Environment GOING ALONE THREAD

[Silent Alarm]

I think that's incorrect and desperate.

To a club? Either that or to get on the googs.

Then again I do love to sample a fine Belgian ale and have riveting conversation, as well as enjoying the eclectic soundtrack of songs I love, at nightclubs.

 

[Bomberboyokay]

Excepting people who legitimately enjoy dancing, going to a club without drugs is crap.

 

[Zarrix]

I could go to a club alone no problems but to go without having at least a few is a different matter. Drugs (including alcohol) serve as an artificial way of getting into the mindset that is required to enjoy and immerse yourself at such venues. You could go there and enjoy yourself sober if you are one of a select (crazy) few, or work on obtaining that mindset sober over a long period of time but its just easier for 99% of the population to chug a few drinks or take a few pills.

 

[Nothing]

To a club? Either that or to get on the googs.

Then again I do love to sample a fine Belgian ale and have riveting conversation, as well as enjoying the eclectic soundtrack of songs I love, at nightclubs.

I've been to local techno gigs in Brisbane and Adelaide, I went to a D&B gig in NY, I've been to Breaks gigs in Sydney, all on my own because I enjoy the music. It might not be your cup of tea but if you enjoy electronic music it's no different to going to a pub (albeit later in the evening).

If you pick up, that's a benefit but you shouldn't be going out with the sole purpose of picking up, or at least not every time you go out.

 

[Zarrix]

If you go out thinking that you have to pick up to have a good night, almost certainly you will end the night disappointed.

 

[Silent Alarm]

I get that you can go to a club that plays good music. And I do that as well – go to a place for something to do, because you like it, they spin stuff you like, it's an atmosphere you enjoy... but there is that possibility you could pull on even a night like that. But do you really spend every single Friday and Saturday and every second Thursday at a place like that?

 

[Sultan]

Mate, not everyone is a uni student like you.

 

[Bunk Moreland]

What's the advantage to going to the pub by yourself rather than just having a drink and reading a book at home?

Not having a go, genuinely intrigued.

For me I probably wouldn't really be sitting at home and think "I'll go to the pub". It's more if it just happens. I might be on my way home and pass a pub, feel like a beer. Might be waiting for somebody with some time to kill. Done it on holidays a few times, people I'm there with might be doing something else and it's nice to go out and have a look around, which turns into a few beers if you see a cool beer garden or footpath bar.

Catch a breeze, have a beer, watch the girls walk by, maybe have a chat to the barmaids if they're not busy. Very relaxing.

 

[ManWithNoName]

People who *need* to go somewhere like the footy or the movies or a concert with someone because they're worried about looking weird have always struck me as particularly insecure.

Imagine being so worried what a bunch of strangers think of you.

 

[Borry]

Went on a Contiki on my own. I always wanted to go to Ireland so I did. Quite a few people go solo on Contiki tours.

I've been on every holiday overseas by myself, you end up meeting people and making some very good friends. Going alone versus going with a companion I well worth it in the end.

Went to Europe and entered a Busabout tour as a solo and had a blast. Ditto with Egypt via Topdeck. Hanging out at Expat bars helped me with my solo experience in China as well as staying at a uni I was working at.

I've been to quite a few sporting events by myself. I spent one half of a music festival solo due to friends pulling out or not being interested etc.

Bars are tough doing solo, especially in Australia. I can do expat bars solo overseas as you end up meeting people and coming out of it with new friends.

 

[Norwegian Blue]

What's the advantage to going to the pub by yourself rather than just having a drink and reading a book at home?

Not having a go, genuinely intrigued.

If I'm out and about and need a break. Or if I'm traveling for work, I'll go to the pub alone over sitting in a hotel room.

But no, I'd rarely bother to go to the local on my own for the reasons you suggest. The only time I do that is when the family are away and I can't be bothered cooking for one, I'll go to the pub for a steak.

 

[Roobs321]

People who *need* to go somewhere like the footy or the movies or a concert with someone because they're worried about looking weird have always struck me as particularly insecure.

Imagine being so worried what a bunch of strangers think of you.

