MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE
Premiership Captain
Did he then handball the phone 5m sideways to the nearest teacher, then run past for the 1-2 handball receive?
Win Prizes Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2022
- Thread starter Mofra
- Start date
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- Nov 17, 2007
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No, he did hi intensity sprints to the nearest box where he cranked out a filthy fifty.
Defence Counsel :
"Will you please state your age?"
Little old lady defendant: "I am 88 years old."
Defence counsel:
"Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?"
Little old lady: "I was sitting in my swing, on my front porch, on a warm spring evening when a young man came creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me."
Defence counsel: "Did you know him?"
Little old lady: "No, but he sure was friendly."
Defence counsel: "What happened after he sat down?"
Little old lady: "He started to rub my thigh."
Defence counsel: "Did you stop him?"
Little old lady: "No, I didn't stop him."
Defence counsel: "Why not?"
Little old lady: "It felt good. Nobody had done that since my husband, David, died some 30 years ago."
Defence counsel : "What happened next?"
Little old lady: "He began to rub my body all over."
Defence counsel: "Did you stop him then?"
Old Lady: "No, I did not."
Defence Attorney: "Why not?"
Little old lady: "His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I hadn't felt that good in years!"
Defence counsel: "What happened next?"
Little old lady: "Well, by then, I was feeling so hot that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man; take me now!' "
Defence counsel: "And did he take you?"
Little old lady: "Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' and that's when I shot the little bastard."
"Will you please state your age?"
Little old lady defendant: "I am 88 years old."
Defence counsel:
"Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?"
Little old lady: "I was sitting in my swing, on my front porch, on a warm spring evening when a young man came creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me."
Defence counsel: "Did you know him?"
Little old lady: "No, but he sure was friendly."
Defence counsel: "What happened after he sat down?"
Little old lady: "He started to rub my thigh."
Defence counsel: "Did you stop him?"
Little old lady: "No, I didn't stop him."
Defence counsel: "Why not?"
Little old lady: "It felt good. Nobody had done that since my husband, David, died some 30 years ago."
Defence counsel : "What happened next?"
Little old lady: "He began to rub my body all over."
Defence counsel: "Did you stop him then?"
Old Lady: "No, I did not."
Defence Attorney: "Why not?"
Little old lady: "His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I hadn't felt that good in years!"
Defence counsel: "What happened next?"
Little old lady: "Well, by then, I was feeling so hot that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man; take me now!' "
Defence counsel: "And did he take you?"
Little old lady: "Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' and that's when I shot the little bastard."
- Nov 17, 2007
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philreich
TheBrownDog
- Mar 2, 2014
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Reminds me of the woman who was accused of killing 3 of her husbands. She's in the witness box, and the prosecutor says, "You're charged with poisoning your first 2 husbands with mushrooms, and the third with a baseball bat. Why did you use a baseball bat?"
The woman replies coldly, "Because he refused to eat the mushrooms."
- Banned
- #1,481
Seen teachers get flogged by teenagers for less up in the NT.
Mofra
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- Dec 6, 2005
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Player #3 - Tim Kelly
Pictured: Tim attempts a drop punt at training
Nickname: Stormtrooper
Tim Kelly wins the first annual "Tim Kelly" award for leading the AFL in clangers this year, at an average of 5.71 per game. As a result of Tim's kicking, I heard that West Coast started having more closed sessions last pre-season as they lose fewer footballs that way.
Selected as a mature ager by Geelong where he wasn't considered a mature ager, Tim quickly adapted to AFL football by blindly hacking the ball forward and telling Tom Hawkins there was a KFC voucher glued to it. At the end of his first season he wanted to go home due to family reasons, to which Geelong laughed and said "screw family" which, knowing Geelong, was both a rebuke to Tim and an instructional guide.
At the end of the following year West Coast spent a bunch of picks (like a drunken GWS) in the trade to bring him home where he began a new life back in his home state with his family, requisite off field support, and a huge $5m, 6 year deal to make him of the highest paid non-FIFO workers in the state.
