Family & Relationships How do you get over a girl?

[Messenger]

Bumping due to the dissolution of a relationship


Any tips GD brethren?

Stay away from her. No visits, no phone calls, no appearing at locating you know she may be at.

 

[barbs_almighty]

all i can say is man is that time heals all wounds, i broke up with my mrs in january and i still think about her but my method was going out and hook up with every chick
(within reason) you find

 

[FIGJAM]

Focus the frustration into something else. The best revenge is to be completely classy about the whole thing, and leave her always wondering if she made the right decision. It's always better to be a girl's 'what if' guy rather than 'that guy who became a complete tool when I dumped him'.

Agree with this, plus others recommending distance (which was the mistake I made early last year when we were still living together).

What I did realise later on is that every little thing you do to improve yourself gets noticed, and it pisses them off royally. It sounds a lot like revenge, but it's really just a proactive coping mechanism that will see you in good stead once the rumination subsides. Whatever happens going forward won't matter, as you've turned the hurt into something positive.

 

[tigers_of_old_08]

"Time heals all wounds."

It's largely true. Sucks at the time, but eventually the hurt/pain/grief whatever subsides.

 

[barbs_almighty]

"Time heals all wounds."

It's largely true. Sucks at the time, but eventually the hurt/pain/grief whatever subsides.

so true but there are plenty of other fish in the sea, if it didnt work out it just wasnt meant to be.

 

[Wish Wellingtons]

I find that elaborately humiliating and emotionally destroying ex-girlfriends helps sooth pain you are feeling.

:diamondost those pictures on her facebook wall.

:diamond:Tell her to start cutting herself again.

:diamond:Spread rumours about her gaping vagina.

 

[Mr Budda Bing]

Go to clubs, grind and hookup with chicks

 

[Coach Bombay]

It has all mostly been mentioned already but I will chip in my $0.02.

May not be the way for everyone but is certainly the way for me. Take precautions that make it seem like the relationship never existed in the first place.

I go so far out of my way to ensure that literally zero contact of any form is made the second it is over. Straight away photos need to be shredded and thrown out along with anything that reminds you of her. These days with facebook everyone is connected so what I do is just block all of her 'updates' or 'happenings' from popping up on mine. I do this because deleting her off facebook would then let her know I spent a moment thinking about her existance. All friends you met through her are now gone too. They are all now the part of the enemy. Change her name in your phone to something random that you wont remember when drunk.

If you absolutely must come into contact with her it is very important that you remain cool. Say the absolute minimum but still be polite. It drives them crazy because they will be keen to know what you have been up too. Your mysteriousness will drive there imagination and they will start to panic.

After a breakup you realise how good your mates are and how good beer is...not that the last one needed any reassurance.

I finish by wishing every man the best of luck when it comes to trying to understand what seems like the greatest unknown in the universe that we call the female mind.

 

[Damon_3388]

After a breakup you realise how good your mates are and how good beer is...not that the last one needed any reassurance.

Not picking on you specifically (you're probably just using this as a general example), but the fact that your friends and regular social life were seperate or had to be seperate from your girlfriend is probably a good indicator that she wasn't the right person for you in the first place (or your friends are actually intollerable d**kheads, one of the two ).

 

[Coach Bombay]

Not picking on you specifically (you're probably just using this as a general example), but the fact that your friends and regular social life were seperate or had to be seperate from your girlfriend is probably a good indicator that she wasn't the right person for you in the first place (or your friends are actually intollerable d**kheads, one of the two ).

Wait...what makes you think my friends/regular social life was separate from my girlfriend? I didnt mean to imply that while with her I didnt see mates or get socially lubricated. She came out with us on a regular basis and everyone got along great. When it was over my mates were there for me and took me out to make sure I find another female companion.

 

[Damon_3388]

Wait...what makes you think my friends/regular social life was separate from my girlfriend? I didnt mean to imply that while with her I didnt see mates or get socially lubricated. She came out with us on a regular basis and everyone got along great. When it was over my mates were there for me and took me out to make sure I find another female companion.

Oh just the tone of your post implied that you'd somewhat forgotten what it was like to hang out with mates and socialise and stuff, because you'd been spending time with her.

Even if it wasn't the case for you personally, I have known a few mates whose lives with their girlfriends are/have been totally seperate to that with their mates. They'll just disappear for a few months and you wonder what's happened to them

 

[Renegade]

Agreed that cutting off all ties is the way to go. It's always good to immerse yourself in something new when you leave a bitch. More time with friends and family always helps as well. It's like someone said on here already, you remember them...but after awhile all the memories you shared slowly fade and they're just another page in your life story. All feelings disappear, and you move onto the next.
Banging a few ****s is always good thing too.
The most important thing is to do something that's going to make you happy. Have a huge night out on the amber fluid. Get in better shape, shit like that.

