Opinion The 'Carlton related stuff that doesn't need it's own thread' thread

[Blue and Blue]

A potshot? I did watch his career as well. His kicking was sublime off either leg, his chasing and on field demeanour weren't always first class. Back to the golden testimonial though..

I think we are all aware of Ryan Houlihans abilities and flaws. Lack of ticker was not one of the latter. That is where it becomes just plain wrong. This kind of nonsense talk has been done to death over Weitering also of late. Here's an example of ticker as shown eminently in the video highlights. Two burly blokes go towards football, Houlihan swoops in takes ball from under their noses..twirls and dances away..rinse and repeat.......
So I go back to the first words I said ...Why?....that is, why demean a bloke just because you can from the safety of this anonymity?.....that's my last words on the matter.

 

[Doro]

I think we are all aware of Ryan Houlihans abilities and flaws. Lack of ticker was not one of the latter. That is where it becomes just plain wrong. This kind of nonsense talk has been done to death over Weitering also of late. Here's an example of ticker as shown eminently in the video highlights. Two burly blokes go towards football, Houlihan swoops in takes ball from under their noses..twirls and dances away..rinse and repeat.......
So I go back to the first words I said ...Why?....that is, why demean a bloke just because you can from the safety of this anonymity?.....that's my last words on the matter.

You seem to have an insatiable desire to only mention the positive aspects in all Carlton footballers. Good for you. I prefer to speak of the negative as well when appraising players.

 

[cookie monster]

Houlihan, in any other era of this club, would be as lauded a 200 gamer as any we have

 

[DangerousD]

Cry at the idiots who engineered the Judd deal, to find it necessary to “throw in” Kennedy as well.

Pick 3 and 20 was and should have been enough.

Never in a million years, the big trades now are two 1st rounders and none of them are in the same ball bark as Judd.

No way should Kennedy have been in there and we rolled over big time.

 

[Nori]

Never in a million years, the big trades now are two 1st rounders and none of them are in the same ball bark as Judd.

No way should Kennedy have been in there and we rolled over big time.

They might have been able to negotiate a better deal with the WCE, but Judd was still worth it.

The problem was all the other list management debacles by the club in the same era.

 

[thylacine60]

judd was worth everything we threw at them including kennedy - nisbett insisted we were handing over pick one and that never happened - the hindsight move was giving them fev when we knew he was a loose cannon - they'll still be discussing chris judd when 'josh who' is sipping horlicks in woolly socks

 

[katmanblue]

I was just in Aldı in Brunswick.

When I walked out there, right in front of me was a no.19 tram advertising Druggies memberships.

I was quite upset.

On SM-N960F using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[Masqualero]

judd was worth everything we threw at them including kennedy - nisbett insisted we were handing over pick one and that never happened - the hindsight move was giving them fev when we knew he was a loose cannon - they'll still be discussing chris judd when 'josh who' is sipping horlicks in woolly socks

Yes, Josh Kennedy who played for Sydney IIRC

 

[agro]

They might have been able to negotiate a better deal with the WCE, but Judd was still worth it.

The problem was all the other list management debacles by the club in the same era.

Worth it.

The godfather trade deals have established the worth of trades as two x first rounders.

Judd was desparately needed at our club, but we should have stood firm at the bargaining table - we would have got him with three and 20.

In any event it would have been interesting playing that final at West Coast in 2011 - with Josh Kennedy playing for us instead of them.

 

[Blue and Blue]

The problem never was Judd or the deal. It was a club that hadnt worked out why it ended up in the situation of so desperately needing a Judd. And didn't work it out for almost another ten years.

 

[inyourcool]

Recruiting Judd was never the problem - our sh!tful recruiting and player development through that period is what held us back. Not the trade value (or lack thereof)

We had the opportunity to build around Judd, our pick 1's and to some extent Fevola but we had a terrible strike rate beyond our number 1 picks

Getting Judd was absolutely the right thing for us to do. A generational player at the peak of his powers. No brainer

 

[thylacine60]

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-03...in-the-2019-afl-season/10908802?section=sport

Can Cripps bring Charlie back to Carlton?

We know we won't have a repeat Brownlow Medal winner given the injury to Tom Mitchell, but who will step up in 2019? Could it be a Carlton celebration with Charlie going to Patrick Cripps?

Last season the young star finished fourth in the Brownlow count with a creditable 20 votes, even though the Blues only won two games for the year.

 

[TeeJay Blue]

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-03...in-the-2019-afl-season/10908802?section=sport

Can Cripps bring Charlie back to Carlton?

What the **** are they talking about?! Charlie never left Car...


...oooohhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

[Blue82]

Hello again, I have returned to post part 2 of the season preview I have done for The Good Oil.

A Round One thingy is coming out tomorrow, I will post that here as well. Soon-ish it will be on a website also, but you can subscribe here. I would really appreciate it.

Thanks!

-------------------------------

The Good Oil
Sport is very good

If you believe rich blokes like old mates Gil and Eddie, the only inevitabilities in life are death, taxes, and a twilight Grand Final. Which is an odd position given that the AFL pays zero tax despite pulling in more revenue than the GDP of Samoa. Worse still, they do not have a remotely reasonable argument for the inevitability of a twilight Grand Final.

Now, I am loath to find myself in alignment with Robbo, but the raving lunatic is right:

Let’s play a game. We’ll call it: Will the AFL listen? Generally, head office wins the game, because rarely does it listen.

