State of Origin BNN Exclusive - Counts Lose Qommonwealth Games

[Tonga Bob]

Good morning Sweet, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.



In a sensational U-turn the likes of which have not been seen since the reinstatement of Bear luminary JoshWoodenSpoon to the SFA, the Vic Metro Government have today announced that Vic Country will no longer host the 2026 Qommonwealth Games in what appears to be a real slap in the face for the Counts.



In making phoning in the announcement via Beijing, Vic Metro Premier NaturalDictator said "I've made a lot of difficult calls, a lot of very difficult decisions in this job. This is not one of them. Frankly, CM7 billion for a farmer's league, we are not doing that".

"We will instead deliver all and more of the legacy benefits in gaming, sporting infrastructure, tourism and state-of-the-art buffoonery to more deserving areas such as Richmond, Kew, Prahran, Brighton, the Mornington Peninsula, Middle Park, Bruns-a-wick anna Footescray, and we will unpack all that tomorrow and throughout the week and there will be further details of all of that as well as the process to deliver that. We will also reduce the cost of all V-Line fares purchased in Melbourne only so we can all travel to the country, eat peaches and point & laugh at the broke-arsed Counts. And we're getting on with it".

"What's become clear is that the cost of hosting these Games in 2026 is not the CM2.6 billion which was budgeted and allocated, because quite frankly I'm horrible at maths. I hate counting, and I hate the Counts. F*ck those guys! End communique."



Enraged Count spokesmouth manangatang was quick to respond to the shock announcement, calling it "a massive humiliation, and I know a thing or two about humiliations".

"Ayuh, this decision is a betrayal of regional Victoria and confirms that Victoria is broke and Metro simply cannot manage major projects without huge cost blowouts."

"The cancellation of the Qommonwealth Games is hugely damaging to Victoria's reputation as a global events leader. Or a global anything leader. Hell, it makes the Allies look legitimate. Maybe they should be cancelled instead, but they have the Prime Administrator on their side so sh*t won't stick to them."

"Instead of a lasting legacy of housing, sporting and community infrastructure, Dumbarse and okeydoke7's botched Games will only leave a legacy of failure and missed opportunities and failure. They have failed the Counts, and by gum they've failed all of Sweet! FootyGuy13 get me my pitchfork."



Fellow Count Elton Johns Wig , who is part of the Qommonwealth Games organising committee, said the cancellation is a real blow.

"This is a real blow."

"Devastating for our athletes, devastating for regional Victoria which would have looked for a boost after suffering floods, fires, qovid and that plague of beez that one time," he said.

"We would have hoped that it would have brought tourism and economics into regional areas. I am gobsmacked, I am floored, I am ropeable, I am disappointed for our Counts and for all qooty althletes. When my shoulder's better I'm going to Vic Metro and will b*tchslap Dumbarse like the coward he is. Phoning in his horsesh*t from China, I mean seriously get a spine while you're over there man."



So sounds like there's some real anger out in Vic Country, whereas here in Melbourne nobody gives a rat's arse about anyone other than themselves. I will bring further updates as they come to light, but for now it seems as though NaturalDisaster and his cabal of latte-sipping, e-scooter-riding, skinny-jean-having Qring Street 'elites' have once again ruined things for everyone.​

 

[FootyGuy13]

Once again Vic Country has been ripped off because the Metro flogs can't handle clean air.

 

[The Majestic]

So I won't be a gold medalist now? Damn.

 

[Tonga Bob]

So I won't be a gold medalist now? Damn.

You had a good run. Not a gold medal run, but a good one.

 

[manangatang]

Ayuh!

 

[spudmaster]

Brilliantly composed as always Bob. Thoroughly enjoyable to read and laughs all throughout.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Brilliantly composed as always Bob. Thoroughly enjoyable to read and laughs all throughout.

Poor old Counts aren't laughing.

 

[spudmaster]

Poor old Counts aren't laughing.

At least they've got each other.

 

[Sun Ra]

What happened to Elton Johns Wig's nose ?

 

[Falconista]

Are Vic Metro also responsible for losing Vic Country's team sheet?

 

[Tonga Bob]

What happened to Elton Johns Wig's nose ?

Bloody Metro. First the Commonwealth Games and now poor old Wigs' nose!

 

[Tonga Bob]

Are Vic Metro also responsible for losing Vic Country's team sheet?

Sure, why not?

 

[Wosh]

 

[damicky]

I literally laughed out loud

Is it too early to earn S36 beez Votes … OR is there a SOO beez?

 

[Tonga Bob]

I literally laughed out loud

Is it too early to earn S36 beez Votes … OR is there a SOO beez?

This one's a freebie.

 

[damicky]

This one's a freebie.

It was great qournalism, except for this part:

Hell, it makes the Allies look legitimate. Maybe they should be cancelled instead, but they have the Prime Administrator on their side so sh*t won't stick to them.

