Certified Legendary Thread HELP: I need to learn MMA asap

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Premiership Player
Jul 2, 2007
AFL Club
West Coast
Other Teams
Force,WAWarriors,SA Spurs
ahh good old dave chappelle. what a legend.^

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hawks realist

Club Legend
Aug 17, 2008
AFL Club
if your story is true and you pissed on someone who was out of it then i hope to hell he catches you alone somewhere and snaps your limbs one by one then shits in your mouth you dog


Bigfooty Super Elite
Jul 24, 2007
AFL Club
Guys thanks for your help and advice in the lead up to last saturday.

I wanted to post earlier and let you now how it went, but unfourtunately I got a red card on the SRP board.

Last Saturday night went well. Kevin Cat Prime was actually very close to the mark in terms of what happened.

One of my mates showed up earlier and involved the guy in a heavy drinking contest. I arrived at 12pm when every one else was very drunk. I was stone cold sober (which is what people in this thread were telling me to do). Being sober was a huge advantage. My wit was much quicker than his so I was able to get a few laughs at his expense.

Anyway, there was no fight. The guy ended up paraletic, but I got a big laugh on his behalf. When he was lying passed out on the lawn in the backyard of the house I urinated on him with every watching.

It got a huge laugh.

Anyway, I have been told that he has found out about what I did so I am on red alert in case he tries to retaliate.

Can any of you recommend a good MMA gym near Toorak? I need to start training because I think it is inevitable that I will eventually fight this guy given what I did last saturday night.

AAAAAHAHAHAHA that is hilarious! lmao!
absolute garbage but it got me laughing


Nov 16, 2008
AFL Club
Brisbane Lions
I need help lads.

For a few weeks now there has been abit of trouble brewing between me and this bloke that I know (he is the current boy friend of my ex girlfriend).

Anyway, its getting to the stage where its a kill or be killed / dog eat dog scenario. I know that I need to launch a pre-emptive strike against this bloke to take him out before he has a chance of attacking me.

The problem is that he is a pretty big bloke - 6'5 115kg. I am only 5'11 and about 80kg.

I have been told by a mate that he will be at a party I am going to on Saturday night and I think that some trouble might kick off.

Is there any kind of martial art ebook that you guys recommend that I could read up on before then? I need to learn some moves ASAP.

I was told by a friend that Krav Maga was really good to learn, but I think MMA is better just in case the fight goes to ground and turns into a grapple.

What do you guys recommend? Do you have any tactics that I should use?

I have got 3 mates that are coming along to give me backup, but they suggest I get in first and king hit him. I am a bit reluctant to do that, because its a gutless way to win a fight. I would much rather win properly, but I will resort to dirty tricks if need be.

Need some help boys.

MMA is not street fighting, and also grow the **** up.


Oct 6, 2003
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
MMA is not street fighting, and also grow the **** up.


Hopefully you get one for Christmas


Brownlow Medallist
Sep 7, 2007
AFL Club
Brisbane Lions
Other Teams
Chelsea, Boston Red Sox
Maybe if they taught MMA at high school, you would be able to fight instead of pissing on people.

WINCHESTER, Mass. — At the high school in this small, pretty and proper-looking town near Boston, a student was being choked by another student — with the school’s permission.

Times Topics: Mixed Martial Arts

Marcelo Siqueira, left, is a world-class competitor in martial arts who has been a guest instructor for Winchester High School's mixed martial arts club.

Just another meeting of the Winchester High mixed martial arts club, which may be the only of its kind in the country.

It began as the brainchild of In-Goo Kwak, a senior at Winchester who began campaigning for the program when he was a freshman. A student of martial arts since age 8, he wanted to create an outlet for students who were not interested in traditional sports.

Now housed in the school’s wrestling room, the club has nearly two dozen participants, ages 14-18. At a class last month, Kwak arranged for a guest instructor, Marcelo Siqueira, someone who planned to make regular appearances. Siqueira runs a martial arts center in nearby Somerville and was a national karate champion in Brazil. He has a black belt in Brazilian jujitsu and studied at the famous Chute Boxe mixed martial arts academy in Curitiba, Brazil.

Siqueira was here to help Kwak, one of his students, and also to scout for potential talent. Siqueira manages a few professional fighters. He understands all too well the sport’s violent reputation, having fought in Brazil’s Vale Tudo arenas, the home of the no-holds-barred, bare-knuckle matches that gave birth to mixed martial arts.

“A lot of people think it’s too aggressive or violent,” Siqueira said of the sport of mixed martial arts. “But after a while, they see a different perspective.”