OK, that makes zero sense and is wildly inarticulate. But later in the ‘article’, he does point out that fans and players alike overwhelmingly back a day Grand Final. He then goes on to break down why there is at best a flimsy argument for moving it. At least, I think that is what he was saying.

Whatever, the point is that shifting to a twilight Grand Final is a terrible idea. And it is a terrible idea for molto reasons.

Firstly, and sincerely, grow a pair, would you please? Twilight is a half-measure that attempts to placate but in so doing satisfies no-one. And there is nothing worse than approaching your convictions with the fortitude of a distressed lettuce leaf flapping about in a gale. If you think a night Grand Final is the right thing to do, then bloody own it – ‘We want the Super Bowl down under, and could not give a rat’s gonads about the average punters preferences. So nur.’ Cop the backlash, and move on to another idea pilfered from the NFL.

Secondly, even if you really wanted the game played in the twilight, that is a terrible time to be doing anything. It is no coincidence that it is the time most road accidents happen. It is also no coincidence that it is the time small children turn into deranged hyenas. Twilight is the witching hour, when our evolutionary bodies start to respond to the ancient fear that the sun was not bloody coming back. Animals freak out too. So, do not be surprised if the seagulls go all Alfred Hitchcock on the players and you’ve got a serious suit on your hands.

Thirdly, get stuffed.

How rude​

Fourthly, no-one is even ashamed to say that the only reason for moving the game is ‘better’ TV ratings. In particular, we need more people engaged in the pre-game entertainment. Seriously. Darryl Braithwaite needs more eyeballs while he sings about the damn horses? I have a hot tip for you Gil, no right-minded person cares one iota. If you want more eyeballs, book the Wiggles. You’ll occupy half a million kids for 20 minutes and the parents will give you more money than the advertisers could dream of.

Lastly, have you met Australians? If you hold the bounce till 5 in the pm, you are going to have innumerable cases of alcohol poisoning on your conscience. The tinnies will still be cracked circa 11am, and with nothing to distract the masses, your punters will be too side-eyed to take in Darryl anyway, let alone the game.

Four pints of draft thanks maaaate
​

Sanity has thankfully prevailed. Or rather, people got upset and the can got kicked down the road. Lettuce leaf indeed.

Rant over. On with the show.


The calm before the squiggly lines – Season 2019 preview (part two)

[In dramatic television voiceover voice] Previously, on The Good Oil:

True, fair, accurate and just predictions were made about teams falling in categories one to four.

[Dong-bong-bong noise from Law & Order]

5. ‘Rumours of our demise have been much exaggerated (sadly)’ teams
People overstay their welcome all the time. Andrew Demetriou was CEO of the AFL for 11 years. There have been about 329 too many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. This one time some people we barely knew came to stay for a couple of nights, and left three weeks later with three shoes – two on their feet and one in their derriere.

Time heals no wounds
​

There are a number of teams that have been at or near the top for ten plus years. They just never seem to go away. Sure, we are all very impressed with their achievements, and particularly their longevity, which the system specifically discourages. But the fans, my god, the fans. Welcome well overstayed.

Geelong
The world made a lot of sense when I was growing up. Prime ministers served multiple terms, Carlton won games in the third quarter, and Geelong were a running joke. But then our world was torn asunder by a rapacious John Elliot, a repugnant Kevin Rudd, and a relentless Geelong midfield. Thereafter, it was Carlton absorbing the mirth, Geelong destroying the less fortunate, and Tony Abbott eating raw onions.

I must admit, arriving at Princes Park assuming we were going to win was much more fun than listening to Geelong supporters. ‘Greatest Team of All’, ‘Total Football’, ‘Son of God’. Spare me. The worst part is being related to some of them. Particularly those, like my teenage Nephew, who were born too late to understand the true glory of Carlton.

But the dirty little secret is that the ‘Greatest Team of All’ is no more. The memory of greatness, and to be fair, the attraction of a bloody well run organisation, has seen them continuously attract enough talent to keep them in the finals. Yet winning anything has proved elusive, and at some point, the proverbial chickens need to roost.

The turn for the worst will come one day. And when it does, I’ll be there:

It is probably too late
​

Does that make me a bad person or a good uncle? Hard to tell.

Prediction: Treading water in the irrelevant part of the eight, maybe even a hint of crash and burn.

Sydney
Speaking of impressive organisations, the Swans should also be given their due. Sure, they have at times sought advantage in additional player payments, but hey, Carlton supporters cannot really throw stones. And even if there is a little more cash money floating around, it feels like the Swans have not missed the finals in 20 years. Respect.

The aura that comes with that record though seems to have dissipated. There are a lot of miles weighing down Lance Franklin’s legs, the good McVeigh brother just celebrated his 64th birthday, and the midfield is not as it once was. On the balance of probabilities, it is always better to put your money where the good organisation lies. This is the exception that proves the rule. I think the fall has arrived.

Prediction: Falling. Sharply.

Hawthorn
You could call it grave misfortune, but that would just be patronising. In reality, having as many ‘friends’ as I do that support Hawthorn is just careless. They are all terrible people.

Bono * Donald Trump = Boris Johnson
​

If they are not running you down in their X5, or supping some ridiculous grass laden juice, or forcing Lycra upon your face, they are going on and on and on and on. We get it, the Hawks were great, they won lots of stuff, Clarkson is the best. Tiresome is not a strong enough word.