 

[Tonga Bob]

It was great qournalism, except for this part:

Hell, it makes the Allies look legitimate. Maybe they should be cancelled instead, but they have the Prime Administrator on their side so sh*t won't stick to them.

I'm nothing if not inclusive in my sh*tposting.

 

[Freofalcon]

Oh no.

Now where am I going to get my Lawn bowls, Badminton, Netball and other crappy Empire sports fix?

 

[jackster83]

As long as they don't try to match Sin City's Oqtoberfest bid.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Oh no.

Now where am I going to get my Lawn bowls, Badminton, Netball and other crappy Empire sports fix?

Never fear, Ocha905 has got you covered.

 

[Tonga Bob]

As long as they don't try to match Sin City's Oqtoberfest bid.

If you can secure the hip musical stylings of Die Woodys then you're a shoe in.



EDIT: THEY'RE STILL AROUND YOU GUYS HOLY SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Ocha905]

Never fear, Ocha905 has got you covered.

Great shout. Particular emphasis that any sport is embraced at the Ocho/a except for this murderous butchery-

 

[Tonga Bob]

Great shout. Particular emphasis that any sport is embraced at the Ocho/a except for this murderous butchery-

Tree fellers? I count at least six of them.

 

[James Colorado]

View attachment 1742478

Good morning Sweet, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.

View attachment 1742481

In a sensational U-turn the likes of which have not been seen since the reinstatement of Bear luminary JoshWoodenSpoon to the SFA, the Vic Metro Government have today announced that Vic Country will no longer host the 2026 Qommonwealth Games in what appears to be a real slap in the face for the Counts.

View attachment 1742492

In making phoning in the announcement via Beijing, Vic Metro Premier NaturalDictator said "I've made a lot of difficult calls, a lot of very difficult decisions in this job. This is not one of them. Frankly, CM7 billion for a farmer's league, we are not doing that".

"We will instead deliver all and more of the legacy benefits in gaming, sporting infrastructure, tourism and state-of-the-art buffoonery to more deserving areas such as Richmond, Kew, Prahran, Brighton, the Mornington Peninsula, Middle Park, Bruns-a-wick anna Footescray, and we will unpack all that tomorrow and throughout the week and there will be further details of all of that as well as the process to deliver that. We will also reduce the cost of all V-Line fares purchased in Melbourne only so we can all travel to the country, eat peaches and point & laugh at the broke-arsed Counts. And we're getting on with it".

"What's become clear is that the cost of hosting these Games in 2026 is not the CM2.6 billion which was budgeted and allocated, because quite frankly I'm horrible at maths. I hate counting, and I hate the Counts. F*ck those guys! End communique."

View attachment 1742498

Enraged Count spokesmouth manangatang was quick to respond to the shock announcement, calling it "a massive humiliation, and I know a thing or two about humiliations".

"Ayuh, this decision is a betrayal of regional Victoria and confirms that Victoria is broke and Metro simply cannot manage major projects without huge cost blowouts."

"The cancellation of the Qommonwealth Games is hugely damaging to Victoria's reputation as a global events leader. Or a global anything leader. Hell, it makes the Allies look legitimate. Maybe they should be cancelled instead, but they have the Prime Administrator on their side so sh*t won't stick to them."

"Instead of a lasting legacy of housing, sporting and community infrastructure, Dumbarse and okeydoke7's botched Games will only leave a legacy of failure and missed opportunities and failure. They have failed the Counts, and by gum they've failed all of Sweet! FootyGuy13 get me my pitchfork."

View attachment 1742511

Fellow Count Elton Johns Wig , who is part of the Qommonwealth Games organising committee, said the cancellation is a real blow.

"This is a real blow."

"Devastating for our athletes, devastating for regional Victoria which would have looked for a boost after suffering floods, fires, qovid and that plague of beez that one time," he said.

"We would have hoped that it would have brought tourism and economics into regional areas. I am gobsmacked, I am floored, I am ropeable, I am disappointed for our Counts and for all qooty althletes. When my shoulder's better I'm going to Vic Metro and will b*tchslap Dumbarse like the coward he is. Phoning in his horsesh*t from China, I mean seriously get a spine while you're over there man."

View attachment 1742514

So sounds like there's some real anger out in Vic Country, whereas here in Melbourne nobody gives a rat's arse about anyone other than themselves. I will bring further updates as they come to light, but for now it seems as though NaturalDisaster and his cabal of latte-sipping, e-scooter-riding, skinny-jean-having Qring Street 'elites' have once again ruined things for everyone.​

When you say that we "ruined things for everyone", what you should be saying is we "ruined things for no one important."

 

[Tonga Bob]

When you say that we "ruined things for everyone", what you should be saying is we "ruined things for no one important."

Did I stutter?