Welcome to the battle between the ‘Aints and Winners (only by a point but it still counts!)
The annual battle of wills both on and off the ground. What do i mean by that? Well, did you eva meet, fall in love and marry with someone with some big skeletons in their closet?? And then discover those skeletons are smeared in red, white and black colours?!
Well!.......
This Sunday’s match up has both footy clubs going head to head, but only slightly more anticipated amongst the footy public (if you don’t know then ya must 'ave missed the press conference (it may, or may not have aired right when Angry Man Bevo delivered his life advice to Tommy)) is the matchup between two household supporters:
HUSBAND v WIFE!!
In this match up we will observe the effect of living 15+ years with someone that's CLEARLY given up the idea of winning a flag and instead filled the void with numerous illegal (as far as I’m concerned, this house is it’s own independent Republic) items of paraphernalia.
Exhibit A - Signed Poster
Those black squiggles are unfortunately not the devaluing markings of 5 yr olds desecrating this photo, they are in fact player signatures, though you would not be able to tell the difference between the two, if you were to try.
Exhibit B - Baby Scarf
Once, an early attempt to swing the footy allegiances of our innocents, which luckily did not take, it now sags over this old guitar, which I bought a long time ago. Out of spite, it no longer gets picked up and played dulcet tunes with its since poisoned strings.
Exhibit C - Football with Squiggles
Another worthless trophy complete with 5 yr old squiggle marks, err, signatures.
Exhibit D - Cheap Calendar
I refuse to refer to the calendar while it’s currently displayed alongside unsavouriness. Might mean I forget when it’s Monday but it’s tooootally worth it, until I get the call from my manager…
Exhibit E - PoisonedChalice Mug
While the ‘Aints mug itself is not a tolerated object, the sexy torsoed mug of Tom Hardy is viewed as within acceptable paraphernalia. It gives me something to aspire to, as well, unlike the 'Aints. Tick!
Exhibit F - Low Budget Toy
Remember these? Well, this one pumps out the club song in ultra low quality monophonic audio. Fitting.
Exhibit G - Ball Bin
EVEN my kids ball bin is not safe from infestation! Yet another attempt in footy allegiance tampering. The in-house Tribunal would like to hear about this!
Exhibit H - Vomitous Scarf
A scarf of profusely vomitous colourings, if you accidentally downed saint themed crayons. This one, unfortunately adorns my son’s bedroom door. So far he has proved adept at resisting it’s decidedly weak charms, in fact I’m CONVINCED it’s actually driven him AWAY from footy and towards basketball. An acceptable outcome, all things considered. Tick!
Exhibit I - Vomitous Scarf #2
Another door, another Sainta Claus scarf…except this one leads to the marriage bed. Sickening. Performances have been known to take a hit in here. I'm damn well SURE it's this scarf!
CONCLUSION:
Hide out in my back room with my FAR SUPERIOR, albeit makeshift Altar of Fremantle (which is still kinda, sorta sh!t).
So as you can see, there is a clear result on the home front. A complete belting of the Docker representative by the 
Those black squiggles are unfortunately not the devaluing markings of 5 yr olds desecrating this photo, they are in fact player signatures, though you would not be able to tell the difference between the two, if you were to try.
Exhibit B - Baby Scarf
Once, an early attempt to swing the footy allegiances of our innocents, which luckily did not take, it now sags over this old guitar, which I bought a long time ago. Out of spite, it no longer gets picked up and played dulcet tunes with its since poisoned strings.
Exhibit C - Football with Squiggles
Another worthless trophy complete with 5 yr old squiggle marks, err, signatures.
Exhibit D - Cheap Calendar
I refuse to refer to the calendar while it’s currently displayed alongside unsavouriness. Might mean I forget when it’s Monday but it’s tooootally worth it, until I get the call from my manager…
Exhibit E - Poisoned
While the ‘Aints mug itself is not a tolerated object, the sexy torsoed mug of Tom Hardy is viewed as within acceptable paraphernalia. It gives me something to aspire to, as well, unlike the 'Aints. Tick!
Exhibit F - Low Budget Toy
Remember these? Well, this one pumps out the club song in ultra low quality monophonic audio. Fitting.
Exhibit G - Ball Bin
EVEN my kids ball bin is not safe from infestation! Yet another attempt in footy allegiance tampering. The in-house Tribunal would like to hear about this!
Exhibit H - Vomitous Scarf
A scarf of profusely vomitous colourings, if you accidentally downed saint themed crayons. This one, unfortunately adorns my son’s bedroom door. So far he has proved adept at resisting it’s decidedly weak charms, in fact I’m CONVINCED it’s actually driven him AWAY from footy and towards basketball. An acceptable outcome, all things considered. Tick!
Exhibit I - Vomitous Scarf #2
Another door, another Sainta Claus scarf…except this one leads to the marriage bed. Sickening. Performances have been known to take a hit in here. I'm damn well SURE it's this scarf!
CONCLUSION:
Hide out in my back room with my FAR SUPERIOR, albeit makeshift Altar of Fremantle (which is still kinda, sorta sh!t).
Ah but I fear not! For we are the Freo Dockers and we’re gonna ROLL THEM AND THEN ROCK ‘EM where it counts: ON THE FIELD!!
FREO by 36!!
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