Tim can still find the ball but overall has left Eagles fans feeling a little underwhelmed, like cracking a dozen eggs and not finding a single double-yolker. After a 2019 at Geelong that netted him 24 Brownlow votes, Tim ironically went to a team that list's Cripps brother as a player where it took him 3 years to reach the same tally. This season his decline was most pronounced, where his clanger count jumped by over 45% from 2021 to 2022, a stat that mirrors the Eagles cheer squad's body fat percentage.
There's no point winning the ball if you're just going to give it to the opposition when you get it. Tim's kicking in 2022 saw more floating ball than a Scottish tornado which was ironic as his kick to handball ratio declined this year as well.
It gets even worse for Tim, as missing round 4 meant he missed 50% of the Eagles' wins this year. A season of fluffing more opportunity than Yassir Arafat means Tim was an absolute lock for the top 10 this year. Given his contract and the trade assets West Coast used to grab him, he shot up the leaderboard like Queensland locals spotting a fence covered in Bundy bottles and Woodstock Bourbon and Cola cans.
Fun fact: Tim is the son of an Indigenous father and a Chilean mother, a country which is the leader of South American cuisine. The national language of Chile is Spanish, and a tip for anyone visiting: 'bordello' does not mean 'train station' (god I was so embarrassed).
Tim, good luck if you're reading this and have not yet accidently clicked on a different browser tab. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.
Pictured: Tim attempts a drop punt at training
Nickname: Stormtrooper
Tim Kelly wins the first annual "Tim Kelly" award for leading the AFL in clangers this year, at an average of 5.71 per game. As a result of Tim's kicking, I heard that West Coast started having more closed sessions last pre-season as they lose fewer footballs that way.
Selected as a mature ager by Geelong where he wasn't considered a mature ager, Tim quickly adapted to AFL football by blindly hacking the ball forward and telling Tom Hawkins there was a KFC voucher glued to it. At the end of his first season he wanted to go home due to family reasons, to which Geelong laughed and said "screw family" which, knowing Geelong, was both a rebuke to Tim and an instructional guide.
At the end of the following year West Coast spent a bunch of picks (like a drunken GWS) in the trade to bring him home where he began a new life back in his home state with his family, requisite off field support, and a huge $5m, 6 year deal to make him of the highest paid non-FIFO workers in the state.
Tim can still find the ball but overall has left Eagles fans feeling a little underwhelmed, like cracking a dozen eggs and not finding a single double-yolker. After a 2019 at Geelong that netted him 24 Brownlow votes, Tim ironically went to a team that list's Cripps brother as a player where it took him 3 years to reach the same tally. This season his decline was most pronounced, where his clanger count jumped by over 45% from 2021 to 2022, a stat that mirrors the Eagles cheer squad's body fat percentage.
There's no point winning the ball if you're just going to give it to the opposition when you get it. Tim's kicking in 2022 saw more floating ball than a Scottish tornado which was ironic as his kick to handball ratio declined this year as well.
It gets even worse for Tim, as missing round 4 meant he missed 50% of the Eagles' wins this year. A season of fluffing more opportunity than Yassir Arafat means Tim was an absolute lock for the top 10 this year. Given his contract and the trade assets West Coast used to grab him, he shot up the leaderboard like Queensland locals spotting a fence covered in Bundy bottles and Woodstock Bourbon and Cola cans.
Fun fact: Tim is the son of an Indigenous father and a Chilean mother, a country which is the leader of South American cuisine. The national language of Chile is Spanish, and a tip for anyone visiting: 'bordello' does not mean 'train station' (god I was so embarrassed).
Tim, good luck if you're reading this and have not yet accidently clicked on a different browser tab. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.
They should sell Empenada's at the footy.
- Feb 12, 2017
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Congrats Timmy. Is Dustbin 1 or 2?