Of course, much like the Cats, every time you think it is the end, there they are belting your hapless team into oblivion. Some 15 times in a row at one point. Even their fans thought last year was going to be the end, and yet they still finished fourth, albeit deliciously bowing out in straight sets.

So even though their Captain (and the AFL’s most influential non-influential player) is done for the season, even though they have an average age of 108, even though their boon recruit is a bloke called Chad, you know they will be there or even thereabouts.

Prediction: Falling out of the eight but in reality, probably sniffing about the top four or winning the flag. Seriously, bugger off.

6. ‘Blowing smoke forcefully up the proverbial’ teams
Fun fact: In the eighteenth century, administering a nicotine enema was thought to be a rather fabulous cure for a spot of drowning. Really get the heart pumping, while drying up all that pesky fluid in the lung.

Of course, now the phrase ‘blowing smoke up the bum’ refers to inflating the ego through rank and undue flattery. And it is a practice used widely and forcefully in footy media. Each year, a team or two is pumped up beyond evidence-based reality, setting them up for failure when they do not in fact lift the cup.

AFL media administered enemas
​

This year, the media saturation has me reaching for the tobacco pipe just to calm the nerves.

Essendon
Man, do I hate Essendon. Wait, did I say that out loud? Good.

Kant was onto something
​

But do not let that fool you. What I am about to say contains not the slightest bias. My words are dowsed in objectivity. Essendon are average at best. Sure, they have some good young players. Fine. But there is still a lot of chaff amongst the wheat.

Yet the nicotine has been flowing directly into the collective rectum of the Bombers ever since they won a string of games late last year (for naught as it turned out). Then the pump up went into hyper drive after they recruited the eighth best midfielder at GWS. Now it cannot be considered anything other than a grave and vicious failure if Essendon do not secure a top four birth.

Well I am putting the whole competition on notice. You will be held to account, individually and collectively, if that lot so much as make the finals. Having to deal with Collingwood and Richmond is already more than my feeble heart can cope with.

Prediction: Having no more than a sniff of the eight. Otherwise I may have to leave Melbourne.

Brisbane
Brisbane are the darling team of the AFL hipsters. And frankly it is with good reason. Despite having lost supreme talents in Docherty and Yeo, they have built a young list with enormous potential. And to nurture them, they have brought in hardened veterans and a smart coach.

So it does seem that the enema may be justifiable in this case. Indeed, do not be surprised if, before long, the GABBA is once again a terrifying place to visit. And if that does start to happen in earnest this year, do not be surprised to the Lions sniffing about the eight come season’s end.

Prediction: Moving into the middle of the road, and casually sniffing about the eight.

7. ‘Do try not to overthink things’ teams
When you interrogate the data, analyse the metrics, and consult the bones with the veracity of The Good Oil, it is easy to slip into overthought. If this then that, but also that one, until you miss what is right in front of your face. There are just some teams that are as advertised – real real good at playing football.
Four teams fit the bill this year, and there is a better than 80% chance that the 2019 premiers are amongst them. Do with that what you must.

Richmond
Oh, the pain of a dominant Richmond team. Remember when they were the loveable failures, who would roll up to the season opener full of hope only to be belted around by a (in hindsight) very average Carlton team. And Melbourne would collectively smile and give them a patronising pat on the head. Those were the days.

Look, I was not alive in the 1970s, so I do not remember the thuggery, both of team and supporters alike. But since the Tiger Army was re-unleashed on Melbourne two years ago, pure insanity in full swing, I have seen the light. Those people are crazy. Be safe out there.

Particularly because they are not going away any time soon. Richmond are really good at football.

Elite talent adorns every line, and it is interspersed with interchangeable role players who weirdly all look exactly the same. Every person on that side and in that organisation is pulling in the same direction. And that is damn hard to stop.

And they added Tom Lynch. Jesus wept.

Prediction: At the zenith, hopefully to be headed in September once more.

Melbourne
I attended two Melbourne wins during September last year, and they were both the most genuinely psychotic experiences of my life. The oscillation between pure joy after a goal and sheer terror at the following bounce was staggering. Such reactions are not really surprising I guess, given the psychological damage Dees fans have been inflicted with over the past 50 years.

Unhinged as art form
​

Despite a bitter, embarrassing end to their year, you can feel the quickening around Melbourne. Small nods of the head between SUV drivers. The odd mutton chop wandering down Bay Street. Bookings for the chalet being placed on hold. The toff, that guffawing and over enunciating monster, has arisen.

This season is certain to be fascinating. There is serious potential Melbourne are sitting on the best list in the AFL. And there is also serious potential that the Dees will stuff it up in a hot psychological mess. Whatever the case, they will be great to watch. The fans that is.

Prediction: A traumatising sniff of the flag

West Coast
Weird that the reigning premiers (and once again, Australia thanks you) find themselves in this category by default. But, let’s face it, ‘by’ and ‘default’ are two of the sweetest words in the Australian language when arranged thusly. Just ask Monsieur Bradbury.

The Eagles were terrific. No-one important is saying that they did not deserve their flag. Indeed, the only people not smiling in Australia on that day were Collingwood supporters and Andrew Gaff. Yet, there is the slightest suspicion they overachieved on their lot.

That is in no small part due to the reality of the Wild West. The Eagles will play 12 games in Perth this year (probably, have not checked), and you can pen them in with a fat Sharpie for at least 11 of those. For it is nigh on impossible to beat a half decent home side there, given they will field 26 players (four of them carrying whistles).