 

[CLUBMEDhurst]

root her mum

 

[Hap Hapablap]

i think i should give my two cents to the breakup situation.

ive had the high school crushes (the first one the chick was a user, second she was interested in 4 guys at one time, etc) and such but i had this one particular girl that i had the longest relationship with back in 02-03. over the months we had sparks flying and all but due to external factors including my old man who felt he should interfere it caused the relationship to sour. over the following year we didnt speak but our rebounds werent working and rumours were going about that she wanted to get back with me. she then moved to sydney suddenly and pretty much didnt speak to her for another year at anytime. during that period i tried moving on including 2 relationships but none lasted more than 2 months. my heart wasnt there. it was some where else.

anyway at the end of 05 i headed to sydney for a long holiday, my cousins and mates had already planned we were going to go nuts drink and screw every weekend whatever way we could. i had nothing to lose. she then finds out through a friend that i was there and she calls and asks why didnt i tell her i was there (i had just got back into contact with her a few months before online). after the questioning and all that she invites us over to hers for her birthday. sure enough it was in town so i said fine we'll just pop by then head to the cross.

the problem was when i saw her and she embraced me, i felt like i was with her all along. i couldnt get over the feeling. it literally ****ed me up. however because i didnt live in sydney i didnt wanna commit to anything and left her hanging everytime she wanted to meet up with me. i continued my expedition and headed back.

she came to perth a few times after that and for some reason always wanted to see me but due to personal issues at home, family, work, uni, etc i was avoiding a lot of people including herself. then in the beginning of 08 i caved in to one meet up. that one meet up pretty much built the platform of what was to come. over the next few weeks while she was there i was getting attached to her hardcore. i then told her how i felt after she made a harsh comment about how our thing wasnt real (she got the reaction she wanted i suppose).

fact is at this point though she was going overseas at the end of the year, and over the months i found out she also had a guy in sweden whom she dated in sydney and was going to stay with him, i kept my cool until when she moved back to perth, she knew how i felt but decided to go out with a guy, i completely ignored her out of the picture. after that ended, she started to sniff me out again, begging to meet up, help her out with whatever, but i was being a stubborn **** and not budging until you guessed it again i caved, at this point my feelings were back and i had a feeling she was on the same boat especially after meeting up with her and her being flirty and such. funny thing though was a few days later she was hooked up to someone else.

the thing was i didnt take it too well (dealt with a death of a mate, work stress, etc) and the question i kept asking myself is how i let myself get walked over so easily. how did i let myself become the guy on the shelf where she goes to it when she needs to. i was furious and wanted to go ballistic at her and let her know that i knew everything and she toyed with me too much but i decided ill play the coy game.

sure enough 2 months later while still in her relationship, she fb'd me and asked me if i could help her with her net. i completely ignored her, all her bombardment through sms, phone calls, etc she then finally snapped and goes "wtf is wrong with you why youre ignoring me using the ive been nice to you card and such" and then deleted me off fb. to rub the salt in her wounds more i replied to her message" hey *** nice hearing from you" and ended it at that last year.

at that point i think i had a turning point, a point where i realised why when i got attached to a girl id always get ****ed over (even let a girl tell me she liked me 2 days before my bday only to take it back on my bday, gutless indecisive bitch). i let them walk over me and was never direct in my approach. had i gone back 3 years before in 08 and said look you want me or not, i couldve ended my battle months before. the reality was girls saw me as something useful rather than something to be with. and with that i changed completely with the way i approached woman.

the thing ive realised is that girls love guys that can listen to them and will do whatever it takes to keep them, however if it rises to a relationship they can get cold feet which was what happened to me everytime. this particular one i think had in her mind that if everything failed, id still be waiting for her or someone to fall back onto when they needed help or to be heard out. fact was im no dr phil and i deserve to get paid to hear your bullshit which came across my mind after years of idiocy. girls want a guy as a friend and keep them entertained but sadly most guys always end up falling for the girl. and the reality is they cant have the best situation for them unless you let them to which is another ****en no no, we're gents and we do whatever we like and only treat those that deserve the care and respect when they appreciate for what we are as a person but not by our dr philness or trumpness.


advice with all this that ive learnt

1. dont ever let someone walk over you, show youve got a bit of a spine but treat her well when she deserves it.

2. if youre not sure where your relationship stands, ****en ask!

3. as mentioned before, a good bunch of mates will really help, sports, whatever as long as keeping yourself busy is the best thing. my mates really did help, without them in the state of mind i used to be in i couldve done the unthinkable.

