yyou
Norm Smith Medallist
- Sep 18, 2014
- 5,756
- 7,169
- AFL Club
- Fremantle
- Other Teams
- NY Mets, NO Pelicans, Toronto Leafs
So here begins the match preview for the mighty Freo Dockers vs the Western Bulldogs.
Initially, I wanted to have a lost theme going on as I consider the WB the Eastern Bulldogs, with my beloved South Freo the actual Western Bulldogs, & I was going to run with a compass being messed up because of magnets, & then I was going to focus on Tom North & Rhylee West as lost players, but that did not eventuate.
Instead, I’ve gone for a theme which is decidedly more accessible to the masses than the great work done previously referencing works of literature. I’m referring everything to television.
I’m going to highlight individual contests & relate each to a particular television show I have enjoyed over time, leading to an overall prediction.
I know players don’t usually have individual matchups, apart from in the ruck & when tagging, heck even our designated full back, Joel Hamling usually just plays on the deepest forward, but this is my preview, so I’m going for one on one contests. I also have had to make predictions about ins & outs, so apologies if they aren’t correct.
Here goes (the scores are cumulative):
Sandilands vs English – Tim as a ruckman reminds me of Gob Bluth when he is performing magic. There is great intent, but it just isn’t working at this stage. I have a feeling big Sandi will do to Tim what Tobias Funke’s business card stated as his profession. (+20 points)
Fyfe vs Bontempelli – Fyfey is Tony, the capo while the Bont is Christopher his “nephew”, actually Carmella’s cousin & the likely heir apparent to Tony, until Tony “offs” Chrissy. Similarly, I see Fyfey figuratively offing the Bont (not literally, come on folks & the Bont is one of my favourite players in the whole league, but Fyfe is Fyfe). (+23 points)
Mundy vs Dunkley – These 2 midfield beasts are Cam and Mitch in my world. A loving couple who constantly bicker, but I can’t decide who is who. Barra is a legend of the club but Dunkley is in career best form. I suppose Dunkley is Cam as a clown standing up to a bully at a servo, so he gets the points in this class, but Mundy as Mitch is often his match. (+16 points)
Switkowski vs Crozier – Unfortunately, I think Crozier is Mulder and Switta is Scully. Fox Mulder is the man when it comes to investigating the paranormal, but his offside was just too much of a doubter for mine. Even the wonderful Beyond the Sea episode has her skeptical, so I reckon (Vodka) Crozier gets the chockies in this battle. (+9 points)
Darcy vs Trengove – Big Darce, Hodor, the Shoosher, whatever you call him will channel Audrey Horne (an appropriate surname, back in the day) and tease the heck out of Trengove as the coffee and pie loving Dale Cooper. Imagine a haunting Angelo Badalamenti soundtrack and we will see Audrey wrap Dale around her little finger the way she can tie a cherry stalk with her tongue. (+18 points)
Matera vs Johannisen – Brandon a.k.a Tyrion is up against Jason who is Joffrey. Joffrey might have the upper hand initially, but expect the crafty imp to win the battle of wills & certainly wits. (+25 points)
Walters vs Wood – SonSon is my Ben Hawkins, able to perform miracles, while Wood is Stumpy Dreifuss, manager of his family show. Stumpy oversees his loved ones the way Wood looks over his pups, but Ben Hawkins is magical and certainly gets the points in this clash. (+42 points)
McCarthy vs Roberts – Dardy is Kevin and we can expect Daniel Stern to narrate this battle as Kevin moons over Winnie (not the cigarettes) and Roberts is his big brother Wayne, who is a bully to Kevin. This time Wayne wins out as he is much bigger than Kevin. (+33 points)
Banfield vs Daniel – Ralph Banfield Malph might tell better jokes than Caleb the Fonz, but he is nowhere near as cool. I mean Fonzie jumped the shark & he was never wr…, wr…, wr…, see, I can’t even write it. Unfortunately the red-headed Donny Most character last seen in a Family Guy episode, well it was Don (not Donny any more) but you get the picture. Fonzie wins. (+16 points)
