Best Jokes during Corona Lockdown

[The Buck]

 

[BEaston]

Does anyone know if we can start taking showers yet?

Or are we still just washing our hands?

didn't know this was an actual rule... I've been following it anyway

 

[Jeff 1975]

unfortunately at 20yo I was. It was a big life lesson and never repeated.

Ditto I snapped a pole at 20yo with one of these

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

 

[Optimistic Dog]

Two blokes walked into bar...... Oops cannot finish this we are not allowed to walk into a bar.

 

[Kennel Master]

Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases told the President:
"This morning, 3 Brazilians were killed by Covid-19."

Trump's face went egg-shell white with shock. The blood drained from his face and to everyone’s amazement he collapsed on the floor.

Minutes passed and to everyone’s relief President Trump got up shakily and then sat back on his chair.

His staff was nothing less than stunned at this display of emotion from their President, nervously watching as he sits, head in hands, waiting for him to faint again.

Finally, the President looks up and with a shaky quivering voice asks the Dr Fauci, *"How many people is a brazillion?"*

KM

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

 

[worbod]

 

[Kennel Master]

KM

 

[The Buck]

Pauline Hanson rushed to hospital after demanding border be opened to foreigners


JobKeeper error solved: Government to give spare $60 billion to Rupert Murdoch


Treasurer in hot water after receiving $60 billion robodebt invoice


All from The Chaser

 

[The Buck]

And one more:

 

[Fossie 32]

Ditto I snapped a pole at 20yo with one of these

View attachment 880105

Used to have a ute in that model. Pretty chilly on long drives in winter as heater didn't work

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

 

[Jeff 1975]

Great to see rugby back how exciting

 

[Jeff 1975]

Used to have a ute in that model. Pretty chilly on long drives in winter as heater didn't work

Those early Holden’s where pretty bland
No radio, no carpet and optional heaters

 

[NBates]

 

[Optimistic Dog]

A guy dies having breakfast in morning under suspicious circumstances. The police say they a looking for serial killer.

 

[X_box_X]

A guy dies having breakfast in morning under suspicious circumstances. The police say they a looking for serial killer.

An elderly couple are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary by having breakfast together.

Wife: "Dear, do you know my **** are as hot for you now as they were 50 years ago?"
Husband: "That's because your left tit is in your cuppa tea, and your right tit is in your porridge."

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

 

[ManOfClay]

Gave the misso a tap on the shoulder overnight.

she turned over and murmured “it’s 10 to one”

I replied I wasn’t after the odds love

 

[ManOfClay]

A Navajo Indian chief goes to the city for the first time, the big New York. He’s got a doctors appointment.

the doctor asks him his name. “Running River” he replies.

the doc is amazed. He says “I’ve always loved your Indian names like that, like Sunny Sky or Soaring Eagle. Are you married Running River? What’s your wife’s name?”

The chief replies: “three horses”.

the doc in turn asks how she got her name.

the chief leans forward, a serious look on his face. “Nag. Nag. Nag.”

 

[The Buck]

 

[The Buck]

 

[The Buck]

 

[LittleG]