Best abuse heard at the cricket?

[Bomber Bears]

What are some of the best one liners you have heard at the cricket?

I think my favourite was in Steve Waughs last match at the SCG, India are piling on the runs and a guy near me is getting uppity because they were scoring a stupid amount of runs.

"C'mon Ganguly declare! What are you scared of Langer for, he plays for the Broncos!"

 

[Cotchin 9]

Probably not the best, but anyway...

A few weeks back at a FRC match between the Vics and WA, Mitch Marsh was in, and a Victoria supporter was telling a few people in the stands how he should be still in High School and probably should be back in the U/18's and not playing for WA, quality.

 

[Kipz]

Probably not the best, but anyway...

A few weeks back at a FRC match between the Vics and WA, Mitch Marsh was in, and a Victoria supporter was telling a few people in the stands how he should be still in High School and probably should be back in the U/18's and not playing for WA, quality.

Sure showed him

 

[DeadlyAkkuret]

Probably not the best, but anyway...

A few weeks back at a FRC match between the Vics and WA, Mitch Marsh was in, and a Victoria supporter was telling a few people in the stands how he should be still in High School and probably should be back in the U/18's and not playing for WA, quality.

Did he then throw his beer at Marsh, leaving himself relatively dry?

 

[EaglesFlyingHigh]

your mums a f*****g s**t dougie (Bollinger)

pretty much the only thing ive heard

 

[choco123]

I would say that would be the worst crowd sledge you've ever heard - regardless of whether you've heard 2 or 2000. Amount of wit and creativity involved = -ve.

 

[dr nick]

Did he then throw his beer at Marsh, leaving himself relatively dry?

relatively?

 

[ManWithNoName]

Not really a sledge but anyway...

At the Victoria v World XI warm up game a few years back, we were sitting at fine leg where Shane Harwood was fielding. We got one of the openers out, next batsman in was Lara. Due in after him were the likes of Tendulkar, Dravid etc. Harwood turns to the crowd and says "We're into the tail now"

 

[Adelaide Hawk]

This was documented in Merv Hughes' book, and it came from a mate of mine at Adelaide Oval, so I can vouch for its' accuracy.

It was the 1988-89 Test Series against the West Indies. Merv Hughes had taken 13 wickets in the 2nd Test in Perth, but followed it up with 0 wickets in Melbourne, then 1 in Sydney.

Come the 5th Test in Adelaide, Merv had struggled all match but still didn't have a wicket. He came down to field in front of the scoreboard when a mate of mine yelled out "Hey Merv, how many wickets have you taken since Perth?".

Merv's sense of humour had obviously deserted him at this point, and he responded with the Aussie 2 finger salute. Quick as a pistol, my mate comes back with, "Well, you can't count either .. it's only been ONE!!!".

Merv loved it, so he put it in his book.

 

[YOTC]

relatively?

Well there's bound to be some splashback.

 

[stmookeyj]

Best from the crowd I've heard...Boxing Day test against India in 2004. Stuart MacGill gets out 2nd ball to end the Australian 1st Innings. Bay 13 launches into WARNEY WARNEY!

 

[Illinois Nazi]

"And keep your bloody hands off our flies, Jardine!"

 

[Hellgood]

Worst: I like listening to the crowd usually and generally find most things pretty funny, but how can anyone think repeating "Shit Steyns" over and over again is funny?

Best: None sadly come to mind, a lot of things make me smirk, but never really heard any gold.

 

[Scroater]

Back when England were really tripe and Phil Tufnell was playing.
I was watching on television and the crowd must have been low because I heard the following from a pommy supporter come through the ground mikes when Phil Tufnell dropped a fairly simple catch in the outfield.

"Are you on our fooking side Toofnell."

 

[aidancdaman]

Erm....Eden Park a year back, New Zealand v West Indies.

"Gimme a G; Gimme an A; Gimme a Y. What do you spell? SARWAN!"

Original enough.

 

[EFL Boy]

Day 3 at the Boxing Day Test, just been.

Bay 13 vs Bay 14, Bay 14 had a large group of older blokes, by saying older i mean in the early-mid 20's. We had been chanting backwards and forwards at each other all day. We (Bay 13) were chanting to Bay 14 about how old and how shit they were etc., Bay 14 were chanting at us about how young we were and what they had done to our mothers etc.

Bay 14 suddenly come out with a chant saying "Tiger Woods ****ed your mother".

Was a bloody beauty!

 

[Subaru Impreza]

At the WACA Ground in an ODI match between NZ, Craig McMillan was fielding on the boundary ropes. A spectator yelled out 'Who ate all the pies and pasties McMillan? YOU DID!"


