FTA-TV Arrested Development Quote Thread

[Dewy006]

So I have had a pretty lousy day so wanted to have a laugh, so put on Arrested Development, it must have some of the best scenes and one liners in the history of comedy on TV, so I put it to you BigFooty, what is your favourite,

some of mine

GOB: 52% of the country is single. That's a market that's been dominated by apartment rentals. Let's take some of that market. I call it "Single City."

GOB: It's, like, "Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool?" "Yeah, I don't have a husband." I call it "Swing City."

GOB: How do we filter out the teases? We don't let them in. This goes for the guys, too. Because sometimes the guys are tapped out. But check your lease, man. Because you're living in **** City!

and later on to Michael

GOB: I'm an ideas man, Michael. I think I proved that with **** Mountain.

Gob: Take off your glasses. Oh... wait, wait. Let down your hair. No: glasses on, hair back up. Let's just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: Let me turn the lights off.
Gob: Yes, yes, please.
Kitty: How's that? Is that better?
Gob: It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door

Jessie: There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town.
Tobias: Well, that certainly leaves me out. [Everyone looks at Tobias] You said "single," right? She said "single."

Well, have at it

 

[placebo]

Absolutely love Arrested Development:

One of my fave quotes:

"Hey, maybe that's it. Maybe we should do to the Japanese what they do in their movies. Build a miniature city, put it outside the window, tell them it's far away. It'll look real if you squint. God knows they're squinters." -GOB

 

[Saint KFC]

(from 1:00 onwards)
[youtube]lDSqcCPRsW0[/youtube]



Also:

[youtube]M5tP6EPN0qc[/youtube]

 

[placebo]

Gosh I love that second Tobias video you posted Saint KFC. Still makes me laugh everytime I watch it.

 

[Financialpanther]

Gosh I love that second Tobias video you posted Saint KFC. Still makes me laugh everytime I watch it.

Analrapist - not a quote but brilliantly funny.

 

[ExTasDeeMan]

Michael: It is going to up in Tahoe a couple more days. Maybe you could take a date
Lucille: How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap?
Michael: [Michael stares at her awkwardly] The cabin... yes! That would be difficult, too.

 

[Bomber Bears]

Lindsay - Im buying a new car, check it out its a volvo
Michael - Well that's not a volv-o...
Lindsay - Oh thats from sitting on the photocopyer

 

[Dirtywhirl]

Michael: You know, GOB, you might want to start acting like the President. You're beginning to alienate some of the employees.
GOB: Yeah, like the CEO has to worry about alienating the employees.
Narrator: In fact, GOB *had* started to alienate some of the employees.
GOB: [in the break room] The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. Come on.
[in the elevator]
GOB: Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on.
[in the bathroom]
GOB: Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit. Come on.


Tobias: Do you see me more as the respected dramatic actor or more of the beloved comic actor?
Carl Weathers: Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you've got a stew going.
Tobias: Yes, that's fine, but I would like to focus on my acting, Mr. Weathers. I did give you my last $1, 100.
Carl Weathers: Let me tell you a little story about acting. I was doing this Showtime movie, Hot Ice with Anne Archer, never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup... baby, I got a stew going.

 

[ExTasDeeMan]

Sometimes we don't need a quote, as a picture can say so much more!

 

[Arecsa]

Michael: Get rid of the Seaward
Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready

 

[Jizza9]

Tobias: "I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad, on what was supposed to be a dry run. if you will. So, I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands."
Michael: "There's so many poorly chosen words in that sentence."


Store Owner: Oh look who's back. Are you gonna buy this time or you just curious?
Tobias: I suppose I'm buy-curious. I have a big T.V. opportunity.
Store Owner: This is where all the big T.V's come.

 

[legend166]

Bees?

 

[jo172]

Lindsay: Mum must have bought it for me, Sweet old thing!
Michael: Only two of those words describe our mother. Where did you get those?
Lindsay: Old thing bought them for me.

Michael: Is that your new trick?
GOB: Illusions Michael, a trick is something a whore does from money
(sees kids)
Or drugs.

 

[Truckosaurus]

Michael: Come on, face it. You just do all this charity crap just to stroke your ego. You don't even know what the auction's for tonight.
Lindsay: The wetlands.
Michael: To do what with them?
Lindsay: Dry them.
Michael: Save them.
Lindsay: From drying.


Michael: Hey, Mom. Remember we had that conversation about trying to cut back on things that aren't necessities?
Lucille: Like it was yesterday.
Michael: It was this morning


Gob: These are lawyers. That's Latin for liar.

Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help


Sitwell: The only thing I ask is, out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city.
Gob: That’s great. So the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we’re saying?


Tobias: You know, mother Lucille, there's a psychological concept known as denial that I believe you're evincing. It's when a thought is so hateful that the mind literally rejects it.
Lucille: You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.
Tobias: Well if she's not going to say anything, I certainly can't help her.


Gob: Steve Holt's not my son.
George Michael: Steve Holt? The moron jock?
Gob: That's my son, you pothead!


Gob: Hey, can you do me a favor? A young neighborhood tough by the name of Steve Holt will be dropping by, and...
Michael: Your son?
Gob: According to him.
Michael: And a DNA test.
Gob: I hear the jury's still out on science.

Tobias: I should call the Hot Cops and tell them to dress up as something more nautically themed. Hot sailors, maybe. Or better yet, hot sea—
Michael: I like hot sailors.
Tobias: Mmmm. Me too


Bob Loblaw: Why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else noticed?

And, of course: "Her?"

