Dumbest things you've heard people say.

[_VXV]

My mother thinks global warming is due to incandescent light globes & that's why the government is exchanging them for more energy savvy lights.
Seriously thinks the global refers to light globes.

 

[Norwood1878]

My mother thinks global warming is due to incandescent light globes & that's why the government is exchanging them for more energy savvy lights.
Seriously thinks the global refers to light globes.

'Bout as good an explanation as any. You can augment her reasoning by suggesting "Climate Change" is due to climate controlled aircon.

 

[Power Raid]

'Bout as good an explanation as any. You can augment her reasoning by suggesting "Climate Change" is due to climate controlled aircon.

Someone has to stop Daiken before they destroy the world!

 

[Power Raid]

My mother thinks global warming is due to incandescent light globes & that's why the government is exchanging them for more energy savvy lights.
Seriously thinks the global refers to light globes.

That's brilliant

I would love to sit next to your mum on a bus chatting about globe warming. Those globes do get pretty hot.


My sister thought ovens were hot because of the light. Every time the light went on, the oven got hot. My sister was 4 though at the time.

My embarrassing one was thinking trees caused the wind. Trees sway causing the wind! My junior primary teacher explained air pressure variances caused wind and the wind caused the trees to sway. What rubbish I thought!

 

[PP34]

I posted these on another thread, but elderly people just don't seem to get Subway and how it all works there, and these are just some of the questions I have heard from senior citizens while waiting to buy my own lunch:

What's in a meatball sub? (Tofu, celery and watercress perhaps?)

Do you have vegemite? (Yes, back in the early 1960s when the first Subway store was opened in New York, the founders decided that this obscure spread little known outside of Australia would be a staple item on the menu.)

How long does it take to get a roast chicken sub? (Several hours. First the staff must catch and kill a chicken, pluck and gut it, cut it up and roast it in a conventional oven.)

What do you have? (True, the Subway menus are heavily guarded trade secrets, and not displayed anywhere in the store, outside of the store or online.)

Do you have to have pickles? (Yes, it is strictly mandatory and enforced rigidly. If you don't eat your pickles, a group of armed men will enter the store, hold you down and force you to eat them.)

Yeah this sort of thing is common with older people. The most frustrating thing is that they're totally unwilling to learn new things. Ordering a sub at Subway is hardly the most difficult thing in the world, yet it's like they want to deliberately look stupid each time they order. Same goes with credit/debit cards. They've been around multiple decades now and some older people still act like they're some crazy alien invention.

I'm not even talking real old people either. My parents are in their 50s and still are totally inept when it comes to computers. My old man uses one for a living and has since the 90s yet at times it's like the computer is still foreign to him. My mum is even worse. Has always refused to ever put some time into using a computer, iPad you name it.

 

[emuboy]

I remember a guy at a suburban football team years ago who made Kelly Bundy from Married With Children and Reese from Malcolm In The Middle look like Rhodes Scholars. In one game his team lost 15.3-93 to 12.24-96. Now granted it is very rare for a team to kicking 3 more goals to lose a game, but his reaction when the final siren sounded and the other team celebrated while his team-mates slumped in disappointment at losing a close game that practically ended their finals chances that year was priceless. He simply could not comprehend that the team had lost as it had kicked more goals. Even when one of his team-mates got a piece of paper and a pen and showed him the arithmetic of how this occurred, I don't think he was fully convinced.

I'm not sure whether social media posts count here, and while many people post dumb things online, one always stood out to me. A friend sent me an email five years ago when it was the 100th anniversary of the Titanic disaster in 1912. The email showed an extract of an online forum for teenagers, who were absolutely amazed that the Titanic actually existed. They had of course heard of the Titanic, but thought it was fictional, and 'like from that really old movie in the 1990s'.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

We've all said dumb things but being broadcasted on nation television makes this priceless.

That utterance doesn't nor will ever hold a candle to Travis Cloke's smoke and shadow 2009 effort.

 

[Sharks On A Plane]

I traveled to Beijing once (in July) and someone asked me if I had enough winter clothes.

Me: 'You know it's summer there, right?'
Person: 'Is it?'
Me: 'You know it's in the Northern Hemisphere, right?'
Person: 'Is it?'

