Health Depression

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My psych gave me a prescription for sleeping tablets- something idk. 2mg.

I find tho after chatting to him about it, suddenly my sleep has kind of gotten better since. Instead of 4 hours a night, its 6 hours now. And one night a few days back i slept a solid 7+!

Im going to hold off from filling the script.
Melatonin I think.
 
I don't think my GP gets it. Very nice person and pulled me out of the fire but long term no. I just think a lot don't really get it. They work study hard and have a clear path but don't get how others can fall apart. Or maybe I'm off. 2 appointments were too many.
I always feel like I’m just a moment away from breaking down even when things are going good. My mind seems to be very fragile, hate that I hate myself, wish I could go back in time and change the things I’ve done that I hate myself for.

this is just a vent post for healing purposes
This I'm always a day from buckling
 

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I don't think my GP gets it. Very nice person and pulled me out of the fire but long term no. I just think a lot don't really get it. They work study hard and have a clear path but don't get how others can fall apart. Or maybe I'm off. 2 appointments were too many.

This I'm always a day from buckling

How you been doing lately dude? Been ill for a month, had surgery so couldn't go anywhere for a few weeks and past week had a cold which is still lingering. Depressing.
 
How you been doing lately dude? Been ill for a month, had surgery so couldn't go anywhere for a few weeks and past week had a cold which is still lingering. Depressing.
Ok I guess. Mostly just work home pretty tired from it all. Need a few changes but stuck on a treadmill at the minute. Feel like a pinball going between docs and counsellor. Need a break from it all.
Injury medical hospitalisation sucks and I'm grateful I'm ok in that sense. Chin up and recover well
 
FWIW- I'll never take my parents for granted again. Esp my dad. He's the "strong and silent" type. Srsly- honestly growing up I thought he didnt like me. (love me yeah, but not like)


I got a beer the other day at the golf course, I met him when he finished his game. His mates came over and got introduced to me and one goes "OMG!!! The famous Michelle!!!! Your Dad doesnt shut up about you".

I could have cried. I felt so ******* bad in that moment.
My dad I always thought left poor sis 3rd out of us. Now with dementia she is the one he always talks about, when he can.
 
One of the worst things I’ve found from having depression and anxiety is the loneliness. Even when I’m feeling good which is most of the time these days I still have very few if any real friends or mates left. I’ve sabotaged everything through this illness. Looking at my phone it’s been years since I’ve been asked how I’m going or do you want to come round for a drink by anyone. My artwork on Facebook is mainly liked by my wife and her friends none of my mates ever comment . I feel so unwanted in this life sometimes because it feels like I’ve been given up on. The joys of depression. This exterior I give off is completely broken inside.
 
One of the worst things I’ve found from having depression and anxiety is the loneliness. Even when I’m feeling good which is most of the time these days I still have very few if any real friends or mates left. I’ve sabotaged everything through this illness. Looking at my phone it’s been years since I’ve been asked how I’m going or do you want to come round for a drink by anyone. My artwork on Facebook is mainly liked by my wife and her friends none of my mates ever comment . I feel so unwanted in this life sometimes because it feels like I’ve been given up on. The joys of depression. This exterior I give off is completely broken inside.

Sounds like you need to pick up a few social hobbies to meet some people and rebuild a group of friends. Best of luck mate, it sounds like a bit of a slog.
 
One of the worst things I’ve found from having depression and anxiety is the loneliness. Even when I’m feeling good which is most of the time these days I still have very few if any real friends or mates left. I’ve sabotaged everything through this illness. Looking at my phone it’s been years since I’ve been asked how I’m going or do you want to come round for a drink by anyone. My artwork on Facebook is mainly liked by my wife and her friends none of my mates ever comment . I feel so unwanted in this life sometimes because it feels like I’ve been given up on. The joys of depression. This exterior I give off is completely broken inside.
It's never too late to reach out to old friends. Whilst you are thinking "they've given up on me" they may also be thinking the exact same thing. Men are stubborn and would rather sit in silence than be the first one to stand up and speak.

A simple, "long time mate, hope you're doing well" could be the start of returning old friendships to what they once where. You have to be honest with yourself though, are you going to catch up with a mate for a beer/coffee or whatever if arranged?

Good friends leave stuff in the past, if you're honest in your communication with them you'd be surprised how receptive most people are, especially as adults.

Good luck my man and I'd love to see some of this artwork of yours.
 
It's never too late to reach out to old friends. Whilst you are thinking "they've given up on me" they may also be thinking the exact same thing. Men are stubborn and would rather sit in silence than be the first one to stand up and speak.

A simple, "long time mate, hope you're doing well" could be the start of returning old friendships to what they once where. You have to be honest with yourself though, are you going to catch up with a mate for a beer/coffee or whatever if arranged?

Good friends leave stuff in the past, if you're honest in your communication with them you'd be surprised how receptive most people are, especially as adults.