To me they are almost like a different species. I can't fathom never having been places alone. Sometimes they also happen to be dull people with no real individuality or deep interests of their own, outside of the communal nature of the activity. One day when I was 20yo I had a young guy who was astonished that I went for a day trip into the city by myself, as if it was unfathomable to him to enjoy being alone. I know there are introverts and extroverts and all that, we all have different needs, but personally I have little interest in people who can't go it alone, and have their own independent lives outside of a relationship.

There are certain things I feel awkward doing alone (going to a popular fancy restaurant alone makes me uncomfortable). Unless you have the excuse of being a food critic I guess. But generally I'm a pretty independent person. Since I was little, friends have always been more of a luxury than a need to me. It's cool to have them, but for the most part I don't need them to live my life. With or without others I tend to have fun, I never get bored.

In smaller communities where you are prone to running into people you know whilst going solo, I can understand some feeling insecure about it, about being caught in the act. Outside of that though, If you can't walk down a street solo among complete strangers without getting anxiety attacks, particularly on a recurring basis, then you should probably get that checked out.

 

[CLUBMEDhurst]

will eat alone at the bar at pubs pretty regularly. don't mind it and generally you'll find a chat if you want it.

Reminded me of this

 

[Cruyff14]

Went to Springsteen shows alone and came out with life long friends.

 

[Eagle Boy]

I out alone quite often I have to say. I don't have a massive circle of friends and a lot are either partnered up/dating, working away or or not interested to do the things I want to at times.

Been to the footy a few times by myself and I'm fine with it. I get involved in the crowd banter so don't feel alone at all. I went to my first gig alone last year and went to a few more after that with some planned this year. Once the gig gets going can't really tell your alone. Also went to the movies this week alone. No issue there, your in the dark anyway and watching the movie.

I felt weird going alone the first time but doesn't really bother me now. Be good to have someone to alone with at times but I'm not missing out on the things I want to do just because there is no one to go with.

 

[JD11]

I went to Laneway in 2006 by myself. Had a great time. Felt awkward on the tram there - but settled in fine and met some guys who I ended up being decent mates with.

I wouldn't go clubbing by myself. Unless I was overseas. It's a weird one though, because there's countless occasions in my life I've lost my friends in a club and started hanging out with other people and not felt weird.

A great one is smoking marijuana by yourself. Put on a good album and write or draw or just vibe out, that's one of life's best simple experiences. Certainly much better than drinking by yourself, which just tends to numb whatever you're feeling at the time.

 

[CLUBMEDhurst]

If I didn't go to see The Melvins at Manchester Uni alone, I woulda missed one of the top 5 gigs I've seen (None of my pommy mates had ever heard of 'em).

 

[edgie]

I lied, I have been to the pub several times alone, for karaoke night. Not really alone as none of my group of friends wanted to go, but know all the other karaoke regulars/tragics/hosts, so always a bit of company. Just enjoy a few drinks and get up to sing occasionally. Some of the better karaoke nights where alone, I'd usually get blotto and make drunken single serving friends to sing with anyway. All this on a Wednesday night.

I guess I couldn't do it on a normal night though when there is no activity and the crowd is much more... Ya know, not there for an event, just there to get drunk, get laid, or punch on.

 

[Silent Alarm]

Mate, not everyone is a uni student like you.

Most of my friends are, even though I don't get the relevance of this post.

I went to Laneway in 2006 by myself. Had a great time. Felt awkward on the tram there - but settled in fine and met some guys who I ended up being decent mates with.

A great one is smoking marijuana by yourself. Put on a good album and write or draw or just vibe out, that's one of life's best simple experiences. Certainly much better than drinking by yourself, which just tends to numb whatever you're feeling at the time.

I would find a festival pretty daunting. It's a huge social thing. A show is almost entirely about the band itself, but a festival is about being with your mates, relaxing, having a laugh... to see that everywhere while you're between bands would feel lame. Festivals present some great fodder for conversation too – pointing things out, people watching, and weirdly for me it's not being able to make those observations to someone else that makes me feel alone.

I hate it, but sometimes you have to drink a few beers by yourself before heading out – if someone's already there, if they live somewhere totally different, if you've got time to kill – and it's probably still one of the few genuine taboos there is. Have you heard that Mr Twin Sister song called In The House of Yes? That's about that. In some ways it is good. But I can only do it if there's some kind of promised socialisation after.