From there they only need to beat up on a couple of down and out Melbourne teams on the road and without breaking sweat they are sitting in the top 4. And that makes you a contender. By default.

Prediction: Thereabouts once more

GWS
I have left GWS to last primarily because it is highly likely that only two people are still reading this, and that is an apt metaphor for the club as a whole.
At some point, the greatest accumulation of talent the football world will hopefully ever see must pay off. Shirley. If not, someone is getting well fired.
I for one hope it happens this year. Because they are the least offensive contenders by the length of the Western Motorway. It is hard to be offensive in Orange.

Prediction: Flag bound

​

If you are still reading, seek help immediately. But thank you. The Good Oil will be back for a Round One preview.

 

[Jabba73]

Good work Blue82

Like most people you don’t even care enough about Norf to review them.

 

[HalAlaric]

Off post but...

HELP NEEDED

Hi im trying to add a celeb team into my classic fantasy league through my phone. I cannot seem to find any of them.

Can anyone shed some light?

 

[Blue and Blue]

Hello again, I have returned to post part 2 of the season preview I have done for The Good Oil.

A Round One thingy is coming out tomorrow, I will post that here as well. Soon-ish it will be on a website also, but you can subscribe here. I would really appreciate it.

Thanks!

-------------------------------

The Good Oil
Sport is very good

If you believe rich blokes like old mates Gil and Eddie, the only inevitabilities in life are death, taxes, and a twilight Grand Final. Which is an odd position given that the AFL pays zero tax despite pulling in more revenue than the GDP of Samoa. Worse still, they do not have a remotely reasonable argument for the inevitability of a twilight Grand Final.

Now, I am loath to find myself in alignment with Robbo, but the raving lunatic is right:

Let’s play a game. We’ll call it: Will the AFL listen? Generally, head office wins the game, because rarely does it listen.

OK, that makes zero sense and is wildly inarticulate. But later in the ‘article’, he does point out that fans and players alike overwhelmingly back a day Grand Final. He then goes on to break down why there is at best a flimsy argument for moving it. At least, I think that is what he was saying.

Whatever, the point is that shifting to a twilight Grand Final is a terrible idea. And it is a terrible idea for molto reasons.

Firstly, and sincerely, grow a pair, would you please? Twilight is a half-measure that attempts to placate but in so doing satisfies no-one. And there is nothing worse than approaching your convictions with the fortitude of a distressed lettuce leaf flapping about in a gale. If you think a night Grand Final is the right thing to do, then bloody own it – ‘We want the Super Bowl down under, and could not give a rat’s gonads about the average punters preferences. So nur.’ Cop the backlash, and move on to another idea pilfered from the NFL.

Secondly, even if you really wanted the game played in the twilight, that is a terrible time to be doing anything. It is no coincidence that it is the time most road accidents happen. It is also no coincidence that it is the time small children turn into deranged hyenas. Twilight is the witching hour, when our evolutionary bodies start to respond to the ancient fear that the sun was not bloody coming back. Animals freak out too. So, do not be surprised if the seagulls go all Alfred Hitchcock on the players and you’ve got a serious suit on your hands.

Thirdly, get stuffed.

View attachment 637859
How rude​

Fourthly, no-one is even ashamed to say that the only reason for moving the game is ‘better’ TV ratings. In particular, we need more people engaged in the pre-game entertainment. Seriously. Darryl Braithwaite needs more eyeballs while he sings about the damn horses? I have a hot tip for you Gil, no right-minded person cares one iota. If you want more eyeballs, book the Wiggles. You’ll occupy half a million kids for 20 minutes and the parents will give you more money than the advertisers could dream of.

Lastly, have you met Australians? If you hold the bounce till 5 in the pm, you are going to have innumerable cases of alcohol poisoning on your conscience. The tinnies will still be cracked circa 11am, and with nothing to distract the masses, your punters will be too side-eyed to take in Darryl anyway, let alone the game.

View attachment 637860
Four pints of draft thanks maaaate
​

Sanity has thankfully prevailed. Or rather, people got upset and the can got kicked down the road. Lettuce leaf indeed.

Rant over. On with the show.


The calm before the squiggly lines – Season 2019 preview (part two)

[In dramatic television voiceover voice] Previously, on The Good Oil:

True, fair, accurate and just predictions were made about teams falling in categories one to four.

[Dong-bong-bong noise from Law & Order]

5. ‘Rumours of our demise have been much exaggerated (sadly)’ teams
People overstay their welcome all the time. Andrew Demetriou was CEO of the AFL for 11 years. There have been about 329 too many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. This one time some people we barely knew came to stay for a couple of nights, and left three weeks later with three shoes – two on their feet and one in their derriere.

View attachment 637861
Time heals no wounds
​

There are a number of teams that have been at or near the top for ten plus years. They just never seem to go away. Sure, we are all very impressed with their achievements, and particularly their longevity, which the system specifically discourages. But the fans, my god, the fans. Welcome well overstayed.

Geelong
The world made a lot of sense when I was growing up. Prime ministers served multiple terms, Carlton won games in the third quarter, and Geelong were a running joke. But then our world was torn asunder by a rapacious John Elliot, a repugnant Kevin Rudd, and a relentless Geelong midfield. Thereafter, it was Carlton absorbing the mirth, Geelong destroying the less fortunate, and Tony Abbott eating raw onions.