One on the 3rd Test against the Windies " I paid $40 to come to the cricket Johnno (mitch johnson), now get us some wickets!"

 

[fairdinkum]

The vast majority of these are woeful. Just woeful.

 

[r dub 19]

warney warney give us a wave (warne waves), your still a f****** w***er.

 

[roostersgal4eva]

Read one in the age re a local player who looked liked murali in his action

After bowling a wide in a match, a fan pipes up and goes 'is that wides or overthrows' I lol'd

 

[Bomber Bears]

Story from the Fitz Files in Herald about the old sydney hill

Reminiscence of the year

TOOLING around a sports forum site the other night, I came across this yarn, posted in 2006 by someone with the call sign ''waznjen''. If it's verified, it has to be no less than one of the great yarns of Australian sport. See, the following scene apparently took place on a beautiful balmy day at the SCG for a one-dayer between the Aussies and the Poms. ''Waz'' reports he got to the ground early to get a prime spot on the Hill, back when it was still covered in grass a couple of decades ago, and quickly noticed a bloke there with long hair and beard, shorts, thongs and no shirt. Now there was just something about this bloke that everyone noticed - apart from the fact that by 1pm he was already well and truly hammered - something charismatic, something that made everyone watch him, and even quickly give him the nickname of ''Hippy''.

As the afternoon wore on, Hippy starts gathering some like-minded Hill folk to start yelling at the players - ''Hey, Boonie, give us a wave!'' etc - and the players good-naturedly would do so. After a while though, Hippy gets bored with this and starts orchestrating the whole Hill crowd to yell at the other stands to ''Give us a wave!'' By this time the whole of the Hill is with it and as one they stand to yell: ''Hey, Doug Walters Stand, give us a wave!'' ''Hey, Bradman Stand, give us a wave,'' etc, around the ground. Of course, they all respond.

Alas, when they got to the Members' Stand, not surprisingly the Hill received no reply, and roundly booed them in the time-honoured tradition.

''It was then,'' Waz takes up the story, ''that Hippy had a moment of genius … As all fell quiet he yelled at the top of his voice: 'Hey, Ladies Stand, show us yer ****!' We all cracked up, but what really made the moment was among all the high-brow members in the Ladies' Stand a single nubile young lass leapt to her feet, hoisted her top and revealed the biggest set of norks I've seen in my life. There were roars of approval from the whole crowd and even louder boos when she was escorted out of the Ladies' Stand by security. Hippy passed out not too long later but was chaired from the ground after the game finished for his inspirational leadership of the Hill throng to the chants of 'Hippy!' clap, clap, clap, 'Hippy!' clap, clap, clap.''

http://www.smh.com.au/sport/filed-under-f--for-flash-of-genius-20100101-llri.html

 

[nicko99]

Boxing Day test just gone Doug Bollinger was fielding at fine leg and my mate was giving him shit about his hair and chanting out how he had a Bert Newton wig. Dougie then turned around and told him to come onto the ground ready for a fist fight.

 

[ManWithNoName]

Boxing Day test just gone Doug Bollinger was fielding at fine leg and my mate was giving him shit about his hair and chanting out how he had a Bert Newton wig. Dougie then turned around and told him to come onto the ground ready for a fist fight.

Your mate sounds like a w***er

 

[ExTasDeeMan]

That's the shame - you can get kicked out easily at the cricket for a loud remark - whereas Footy you can go to town on em.

A couple i've got:

1. A mate is on the phone to another mate at a Shield game at Bellerive Oval a couple of years back, pretty pissed and yells at the top of his lungs into the phone - "You're Fookin Dead!". Loud enough and Ponting (at the crease) turns around. Not overly funny, but abuse nonetheless (if you can get the bat's attention, it's well done abuse).

2. South Africa v New Zealand at Bellerive, Allan Donald's last tour of Australia - he's had a shit spell and he runs to chase the ball in front of the boonie stand. Ball reaches boundary and poor Donald is out of breath. My good old mate stands up and yells "You run as fast as you bowl you great big cricketing lemon". Crowd laughs at poor Donald and he even flashes the bird out of pure frustration.

3. Sri Lanka V New Zealand 1988 Bellerive - Whole crowd sings Hadlee's a w***er. Me being only 6 or so sings happily regardless of what it means. Hadlee vows never to come back to Tasmania.

 

[CousinsRoar]

Best thing i've heard was when we were playing the Poms in the 2007 Ashes. The Poms were swinging & missing the ball over & over again...

So what does Mark Taylor say...


"...Stop trying to hit our flies & hit the ball..."