Hill vs Hunter – these 2 outside beasts have channeled the great Phil Manassa run against North in the 1977 GF that served as an intro to must watch tv on a Sunday night at 6pm during the 70’s and 80’s. As kids we would be in front of the tv watching Countdown, and then on would come this show with the iconic run & we would marvel (pun intended) at the VFL feats. This time, I’m calling a draw. Hilly Manassa has the running powers, while Hunter Manassa has the ball-winning ability. (+16 points)
Conca vs Macrae – Conca is Nick Vera to Macrae’s Lilly Rush. Vera is all brawn & grunt, but gets the job done, while Rush is a more complete package. She is the star of the show, so you’d expect her to hold sway. (+4 points)
Langdon vs Lipinski – Niles Langdon versus Frasier Lipinski in the Whine club episode. It is a close call, but Niles just pips (pardon the pun) Frasier to become Cork Master. (+8 points)
Wilson vs Lloyd – Cosmo Wilson vs George Lloyd. Like “the contest”, I see George holding out longer than Cosmo. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Neither are close talkers, so despite double dipping George actually come out on top for the first time in his life, & it’s not even Festivus. Serenity now! (there are so many potential quotes!) (+3 points)
Logue vs Schache – Logue = Jim Halpert and Schache = Dwight Schrute. In fact, Schache has always reminded me of Dwight Schrute for some reason. I might love the Kevin Malone character as much as any on tv, but in this battle, Jim easily gets the win in this battle, with Dwight unsuccessfully attempting to claim a free kick after Jim has encased the footy in jelly. (+11 points)
Blakely vs Suckling – Connor Tutuola vs Suckling Munch sees a gritty New York setting as the duo pursue “perps”. In this case I’m calling a draw again, with each detective having his own strengths and weaknesses. (+11 points)
Hughes vs Bailey – Badger Hughes goes against Bailey Pinkman in this Albuquerque battle for blue crystals. Badger is big & earnest, but prone to err at crucial times, so unfortunately Pinkman, who we have seen develop wins this time. (-2 points)
Hamling vs Naughton – the battle plays out at 5pm on a Sunday during the 70’s and 80’s. To coin a famous St Kilda fan, “Do yourself a favour” and check out this battle. Naughton has come from nowhere to enter the top 10 at number 8, but Hamling keeps his position at number 6, leading to a win for the Docker. (+6 points)
Ryan vs Dickson – Tracy Jordan against Kenneth Parcell. Tracy is the definitely the alpha in this relationship, with the earnest Kenneth doing all he can to serve the star, even getting nachos from Yankee Stadium for him. Therefore, I see Tracy Ryan overcoming Kenneth Dickson. (+14 points)
Brayshaw vs Liberatore – are Kirk and Luann Van Houten. They aspire to be the stars of their show (midfield), but at this stage are support characters. It seems they are not only married, but also first cousins, which explains a few things about Milhouse. Can I borrow a feeling may play in the background, but everything’s coming up Milhouse for the duo, leading to another tie. (+14 points)
Bewley vs Richards – Leon Black against Marty Funkhouser is again a battle between support characters, with a tie ensuing again. My lack of effort with this battle has me feeling like Larry did in the episode, “The doll” when he hugged the little girl near the end of the show. (+14 points)
Cerra vs Dale – Adam = Ruth Langmore vs Bailey = Marty Byrde. Despite her tender years and less than nurturing upbringing, Ruth is a clever cookie. She is initially a thorn in Marty’s side, but they do work together after a while. In this battle, Ruth maintains a slight advantage, leading to a very narrow win to the Docker. (+15 points)
Carter vs Morris – the debutant is Gus Grimly and the veteran is Lorne Malvo. Initially, it is the wily killer who intimidates the youngster during a bleak Minnesota winter, but eventually Grimly surprises the old timer & prevails. (+17 points)
Lyon vs Beveridge – Statler & Waldorf sit and watch the show, complaining & looking like they aren’t having fun at all. Again, I’m going for a draw, as they both have issues with their teams (+17 points)
Upshot: Freo by 17 points.
