Preview Preview v Power

[Deestroy]

AFL Premiership Round 21
Port Adelaide V Melbourne

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Sunday Aug 22
AAMI Stadium 12:40 PM (Local Time) 1:10 PM (EST Time)
Adelaide Forecast Adelaide Radar


Ladder:

Season Win/Loss

​

The Melbourne Perspective:

I was sitting in the Railway Hotel at Bunyip with my old mate, YouDon’tKnowJack. There was too much Melbourne Bitter in both of us. Indeed, the session was starting to turn into a bender. Sooner or later we were going to hit the beer-nuts and that, in itself, was an abyss.

“Mate,” I grumbled, “I’m knackered this week.”

“What do you mean?” YDKJ asked with a yawn.

“What am I supposed t o write about Port Power?” I stared gloomily into my half-empty glass. “While I much prefer them to the Crowbots – at least they’re a genuine football club - they’re still a pretty boring lot. I’ve already got the Norf preview in my head but nothing comes to mind when I think about Poort.”

YDKJ ordered another round and then piped up.

“Why don’t you do the rounds of the alumni of both clubs? It’s worked in other previews.”

I screwed up my face.

“Who ‘s there? Matthew Bishop? Deestroy would shot me on the spot.”

“Think harder Biff! What about Byron Pickett?”

“That’s better’” I said after a pause, “but he could be anywhere. Hell, he might even be driving around with the Bush Mechanics – all power to him! Besides, to what degree was he really one of ours? Colonel Sanders nuked his career in 2007.”

“What about Chokko? He’s a bit of the Human-Headliner! Hey – his tie from the 2004 Grand Final would be worth a bit of money on e-Bay!”

I shook my head. Fair dinkum.

“CBF, Jack. CBF. Could not be . . . . . . .”

The door opened and Teresa Palmer strolled in - the number one Ticket-Holder at Port Power. Infected by Yellow Fever though I am – and happily married as well - I have to say that she was looking sensational. She ticked all the boxes –with sassiness in spades. Thankfully, she was unaccompanied by Russell Brand. The old timers at the bar swung around in unison. Mesmerised, YDKJ sat there in awe.

“Hi Biff, how are you going? It’s been a while,” she whispered sultrily. She gave me a warm peck on the cheek and sat down beside us. Haltingly, I introduce her to YDKJ.

“Teresa, what brings you to the Railway Hotel here in Bunyip?” I asked. “Mulholland Drive in Hollywood it aint!”

“I have been reading your previews, Biff, and I wanted to participate,” she said brightly. “You missed the mark on the Adelaide preview but your form has been reasonable since then. Tell Deestroy to go easy on you! You might get a contract extension for 2011!”

Upon saying these words, she put both hands behind her head and stretched. Now I have always been a sucker for this gesture. A tsunami swept through my interior; all I could do was cling, life-raft style, to the remnants of my common sense. Oh, to walk on the surface of the sun – and how close it lay! As it slowly passed, I noticed that YDKJ’s knuckles had gone white as they clenched his pot of MB.

“Fair enough,” I replied falteringly. “You know your football. How do you see the match playing out, Teresa?”

For the next ten minutes or so she spoke authoritatively on Primus and his impact on the playing group. Most of what she said, however, ran off like rain on cement. I glanced at YDKJ: the sweat was pouring down his forehead like a ruptured hydrant. With glee, I kicked him under the table.

“On my part,” I responded at last, “I’m glad to see Jay Schulz starting to shine. Richo had a ‘Plugger Effect’ on the Tigers and he inadvertently impeded the development of the players around him such as Jay. Like Rodan, he was an astute pick up by the Power.”

She nodded her head.

“Yes indeed. And have you noticed that Westhoff is playing like a man possessed?”

It was not hard to be mesmerised by Theresa, both in terms of software and hardware. She radiated light AND heat. As I sat there trying to keep my vision above her shoulders – and in doing so I was markedly more successful than my drinking-mate - I mused to myself: being a Teresa Palmer clearly thumps being the fat chick at Red Rooter but it doesn’t make life easy. All women, even Helen of Troy, eventually turn into Old Bags and Teresa was no exemption. Her demise would be all the greater. All flesh is as grass, it withers and fades . . . . .

We spoke and giggled for the next hour or so. Near midnight, she glanced over at the nearby clock – were its hands pointing to something more elusive than time? – and stood up.

“Biff,” she whispered softly with her arms by her side. “I have to go. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

At that point, I felt like one of the Pommy batsmen about to face Thommo in his prime. By nodding my head, the yorker was evicted.

“Teresa,” I spluttered. “I need a tip for the week. Who will win: the Dees or Poort?”

“At home,” she whispered, “I will have to go with Port by 25 points. How can I say otherwise?”

