Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

Garibaldi Red

Cancelled
Bring Back the Bars
Jul 22, 2009
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Thanks to the Lee Child Jack Reacher novel I am reading.....

How do you make a venetian blind?
Poke him in the eye

How do you make a swiss roll?
Push him down an alp

6F3CC68D-55AC-4FE1-80FB-AAB9D953C922.gif
 

haveago

lovethegame02
Apr 29, 2015
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north west Melb.
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Carlton
Yeah dunno jokes that are racist just not my thing you know
[/QUOTE

Ok, edited. Wasnt meant to be racist,( more stereotype and how I first heard it) just hopefully funny .
Nothing to say about the sick paedophile jokes ? (disgusting and so un funny)
Sayonara and stay safe. I am self isolating back to my home threads now.
It was fun while it lasted :cool:
 
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As part of his parole agreement, Mike Tyson has to go back to school and finish grade five.
This is Mike's Ebonics homework vocabulary assignment.
He must use each new word in a sentence.
1. Catacomb
I saw Don King at da fights the other night. Man,
somebody get that cat a comb.
2. Foreclose
If I pay alimony today, I got no money fore close.
3. Rectum
I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.
4. Disappointment
My parole officer tol' me if I miss dis appointment,
they gonna send me back to the joint.
5. Israel
Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake."
He say, "Bullshit, that watch is rael".
6. Undermine
There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.
7. Acoustic
When I was little, my uncle bought me a coustic
and took me to the pool hall.
8. Iraq
When we got to the pool hall, I tol' my uncle "i raq, you break."
9. Stain
My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her,
"Do you plan on stain for dinner?"
10. Fortify
I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say "forti fy."
 
What do you do if a bird craps on your car? Don't take her out again.


I remember this as:

What do you do if a bird sh*ts on your windscreen?

Make her clean it off.
 
An Australian, an American and an Irishman are competing on a gameshow.

The host says: "Please complete this famous sentence, and spell the missing word!...

"Old McDonald had a..."

Australian buzzes in: "Old McDonald had a station. S-T-A-T-I-O-N"

BZZZZT!

American tries: "Old McDonald had a ranch. R-A-N-C-H"

BZZZZT!

Irishman says: "Old McDonald had a farm. E-I-E-I-O"
 
Dec 20, 2015
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South Australia
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Port Adelaide Magpies!
I loved a variation of this one when I was a teen:

A man was reading one of those magazines and one of the letters to the editor mentions "purple passion." The letter implies that it's very erotic, but doesn't describe what it is. So the man asks his wife, "Have you ever heard of 'purple passion?'" She becomes enraged and slaps him so hard his ears ring and he gets a black eye.
He goes to the store for some ice for his eye and the cashier asks him how it happened. He explains, but when he asks her about "purple passion," she, too, angrily slaps him.
Outside the store, a lady says she saw him get slapped, and wonders what happened. He explains, but once again, when he asks about "purple passion," she punches him in the face.
Now he's hurting, bewildered, and more curious than ever to know what "purple passion" is. But he's becoming afraid to ask.
Then he spies a hooker on the street and goes up to her and tells her that he wants to ask a question and will pay her her usual fee if she'll just answer without hitting him. She says, "OK, what's the question?" He says, "All day, I've been trying to find out what 'purple passion' is, but any time I ask, I get slapped! WHAT IS IT??" She looks at him for a long time, then says, "OK, I'll tell you, but not out here in public. We need to go back to my place." He is hesitant, because he doesn't want to be seen going off somewhere with a prostitute, but now he's desperate to know, so he agrees. They step off the curb to cross the street...and they're both run over by a bus.
 

Garibaldi Red

Cancelled
Bring Back the Bars
Jul 22, 2009
9,536
19,741
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Other Teams
Nottingham Forest
I loved a variation of this one when I was a teen:

A man was reading one of those magazines and one of the letters to the editor mentions "purple passion." The letter implies that it's very erotic, but doesn't describe what it is. So the man asks his wife, "Have you ever heard of 'purple passion?'" She becomes enraged and slaps him so hard his ears ring and he gets a black eye.
He goes to the store for some ice for his eye and the cashier asks him how it happened. He explains, but when he asks her about "purple passion," she, too, angrily slaps him.
Outside the store, a lady says she saw him get slapped, and wonders what happened. He explains, but once again, when he asks about "purple passion," she punches him in the face.
Now he's hurting, bewildered, and more curious than ever to know what "purple passion" is. But he's becoming afraid to ask.
Then he spies a hooker on the street and goes up to her and tells her that he wants to ask a question and will pay her her usual fee if she'll just answer without hitting him. She says, "OK, what's the question?" He says, "All day, I've been trying to find out what 'purple passion' is, but any time I ask, I get slapped! WHAT IS IT??" She looks at him for a long time, then says, "OK, I'll tell you, but not out here in public. We need to go back to my place." He is hesitant, because he doesn't want to be seen going off somewhere with a prostitute, but now he's desperate to know, so he agrees. They step off the curb to cross the street...and they're both run over by a bus.

Now that takes me back to my Primary School days when I first heard that joke. A bloody long time ago.
 
A penguin is having car trouble, so he heads into the local Antarctic mechanic.

The mechanic takes a look and umms and ahhs for a while... eventually he looks at the penguin and says "Looks like you've blown a seal"

The penguin wipes his face frantically and says "No, no, that was just some ice cream I had."
 
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