Society & Culture Things in life you just don't understand

[Cruyff14]

As humans we are not naturally monogamous. But we know the best environment to bring up children is a family unit. That means putting aside what is natural to us for the benefit of children. That means having sex with one person for the rest of your life.

The reality is some people are going to stray. It's not the big deal many make out it to be and the ones who make it out a relationship ending deal-breaker are the ones who are insecure. It's best if we as a society are more relaxed and realistic about this. There doesn't need to be an open relationship but discretion and indifference is required.

If you're (that's generally speaking to any one reading this rather than yourself) one of those people checking your partner's phone and internet all the time, and always on the look out if he'she is cheating then see a shrink, the problem is with you. And if you are a cheater, then be discreet and respectful. Don't shit in your own back yard. Don't be running about town rooting anything that moves.

If you've been married for 10 or 20 years do you really care if you wife shags her boss? Does it really matter if your husband bangs the secretary at work?

So if your wife went and ****ed your best friend you wouldn't care? Ok.

 

[Catfish Alley]

If you've been married for 10 or 20 years do you really care if you wife shags her boss? Does it really matter if your husband bangs the secretary at work?

There are different theories on how monogomy has evolved in humans. But, yeah, I've been with my wife for 12 years and would absolutely care. She would too. And it would be a terrible career decision

 

[Quivorir]

I would lose my ****ing shit if the wife cheated on me and she would do the same in reversed roles. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do to a partner imo.

 

[quickstraw]

So if your wife went and ****** your best friend you wouldn't care? Ok.

Nope, that's different. You might have missed the bits where I said "don't shit in your backyard", "be discreet and respectful", and "don't run around town".

When you are your partner are shagging family, friends, or people within social groups it's disrespectful and changes from "he/she had a bit on the side" to "he/she humiliated me".

Do you think Simone Warne cared that Shane cheated? maybe, but you can bet the bigger issue was that by it going public she felt humiliated. As I said, keep it discreet and away from your own patch (family, friends, acquaintances etc)

 

[Cruyff14]

Soon QS will tell us hitting women is okay too.

 

[Cruyff14]

So if people don't find out it's okay. Got it.

 

[quickstraw]

I would lose my ******* shit if the wife cheated on me and she would do the same in reversed roles. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do to a partner imo.

I feel sorry for your insecurity. 10 years down the track the chances are she won't love you (show me a relationship where this is the case and I'll show you a liar) and it's possible she may feel the need to go elsewhere.

Bang. You're marriage is finished just like that. You're walking on some reasonably thin ice.

Another concern I have with this way of thinking is it sets people up to expect what is not achievable. People who think this stuff are often the ones who think they will meet a prince.princess and be madly in love and sexually desire that partner for the rest of their lives. I've never seen this happen. So the risk: the risk is, particularly with the women is they get to middle age and start doing the "I'm in a loveless marriage" and "I want someone to love me" bullshit. Did they really think there's a man in the world they would still be madly in love with for 10, 15, 20 years? These sort of people are more likely to go find the emotional love they need rather than just a root. Go have a look at how many people have signed up for AshleyMadison. Should tell you something about human nature.

 

[quickstraw]

Soon QS will tell us hitting women is okay too.

Why bring domestic violence into it? I also don't recall saying it's only okay for men to cheat. Pretty grubby post.

 

[Catfish Alley]

I feel sorry for your insecurity. 10 years down the track the chances are she won't love you (show me a relationship where this is the case and I'll show you a liar)

I feel sorry that you've only known couples that love each other short-term. I guess it's just your personal experience of it. There are a lot of people out there in the world though with different experiences.

 

[quickstraw]

So if people don't find out it's okay. Got it.

Not quite what I said but if you come from a standpoint where you accept monogamy is not natural, accept that you can't be madly in love with the same person forever, accept that you can't be sexually attracted to the same person forever, then you're in a lot better place to cope and understand infidelity. Specifically the point lost on many is:

The problem is with the people are inflexible over infidelity. They get cheated on their world crumbles, they feel cheated, marriage breaks down, kids come off 3rd best. Whereas other people are able to take it on the chin, move on, stay married, stay happy, and provide better environment for their kids.

 

[The Passenger]

There are plenty of studies comparing monogamous to polygamous relationships. they don't always show those in a monogamous relationship to be happier.

But there is little doubt that from a societal perspective we have been conditioned to believe that a monogamous relationship is better for both the people involved and any children.

FWIW I'm not overly comfortable with being an open relationship. Tried it once a few years back. Together for about 3 months. Neither of us were with anyone else (at least she said she wasn't, but who knows) but it just wasn't really for me.

And if you are a cheater, then be discreet and respectful.

I don't agree with this though. I think the best way to handle is to be open with each other if it's going to happen or if it's happened.

But it's a situation in which there is no "one size" solution. Every individual is different, and every relationship is different.

 

[quickstraw]

I feel sorry that you've only known couples that love each other short-term. I guess it's just your personal experience of it. There are a lot of people out there in the world though with different experiences.

Complete bullshit. You're kidding yourself if you think anyone married for 10+ years is madly in love. And pretty much everyone knows it and accepts it .... except for the ones who delude themselves and think they will go find another mr/mrs right who will last the distance.