Much like Halley’s Comet, she disappeared into the night – and who was to say if she would ever return. Wearily, I turned back to YDKJ.

“Mate, our season is over but I am pretty sure our boys want to win this game. I reckon the Dees by 5 points. Now pass me some beer-nuts!”

Biffinator.

 

[ThePuppetMaster]

haha more gold, great preview biff!

 

[Moses01]

lol nice read

 

[master bate]

Can the Junior 250 factor counter both the AAMI factor and the customary let down the week after a teams finals chances are over factor.

I wouldn't think so.

 

[Toots Hibbert]

Nice work by Biff, quoted in the OP, one of my favourite posters.

I don't have it in me at the moment to be as creative as him.

If we play the way we did against the Crows and Hawks then you're in for a tough day. If we play like we did against the Saints and Weagles then you may well leave with the points.

Haven't watched your lot for a while but when you're on song you play good footy.

Biff can verify that I saw, and called, the early signs of your improvement during your win over the loathsome black feathered scavengers from Karparkstan.

Parting shot...hmm let me see, I dunno...Dean Bailey's a bald-headed fart.

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

That was a great day Biff!
Could've also had Peter Walsh, Fabian Francis (would have been an interesting one), Josh Mahoney or Dean Bailey (who was an assistant coach under Choco).
But looking at that list, I'd say you made the right call interviewing Teresa Palmer. Phwoar!

 

[Biffinator]

That was a great day Biff!
Could've also had Peter Walsh, Fabian Francis (would have been an interesting one), Josh Mahoney or Dean Bailey (who was an assistant coach under Choco).
But looking at that list, I'd say you made the right call interviewing Teresa Palmer. Phwoar!

Phwoar indeed

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

Phwoar indeed

I can haz n00dz?

Dean Bailey was there with us as well. Remember when he stood up on the bar after a few pots and declared in front of the patrons "Michael Newton will be in the starting 22 this week!", then fell off and passed out - man, Bails must have gotten blind rotten pissed that night!*

*I know I already posted that to you, but I wanted to share it with the other Dees fans.

 

[Asgardian]

Classy work blokes.

A couple of links you may have forgotten?

Andrew Obst, Troy Broadbridge, Danny Hughes, Tony Martyn, Scott Thompson, Isaac Weetra, Trent Ormond-Allen, Luke Taylor, David & Donald Cockatoo-Collins.

Cheers for the game, and naturally a Power victory.

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

Classy work blokes.

A couple of links you may have forgotten?

Andrew Obst, Troy Broadbridge, Danny Hughes, Tony Martyn, Scott Thompson, Isaac Weetra, Trent Ormond-Allen, Luke Taylor, David & Donald Cockatoo-Collins.

Cheers for the game, and naturally a Power victory.

Did they all play for Port Magpies?
For the first 3
For the rest.

 

[Asgardian]

Yep, Andrew Obst, Danny Hughes & Tony Martyn were all premiership players with Port Magpies.

Tony Martyn was a Melbourne player that the Port Magpies recruited.

Troy Broadbridge (RIP) and his Dad, Wayne, were both Port Magpies.

 

[Wonaeamirri33]

More quality work again there Biff. Rock on Brother!

And yes, I was tempted towards a little night-tool work while reading, I can tell you that. The sloop has a mind of its own at these moments.

Thinking about Teresa makes you cry out for satisfaction... in the Mick Jagger sense

 

[Dez!]

PORT ADELAIDE v MELBOURNE
Port Adelaide
B: Paul Stewart, Alipate Carlile, Andrew Moore
HB: Jay Nash, Troy Chaplin, Danny Meyer
C: Kane Cornes, Domenic Cassisi, Travis Boak
HF: Cameron Hitchcock, Jay Schulz, Matt Thomas
F: Justin Westhoff, Jackson Trengove, Brett Ebert
Foll: Dean Brogan, Danyle Pearce, Robbie Gray
I/C: Matthew Broadbent, David Rodan, Nick Salter, Daniel Stewart

Changes to the selected side
Nil

Melbourne
B: Colin Garland, Matthew Warnock, Clint Bartram
HB: Cameron Bruce, James Frawley, Jared Rivers
C: Brad Green, James McDonald, Nathan Jones
HF: Jack Watts, Liam Jurrah, Brent Moloney
F: Austin Wonaeamirri, Lynden Dunn, Cale Morton
Foll: Mark Jamar, Jack Trengove, Tom Scully
I/C: Jordie McKenzie, Michael Newton, Jamie Bennell, Rohan Bail

Changes to the selected side
In: Rohan Bail
Out: Colin Sylvia

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

Disappointed that Sylvia is out, is he injured?
Although it's good to see Rohan Bail in the team, was one of our best last week and was stiff to be dropped.