I must admit, arriving at Princes Park assuming we were going to win was much more fun than listening to Geelong supporters. ‘Greatest Team of All’, ‘Total Football’, ‘Son of God’. Spare me. The worst part is being related to some of them. Particularly those, like my teenage Nephew, who were born too late to understand the true glory of Carlton.

But the dirty little secret is that the ‘Greatest Team of All’ is no more. The memory of greatness, and to be fair, the attraction of a bloody well run organisation, has seen them continuously attract enough talent to keep them in the finals. Yet winning anything has proved elusive, and at some point, the proverbial chickens need to roost.

The turn for the worst will come one day. And when it does, I’ll be there:

View attachment 637862
It is probably too late
​

Does that make me a bad person or a good uncle? Hard to tell.

Prediction: Treading water in the irrelevant part of the eight, maybe even a hint of crash and burn.

Sydney
Speaking of impressive organisations, the Swans should also be given their due. Sure, they have at times sought advantage in additional player payments, but hey, Carlton supporters cannot really throw stones. And even if there is a little more cash money floating around, it feels like the Swans have not missed the finals in 20 years. Respect.

The aura that comes with that record though seems to have dissipated. There are a lot of miles weighing down Lance Franklin’s legs, the good McVeigh brother just celebrated his 64th birthday, and the midfield is not as it once was. On the balance of probabilities, it is always better to put your money where the good organisation lies. This is the exception that proves the rule. I think the fall has arrived.

Prediction: Falling. Sharply.

Hawthorn
You could call it grave misfortune, but that would just be patronising. In reality, having as many ‘friends’ as I do that support Hawthorn is just careless. They are all terrible people.

View attachment 637863
Bono * Donald Trump = Boris Johnson
​

If they are not running you down in their X5, or supping some ridiculous grass laden juice, or forcing Lycra upon your face, they are going on and on and on and on. We get it, the Hawks were great, they won lots of stuff, Clarkson is the best. Tiresome is not a strong enough word.

Of course, much like the Cats, every time you think it is the end, there they are belting your hapless team into oblivion. Some 15 times in a row at one point. Even their fans thought last year was going to be the end, and yet they still finished fourth, albeit deliciously bowing out in straight sets.

So even though their Captain (and the AFL’s most influential non-influential player) is done for the season, even though they have an average age of 108, even though their boon recruit is a bloke called Chad, you know they will be there or even thereabouts.

Prediction: Falling out of the eight but in reality, probably sniffing about the top four or winning the flag. Seriously, bugger off.

6. ‘Blowing smoke forcefully up the proverbial’ teams
Fun fact: In the eighteenth century, administering a nicotine enema was thought to be a rather fabulous cure for a spot of drowning. Really get the heart pumping, while drying up all that pesky fluid in the lung.

Of course, now the phrase ‘blowing smoke up the bum’ refers to inflating the ego through rank and undue flattery. And it is a practice used widely and forcefully in footy media. Each year, a team or two is pumped up beyond evidence-based reality, setting them up for failure when they do not in fact lift the cup.

View attachment 637864
AFL media administered enemas
​

This year, the media saturation has me reaching for the tobacco pipe just to calm the nerves.

Essendon
Man, do I hate Essendon. Wait, did I say that out loud? Good.

View attachment 637866
Kant was onto something
​

But do not let that fool you. What I am about to say contains not the slightest bias. My words are dowsed in objectivity. Essendon are average at best. Sure, they have some good young players. Fine. But there is still a lot of chaff amongst the wheat.

Yet the nicotine has been flowing directly into the collective rectum of the Bombers ever since they won a string of games late last year (for naught as it turned out). Then the pump up went into hyper drive after they recruited the eighth best midfielder at GWS. Now it cannot be considered anything other than a grave and vicious failure if Essendon do not secure a top four birth.

Well I am putting the whole competition on notice. You will be held to account, individually and collectively, if that lot so much as make the finals. Having to deal with Collingwood and Richmond is already more than my feeble heart can cope with.

Prediction: Having no more than a sniff of the eight. Otherwise I may have to leave Melbourne.

Brisbane
Brisbane are the darling team of the AFL hipsters. And frankly it is with good reason. Despite having lost supreme talents in Docherty and Yeo, they have built a young list with enormous potential. And to nurture them, they have brought in hardened veterans and a smart coach.

So it does seem that the enema may be justifiable in this case. Indeed, do not be surprised if, before long, the GABBA is once again a terrifying place to visit. And if that does start to happen in earnest this year, do not be surprised to the Lions sniffing about the eight come season’s end.

Prediction: Moving into the middle of the road, and casually sniffing about the eight.

7. ‘Do try not to overthink things’ teams
When you interrogate the data, analyse the metrics, and consult the bones with the veracity of The Good Oil, it is easy to slip into overthought. If this then that, but also that one, until you miss what is right in front of your face. There are just some teams that are as advertised – real real good at playing football.
Four teams fit the bill this year, and there is a better than 80% chance that the 2019 premiers are amongst them. Do with that what you must.

Richmond
Oh, the pain of a dominant Richmond team. Remember when they were the loveable failures, who would roll up to the season opener full of hope only to be belted around by a (in hindsight) very average Carlton team. And Melbourne would collectively smile and give them a patronising pat on the head. Those were the days.

Look, I was not alive in the 1970s, so I do not remember the thuggery, both of team and supporters alike. But since the Tiger Army was re-unleashed on Melbourne two years ago, pure insanity in full swing, I have seen the light. Those people are crazy. Be safe out there.