There's plenty of people who have been married for 10, 20, 50 years who are happy and would change anything. Madly in love? Not a chance.

 

[quickstraw]

I don't agree with this though. I think the best way to handle is to be open with each other if it's going to happen or if it's happened.

But it's a situation in which there is no "one size" solution. Every individual is different, and every relationship is different.

But people have always and will always cheat. I'm saying that for people who do this, don't shit in your own back yeard. Don't cheat with your partner's friends, family, associates, or anyone within the same circle be it the kids' sports coach, teacher etc. Then it changes from "you shagged someone else" to "you humiliated me because our peers know about it". Much harder to move on.

 

[Catfish Alley]

Complete bullshit. You're kidding yourself if you think anyone married for 10+ years is madly in love. And pretty much everyone knows it and accepts it .... except for the ones who delude themselves and think they will go find another mr/mrs right who will last the distance.

There's plenty of people who have been married for 10, 20, 50 years who are happy and would change anything. Madly in love? Not a chance.

Guess it depends how you classify it. Love absolutely changes and evolves. That can still be madly in love though.

 

[HBF]

When blokes take a magazine/newspaper into the toliet and sit in there for any longer than they have to.
Me, I do what I need to and very quickly get out of there.

 

[Impunity!]

Their football and rugby teams say hi.

oh hai

 

[PP34]

Isn't Europe more open towards cheating?

 

[BotsMaster]

oh hai

Spot on.

 

[Catfish Alley]

Isn't Europe more open towards cheating?

It's not really cheating if it's open.

 

[Run n Spread]

The concept of cheating as a term is odd. Cheating implies gaining an unfair advantage not open to someone else. So by using the term is the person implying they to would like to be unmonogomous as well?

On the whole monogoamy thing there are times when restraint and indeed monogoamy are needed. Say a couple was planning on having a family (and parentage was at stake) or they didn't disclose health issues or a honeymoon/life event, partner needing support was required then the other party who stayed monogomous would have every right to be highly pissed.

Yet come one who honestly believes it is natural for couples to be monogomus/never be attracted to someone else ever again? When you consider the multitude of issues in life/relationships and what difficulties arised why lose the plot if your partner has a bit on the side? Is that the worse thing in life?

To me it is less about insecurity but this weird possessive streak a lot of people have.

I feel sorry that you've only known couples that love each other short-term. I guess it's just your personal experience of it. There are a lot of people out there in the world though with different experiences.

I would like to think I'm not cycnical enough to believe true love lasts forever. Isn't marriage about building a life together, alligning intentions and working to the bettrerment of each party?

So what has love got to do if people step sideways once in a while? Honestly who cares? Why dictate what your partner does every second of every day? Now sure a free for all down the local spa 24-7 is probably not in everyones best interest but there needs to be an understanding that people are human not robots and a lifetime of exclusivity is not natural, an impossible standard and for a lot of people not desirable.

 

[Run n Spread]

Isn't Europe more open towards cheating?

Some countries, mainly the French. Others yeah but it generally means old fashioned where women are expected to put up with men but it doesn't cut both ways.

In a way biology hasn't caught up with technology I suppose. The pill/modern contraception/safe medical abortions have really only been around 50 years. So in that sense up until that time any one off could lead to pregnancy/ill health so it was important to I guess control the circumstances.

A lot of what the rules of relationships are based on thou is fast becoming outdated and irrelevant due to technological advancements and medical access.

 

[Catfish Alley]

So what has love got to do if people step sideways once in a while? Honestly who cares? Why dictate what your partner does every second of every day?

If that works for your relationship then that is great. Probably best to be open about that up front though. I believe it's the deceit that people are hurt more by - not the act itself.

 

[Run n Spread]

If that works for your relationship then that is great. Probably best to be open about that up front though. I believe it's the deceit that people are hurt more by - not the act itself.

Agree. There are a hell of a lot of ways deceit can occur thou. It doesn't all go down one track.

As far as i'm concerned unless it is explicitly discussed/monogamy is agreed to there is no obligation on either side.

 

[Run n Spread]

The reality is some people are going to stray. It's not the big deal many make out it to be and the ones who make it out a relationship ending deal-breaker are the ones who are insecure.

I'd say 99.9% of people are going to stray. The ones that do are the ones with the opportunity and options. The ones that don't...........well maybe that's where the insecurity comes from.

If you're (that's generally speaking to any one reading this rather than yourself) one of those people checking your partner's phone and internet all the time,

Who gives away their internet password? Yeah banking or something requiring a major emergency but email? It is weird thou. Why would you want to read someones personal messages?

 

[Druitt Soldier]

On HD- Blu-ray is another thing I just don't get. DVDs became popular due to the fact they were a significant improvement on VHS, however what does Blu-ray have that a DVD doesn't?
Absolutely agree on the other two, art such as that is a massive w@nk and essentially a pretentious way of saying 'I cbf creating anything half-decent, so let's just throw some randoms odds and ends together and call it art'.
Another thing I don't get- why some young chicks feel the need to cake themselves in makeup.

you clearly arent watching it right. HD and Blu ray for that matter is in a whole other league to Standard Definition. It just cant compete with HD. Or maybe I'm the only one that loves watching a crystal clear image thats as good as looking out a window.