GF Distraction Thread - 2017 Exit interviews

[BUSTER29]

"Chris Scott, take a seat"
Chris "Thanks, can I put my coffee here?"
*puts coffee on edge of desk, it falls on the ground.
Chris "shit"
"I keep telling you, it doesn't fit there".
Chris "I thought it would be different this time".
"Go get another coffee, I'll wait"
*Chris comes back 2 minutes later "Wait, don't put it in the same spot"
*coffee falls on ground
*interviewer hands Scott a travel mug with a lid.
"Grab another one Chris, use the travel mug and put the lid on tight"
*Chris returns with travel mug. Puts mug in same spot, mug falls on the ground, but the lid holds the coffee in.
Chris "can I say it?"
"Don't"
Chris "Mission accomplished"

Brilliant

 

[Spazz Cat]

BC: "Well Scotty. We've narrowed the new assistant role down to Premiership and former AA coach Mark Williams and your mate "Johnno" from back in the day".
CS: "Well Williams coached a team to 2 GF's but Johnno once drove the team bus after 8 pingers and didn't even crash! He even took us through the drive through at Maccas"
BC:"Impressive but I dunno. Williams has the runs on the board"
C.S. " Yeah but Johnno got a blow job from this chick under the table at the pub once. It was awesome "
BC.: Mmmm. What's his policy on trading away draft picks though"
CS: Johnno doesn't give a faaark. He once swapped his Mums Astra on Facebook for a PS4 and a thumpster" "Classic Johnno"
BC: "Sorry Choco. Make sure you visit the Cats Shop on the way out"

 

[Frank Bunn]

"Hey Zac, take a seat"
Zac Touhy "tobesure tobesure topofthemorning toyou"
"Erm, yeh, we've loved your creative dash off the back line"
Zac "yehirunprettyfastafterabellyfulloguiness"
*sticks head out of door "Anyone do Irish to Aussie translations"?
Silence
"Anyway, you got any mates that can play?"
Zac "tobesure tobesure willyabepayonthemintattoes?"
"Hmm, bring back a translator too please"

Mark O'Connor helps out - "She wants a caravan".

 

[r32godzilla]

GFC - "Darcy, unfortunately we will have to let you go however there is a role for you with Chuck in the remake of..."

 

[Partridge]

18. Josh Cowan
When dazbroncos gets on to KP more than you do, you know you're in trouble.

It's when dazbroncos has also showed more that you're really in trouble.

 

[Partridge]

Yeah well... I figured it would go like this but you have to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Most ironic part is all the posters dumping shit on players thru the year get a chance to make a valid point and how to fix it....

and nothing...

Oh well -it was worth a try.

Go Catters

Challenge accepted Daz.

I'll do Blicavs.

 

[Johnny Cattery]

SL - Come in Harry, pull up a chair.
HT - G'day, Mr. Lloyd. Thanks for seeing me.
SL - The pleasure's all mine, Harry, and please, just call me Simon. What'll you have?
HT - Oh, whatever you're having will be fine, Simon. Congratulations too on the promotion.
SL - Promotion? Oh, that (both laugh). Those poker nights with Cookie and 1/2 Cat can get a little out-of-hand. Cigar?
HT - That would be lovely.

SL - OK. So I must say, to start off, I'm a little surprised you sent me a text on having this meeting. Mr. Scott is doing all these interviews this year.
HT - Yeah, I know. But...
SL - He is the coach, Harry.

Both laugh.

HT - Yeah, look, I know he is. I know...but, you know I love this club. I would do anything for my mates, for the fans. But...
SL - I know what you're going to say Harry. I know.
HT - (taking a big puff) Simon, I'm a bloody backman.
SL - I know.
HT - I've played all my life on half-back. Two Premierships.
SL - I know.
HT - I'm one of the best going around for the past 10 years. Did you see my job on Lance? Never got near it. No prep - bang.
SL - You won us the game, Harry. Harry's Game!!!
HT - Yeah, great show. Great show...have the DVD.
SL - Harry, leave it with me. There's a few things bubbling around here at the moment that I can't really go into detail with. But rest assured...
HT - He stuffed up big time, Simon, big time. We couldn't settle - poor Andrew and Domsy looked lost back there when I was up forward, with Tommy giving me a right earful when I got in his way. It just never clicked from the get go. I told him that in pre-season!!!
SL - I know, Harry, I know.
HT - A wasted year, Simon. A waste.