He added that the club offered an opportunity to pour out aggression in a safe environment designed for it. He spoke passionately about the self-discipline required to be a fighter.

Mixed martial arts was illegal in nearly every state in the country in the early 1990s, but is legal in most states now. The sport outgrosses professional boxing in pay-per-view revenue. It is now an arena for serious athletes. To succeed, a fighter must acquire the skills of four separate combat sports — boxing, wrestling, kick-boxing and submission grappling — and combine them.

Kwak lobbied for the program for two years before it began in 2006. When school administrators saw his commitment and professionalism — he pursued everything from correct safety measures to financing — they supported the club.

The school’s only concern was that the students were not actually hitting each other. They practice kicks and punches to pads, but do not kick or punch with one another. The club has not had a serious injury in the two years it has been active.

Brian Carroll, the athletic director at Winchester High, said he was thrilled with the program’s success, in particular mentioning the students’ dedication.

“They worked extremely hard,” he said. “They’re dedicated. So any way we can support them, we’re going to.” Kwak said one of his goals with the program was to offer something to students who were not “the jocks who dominate the sports.”

Alex Woudard, a freshman, said he did not like sports like baseball or football because they were too slow. “I started a few weeks ago because I watch this stuff on TV and I wanted to do it for real,” he said.
In the beginning, the club met once a week, with about five students. Kwak has done all of the organizing for the club, including fund-raising. Last winter, he went to business after business in town, asking for donations. In exchange, he offered to use the companies’ logos and mention them as sponsors in the club’s introductory brochure.
But beyond that, he did not have much to offer. That, coupled with his age, got him turned away frequently. Of about 100 businesses, 10 donated money. But Kwak slowly began to receive support.

Tom Defranzo Martial Arts, a local tae kwon do school, donated equipment. Kwak has developed a list of guest instructors like Siqueira. Robert Flint, a graduate of Winchester High who is a martial artist, donates his time several days a week. “I thought it was a joke the first time I heard about it,” Flint said.

Kwak, who plans to stay involved with the club after he graduates, said his goal was for his group to compete with other clubs. He has reached out to Boston University’s mixed martial arts program to try to organize a meet.

The potential is there. Wrestling, vital to a complete game in mixed martial arts, is a sport in which Winchester High excels. Its wrestling team has gone 60-0 in the past two seasons. And that means the so-called jocks have a place in the program, too. Brendan Cleary, a three-year member of the wrestling team, was one of the first students to sign up for the club and helps out with instructing.

In Siqueira’s class last month, he explained the process of training in mixed martial arts to the students circled around him. “You don’t teach M.M.A., you teach the pieces,” he said. He said the sport required skill in boxing, wrestling, submissions and kicking. He then taught a basic wrestling move, the shoot, but with a twist. He begins the technique with a punch to occupy the opponent’s hands.

At the end of the lesson, the students lined up and one at a time sparred with him. For the students, it was an opportunity to battle a world-class athlete. “That’s perfect, there’s nothing you can do,” one student said in frustration as he sparred with Siqueira. From somewhere among the group of students watching came this response from Flint: “Could have something to do with him being a world champion.”


If Australian schools had something similar we may produce more UFC fighters like George Sotiropoulos or Elvis Sinosic.


Brownlow Medallist
Mar 12, 2004
AFL Club
His second post had me in stitches... again.

Everything from his sharp sober wit, using this superior wit to take advantage of him verbally, to finally dragging his passed out body onto the front lawn to piss on him.

The Toorak reference topped it off perfectly.

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Crimson Azure

Premium Platinum
Jul 16, 2007
Mariana Trench
AFL Club
Other Teams
Lamb on the spit
Thought I would just look up this thread for the lulz & it turned out I bumped the thread a year ago to the day exactly.


Oct 7, 2004
Adelaide, South Australia
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
great bump.. havent seen this before

especially like the youtube of the old master who belted people up without touching them (LOL) getting the s**t kicked out of him by a MMA fighter

had me in stitches right from the start


Norm Smith Medallist
Aug 2, 2007
AFL Club
Other Teams
Packers, Bulls, Ducks, Angels
epic thread. ops second post is solid gold.

dude probably could've used a bit of advice from Bob Jackson though

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Brownlow Medallist
Aug 1, 2006
AFL Club
great bump.. havent seen this before

especially like the youtube of the old master who belted people up without touching them (LOL) getting the s**t kicked out of him by a MMA fighter

had me in stitches right from the start

Do you know where that vid is? I've seen it before, absolutely awesome stuff!

EDIT: Found it earlier in the thread, as good as i remembered!

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