4. rooting as many chicks as possible doesnt help if youre trying to remove the pain, you only do it if you want a ****en root.

5. dont put all your stuff on the table when you first meet a girl, be cautious, get to know her first then move in. going quickly in will only get you hurt.

at the end of the day ive been through a particular group of girls that all used me, cheated on me or frankly wasted my time. ive learnt from my mistakes be yourself and all but also dont let yourself be completely exposed.

if however, for any reason your relationship is ending, its probably for the better and do whatever it takes to get over it, sure you may feel the odd "why it happened i want to know" but in reality if someone was always important to you as someone mentioned they will be forgotten by memory over time. whats more never blame yourself but appreciate for what you are, even i believe its hard to do it but believe me a little bit of self appreciation really does help, and watch some good stand up comedy, laughter really helps. the more break ups your in the more immune to it and safely i can say ive been with around 8.

i can say now im working on number 9 but this ones totally different. not a witch or a gold digger. someone id never thought id be with. funny how the world works. and ive walked in with a attitude different to other times. confident but cautious not scared and dreamy.

 

[Coach Bombay]

Oh just the tone of your post implied that you'd somewhat forgotten what it was like to hang out with mates and socialise and stuff, because you'd been spending time with her.

Even if it wasn't the case for you personally, I have known a few mates whose lives with their girlfriends are/have been totally seperate to that with their mates. They'll just disappear for a few months and you wonder what's happened to them

Yeah dude I have/had mates like that. Dont know why they throw themselves that much into a relationship but for some reason it happens.

 

[Power King]

Hap Hapablap - you deserve a gold medal for that post.

 

[dbcrow]

Hap Hapablap - you deserve a gold medal for that post.

Or at least for his user name!

 

[coldpieswarmbeer]

if its a serious breakup.. go somewhere quiet and listen to this:

The Midnight Organ Fight by frightened rabbit.

here you have 30 minutes to let it all out.. just lose it. cry, get angry whatever. nobody needs to know

once you're done, get up. its a new day, you're better than her and you're better off without her.

 

[coldpieswarmbeer]

Brilliant post Hap Hapablap (so fun typing that).

My most recent breakup was the worst I've been through. New girl at work. We hit it off instantly, we met up after work each night, she invited me to her place all the time, we chatted for hours at night. Lasted for a few months, really fell hard for the girl. I really enjoyed what I had but decided that having fun wasn't enough and I wanted to make sure we were exclusive, so I asked her. At that point she told me what we have can never be serious, primarily because we work together, and we should keep things the way they are.

In essence I should have been fine with this, but I wasn't. and I acted out, I was a different person. I started being mean to her, we started fighting, I got her in trouble with her boss, a few incidents too far and she said enough's enough I don't want you ever talking to me again.

Fine. She stays at the main office while I work at clients side. I felt terrible about it but didn't show it to her. She wasn't the longest or most serious relationship I had ever been in, but she was just an amazing girl. I fell hard for her


So about a month past before I saw her again. When I came back to the office I learn that she is dating a manager at work. officially dating. So going from, not wanting anybody to find out about our relationship because its unprofessional, to announcing to the whole office that her and this ****** manager are dating. He was from the London office, he was here temporarily on a project. I thought, ok when the project finishes he'll be gone at least. The mother****er has gone and transferred from London to Abu Dhabi. He is now here full time. He has moved his whole life to the Middle East for this girl. I'm telling you, she was something special. And seeing him make that commitment, and now they're living together, kills me. Whats worse is that we work together, I now see her daily. her and the manager. She tries to say hi to me every now and then but I am trying as hard as I can to implement the first rule BREAK OFF ALL COMMUNICATION so I want nothing to do with her.

I had some moments of weaknesses. One night I was working and was last in the office, until I found out she was also there. So we were the only two in the office. This was maybe 2 months after not having spoken to each other. Awkward, but she made sure it wasn't. She came up to me and started "Oh i miss you so much, i hardly see you anymore etc". We ended up chatting and flirting that night and it felt like things were getting back to how they are. The next morning, office full again, I walked up to her, to say good morning and make a few jokes... and she flipped out on me in front of everyone.. "cant you see i'm busy you're so annoying! etc etc". I was so confused. I figured now, that the other night was just about seeing whether I still have feelings for her. And after she saw how quickly she can get me to talk to her again she was satisfied and tossed me back in the pool.

The other problem is, she is pretty much the center of the social circle at work. I'm an outcast because we don't talk to each other. Colleagues are always planning fun outings on weekends and drinks weekdays and I'm always left out because everyone knows about our strained relationship. Never date anyone you work.