SL - Look - next year you'll be cemented in the backline once again. We'll need you back there anyway without Mack and Lonners. Trust me. But, tell me. How's the body feel.
HT - Feel's fine, Simon. Just fine.
SL - OK. Don't think you're looking a little slow out there?
HT - Slow? Nah - sure, I'm a little older, but I can still map it all out.
SL - Map it all out? Oh, you're talking about Scottie's 'zone defence'.
HT - Still going with that crap next year? Nearly as bad as Churchill's operations during the Battle of Britain.
SL - Now, now, Harry, settle down.
HT - Seriously, Simon. We all look slow when having to play that shit. I'm amazed Scarlo puts up with it. He told me he wanted to go back to how we played in 08 and 09, but 'The Coach' refused to even contemplate the idea. I bet he's never even see those games!!!
SL - Harry...
HT - We should be rock solid down back next year - Stewart looks a gun FB, Henderson and Touey-boy are solid, Bews is fantastic, and little Zac - I can teach him Simon. It'll be great. As long as I'm there.
SL - You will be Harry, you will be. How's your drink?

HT - I'm fine thanks.
SL - Still interested in the leadership role?
HT - Yeah, no probs there. What's the word been?
SL - Truth be told, some are a little worried...
HT - Christ, the bloody ham thing again, isn't it.
SL - Wasn't a good look, Harry. Even if we had won the game. It was just...weird.
HT - I found it funny. Bloody hilarious, actually.
SL - But Harry...it's not the best thing for a role model of the club...I had that poor kid...what's his name...Parfitt. He asked me "What was all that about, Mr. Lloyd." I couldn't answer him, Harry!!!
HT - Yeah...
SL - I had no answer, Harry!!! I had to tell him to go ask 'The Coach'. And you know I hate doing that.
HT - Yeah, OK, I'm sorry.
SL - Just leave the jokes to Cocky - he's a crack-up.

HT - So I'm still co-vice with Paddy?
SL - (shuffling papers)...maybe. I'm not sure yet what I'll do. The leadership stuff has gone all ****-up this year.
HT - Cam...
SL - Don't start, me, Harry. Don't start me. Look - I may need you to step aside this year. The way things are going, half the bloody side will be in the leadership group.
HT - Yeah, it's nuts.
SL - Bloody crazy. I want to cut it down, so it would help if you would, shall we say, 'volunteer' your role over to Paddy.
HT - He'd love that.
SL - For me Harry. Do it for me and these fine cigars we're sharing.
HT - ....ahhhh, OK. But I still get the car-spot.
SL - That's no problem.

HT - So, that's just about it, hey.
SL - I guess so, Harry. Going away?
HT - Might head off to the States. A few places I want to see - Virginia, Maryland, Tennessee.
SL - Ah, Civil War stuff. Well, have a great time. Look forward to seeing you back in great shape for next year.
HT - Thanks Simon. This chat has helped settle my nerves a little. It's been a weird year for me. But it should be OK.
SL - It will Harry, it will be. You'll be back in defence - The Georgy Zhukov of Defence - how does that sound?
HT - Sound's great, Simon. Sounds great.
SL - Thanks Harry, here, take a couple more for the weekend.
HT - Thanks 'coach'.
SL - Now, now, Harry. Off you go.

You've just dropped my productivity by about 50% with this post.
Gets funnier every time I read it.