 

[craigos]

Just ask yourself this, have you ever judged someone that may appear to be alone at certain events? If you have you're probably a campaigner. Even if I'm with a group of friends I often strike up conversation with people who are flying solo, especially at sporting/music events.

And I always pull when I go out alone, usually behind some trees under the cover of darkness.

 

[JD11]

I would find a festival pretty daunting. It's a huge social thing. A show is almost entirely about the band itself, but a festival is about being with your mates, relaxing, having a laugh... to see that everywhere while you're between bands would feel lame. Festivals present some great fodder for conversation too – pointing things out, people watching, and weirdly for me it's not being able to make those observations to someone else that makes me feel alone.

Sure, I'd have rather gone with some mates, but it was BSS and Les Savy Fav and Cut Copy when they were good, and **** missing that because my mates were lazy campaigners. I'd have just sat at home all day anyway, which would've been even worse.

I hate it, but sometimes you have to drink a few beers by yourself before heading out – if someone's already there, if they live somewhere totally different, if you've got time to kill – and it's probably still one of the few genuine taboos there is. Have you heard that Mr Twin Sister song called In The House of Yes? That's about that. In some ways it is good. But I can only do it if there's some kind of promised socialisation after.

I've still drunk by myself plenty of times. The stigma is dumb, though - anyone with a semblance of self-awareness knows the difference between having a few by yourself and being a dependent. I'd struggle going to a pub and having a few pints alone (unless I'm overseas), but at home I can. You put some music on, read some stuff, and it's relaxing.

But by yourself in public, I don't know, you'd get looks and judgement which is kind of what the alcohol is meant to make you forget anyway. You see those people out, with a drink just staring at their phones, think they could be waiting for someone on the toilet... But nope, 20 minutes later they're still staring at the screen. It's just weird.

 

[Brad Goodman]

Been to the pub many times on my own. I'm that guy minding his own business reading a book while sipping a beer.

I thought Bill Bryson was the only guy who did that.

 

[Brad Goodman]

You should only feel weird about going somewhere solo if you're uncomfortable in your own company. Sporting events especially I don't think necessarily need to be a social event.

When I moved to Newcastle (been back in Melbourne a month now) I didn't know a single person up there and just winged it, so of course for a little while I was doing things by myself, e.g. sightseeing, going to the football, etc. Glad I made friends and stuff once I started working but I had no issues spending time alone while settling in. I still often go to the football alone.

 

[Norwegian Blue]

I thought Bill Bryson was the only guy who did that.

Have you ever seen me and Bill Bryson in the same room?

 

[Silent Alarm]

But by yourself in public, I don't know, you'd get looks and judgement which is kind of what the alcohol is meant to make you forget anyway. You see those people out, with a drink just staring at their phones, think they could be waiting for someone on the toilet... But nope, 20 minutes later they're still staring at the screen. It's just weird.

It's one of those things that is totally dependent on circumstance. It's like having Vietnamese in Richmond... it's normal for people to duck in for lunch by themselves. Because of the seating plan, the time of day, the area, the fact it's unpretentious and cheap... but if Jackie Junior from The Sopranos went to Vesuvio by himself, he'd look like a queer unit.

If there's someone at one of those $13-a-pint-we-only-do-Stella bars on Collins by himself on a Saturday, it's very lame.

If there's someone obviously from work, at 6pm on a Thursday, at the same venue, then sure – he's had a shit day, he's waiting for someone, whatever, there's an implied narrative that excludes the whole "you don't need a party to party!!!" vibe.

And then there's the pub during the day. I remember seeing people sitting out the front with a laptop or a book. I don't think that is entirely different to going to a cafe and sitting there with something to occupy you – you could have the afternoon off, you've got work to do and need a venue for it, you've liked the look of a place...

And then there's the guy at a club all by himself. I remember going to Sydney and seeing this young Asian dude standing against a railing at this club – looking down like some emperor of misplaced, misdirected hedonism. It just made him look like a bloke going out on the pull alone.