Particularly because they are not going away any time soon. Richmond are really good at football.

Elite talent adorns every line, and it is interspersed with interchangeable role players who weirdly all look exactly the same. Every person on that side and in that organisation is pulling in the same direction. And that is damn hard to stop.

And they added Tom Lynch. Jesus wept.

Prediction: At the zenith, hopefully to be headed in September once more.

Melbourne
I attended two Melbourne wins during September last year, and they were both the most genuinely psychotic experiences of my life. The oscillation between pure joy after a goal and sheer terror at the following bounce was staggering. Such reactions are not really surprising I guess, given the psychological damage Dees fans have been inflicted with over the past 50 years.

View attachment 637867
Unhinged as art form
​

Despite a bitter, embarrassing end to their year, you can feel the quickening around Melbourne. Small nods of the head between SUV drivers. The odd mutton chop wandering down Bay Street. Bookings for the chalet being placed on hold. The toff, that guffawing and over enunciating monster, has arisen.

This season is certain to be fascinating. There is serious potential Melbourne are sitting on the best list in the AFL. And there is also serious potential that the Dees will stuff it up in a hot psychological mess. Whatever the case, they will be great to watch. The fans that is.

Prediction: A traumatising sniff of the flag

West Coast
Weird that the reigning premiers (and once again, Australia thanks you) find themselves in this category by default. But, let’s face it, ‘by’ and ‘default’ are two of the sweetest words in the Australian language when arranged thusly. Just ask Monsieur Bradbury.

The Eagles were terrific. No-one important is saying that they did not deserve their flag. Indeed, the only people not smiling in Australia on that day were Collingwood supporters and Andrew Gaff. Yet, there is the slightest suspicion they overachieved on their lot.

That is in no small part due to the reality of the Wild West. The Eagles will play 12 games in Perth this year (probably, have not checked), and you can pen them in with a fat Sharpie for at least 11 of those. For it is nigh on impossible to beat a half decent home side there, given they will field 26 players (four of them carrying whistles).

From there they only need to beat up on a couple of down and out Melbourne teams on the road and without breaking sweat they are sitting in the top 4. And that makes you a contender. By default.

Prediction: Thereabouts once more

GWS
I have left GWS to last primarily because it is highly likely that only two people are still reading this, and that is an apt metaphor for the club as a whole.
At some point, the greatest accumulation of talent the football world will hopefully ever see must pay off. Shirley. If not, someone is getting well fired.
I for one hope it happens this year. Because they are the least offensive contenders by the length of the Western Motorway. It is hard to be offensive in Orange.

Prediction: Flag bound

​

If you are still reading, seek help immediately. But thank you. The Good Oil will be back for a Round One preview.

In the running for POAU...and damn funny

That's Post Of Alternate Universe

 

[thylacine60]

Hello again, I have returned to post part 2 of the season preview I have done for The Good Oil.

A Round One thingy is coming out tomorrow, I will post that here as well. Soon-ish it will be on a website also, but you can subscribe here. I would really appreciate it.

Thanks!

-------------------------------

The Good Oil
Sport is very good

If you believe rich blokes like old mates Gil and Eddie, the only inevitabilities in life are death, taxes, and a twilight Grand Final. Which is an odd position given that the AFL pays zero tax despite pulling in more revenue than the GDP of Samoa. Worse still, they do not have a remotely reasonable argument for the inevitability of a twilight Grand Final.

Now, I am loath to find myself in alignment with Robbo, but the raving lunatic is right:

Let’s play a game. We’ll call it: Will the AFL listen? Generally, head office wins the game, because rarely does it listen.

OK, that makes zero sense and is wildly inarticulate. But later in the ‘article’, he does point out that fans and players alike overwhelmingly back a day Grand Final. He then goes on to break down why there is at best a flimsy argument for moving it. At least, I think that is what he was saying.

Whatever, the point is that shifting to a twilight Grand Final is a terrible idea. And it is a terrible idea for molto reasons.

Firstly, and sincerely, grow a pair, would you please? Twilight is a half-measure that attempts to placate but in so doing satisfies no-one. And there is nothing worse than approaching your convictions with the fortitude of a distressed lettuce leaf flapping about in a gale. If you think a night Grand Final is the right thing to do, then bloody own it – ‘We want the Super Bowl down under, and could not give a rat’s gonads about the average punters preferences. So nur.’ Cop the backlash, and move on to another idea pilfered from the NFL.

Secondly, even if you really wanted the game played in the twilight, that is a terrible time to be doing anything. It is no coincidence that it is the time most road accidents happen. It is also no coincidence that it is the time small children turn into deranged hyenas. Twilight is the witching hour, when our evolutionary bodies start to respond to the ancient fear that the sun was not bloody coming back. Animals freak out too. So, do not be surprised if the seagulls go all Alfred Hitchcock on the players and you’ve got a serious suit on your hands.

Thirdly, get stuffed.

View attachment 637859
How rude​

Fourthly, no-one is even ashamed to say that the only reason for moving the game is ‘better’ TV ratings. In particular, we need more people engaged in the pre-game entertainment. Seriously. Darryl Braithwaite needs more eyeballs while he sings about the damn horses? I have a hot tip for you Gil, no right-minded person cares one iota. If you want more eyeballs, book the Wiggles. You’ll occupy half a million kids for 20 minutes and the parents will give you more money than the advertisers could dream of.