If you can get every tv show referenced, I’ think I should buy you a drink when I see you next.
Initially, I wanted to have a lost theme going on as I consider the WB the Eastern Bulldogs, with my beloved South Freo the actual Western Bulldogs, & I was going to run with a compass being messed up because of magnets, & then I was going to focus on Tom North & Rhylee West as lost players, but that did not eventuate.
Instead, I’ve gone for a theme which is decidedly more accessible to the masses than the great work done previously referencing works of literature. I’m referring everything to television.
I’m going to highlight individual contests & relate each to a particular television show I have enjoyed over time, leading to an overall prediction.
I know players don’t usually have individual matchups, apart from in the ruck & when tagging, heck even our designated full back, Joel Hamling usually just plays on the deepest forward, but this is my preview, so I’m going for one on one contests. I also have had to make predictions about ins & outs, so apologies if they aren’t correct.
Here goes (the scores are cumulative):
Sandilands vs English – Tim as a ruckman reminds me of Gob Bluth when he is performing magic. There is great intent, but it just isn’t working at this stage. I have a feeling big Sandi will do to Tim what Tobias Funke’s business card stated as his profession. (+20 points)
Fyfe vs Bontempelli – Fyfey is Tony, the capo while the Bont is Christopher his “nephew”, actually Carmella’s cousin & the likely heir apparent to Tony, until Tony “offs” Chrissy. Similarly, I see Fyfey figuratively offing the Bont (not literally, come on folks & the Bont is one of my favourite players in the whole league, but Fyfe is Fyfe). (+23 points)
Mundy vs Dunkley – These 2 midfield beasts are Cam and Mitch in my world. A loving couple who constantly bicker, but I can’t decide who is who. Barra is a legend of the club but Dunkley is in career best form. I suppose Dunkley is Cam as a clown standing up to a bully at a servo, so he gets the points in this class, but Mundy as Mitch is often his match. (+16 points)
Switkowski vs Crozier – Unfortunately, I think Crozier is Mulder and Switta is Scully. Fox Mulder is the man when it comes to investigating the paranormal, but his offside was just too much of a doubter for mine. Even the wonderful Beyond the Sea episode has her skeptical, so I reckon (Vodka) Crozier gets the chockies in this battle. (+9 points)
Darcy vs Trengove – Big Darce, Hodor, the Shoosher, whatever you call him will channel Audrey Horne (an appropriate surname, back in the day) and tease the heck out of Trengove as the coffee and pie loving Dale Cooper. Imagine a haunting Angelo Badalamenti soundtrack and we will see Audrey wrap Dale around her little finger the way she can tie a cherry stalk with her tongue. (+18 points)
Matera vs Johannisen – Brandon a.k.a Tyrion is up against Jason who is Joffrey. Joffrey might have the upper hand initially, but expect the crafty imp to win the battle of wills & certainly wits. (+25 points)
Walters vs Wood – SonSon is my Ben Hawkins, able to perform miracles, while Wood is Stumpy Dreifuss, manager of his family show. Stumpy oversees his loved ones the way Wood looks over his pups, but Ben Hawkins is magical and certainly gets the points in this clash. (+42 points)
McCarthy vs Roberts – Dardy is Kevin and we can expect Daniel Stern to narrate this battle as Kevin moons over Winnie (not the cigarettes) and Roberts is his big brother Wayne, who is a bully to Kevin. This time Wayne wins out as he is much bigger than Kevin. (+33 points)
Banfield vs Daniel – Ralph Banfield Malph might tell better jokes than Caleb the Fonz, but he is nowhere near as cool. I mean Fonzie jumped the shark & he was never wr…, wr…, wr…, see, I can’t even write it. Unfortunately the red-headed Donny Most character last seen in a Family Guy episode, well it was Don (not Donny any more) but you get the picture. Fonzie wins. (+16 points)