Anyways, sorry for long post. Feels good to type it out sometimes. And I just want to re-iterate how accurate the below advice is. It applies to EVERYTHING I went through

1. dont ever let someone walk over you, show youve got a bit of a spine but treat her well when she deserves it.

2. if youre not sure where your relationship stands, ****en ask!

3. as mentioned before, a good bunch of mates will really help, sports, whatever as long as keeping yourself busy is the best thing. my mates really did help, without them in the state of mind i used to be in i couldve done the unthinkable.

4. rooting as many chicks as possible doesnt help if youre trying to remove the pain, you only do it if you want a ****en root.

5. dont put all your stuff on the table when you first meet a girl, be cautious, get to know her first then move in. going quickly in will only get you hurt.

 

[Allbetsroff]

Did you root her ever?

 

[camsmith]

Sorry had second thoughts about posting this.

 

[swiftdog]

Last couple of posts say something along the lines of "we were together without being official". What does that even mean? You're not really together unless you've actually spoken about being exclusive, traditionally boyfriend and girlfriend. Problems arise if you see her as your gf and she doesn't see you as her bf.

 

[The OBSTacle]

Men confuse friendship with the potential for sex.

In 95% of cases, you should know if a girl will sleep with you in the first few weeks. They have certainly made their minds up by then.

Only an insane man would try to guess what is on a womans mind, be forthright.

Don't wait longer than this if it is sex that you want. You will only be wasting your own time.

 

[camsmith]

Last couple of posts say something along the lines of "we were together without being official". What does that even mean? You're not really together unless you've actually spoken about being exclusive, traditionally boyfriend and girlfriend. Problems arise if you see her as your gf and she doesn't see you as her bf.

I'd say it means spending heaps of time together, doing stuff together, playing around and in some cases sleeping together without being exclusive for whatever reason (Could be one of you still isn't over a previous relationship..).

 

[7zark7]

Brilliant post Hap Hapablap (so fun typing that).

My most recent breakup was the worst I've been through. New girl at work. We hit it off instantly, we met up after work each night, she invited me to her place all the time, we chatted for hours at night. Lasted for a few months, really fell hard for the girl. I really enjoyed what I had but decided that having fun wasn't enough and I wanted to make sure we were exclusive, so I asked her. At that point she told me what we have can never be serious, primarily because we work together, and we should keep things the way they are.

In essence I should have been fine with this, but I wasn't. and I acted out, I was a different person. I started being mean to her, we started fighting, I got her in trouble with her boss, a few incidents too far and she said enough's enough I don't want you ever talking to me again.

Fine. She stays at the main office while I work at clients side. I felt terrible about it but didn't show it to her. She wasn't the longest or most serious relationship I had ever been in, but she was just an amazing girl. I fell hard for her


So about a month past before I saw her again. When I came back to the office I learn that she is dating a manager at work. officially dating. So going from, not wanting anybody to find out about our relationship because its unprofessional, to announcing to the whole office that her and this ****** manager are dating. He was from the London office, he was here temporarily on a project. I thought, ok when the project finishes he'll be gone at least. The mother****er has gone and transferred from London to Abu Dhabi. He is now here full time. He has moved his whole life to the Middle East for this girl. I'm telling you, she was something special. And seeing him make that commitment, and now they're living together, kills me. Whats worse is that we work together, I now see her daily. her and the manager. She tries to say hi to me every now and then but I am trying as hard as I can to implement the first rule BREAK OFF ALL COMMUNICATION so I want nothing to do with her.

I had some moments of weaknesses. One night I was working and was last in the office, until I found out she was also there. So we were the only two in the office. This was maybe 2 months after not having spoken to each other. Awkward, but she made sure it wasn't. She came up to me and started "Oh i miss you so much, i hardly see you anymore etc". We ended up chatting and flirting that night and it felt like things were getting back to how they are. The next morning, office full again, I walked up to her, to say good morning and make a few jokes... and she flipped out on me in front of everyone.. "cant you see i'm busy you're so annoying! etc etc". I was so confused. I figured now, that the other night was just about seeing whether I still have feelings for her. And after she saw how quickly she can get me to talk to her again she was satisfied and tossed me back in the pool.

The other problem is, she is pretty much the center of the social circle at work. I'm an outcast because we don't talk to each other. Colleagues are always planning fun outings on weekends and drinks weekdays and I'm always left out because everyone knows about our strained relationship. Never date anyone you work.

Anyways, sorry for long post. Feels good to type it out sometimes. And I just want to re-iterate how accurate the below advice is. It applies to EVERYTHING I went through

I had this exact same thing happen. Except when I got her in trouble with the boss she got fired.

I felt harsh at the time but she deserved to get fired. It made life easy not having her around the office thats for sure. I think you should try and find a job elsewhere.