Mega Thread The Random Thoughts Thread Part 2: Electric Portaloo

[Needs Gravy]

Telstra Customer Service Or: 83 Minutes of Terror

Disconnected the home phone yesterday. But had to reconnect it. Coz apparently my ADSL interwebz won't work without it.

(Is that shit true or is Telstra just f@%king with me?)

Eh, whatever, I'll reconnect and be back shitposting on ExtremeRossFaulkner in no time.

Er, no.

Because the account is still in my 79yo Mum's name. And she had to authorise me doing anything. Which meant the Indian call centre operator having to ring her in the nursing home.

But Mum thinks every Indian with a phone is a scammer so she hung up on them.

Every. Single. Time.

Next thing I've got a milllion missed calls and voicemails and I'm dreading calling her but know I have to.

Because interwebz.

Anyway, I make the call and cop this hysterical verbal assault about Indian scammers trying to rip off her life savings.

"BITCH, PLEASE! YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY MONEY!! F@%K!!!"

Finally got a word in. But now she's going off at me. And apparently I'm "in cahoots with the feckin Indians."

Errrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh...

"Yeah, I'm in cahoots with the feckin Indians. We're gonna rip you off blind. But when they call again - "
"Yera, they better not!"
"Yera, they will. Authorise me. Gimme permission. Whatever."
"Feckin arseh*le."
"Just say yes! For ****'s sake."

CLICK! She hung up on me. Shit. F@%k it, I ring Telstra again not knowing if the crazy old bitch will give me the all clear. They ring her in the nursing home again. This time, she doesn't hang up.

She authorised me and shit.

BOO-YA!!! So now we're in the reconnection home straight. Smooth sailing from here. Until they notice my monthly bill is a week overdue.

Shit.

"Yeah, I pay online. So, um, I was gonna sort it out when the internet was back up. Er, yeah."
"Let me just consult with my manager."

No need. I know what's coming. But I still hold on listening to that f@%king awful elevator music. Clinging to faint hope. Desperately.

"Hello, sir."
"Hi."
"We can reconnect your home phone - "
"Great!"
"When the outstanding amount is paid in full."

And that's when I hung up, dropped to my knees and looked up at the cracked, peeling ceiling.

Then sobbed uncontrollably.

A broken man...

Please tell me you have a big family Christmas planned this year.

 

[Magpiespower]

Please tell me you have a big family Christmas planned this year.

Gawd, after "Shitmas" last year - when everyone got gastro and our big family Christmas got cancelled - I'm not sure?

Pretty sure whatever's organised will be a complete f@%king disaster.

My spoon-thieving sister is organising it, so yeah, definitely...

 

[LukeSA]

I seem to be the only one that has a normal christmas, we have christmas lunch at the in-laws (not mine but my sisters), they are two top people who since when my family met them have made all of us a part of their family.

 

[Magpiespower]

I seem to be the only one that has a normal christmas, we have christmas lunch at the in-laws (not mine but my sisters), they are two top people who since when my family met them have made all of us a part of their family.

We had Christmas with the in-laws... once.

Some dickhead gave my old man whiskey. He turned into a nasty prick on whiskey. A bottle of whiskey later, he's reduced my brother-in-law's Dad to tears, punched out my other brother-in-law and was limping like a bastard after Mum cracked his knee with my Gray Nicolls scoop.

Good times...

 

[LukeSA]

We had Christmas with the in-laws... once.

Some dickhead gave my old man whiskey. He turned into a nasty prick on whiskey. A bottle of whiskey later, he's reduced my brother-in-law's Dad to tears, punched out my other brother-in-law and was limping like a bastard after Mum cracked his knee with my Gray Nicolls scoop.

Good times...

That is one thing i have never understood, maybe because i'm not in a position where siblings or in-laws hate each other but if you can't stand each other 364 days a year what makes christmas that one magical day where everyone forgets grudges and what not and magically get along.

 

[PepeSilvia]

Clinton to win popular vote by 3.4%
Clinton to win electoral college 303 to 235

 

[chiwigi]

In the interest of broad based fairness and transparency, it's probably best to denote names.

Hah, whoops. Clinton.

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Kassidy gawn from ANTM

I was a fan until the last two weeks. Her obsession with Aleyna was her downfall.

#teamaleyna

 

[raman]

I was a fan until the last two weeks. Her obsession with Aleyna was her downfall.

#teamaleyna

Completely agree actually. Her attitude just crashed in the past two weeks. Would've liked to see her get a chance to turn it around though.

#teamanyonebutsabine

 

[JimmyBeerCans]

 

[raman]

Voting for yourself... does his arrogance ever end?

Should've registered in Nevada, Trumpy Wumpy.

 

[JimmyBeerCans]

Voting for yourself... does his arrogance ever end?

Should've registered in Nevada, Trumpy Wumpy.

Sounds like a West Coast home game haha

 

[Del165198]

Did they set aside a tiny pencil for his itsy bitsy hands?

 

[Peck]

Hilary to win popular vote by 8%

Do i need to do the other thing?

 

[raman]

Hilary to win popular vote by 8%

Do i need to do the other thing?

To qualify, yes.

 

[Peck]

To qualify, yes.

305-233

 

[Forzaport]

Trump popular vote 1.2%
Trump college 275/263

 

[JimmyBeerCans]

I liked that American woman on the news this morning "300 million ppl & these two horrible humans is all we can come up with" lel

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Completely agree actually. Her attitude just crashed in the past two weeks. Would've liked to see her get a chance to turn it around though.

#teamanyonebutsabine

I'm warming to Sabine despite the fact that she talks like she is trying to put her face to sleep.

#teamanyonebutdaisy

Did you notice two weeks ago they had subtitles for one of those dumb as dog shit twins?

"humminahumminyha" which roughly translated as "you got this Linnea"

 

[philreich]

Good decision by Dreamworld to permanently close the ride where the tragedy occurred, out of respect for the victims' families.

 

[raman]

#teamanyonebutdaisy

I was on that team two weeks ago, but I think she's turning it around.

 

[raman]

Literally does not know the difference between "country" and "county".

 

[Steve Dore]

Literally does not know the difference between "country" and "county".

The country of Utah, where polygamy is law.

 

[Del165198]

Hilary - sent some emails
Trump - literally hitler

People- i dont know who to choose theyre both equally bad smh woke af lit squad

 

[raman]

Hilary - sent some emails
Trump - literally hitler

People- i dont know who to choose theyre both equally bad smh woke af lit squad

Unfair, Hitler was not a draft dodger.