Lastly, have you met Australians? If you hold the bounce till 5 in the pm, you are going to have innumerable cases of alcohol poisoning on your conscience. The tinnies will still be cracked circa 11am, and with nothing to distract the masses, your punters will be too side-eyed to take in Darryl anyway, let alone the game.

View attachment 637860
Four pints of draft thanks maaaate
​

Sanity has thankfully prevailed. Or rather, people got upset and the can got kicked down the road. Lettuce leaf indeed.

Rant over. On with the show.


The calm before the squiggly lines – Season 2019 preview (part two)

[In dramatic television voiceover voice] Previously, on The Good Oil:

True, fair, accurate and just predictions were made about teams falling in categories one to four.

[Dong-bong-bong noise from Law & Order]

5. ‘Rumours of our demise have been much exaggerated (sadly)’ teams
People overstay their welcome all the time. Andrew Demetriou was CEO of the AFL for 11 years. There have been about 329 too many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. This one time some people we barely knew came to stay for a couple of nights, and left three weeks later with three shoes – two on their feet and one in their derriere.

View attachment 637861
Time heals no wounds
​

There are a number of teams that have been at or near the top for ten plus years. They just never seem to go away. Sure, we are all very impressed with their achievements, and particularly their longevity, which the system specifically discourages. But the fans, my god, the fans. Welcome well overstayed.

Geelong
The world made a lot of sense when I was growing up. Prime ministers served multiple terms, Carlton won games in the third quarter, and Geelong were a running joke. But then our world was torn asunder by a rapacious John Elliot, a repugnant Kevin Rudd, and a relentless Geelong midfield. Thereafter, it was Carlton absorbing the mirth, Geelong destroying the less fortunate, and Tony Abbott eating raw onions.

I must admit, arriving at Princes Park assuming we were going to win was much more fun than listening to Geelong supporters. ‘Greatest Team of All’, ‘Total Football’, ‘Son of God’. Spare me. The worst part is being related to some of them. Particularly those, like my teenage Nephew, who were born too late to understand the true glory of Carlton.

But the dirty little secret is that the ‘Greatest Team of All’ is no more. The memory of greatness, and to be fair, the attraction of a bloody well run organisation, has seen them continuously attract enough talent to keep them in the finals. Yet winning anything has proved elusive, and at some point, the proverbial chickens need to roost.

The turn for the worst will come one day. And when it does, I’ll be there:

View attachment 637862
It is probably too late
​

Does that make me a bad person or a good uncle? Hard to tell.

Prediction: Treading water in the irrelevant part of the eight, maybe even a hint of crash and burn.

Sydney
Speaking of impressive organisations, the Swans should also be given their due. Sure, they have at times sought advantage in additional player payments, but hey, Carlton supporters cannot really throw stones. And even if there is a little more cash money floating around, it feels like the Swans have not missed the finals in 20 years. Respect.

The aura that comes with that record though seems to have dissipated. There are a lot of miles weighing down Lance Franklin’s legs, the good McVeigh brother just celebrated his 64th birthday, and the midfield is not as it once was. On the balance of probabilities, it is always better to put your money where the good organisation lies. This is the exception that proves the rule. I think the fall has arrived.

Prediction: Falling. Sharply.

Hawthorn
You could call it grave misfortune, but that would just be patronising. In reality, having as many ‘friends’ as I do that support Hawthorn is just careless. They are all terrible people.

View attachment 637863
Bono * Donald Trump = Boris Johnson
​

If they are not running you down in their X5, or supping some ridiculous grass laden juice, or forcing Lycra upon your face, they are going on and on and on and on. We get it, the Hawks were great, they won lots of stuff, Clarkson is the best. Tiresome is not a strong enough word.

Of course, much like the Cats, every time you think it is the end, there they are belting your hapless team into oblivion. Some 15 times in a row at one point. Even their fans thought last year was going to be the end, and yet they still finished fourth, albeit deliciously bowing out in straight sets.

So even though their Captain (and the AFL’s most influential non-influential player) is done for the season, even though they have an average age of 108, even though their boon recruit is a bloke called Chad, you know they will be there or even thereabouts.

Prediction: Falling out of the eight but in reality, probably sniffing about the top four or winning the flag. Seriously, bugger off.

6. ‘Blowing smoke forcefully up the proverbial’ teams
Fun fact: In the eighteenth century, administering a nicotine enema was thought to be a rather fabulous cure for a spot of drowning. Really get the heart pumping, while drying up all that pesky fluid in the lung.

Of course, now the phrase ‘blowing smoke up the bum’ refers to inflating the ego through rank and undue flattery. And it is a practice used widely and forcefully in footy media. Each year, a team or two is pumped up beyond evidence-based reality, setting them up for failure when they do not in fact lift the cup.

View attachment 637864
AFL media administered enemas
​

This year, the media saturation has me reaching for the tobacco pipe just to calm the nerves.

Essendon
Man, do I hate Essendon. Wait, did I say that out loud? Good.

View attachment 637866
Kant was onto something
​

But do not let that fool you. What I am about to say contains not the slightest bias. My words are dowsed in objectivity. Essendon are average at best. Sure, they have some good young players. Fine. But there is still a lot of chaff amongst the wheat.

Yet the nicotine has been flowing directly into the collective rectum of the Bombers ever since they won a string of games late last year (for naught as it turned out). Then the pump up went into hyper drive after they recruited the eighth best midfielder at GWS. Now it cannot be considered anything other than a grave and vicious failure if Essendon do not secure a top four birth.