 

[Altum Volantes]

George Michael: Oh, wow. Hey, can I bring Ann?
Michael: Who?
George Michael: Ann. You know, she’s... She’s the girl I’m kind of hanging out with..
Michael: I haven’t met Ann.
George Michael: Yes, you have.

**Narrator: Michael had met Ann.**

George Michael: You let her in. See, that’s ... That’s her right over there.
Michael: Oh, Ann. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I know Ann. Hey, you! She’s got a little hard-boiled egg going there?
George Michael: Oh, it’s so cute. She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise, and she’ll squirt it in her mouth all over, and then she’ll take an egg and kind of... Mmmm! She calls it a “mayonegg.” Are you okay?

 

[Jabso]

G.O.B.: White Power Bill can’t hear you... with such dirty ears.

David Ben-Avram: Hey, White Power Bill has dirty ears. Hey, guys. Dirty-ears Bill. Dirty-ears Bill.



George, Sr.: Daddy horny, Michael.Listen I haven’t had sex in a month.

Michael: You know, you’ve been here two months.

George, Sr.: It’s hard to gauge time.



George Michael: A suit! Dad, it’s a Jack Welch!

Michael: I want you to look under the pants.

George Michael: Quicken! Premier! Dad, I hope you kept the receipt.

Michael: You want to return that?

George Michael: What? No, I want to deduct it.



G.O.B.: O.K., I know that I don’t know about this housing stuff, but I’ve got this Christian girlfriend now, and she’s trying to get me to be a better man and reconnect with my son. And I’m trying to get her to renounce God and bleep me. And I just want to prove to her that I’m worth it.

Michael: Well, as always, G.O.B., a mixed bag there, but the middle part sounded pretty admirable for a second, so here’s what I want to do. I want to get you your own bana stand franchise, and you can have Steve work at it.


G.O.B.: You’re a good brother, Michael. Heart attack never stopped old Big Bear.

Buster: I didn’t even know we were calling him Big Bear.

G.O.B.: We never had a chance to.

 

[Dewy006]

Tobias: [as Mrs. Featherbottom] O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth?
[laughs]
Tobias: Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a *sausage* in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.

Narrator: Tobias listens to a day's worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to...
Tobias: [on tape] ... even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.
Tobias: Nothing wrong with that.
Tobias: [on tape] Oh, I've been in the film business for a while, but I just can't seem to get one in the can.
Tobias: It's out of context.
Tobias: [on tape] I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
Narrator: ...and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks.
Tobias: Tobias, you blowhard

Michael: Are you serious?
Wayne Jarvis: Almost always. I was once voted the worst audience participant Cirque Du Soleil ever had.

[Michael has found his brother, Gob, hidden in his office]
Michael: One of those British guys came up to me and told me to back off. I can't believe it, but Dad may have been telling the truth. This may be dangerous.
Gob: So you came back here to hide like a child.
Michael: What are you doing locked in my office, exactly?
Gob: Hiding from a child. Big difference.
Michael: Gob, Steve Holt is your son. He probably just feels a connection. Gob: He doesn't know what he feels. I'm tired of being told - my God. What is this feeling?
[Schmaltzy music begins to play]
Michael: You know, the feeling that you're feeling is just what many of us call... a "feeling".
Gob: It's not like envy, or even hungry.
Michael: Could it be love?
Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite - it's like my heart is getting hard.
[the music reaches its crescendo]
Gob: Maybe I am ready to be a father.

 

[legend166]

It's as Anne as the nose on plain's face.

 

[RobbyRoy]

Never get tired of threads like these. Makes me want to watch the entire series for the 200th time.

 

[Rohan25]

Gob: Is that George Michael's girlfriend? What is she funny or something?



George Sr: I think it's a mistake letting George Michael go on this church thing.
Michael: Her name is Ann, Dad, and he's not "going on" her.



Lucille: If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally.
Lucille: [earlier that day] I don't care for Gob.



Michael: My mom is very stressed out, and she needs something I can't give her, um... maybe a little "afternoon delight".
Narrator: Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannabis named Afternoon Deelite, a strain famous for slowing behavior.
Oscar: Well sure, my question is, which way do I try to get it in her?
Michael: I don't need any details.
Oscar: Maybe I'll put it in her brownie
Michael: Hey!

 

[Saint KFC]

Some absolute pearlers Rohan

 

[Pumbi]

^

Agreed, just too good.

 

[Strachuniee]

Tobias

Narrator: Tobias listens to a day's worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to...
Tobias: [on tape] ... even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.
Tobias: Nothing wrong with that.
Tobias: [on tape] Oh, I've been in the film business for a while, but I just can't seem to get one in the can.
Tobias: It's out of context.
Tobias: [on tape] I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
Narrator: ...and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks.
Tobias: Tobias, you blowhard

Haha, this quote reminded me of this

Michael: You haven’t auditioned yet?
Tobias:Oh, no, no. I’m not in the group yet. No, I’m afraid I just blue myself.
Michael: There’s got to be a better way to say that.

Narrator: Tobias rushed to the theater hoping to be seen. Unfortunately, it was dusk, and he couldn’t be seen.

Barry: What the hell was that?
Narrator: And so, for the second time in two days, the family gathered at the hospital.
Michael: Everything’s going to be okay. I’m sure he’s going to be fine. I’m so sorry that this happened. I spoke to him just before he left the house.
Lindsay: Oh really? What did he say? What was the last thing he said?
FLASHBACK (Tobias: I just blue myself.)
Michael: He said some wonderful things. Including the fact that sometimes people are too proud to ask for help when they need it.

 

[Mr Sensitive]

Who wants a banger in the mouth?

 

[Lensen]

"Those are balls"