 

[Connor2779]

Cam Guthrie:
'sorry mate we need your number for next year'

 

[Catsmaninamerica]

Quinton Narkle

CS - Come in Quinton and take a seat mate.
QN - ok thanks Mr Scott.
CS - I've told you Q. Call me Scotty. Or Chris. Or CS. Now let's discus the year. How did you feel
It went.
QN - yeah it was ok. Settled in with Brandon, made some new mates. Got a taste but unfortunately got injured. I'm looking forward to
Next year.
CS - you're being modest Q. Tell me what you really think.
QN - I am.
CS - no you're not. Tell me the truth or we'll make you wear the same helmet your old man wore (see pics below)
QN - ok. Fine. This year was ****ed. I could barely get on the park. When I did though you all saw glimpses. And in a year when blokes like Zuthrie, Parsons and Simpson saw senior action- I would have played 20 Games and gotten a rising star nomination if I'd had a full preseason and stayed fit all year!
CS - THATS WHAT IM TAKKIN ABOUT!!! You're gonna be a star Q. You're inside outside skills and pace are huge. We can't wait to have you playing senior footy mate.
QN - wow thanks Mr Scott
CS - and Q. We'd never make you cover that beautiful blonde hair with your old mans helmet.

 

[Spazz Cat]

Quinton Narkle

CS - Come in Quinton and take a seat mate.
QN - ok thanks Mr Scott.
CS - I've told you Q. Call me Scotty. Or Chris. Or CS. Now let's discus the head. How did you feel
It went.
QN - yeah it was ok. Settled in with Brandon, made some new mates. Got a taste but unfortunately got injured. I'm looking forward to
Next year.
CS - you're being modest Q. Tell me what you really think.
QN - I am.
CS - no you're not. Tell me the truth or we'll make you wear the same helmet your old man wore (see pics below)
QN - ok. Fine. This year was ******. I could barely get on the park. When I did though you all saw glimpses. And in a year when blokes like Zuthrie, Parsons and Simpson saw senior action- I would have played 20 Games and gotten a rising star nomination if I'd had a full preseason and stayed fit all year!
CS - THATS WHAT IM TAKKIN ABOUT!!! You're gonna be a star Q. You're inside outside skills and pace are huge. We can't wait to have you playing senior footy mate.
QN - wow thanks Mr Scott
CS - and Q. We'd never make you cover that beautiful blonde hair with your old mans helmet.

View attachment 421379

Faaark what a helmet. Never seen anything like it.
You could actually do some damage with that thing.

 

[Scottland2007]

Quinton Narkle

CS - Come in Quinton and take a seat mate.
QN - ok thanks Mr Scott.
CS - I've told you Q. Call me Scotty. Or Chris. Or CS. Now let's discus the head. How did you feel
It went.
QN - yeah it was ok. Settled in with Brandon, made some new mates. Got a taste but unfortunately got injured. I'm looking forward to
Next year.
CS - you're being modest Q. Tell me what you really think.
QN - I am.
CS - no you're not. Tell me the truth or we'll make you wear the same helmet your old man wore (see pics below)
QN - ok. Fine. This year was ******. I could barely get on the park. When I did though you all saw glimpses. And in a year when blokes like Zuthrie, Parsons and Simpson saw senior action- I would have played 20 Games and gotten a rising star nomination if I'd had a full preseason and stayed fit all year!
CS - THATS WHAT IM TAKKIN ABOUT!!! You're gonna be a star Q. You're inside outside skills and pace are huge. We can't wait to have you playing senior footy mate.
QN - wow thanks Mr Scott
CS - and Q. We'd never make you cover that beautiful blonde hair with your old mans helmet.

View attachment 421379

I love that photo. "I'm not paying for parking at the "G". I'm going to park my pushie out the front"

 

[Partridge]

Mark Blicavs

What should happen:

CS: Hi Mark.
MB: Hi Scotty.
CS: We need to review your 2017 season.
MB: Do you think I need to improve anywhere?
CS: Yes. We need to be more honest with how we perform, as coaches and players. I can't justify keeping you in the team as some sort of midfielder when you don't get the ball enough.
MB: But what about my tagging job on Kennedy?
CS: Yes that was good. But that happens once or twice a season. It's not enough. The following week you couldn't handle Seedsman and you were terrible against Richmond. Your form at stages during the year was even worse.
MB: I still get the ball though.
CS: You're averaging 16 touches a game. It's nowhere near enough. You're not a natural decision maker, and you don't hurt the opposition when you have the ball. It might be nice for supporters to excite over your background or where you've come from, but you've had five full seasons now and the opposition certainly don't care about the story. Darcy Lang showed more in one final as a midfielder than you ever have.
MB: Does that mean I play in the ruck?
CS: It may not be an improvement. You might be able to find some of the ball around the ground, and against a second ruck it could be an ok backup play, but you'll get mutilated in hitouts. When I gave you that role for a full season in 2015, it helped you get the ball, but we got smashed in the centre all year long and finished 10th.
MB: So where then?
CS: I can give you a shot at third tall defender. You stick to the basics there, spoil, stay close to your man. There's no pressure to get 25 touches or win the ruck contests, and you can focus on one task. You smacked that potato Majak Daw a few years ago at Geelong playing that role. We've just lost Lonergan and Mackie so there might be a spot available straight away. You might be able to develop some cohesion with Henderson, Taylor and Bews.
MB: Does that mean I'm guaranteed a game still?
CS: No. If your form is good in that role and you earn a spot you'll get one. If you need time to develop in the VFL you can do it there. Everyone else does. We need to be honest with ourselves - we've just lost another preliminary final.
MB: But we did last year too.
CS: This year was by a bigger margin. And after being beaten up by Richmond. Too many players in the team aren't performing in September, including you. The onus is on you and others to improve. The onus is on me and the other coaches to improve. But we can't pretend it's a one off occurrence anymore because it's not.
MB: That's sobering.
CS: It's reality. We can't look at results from six or more years ago and pretend that they are relevant. I'm confident that we do a lot of things right, and the home ground advantage will help during the season. But we need a gameplan that stands up, and players that can perform their roles well under finals pressure. I need to find the mix that does that. I can't afford to be sentimental about who gets picked.
MB: That's fair enough.
CS: We don't need to burn the village to save it. If we make the right tweaks, we can put ourselves in a position to compete.
MB: I remember that phrase, when did you last use it?
CS: 2011.
MB: Cool, thanks for the constructive feedback.
CS: No problem.

What will happen:

CS: Hi Mark.
MB: Hi Scotty.
CS: We need to review your 2017 season.
MB: Do you think I need to improve anywhere?
CS: Nope, awesome. Love how you go about it. Carry on.

 

[RegHickeyStand]

Joel Selwood

Joel, this season wasn't your fault.

Joel: "None of them are."

So there you have it.

Joel: "it is what it is."

We have been thinking of making Patrick the captain. How do you feel about that?

Joel: "I'd feel great about that. I can work on my own game. Less responsibility. Kick more goals. Blindly thump it down the 50. Go for speccys. Get a column in the local. Hog the limelight, so they start thinking this is the Joel Selwood Football Club. Beats the hell out of being captain 24/7."

Ok. Forget it. Just a thought.

 

[joe444]

As players leave the group interview.

Stanley: I'd object to being fired ... but I avoid objects.

Blicavs: [zips fly and sighs] Wow, whenever we're together you make me feel like I don't know where I am supposed to be.

Guthrie: [goes to say something, reconsiders it and gets tackled by Paul Chapman, Matthew Stokes, Steve Johnson and James Kelly]

Hawkins: [smiles, eyes blaze] Wait, am I meant to do something?

 

[Hot Tin Roof]

It's when dazbroncos has also showed more that you're really in trouble.

To think Josh was safe until Scotty read your post...

 

[Strange Cat]

As players leave the group interview.

Hawkins: [smiles, eyes blaze] Wait, am I meant to do something?

This got me bad , very good

 

[TheYid]

Hi Harry. Take a seat in the front here. Oooh, no, hang on, that's not working. Best pop down to that seat in the back. Wow, that's going great! You're a natural! But now we've got just Tom sitting up the front. What now? Guess you'd better come sit down the front. Oooh, hang on, that's not right...

Forgot to ask him if he can fly a helicopter as well.

 

[Scottland2007]

"Guthrie come in"
CG "I'm not changing numbers"
"Well, we discussed a number with a three"
CG "The last guy to wear it lost a kidney, I'm not wearing 13, even your bloody logo is a black cat."
"Superstitious huh? I thought you improved this year, took it to the next level, so to speak. How about #Guth4? Looks great with a hashtag."
CG "See you preseason"