Well I am putting the whole competition on notice. You will be held to account, individually and collectively, if that lot so much as make the finals. Having to deal with Collingwood and Richmond is already more than my feeble heart can cope with.

Prediction: Having no more than a sniff of the eight. Otherwise I may have to leave Melbourne.

Brisbane
Brisbane are the darling team of the AFL hipsters. And frankly it is with good reason. Despite having lost supreme talents in Docherty and Yeo, they have built a young list with enormous potential. And to nurture them, they have brought in hardened veterans and a smart coach.

So it does seem that the enema may be justifiable in this case. Indeed, do not be surprised if, before long, the GABBA is once again a terrifying place to visit. And if that does start to happen in earnest this year, do not be surprised to the Lions sniffing about the eight come season’s end.

Prediction: Moving into the middle of the road, and casually sniffing about the eight.

7. ‘Do try not to overthink things’ teams
When you interrogate the data, analyse the metrics, and consult the bones with the veracity of The Good Oil, it is easy to slip into overthought. If this then that, but also that one, until you miss what is right in front of your face. There are just some teams that are as advertised – real real good at playing football.
Four teams fit the bill this year, and there is a better than 80% chance that the 2019 premiers are amongst them. Do with that what you must.

Richmond
Oh, the pain of a dominant Richmond team. Remember when they were the loveable failures, who would roll up to the season opener full of hope only to be belted around by a (in hindsight) very average Carlton team. And Melbourne would collectively smile and give them a patronising pat on the head. Those were the days.

Look, I was not alive in the 1970s, so I do not remember the thuggery, both of team and supporters alike. But since the Tiger Army was re-unleashed on Melbourne two years ago, pure insanity in full swing, I have seen the light. Those people are crazy. Be safe out there.

Particularly because they are not going away any time soon. Richmond are really good at football.

Elite talent adorns every line, and it is interspersed with interchangeable role players who weirdly all look exactly the same. Every person on that side and in that organisation is pulling in the same direction. And that is damn hard to stop.

And they added Tom Lynch. Jesus wept.

Prediction: At the zenith, hopefully to be headed in September once more.

Melbourne
I attended two Melbourne wins during September last year, and they were both the most genuinely psychotic experiences of my life. The oscillation between pure joy after a goal and sheer terror at the following bounce was staggering. Such reactions are not really surprising I guess, given the psychological damage Dees fans have been inflicted with over the past 50 years.

View attachment 637867
Unhinged as art form
​

Despite a bitter, embarrassing end to their year, you can feel the quickening around Melbourne. Small nods of the head between SUV drivers. The odd mutton chop wandering down Bay Street. Bookings for the chalet being placed on hold. The toff, that guffawing and over enunciating monster, has arisen.

This season is certain to be fascinating. There is serious potential Melbourne are sitting on the best list in the AFL. And there is also serious potential that the Dees will stuff it up in a hot psychological mess. Whatever the case, they will be great to watch. The fans that is.

Prediction: A traumatising sniff of the flag

West Coast
Weird that the reigning premiers (and once again, Australia thanks you) find themselves in this category by default. But, let’s face it, ‘by’ and ‘default’ are two of the sweetest words in the Australian language when arranged thusly. Just ask Monsieur Bradbury.

The Eagles were terrific. No-one important is saying that they did not deserve their flag. Indeed, the only people not smiling in Australia on that day were Collingwood supporters and Andrew Gaff. Yet, there is the slightest suspicion they overachieved on their lot.

That is in no small part due to the reality of the Wild West. The Eagles will play 12 games in Perth this year (probably, have not checked), and you can pen them in with a fat Sharpie for at least 11 of those. For it is nigh on impossible to beat a half decent home side there, given they will field 26 players (four of them carrying whistles).

From there they only need to beat up on a couple of down and out Melbourne teams on the road and without breaking sweat they are sitting in the top 4. And that makes you a contender. By default.

Prediction: Thereabouts once more

GWS
I have left GWS to last primarily because it is highly likely that only two people are still reading this, and that is an apt metaphor for the club as a whole.
At some point, the greatest accumulation of talent the football world will hopefully ever see must pay off. Shirley. If not, someone is getting well fired.
I for one hope it happens this year. Because they are the least offensive contenders by the length of the Western Motorway. It is hard to be offensive in Orange.

Prediction: Flag bound

​

If you are still reading, seek help immediately. But thank you. The Good Oil will be back for a Round One preview.

who is this lunatic and why has he/she taken so long to get here?

ffs?

 

[Jabba73]

who is this lunatic and why has he/she taken so long to get here?

ffs?

13 posts in and a couple of epic efforts so far.

Predict big things for this poster.

 

[Blue and Blue]

who is this lunatic and why has he/she taken so long to get here?

ffs?

because space is big...very big

 

[thylacine60]

Good work Blue82

Like most people you don’t even care enough about Norf to review them.

I thought norf closed?

 

[Blue82]

who is this lunatic and why has he/she taken so long to get here?

ffs?

I've been lurking around since forever, just never had anything to add

 

[Jabba73]

I've been lurking around since forever, just never had anything to add

Glad you saved it up

 

[Jabba73]

I thought norf closed?

That would explain it

 

[TD2010]

I was just in Aldı in Brunswick.

When I walked out there, right in front of me was a no.19 tram advertising Druggies memberships.

I was quite upset.

On SM-N960F using BigFooty.com mobile app

Is that the one where three of them are laughing to the bank with the hush money they got?

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