Roast Grumpy Old Thread- 10k posts of whinging

[Hojuman]

If you buggers are old & grumpy, what are you doing with small children at home ?
Should be complaining about them coming home at " all hours " and waking you up !

 

[Gasometer]

'The Sullivans' ...what a great show for old blokes.

But **** me...to buy the whole set is like $0000's.

 

[Gasometer]

If you buggers are old & grumpy, what are you doing with small children at home ?
Should be complaining about them coming home at " all hours " and waking you up !

My Mum had me at 21.

When i was 21 she was 42.

I thought she was old then.

Nekminit I am 47

Gagf.

 

[Horace]

If you buggers are old & grumpy, what are you doing with small children at home ?
Should be complaining about them coming home at " all hours " and waking you up !

Nah, I'm old and grumpy. I was just reflecting on what it was like when they were young.

 

[Twinkletoes]

Should be complaining about them coming home at " all hours " and waking you up !

That's one thing which won't bother me, but in a decade or so it'll likely bother the pimply prick trying to sneak into our daughter's room in the wee hours thinking we'd be asleep. "I have news for ya sonny, I NEVER SLEEP, CAPICHE?"

 

[KiwiRoo]

That's one thing which won't bother me, but in a decade or so it'll likely bother the pimply prick trying to sneak into our daughter's room in the wee hours thinking we'd be asleep. "I have news for ya sonny, I NEVER SLEEP, CAPICHE?"

My mate (who's a farmer), takes his daughters' boyfriends to see his gun rack. Then says " home by 10 please ".
He reckons it never fails

 

[Hearts to hearts]

Grade 6 Graduation. ...wtf.

If an occasionally grumpy old woman can butt in - I used to think that, but my older son finished primary school a couple of years ago and it was really nice. They showed photos from their prep year as each kid came up to get a small gift from the school, there were a couple of short speeches, and that was it. No stupidity with gowns and mortars (although my brother's little girl dressed up in that gear for the end of her NSW pre-schooling, which is way over the line for me, but there you go). My younger son is switching schools so won't get to celebrate "graduating" from the school he attended for seven years, and I'm a bit sorry.

 

[KiwiRoo]

Im with you H2H. Its nice to recognise your kids achievements
and grumpy (slightly) old women are very welcome. Though could you please tell me how I get my wife to be only occasionally grumpy

 

[Horace]

If an occasionally grumpy old woman can butt in - I used to think that, but my older son finished primary school a couple of years ago and it was really nice. They showed photos from their prep year as each kid came up to get a small gift from the school, there were a couple of short speeches, and that was it. No stupidity with gowns and mortars (although my brother's little girl dressed up in that gear for the end of her NSW pre-schooling, which is way over the line for me, but there you go). My younger son is switching schools so won't get to celebrate "graduating" from the school he attended for seven years, and I'm a bit sorry.

H2H I think the thread title was changed to "Grumpy Old", I'm assuming in recognition of the proven fact (to me anyway) that "Grumpy Old" is not gender specific. I know quite a few "Grumpy Old"s of both sexes, one of whom is the female variety and shall we say lives very very close to where I live. Another "Grumpy Old" is my younger sister, who is a very passionate Cats supporter. Just at the present don't mention the fact that the Cats retired Stevie J, Pop Kelly and Matthew Stokes and then drafted a few hopefuls in the 60's range of the draft. Not that I would think of doing anything like mentioning that to her.

 

[Horace]

Im with you H2H. Its nice to recognise your kids achievements
and grumpy (slightly) old women are very welcome. Though could you please tell me how I get my wife to be only occasionally grumpy

Not possible mate. :stern look

 

[Twinkletoes]

(although my brother's little girl dressed up in that gear for the end of her NSW pre-schooling, which is way over the line for me, but there you go).

My daughter finishes kinder this year and this Friday night we have that very type of full gown and cap graduation ceremony to attend H to h.

H2H I think the thread title was changed to "Grumpy Old", I'm assuming in recognition of the proven fact (to me anyway) that "Grumpy Old" is not gender specific. I know quite a few "Grumpy Old"s of both sexes, one of whom is the female variety and shall we say lives very very close to where I live. Another "Grumpy Old" is my younger sister, who is a very passionate Cats supporter. Just at the present don't mention the fact that the Cats retired Stevie J, Pop Kelly and Matthew Stokes and then drafted a few hopefuls in the 60's range of the draft. Not that I would think of doing anything like mentioning that to her.

I ran into a Grumpy Old Woman at the local Shell servo the other arvo. I'd filled up the Mustang and headed into the Coles mini supermarket to pay for the fuel and to also grab a couple of other things whilst inside. After doing so I returned to my car where I found a car waiting for me to return. I opened the boot and stowed the bag of goodies then went to get into my car when this screaming banshee in the car behind opened her door and let rip with every profanity under the sun because I'd done more than just pay for the fuel while inside.

"If you're gonna shop you have to drive your car away from the pump first you f***ing idiot! Bloody selfish prick. Who do you f***ing think your are f***wit?" she screamed. Lol, I thought, "your five year old son in the back seat must be proud of his mum, with a mouth like that!" I replied with a smile. "If I drive off before paying I'll be booked for doing a runner you dopey cow!"

She went on until I decided to change direction from my driver's door towards her car, no longer smiling. All I saw was tyre smoke as she took off at a million miles per hour. Lovely lady she was and I welcome her to the thread dedicated to her and my kind.

 

[blackshadow]

My daughter finishes kinder this year and this Friday night we have that very type of full gown and cap graduation ceremony to attend H to h.