Good luck my man and I'd love to see some of this artwork of yours.
Cheers for the words mate, it’s bloody hard to speak up when you’ve let so many people down and the fear of rejection runs rampant in your mind. Here’s the latest painting I did
6BEC5A96-D5DA-4F5F-BA67-EB3DB5FD521C.jpeg
 
It's never too late to reach out to old friends. Whilst you are thinking "they've given up on me" they may also be thinking the exact same thing. Men are stubborn and would rather sit in silence than be the first one to stand up and speak.

A simple, "long time mate, hope you're doing well" could be the start of returning old friendships to what they once where. You have to be honest with yourself though, are you going to catch up with a mate for a beer/coffee or whatever if arranged?

Good friends leave stuff in the past, if you're honest in your communication with them you'd be surprised how receptive most people are, especially as adults.

Good luck my man and I'd love to see some of this artwork of yours.

Great advice.
 
I wish I was more arty, that looks brilliant.


I'm getting into a writing course atm tho. Really loving it. It starts at 6pm in the city.. last class I got in early and went for a drink at a pub + did some reading thru my notes + writing.

Think I'll make that a lil tradition from now on. :smilev1:
 

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I hate this roller coaster. These lows are brutal. I’ve been up for weeks and now I’m deep down, way down. I’ll bounce back
 
I hate this roller coaster. These lows are brutal. I’ve been up for weeks and now I’m deep down, way down. I’ll bounce back
Yeah amazing how quick things can turn. Hope everything picks up quick for you.
 
Yeah amazing how quick things can turn. Hope everything picks up quick for you.
Not sure why I posted that last part, I don’t truly believe it. The high points are a facade, a ticking time bomb for when I inevitably collapse.
 
I hate this roller coaster. These lows are brutal. I’ve been up for weeks and now I’m deep down, way down. I’ll bounce back
Hang in there, there is always someone on Bigfooty to chat with at all times of the day and night.

If you can try to sleep well and eat well, you would have made big positive strides.
 
My experience over the last few months has given me so much more insight to mental health after first being diagnosed with depression 20 years ago and anxiety 15 years ago.

We tell people to talk, to open up... but then what? We just don't have the resources to deal with mental health.

So after 20 years of different medications, different therapists, different treatments... I was finally referred to a psychiatrist late last year, who I was able to see for free under a government COVID program.

3 appointments with they psychiatrist and 3 appointments with the therapist at the same premises, and they diagnosed a personality disorder. The way they explain it my primary mental illness is the personality disorder - the anxiety and depression is secondary, it's a result of never being able to manage/deal with/identify the personality disorder.

It just seems such a failure of the system that you can go through the process in 3 different states (well, 2 states and 1 territory), to find out after 20 years that everything you'd done until now - all the money you'd spent, all the time you'd spent, all the personal and relationship poll of something you didn't know you had - it just feels like such a waste. It's like my life is nearly half over before I started figuring out how to live it.
 
My experience over the last few months has given me so much more insight to mental health after first being diagnosed with depression 20 years ago and anxiety 15 years ago.

We tell people to talk, to open up... but then what? We just don't have the resources to deal with mental health.

So after 20 years of different medications, different therapists, different treatments... I was finally referred to a psychiatrist late last year, who I was able to see for free under a government COVID program.

3 appointments with they psychiatrist and 3 appointments with the therapist at the same premises, and they diagnosed a personality disorder. The way they explain it my primary mental illness is the personality disorder - the anxiety and depression is secondary, it's a result of never being able to manage/deal with/identify the personality disorder.

It just seems such a failure of the system that you can go through the process in 3 different states (well, 2 states and 1 territory), to find out after 20 years that everything you'd done until now - all the money you'd spent, all the time you'd spent, all the personal and relationship poll of something you didn't know you had - it just feels like such a waste. It's like my life is nearly half over before I started figuring out how to live it.
I really like this post. You figured out how to live where everyone else is struggling. We have all been through the ringer.its not a waste. On a personal note I've honesty dealt with depression/mental health issues/hospitals for ,20 years. There is no answer but people do understand
 
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My experience over the last few months has given me so much more insight to mental health after first being diagnosed with depression 20 years ago and anxiety 15 years ago.

We tell people to talk, to open up... but then what? We just don't have the resources to deal with mental health.

So after 20 years of different medications, different therapists, different treatments... I was finally referred to a psychiatrist late last year, who I was able to see for free under a government COVID program.

Can I just confirm, you were getting different medications and treatments for 20 years before you were refered to a psychiatrist?

I assume you were seeing a GP during this time?
 
Can I just confirm, you were getting different medications and treatments for 20 years before you were refered to a psychiatrist?

I assume you were seeing a GP during this time?

Yep, correct on all fronts. They've been long-term GPs - I've been seeing my current one for nearly 6 years, I'd been seeing the same one in Canberra for at least 5 years before that. So the medications I was on were always well controlled... but it's like I had to get to suicidal before anyone would get me to a psychiatrist. Which isn't the GPs fault - it's the systems fault. You literally can't get into see a psychiatrist through public health - as I mentioned, I was only able to do it under one of the government's COVID assist programs.
 

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