Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

Jul 7, 2007
14,788
40,363
Ziggurat City
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Other Teams
LUFC, Patriots
An American tourist in Mexico who has accidentally left his watch back at the hotel walks over to a local in the town square sitting next to a bull and asks what the time is.

The local looks at the American, looks at the bull, then gently lifts the bull's testicles in his right palm as if weighing them. After a few seconds he tells the tourist that it's 3 p.m.

The American is absolutely amazed that the Mexican is able tell the time by weighing the bull's testicles and asks him what his secret is.

The Mexican replies "When I lift the bull's cojones señor, I can see the clock on the tower across the square."
 

Garibaldi Red

Cancelled
Bring Back the Bars
Jul 22, 2009
9,536
19,741
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Other Teams
Nottingham Forest
A German regiment was facing their commander who says to them,
"Today ve have some gut news und some bad news"
"First the gut news. Half of you will go to Russia, Half to Berlin"
"Now the bad news. Top half to Russia, Bottom half to Berlin"
 
Jun 6, 2000
33,188
59,561
West Perth
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Other Teams
Woomera Centrals, Jazza
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a pint...barman says sorry mate we don’t serve food here


A jumper lead walks into a bar and orders a pint...barman says "okay, I'll serve you, but don't start anything".
 
A Mexican knocks on the door of a house. The owner answers and the Mexican says "Senor, I am a painter looking for some work. Can you please help me out?"

The owner has a think, and finally says "I'll pay you $100 if you paint my porch". The Mexican is very happy and grateful and says he will start straight away.

Two hours later he knock on the door and tells the owner "Senor, I have finished, can I have my $100 gracias."

The owner says "You finished that pretty quick" The Mexican replies "Si senor, but I do very good job. By the way, it was a Mercedes not a porch."
 
0qzas8rxyvo41.png
 
Donald Trump was visiting a primary school in Orlando and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked Mr.Trump if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious Republican candidate asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Trump, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained Trump. "That's what we would call great loss." The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Trump searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath. In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Trump, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your sweet arse it wouldn't be an accident either!"

The teacher fainted.
 
Back