I ran into a Grumpy Old Woman at the local Shell servo the other arvo. I'd filled up the Mustang and headed into the Coles mini supermarket to pay for the fuel and to also grab a couple of other things whilst inside. After doing so I returned to my car where I found a car waiting for me to return. I opened the boot and stowed the bag of goodies then went to get into my car then this screaming banshee in the car behind opened her door and let rip with every profanity under the sun because I'd done more than just pay for the fuel while inside.

"If you're gonna shop you have to drive your car away from the pump first you f***ing idiot! Bloody selfish prick. Who do you f***ing think your are f***wit?" she screamed. Lol, I thought, "your five year old son in the back seat must be proud of his mum, with a mouth like that!" I replied with a smile. "If I drive off before paying I'll be booked for doing a runner you dopey cow!"

She went on until I decided to change direction from my driver's door towards her car, no longer smiling. All I saw was tyre smoke as she took off at a million miles per hour. Lovely lady she was and I welcome her to the thread dedicated to her and my kind.

I love winding arseholes like that up. I probably would have leaned against my car and smiled at her until she shut up.

 

[KiwiRoo]

Not possible mate. :stern look

Lately I found out that my favourite track pants are no longer part of the dress code,Nude walks from the shower are out and I eat too much salt so that's out too
I'd just like to know where I signed up for this ?

 

[Twinkletoes]

I love winding arseholes like that up. I probably would have leaned against my car and smiled at her until she shut up.

Afterwards I thought I should've said "Actually I have a heap more shopping to do yet. This is just the first load!"

 

[blackshadow]

Lately I found out that my favourite track pants are no longer part of the dress code,Nude walks from the shower are out and I eat too much salt so that's out too
I'd just like to know where I signed up for this ?

Turn your trackie dacks into arseless chaps to walk to and from the shower [emoji1]

 

[KiwiRoo]

Turn your trackie dacks into arseless chaps to walk to and from the shower [emoji1]

well they did say marriage was full of compromises !

 

[Orange Peanut]

Can we go back to reversing into shopping centre parking spaces?
As a grumpy old man, nothing shits me more than grumpy old men shaking their heads and rolling their eyes while I do it.

It's for the safety of pedestrians -especially young kids - you cranky old ****ers.

Trust me, you aren't that important that the 15 seconds (absolute max) you have to wait for me will impact you.

Get the **** over it.

 

[Hearts to hearts]

My daughter finishes kinder this year and this Friday night we have that very type of full gown and cap graduation ceremony to attend H to h.



I ran into a Grumpy Old Woman at the local Shell servo the other arvo. I'd filled up the Mustang and headed into the Coles mini supermarket to pay for the fuel and to also grab a couple of other things whilst inside. After doing so I returned to my car where I found a car waiting for me to return. I opened the boot and stowed the bag of goodies then went to get into my car when this screaming banshee in the car behind opened her door and let rip with every profanity under the sun because I'd done more than just pay for the fuel while inside.

"If you're gonna shop you have to drive your car away from the pump first you f***ing idiot! Bloody selfish prick. Who do you f***ing think your are f***wit?" she screamed. Lol, I thought, "your five year old son in the back seat must be proud of his mum, with a mouth like that!" I replied with a smile. "If I drive off before paying I'll be booked for doing a runner you dopey cow!"

She went on until I decided to change direction from my driver's door towards her car, no longer smiling. All I saw was tyre smoke as she took off at a million miles per hour. Lovely lady she was and I welcome her to the thread dedicated to her and my kind.

As that's my local too, glad it wasn't me.

And little Toes' kinder graduation will be like everything else - tiresome when it's other people's children, adorable when it's your own!

 

[Shermanator]

Infomercials.

That f**wit Shamwow dude is nearly as bad as that muppet who screams at the camera in an attempt to hard sell the Nutribullet!

 

[blackshadow]

Infomercials.

That f**wit Shamwow dude is nearly as bad as that muppet who screams at the camera in an attempt to hard sell the Nutribullet!

Just use the off button or change channels and remove those stupid infomercial channels from your channel listing. Infomercials on normal network programming only seem to be on shows for the brain dead so you aren't missing out on anything by switching off or changing channels.

Even better though break the FTA broadcast insult to your intelligence and stream/download what you want to watch, when you want to watch it. The only things I watch on FTA now are live sport and news/current affairs.

 

[Twinkletoes]

Can we go back to reversing into shopping centre parking spaces?
As a grumpy old man, nothing shits me more than grumpy old men shaking their heads and rolling their eyes while I do it.

It's for the safety of pedestrians -especially young kids - you cranky old gooses.

Trust me, you aren't that important that the 15 seconds (absolute max) you have to wait for me will impact you.

Get the **** over it.

Hear ye! I used to valet park cars for a living many moons ago and when I first started my boss told me "make sure you back the cars into the parking bays", to which I replied "no worries, how come?" He said "If the cars refuse to start the RACV need access to the engine bay and making sure every car is parked this way ensures the doors are lined up so drivers aren't opening their doors into each other", which made plenty of sense and it's how I've parked ever since.

As that's my local too, glad it wasn't me.

And little Toes' kinder graduation will be like everything else - tiresome when it's other people's children, adorable when it's your own!

You would've bit harder than that fraud of a plonker H to h.

Just as I anticipate Friday night going too BTW.

 

[Twinkletoes]

Infomercials.

That f**wit Shamwow dude is nearly as bad as that muppet who screams at the camera in an attempt to hard sell the Nutribullet!

Were you responsible for this Sherm?

Bravo if so!

 

[Shermanator]

Were you responsible for this Sherm?

Bravo if so!

Yep the Shermwow

 

[Dodecahedron]

...what about the shifty campaigners who leave the paper jam...

What about when you press Print, walk half the floor to the printer, the page doesn't come out, so you walk back to your computer to find the pop-up message saying "Page outside margins. Do you want to proceed?".

 

[Twinkletoes]

Yep the Shermwow

What a comeback!