Me:

I mean it it was Malaysia/Singapore or somewhere in Indo I could understand it, but Beijing is further North of the Equator than all of Australia is South.

I had a similar experience but the girl I was talking to took things to the next level.

She was telling me about a trip she had planned to Europe in July.

Me: "Oh it will be nice to get some sun."

Her: "What do you mean?"

Me: "You can enjoy the European summer."

Her: "But it will be winter."

Me: *long pause* "It's summer in July in the northern hemisphere though..."

Her: "What's the northern hemisphere?"

Me:

Quite amazing that someone so clueless had apparently successfully organised/booked an overseas trip.

 

[kickazz]

I recall on big footy someone trying to convince us all that big wins at the start of the season were more important because they had more impact on your ultimate percentage.

 

[richcogs]

Gentlemen at Ayala mall in Cebu if you pay the restaurant staff P200 you are allowed to smoke outside in the mall area.

 

[kickazz]

Gentlemen at Ayala mall in Cebu if you pay the restaurant staff P200 you are allowed to smoke outside in the mall area.

And by the relevance of this post, clearly it's not just cigarettes, either.........

 

[vanders]

Overheard the other day:

"I didn't know Prince was black until he died"

 

[tenderwarrior]

These dont quite fit the thread, but are worth sharing..

I know of a girl who went on a holiday to Europe, only to get deported and sent straight back to Australia. Turns out that the Visa Credit Card she had organised beforehand wasn't quite the visa she needed..

I had a mate who worked for a community organisation where they offered sexual health classes. One day a couple of clients turn up to reception absolutely livid. Turns out that old mate had got his partner pregnant, even after they had followed instructions on how to put the condom on the bananna..

My former step mother in-law had a scan and was amazed to discover that she had TWO lungs. She thought she was unique! She was...

 

[revival_mode]

ex girlfriend smelled a bottle of my cologne I left on the bathroom sink and proudly exclaimed "hey this stuff smells just like you"

 

[craigos]

These dont quite fit the thread, but are worth sharing..

I know of a girl who went on a holiday to Europe, only to get deported and sent straight back to Australia. Turns out that the Visa Credit Card she had organised beforehand wasn't quite the visa she needed..

I had a mate who worked for a community organisation where they offered sexual health classes. One day a couple of clients turn up to reception absolutely livid. Turns out that old mate had got his partner pregnant, even after they had followed instructions on how to put the condom on the bananna..

My former step mother in-law had a scan and was amazed to discover that she had TWO lungs. She thought she was unique! She was...

This sounds like an urban legend

 

[Marmozet]

Somebody (who's never been on a plane/left Victoria) asked me if I went to China by plane or boat...

Don't get me wrong you can travel overseas by boat but, typical question from a person who's never travelled. In 2017, who still travels overseas by boat?

 

[NaturalDisaster]

Bloke on the tigers board with an obsession with hating on Shaun Grigg was trying to convince us that he is s**t because Rance/Dust/Jack/Cotch are superior players to him

 

[the_interloper]

Somebody (who's never been on a plane/left Victoria) asked me if I went to China by plane or boat...

Don't get me wrong you can travel overseas by boat but, typical question from a person who's never travelled. In 2017, who still travels overseas by boat?

Boat people?

 

[Marmozet]

Boat people?

True, but in this case it's like if you're going for a holiday, you'd want to get there within hours, not weeks.

 

[JG22]

To go along with the dumb s**t that doesn't quite fit the thread:

A kid I knew failed his driving test because he didn't put his seatbelt on

 

[Geelong_Sicko]

This sounds like an urban legend

Depends on how long she was travelling;

http://smartraveller.gov.au/bulletins/Pages/europe_schengen.aspx

 

[Marmozet]

"A pot of beer? Is that like weed beer or something?"

 

[Chuckie357]

Once had girl at uni who asked if you could get pissed on beer nuts.

Had someone ask in a lecture after the lecturer said the assignment was due at 11pm "that 11 o clock is that in the morning or at night?" The room erupted with laughter and then appluase

 

[RU_]

To go along with the dumb s**t that doesn't quite fit the thread:

A kid I knew failed his driving test because he didn't put his seatbelt on

Mate of mine failed 3 times in a row for speeding.

Increased by 7-10ks each time he failed before he learnt what the brake was.

 

[Old M8]