A lady had married four times in her life. Firstly a banker, then an actor, followed by a clergyman and finally a funeral director. Prior to her funeral the minister asked her family if their mother had been lonely or had married for love. The reply was that she had never married for love. The shocked Minister asked why she had married so many times. The reply was, "First for the money, then for the show, third to get ready and fourth to go."
A man joins an order of monks, where silence prevails. On the anniversary of joining, he is allowed to utter a word for every year of service. After one year, he meets with the Abbot and says, "Cold!" The Abbot arranges warmer clothes for him. After two years he can utter two words. He meets with the Abbot and utters, "Very Hungry!" The abbot increases the food available to him. After three years he meets once more and states, "I want out!" "Just as well," says the Abbot, "you've done nothing but complain since you got here!"