DocT
All Australian
- Sep 4, 2022
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Oh Grand Mof, you are a heartless bastard, after the year the poor old Eagles had, how dare you confront them with more reality.Player #3 - Tim Kelly
Pictured: Tim attempts a drop punt at training
Nickname: Stormtrooper
Tim Kelly wins the first annual "Tim Kelly" award for leading the AFL in clangers this year, at an average of 5.71 per game. As a result of Tim's kicking, I heard that West Coast started having more closed sessions last pre-season as they lose fewer footballs that way.
Selected as a mature ager by Geelong where he wasn't considered a mature ager, Tim quickly adapted to AFL football by blindly hacking the ball forward and telling Tom Hawkins there was a KFC voucher glued to it. At the end of his first season he wanted to go home due to family reasons, to which Geelong laughed and said "screw family" which, knowing Geelong, was both a rebuke to Tim and an instructional guide.
At the end of the following year West Coast spent a bunch of picks (like a drunken GWS) in the trade to bring him home where he began a new life back in his home state with his family, requisite off field support, and a huge $5m, 6 year deal to make him of the highest paid non-FIFO workers in the state.
Tim can still find the ball but overall has left Eagles fans feeling a little underwhelmed, like cracking a dozen eggs and not finding a single double-yolker. After a 2019 at Geelong that netted him 24 Brownlow votes, Tim ironically went to a team that list's Cripps brother as a player where it took him 3 years to reach the same tally. This season his decline was most pronounced, where his clanger count jumped by over 45% from 2021 to 2022, a stat that mirrors the Eagles cheer squad's body fat percentage.
There's no point winning the ball if you're just going to give it to the opposition when you get it. Tim's kicking in 2022 saw more floating ball than a Scottish tornado which was ironic as his kick to handball ratio declined this year as well.
It gets even worse for Tim, as missing round 4 meant he missed 50% of the Eagles' wins this year. A season of fluffing more opportunity than Yassir Arafat means Tim was an absolute lock for the top 10 this year. Given his contract and the trade assets West Coast used to grab him, he shot up the leaderboard like Queensland locals spotting a fence covered in Bundy bottles and Woodstock Bourbon and Cola cans.
Fun fact: Tim is the son of an Indigenous father and a Chilean mother, a country which is the leader of South American cuisine. The national language of Chile is Spanish, and a tip for anyone visiting: 'bordello' does not mean 'train station' (god I was so embarrassed).
Tim, good luck if you're reading this and have not yet accidently clicked on a different browser tab. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.
- Aug 13, 2013
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Reality - Cockburn still no flags in season 27
royboy2
Average Old Bastard
- Dec 7, 2007
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Last ditch attempt by Joffa to steal the #1 spot?
All Aust
Avatar for ol' mate
- Oct 29, 2020
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How many blisters?
Braklet
🐍 Spooner OOB 🐍
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Mofra, you need to do a few circuits of stand up comedy. Think I gotta change my drawers after that one.
philreich
TheBrownDog
- Mar 2, 2014
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Falconista
🌹Rebel red carnation🌹
- Dec 31, 2019
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I lost my job at a women's underwear store.
Seems when a customer would ask if something was satin, the correct reply was not "no, they're new".
Seems when a customer would ask if something was satin, the correct reply was not "no, they're new".
- Banned
- #1,493
I’m going to miss you ya malaka
philreich
TheBrownDog
- Mar 2, 2014
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philreich
TheBrownDog
- Mar 2, 2014
- 58,577
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- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
Mofra
Moderator
- Dec 6, 2005
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- #1,496
Player #2 - Brad Hill
Pictured: A former Hawk & Docker argues with a former Swan while two former Saints hang around
Nickname: Welcome to...
Brad Hill is one of St Kilda's highest paid players and one of their trade-ins, like most of their list. A bunch of players and first and second round picks were used on a guy in his late 20s to come and give the Saints some 'spark' to take them the next step in finals, which has now been downgraded to 'make finals' and next year, likely 'make it through the year without sacking our coach'. Brad is on a reported $900,000 pa deal for six seasons, a $5.4m deal which is somehow worse value than the bunch of French submarines we almost ordered.