Hill vs Hunter – these 2 outside beasts have channeled the great Phil Manassa run against North in the 1977 GF that served as an intro to must watch tv on a Sunday night at 6pm during the 70’s and 80’s. As kids we would be in front of the tv watching Countdown, and then on would come this show with the iconic run & we would marvel (pun intended) at the VFL feats. This time, I’m calling a draw. Hilly Manassa has the running powers, while Hunter Manassa has the ball-winning ability. (+16 points)
Conca vs Macrae – Conca is Nick Vera to Macrae’s Lilly Rush. Vera is all brawn & grunt, but gets the job done, while Rush is a more complete package. She is the star of the show, so you’d expect her to hold sway. (+4 points)
Langdon vs Lipinski – Niles Langdon versus Frasier Lipinski in the Whine club episode. It is a close call, but Niles just pips (pardon the pun) Frasier to become Cork Master. (+8 points)
Wilson vs Lloyd – Cosmo Wilson vs George Lloyd. Like “the contest”, I see George holding out longer than Cosmo. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Neither are close talkers, so despite double dipping George actually come out on top for the first time in his life, & it’s not even Festivus. Serenity now! (there are so many potential quotes!) (+3 points)
Logue vs Schache – Logue = Jim Halpert and Schache = Dwight Schrute. In fact, Schache has always reminded me of Dwight Schrute for some reason. I might love the Kevin Malone character as much as any on tv, but in this battle, Jim easily gets the win in this battle, with Dwight unsuccessfully attempting to claim a free kick after Jim has encased the footy in jelly. (+11 points)
Blakely vs Suckling – Connor Tutuola vs Suckling Munch sees a gritty New York setting as the duo pursue “perps”. In this case I’m calling a draw again, with each detective having his own strengths and weaknesses. (+11 points)
Hughes vs Bailey – Badger Hughes goes against Bailey Pinkman in this Albuquerque battle for blue crystals. Badger is big & earnest, but prone to err at crucial times, so unfortunately Pinkman, who we have seen develop wins this time. (-2 points)
Hamling vs Naughton – the battle plays out at 5pm on a Sunday during the 70’s and 80’s. To coin a famous St Kilda fan, “Do yourself a favour” and check out this battle. Naughton has come from nowhere to enter the top 10 at number 8, but Hamling keeps his position at number 6, leading to a win for the Docker. (+6 points)
Ryan vs Dickson – Tracy Jordan against Kenneth Parcell. Tracy is the definitely the alpha in this relationship, with the earnest Kenneth doing all he can to serve the star, even getting nachos from Yankee Stadium for him. Therefore, I see Tracy Ryan overcoming Kenneth Dickson. (+14 points)
Brayshaw vs Liberatore – are Kirk and Luann Van Houten. They aspire to be the stars of their show (midfield), but at this stage are support characters. It seems they are not only married, but also first cousins, which explains a few things about Milhouse. Can I borrow a feeling may play in the background, but everything’s coming up Milhouse for the duo, leading to another tie. (+14 points)
Bewley vs Richards – Leon Black against Marty Funkhouser is again a battle between support characters, with a tie ensuing again. My lack of effort with this battle has me feeling like Larry did in the episode, “The doll” when he hugged the little girl near the end of the show. (+14 points)
Cerra vs Dale – Adam = Ruth Langmore vs Bailey = Marty Byrde. Despite her tender years and less than nurturing upbringing, Ruth is a clever cookie. She is initially a thorn in Marty’s side, but they do work together after a while. In this battle, Ruth maintains a slight advantage, leading to a very narrow win to the Docker. (+15 points)
Carter vs Morris – the debutant is Gus Grimly and the veteran is Lorne Malvo. Initially, it is the wily killer who intimidates the youngster during a bleak Minnesota winter, but eventually Grimly surprises the old timer & prevails. (+17 points)
Lyon vs Beveridge – Statler & Waldorf sit and watch the show, complaining & looking like they aren’t having fun at all. Again, I’m going for a draw, as they both have issues with their teams (+17 points)
Upshot: Freo by 17 points.
If you can get every tv show referenced, I’ think I should buy you a drink when I see you next.
Last edited:
