, I don't work hard to keep my weight down, but never get above 70 odd kilos.

Yeah, a super fast metabolism is also hard to work past as well. If I'm out of the gym for more then a week I start losing weight. I'm 6'1 and 80kg atm. That'll be around 75-76 for summer when I bid carbs goodbye in spring, but if I stopped going to the gym my bodies 'natural' point would be around 67 - 69kg (skinny arsed at my height). Which on the flip side means I'd never be able to be Zzzz like (not that I'd ever want to).

To be fair I think everyone should be ashamed of themselves. I most certainly am.

I think shame is the wrong word there. I'd put it more that everyone should be attempting to be healthy.

Not jelly, just raging. I don't want a dadbod, I think they're really unattractive. I'm angry that people think that being lazy is attractive.

My theory on the dadbod is that most women don't actually find them attractive. But by publicly proclaiming them as 'normal' and attractive they make it harder for anyone to say overweight women are unattractive. It's actually not about the dadbod at all usually. I mean horses for courses and all that, but seriously most women are going to find a guy with six pack abs and a tight behind more attractive physically then someone soft. Just as no matter how much 'real women' are pushed most guys are going to continue to find women who aren't overweight more attractive then those who are. That is separate obviously from whether you consider said people worth spending time with, as they could be complete shits, but for eye candy, no advertising campaign is going to override what people naturally find attractive.

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

Yeah, a super fast metabolism is also hard to work past as well. If I'm out of the gym for more then a week I start losing weight. I'm 6'1 and 80kg atm. That'll be around 75-76 for summer when I bid carbs goodbye in spring, but if I stopped going to the gym my bodies 'natural' point would be around 67 - 69kg (skinny arsed at my height). Which on the flip side means I'd never be able to be Zzzz like (not that I'd ever want to).


I think shame is the wrong word there. I'd put it more that everyone should be attempting to be healthy.


My theory on the dadbod is that most women don't actually find them attractive. But by publicly proclaiming them as 'normal' and attractive they make it harder for anyone to say overweight women are unattractive. It's actually not about the dadbod at all usually. I mean horses for courses and all that, but seriously most women are going to find a guy with six pack abs and a tight behind more attractive physically then someone soft. Just as no matter how much 'real women' are pushed most guys are going to continue to find women who aren't overweight more attractive then those who are. That is separate obviously from whether you consider said people worth spending time with, as they could be complete shits, but for eye candy, no advertising campaign is going to override what people naturally find attractive.

Just as men have a 'type', women do too. I am more than happy to look at a man with a 6 pack (Andrew Walker is gorgeous, for example) but I've always had a crush on men like Glenn Robbins . What I find attractive in a man is completely separate to what I find attractive in a woman...and my 'attraction' is not part of a wider commentary on society at all, just like your attraction to a particular type of women isn't.

 

[dales.girl38]

+1 for the dadbod.

 

[Gough]

The body only ever hooks you anyway, it's the mind that reels you in, and bashes you on the head.

 

[El Dubya]

The body only ever hooks you anyway, it's the mind that reels you in, and bashes you on the head.

Yeah, but you've got to get hooked on the first place.

 

[El Dubya]

+1 for the dadbod.

I'm dying.

 

[Morganashlee]

+1 for not having a type.

Just male. And young. That was a joke.

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

I'm dying.

I tell you what's realllly attractive? A man who's comfortable in his own skin and doesn't need constant validation from other people. Your wife obviously finds you attractive. The fact that this isn't enough for you indicates a lack of self-esteem.

 

[afl genius]

from what I've seen and heard, women generally want to be the more attractive in the relationship as it gives them more control. Hence you see a lot of duds with good looking women and the 'dadbod' being adored. Could be way off but could have also stumbled onto the greatest theory of our time

 

[T2B_]

The most important thing is to be healthy. Better to be a few kgs overweight but walk 5km a day than be thin and smoke/drink/have a junk food diet.

Nailed it.

I certainly always possess some sort of spare tyre but I know I'm healthy.

I kills me a little bit on the inside. It just does.

Maybe another reason why the 'dadbod' is popular right now. It gets all the gym junkies/body obsessives so worked up

 

[kfc1]

 

[edgie]

It comes from wanting to look better obviously, and most people find the toned athletic body more attractive than the alternative. Being healthy usually goes hand in hand with it too

I'm not talking toned and athletic, I'm talking full wannabe body builder.

 

[Catfish Alley]

I tell you what's realllly attractive? A man who's comfortable in his own skin and doesn't need constant validation from other people. Your wife obviously finds you attractive. The fact that this isn't enough for you indicates a lack of self-esteem.

Got to agree. Same goes for finding a woman attractive too. Confidence overrules a lot of things. I'm in my 30s though. Might have said something different at 18.

 

[Andre]

I'm not talking toned and athletic, I'm talking full wannabe body builder.

Yeah, the body builder look is over the top, but fitness model is different. Even if I had the genetics to look like on the right below, I'd never want to. Fitness model look though is athletic, ripped, but not crazy. Not too many women find body builders attractive (and the disparity in numbers between men who find female fitness models attractive vs. female body builders is even higher).

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

I don't find either of those men attractive. At all.

 

[Andre]

I tell you what's realllly attractive? A man who's comfortable in his own skin and doesn't need constant validation from other people. Your wife obviously finds you attractive. The fact that this isn't enough for you indicates a lack of self-esteem.

I'd agree, but being fit does boost self-confidence. I don't see the point in being a narcissist (a receded gray hair line and glasses kind of rules that out anyway ), but feeling good about being fit isn't narcissism IMO. Feeling others should feel good about you being fit is.

 

[Andre]

I don't find either of those men attractive. At all.

Me either for some reason

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

I'd agree, but being fit does boost self-confidence. I don't see the point in being a narcissist (a receded gray hair line and glasses kind of rules that out anyway ), but feeling good about being fit isn't narcissism IMO. Feeling others should feel good about you being fit is.

I didn't say anything about narcissism

 

[Andre]

I didn't say anything about narcissism

Not directly, but saying you should just feel confident in your own skin or you have self-esteem issues could imply anyone who does take satisfaction from having changed their body is narcissistic.