Brad didn't quite live up to expectations last year and this year showed virtually the same level of performance. His disposal averaged climbed by 0. something (I don't see Luke Hodge so it must be less than 0.5) while his clanger average increased. He again played in a few different spots in 2022 as the Saints' former coach tried to hide Brad's lack of contested ability, as Hill likes body contact about as much as Clem Ford at a Jorden Peterson rally.
In fairness, Brad did kick 4 goals against a young Hawks side in round 4 which would prove to be the highlight of his (and the Saints') season. Hill never again reached the heights of "beating up on also-rans" although he did managed 30 touches against North Melbourne. It's just that his time as an 'influential' player has now past - basically the AFL player embodiment of the Herald-Sun this year.
As a result of the Saints underwhelming season, the Saints Administration ran a 'review' where the Saints Administration would not be scrutinized - much like North Korea really, except St Kilda fans are definitely not starving. Of course this meant they sacked the coach (a strategy which has served them well for a century and whatever) and they put Hill on the trade table, despite having 2 years to run of his fat contract. North were linked, before the Roos eventually knocked that on the head because they then scanned down to their rookie list to see the name J.Polec on it and asked themselves "why buy something you already have?". That would be like paying for two coaches next year which the Saints.... ah nevermind.
Fun fact: Brad Hill turns 30 next year in a revelation that the Geelong Football Club and Joffa re treating in a very different manner.
Brad, good luck next year playing to your forte of being able to run a lot, which has served both Forrest Gump and Chrsitopher Scaife well in entirely diffrent capacities. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.
Pictured: A former Hawk & Docker argues with a former Swan while two former Saints hang around
Nickname: Welcome to...
Brad Hill is one of St Kilda's highest paid players and one of their trade-ins, like most of their list. A bunch of players and first and second round picks were used on a guy in his late 20s to come and give the Saints some 'spark' to take them the next step in finals, which has now been downgraded to 'make finals' and next year, likely 'make it through the year without sacking our coach'. Brad is on a reported $900,000 pa deal for six seasons, a $5.4m deal which is somehow worse value than the bunch of French submarines we almost ordered.
Brad didn't quite live up to expectations last year and this year showed virtually the same level of performance. His disposal averaged climbed by 0. something (I don't see Luke Hodge so it must be less than 0.5) while his clanger average increased. He again played in a few different spots in 2022 as the Saints' former coach tried to hide Brad's lack of contested ability, as Hill likes body contact about as much as Clem Ford at a Jorden Peterson rally.
In fairness, Brad did kick 4 goals against a young Hawks side in round 4 which would prove to be the highlight of his (and the Saints') season. Hill never again reached the heights of "beating up on also-rans" although he did managed 30 touches against North Melbourne. It's just that his time as an 'influential' player has now past - basically the AFL player embodiment of the Herald-Sun this year.
As a result of the Saints underwhelming season, the Saints Administration ran a 'review' where the Saints Administration would not be scrutinized - much like North Korea really, except St Kilda fans are definitely not starving. Of course this meant they sacked the coach (a strategy which has served them well for a century and whatever) and they put Hill on the trade table, despite having 2 years to run of his fat contract. North were linked, before the Roos eventually knocked that on the head because they then scanned down to their rookie list to see the name J.Polec on it and asked themselves "why buy something you already have?". That would be like paying for two coaches next year which the Saints.... ah nevermind.
Fun fact: Brad Hill turns 30 next year in a revelation that the Geelong Football Club and Joffa re treating in a very different manner.
Brad, good luck next year playing to your forte of being able to run a lot, which has served both Forrest Gump and Chrsitopher Scaife well in entirely diffrent capacities. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.
John Smith92
Team Captain
- Nov 20, 2013
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I mean it's Gaff and it's not even close but I admire the dedication
Jetafl
Club Legend
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Neck and neck but not all subs' deals go bad Subway Socceroos for one.
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Isn't that Jack Bytel in the photo with Forrest Brad?
