Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2023

[Purple7x08_24]

Surely Harry McKay.

Not approaching the new season he isn't. So much upside

 

[philreich]

Player 6 - Dyson Heppell

Pictured: The Essendon social media department left out 'finals wins'

Likes: Football
Hates: Bowls

Dyson Heppell was the Essendon captain during the 2023 pre-season ,then quit before the real stuff started when he finally realised he was not the man to lead them deep into August.

Nominally a defender or midfielder he was, by consensus, not really in the Essendon best 22 but was given games because of 'character'. Not quick enough to worry teams as a defensive player or offensive player, Dyson was largely left alone by opposition players. This year by foot he represented all the hurt factor of a hypothermic dal Santo. Apparently Brad Scott loves him more than he loves the roof at Marvel Stadium so performance and squad developmentbe damned, the guy gets to keep playing.

For some reason at the end of last year the Gold Coast Suns presented him with a 4 year contract offer (presumably Stewart Dew thought 'Heppell' was a type of Dyson Air-Fryer) but Dyson turned that down to stay loyal to Essendon who, for some reason, have offered him a contract for 2024. If Essendon really want more 'character' they really should make a play for Mickey Mouse who, much like Essendon, has a disturbingly racist past (Essendon were once known as the "Blood Stained... Naggers").

Of course, some stuff happened in 2016 too. Google it, mate.

Fun fact: Dyson Heppell once shaved off his dreadlocks for Charity, who was dating Jake Stringer at the time.

Good luck next season Dyson and welcome to the 2023 Bottom 50.

I think the Bombers are Dyson with death by keeping him.

 

[Madas]

What percentage of Curnow's goals does he get from frees?

82%

 

[JoseMourinho]

It's Not Unusual...

Dropped as in playing badly - not dropped as in dropped an opposing player and copped a 10 match ban.

 

[Purple7x08_24]

Player 6 - Dyson Heppell

Pictured: The Essendon social media department left out 'finals wins'

Likes: Football
Hates: Bowls

Dyson Heppell was the Essendon captain during the 2023 pre-season ,then quit before the real stuff started when he finally realised he was not the man to lead them deep into August.

Nominally a defender or midfielder he was, by consensus, not really in the Essendon best 22 but was given games because of 'character'. Not quick enough to worry teams as a defensive player or offensive player, Dyson was largely left alone by opposition players. This year by foot he represented all the hurt factor of a hypothermic dal Santo. Apparently Brad Scott loves him more than he loves the roof at Marvel Stadium so performance and squad developmentbe damned, the guy gets to keep playing.

For some reason at the end of last year the Gold Coast Suns presented him with a 4 year contract offer (presumably Stewart Dew thought 'Heppell' was a type of Dyson Air-Fryer) but Dyson turned that down to stay loyal to Essendon who, for some reason, have offered him a contract for 2024. If Essendon really want more 'character' they really should make a play for Mickey Mouse who, much like Essendon, has a disturbingly racist past (Essendon were once known as the "Blood Stained... Naggers").

Of course, some stuff happened in 2016 too. Google it, mate.

Fun fact: Dyson Heppell once shaved off his dreadlocks for Charity, who was dating Jake Stringer at the time.

Good luck next season Dyson and welcome to the 2023 Bottom 50.

There's more than enough of a correlation for me right here.

At least he's finally living up to his name.

 

[philreich]

I asked my boss, "What do you want me to do with this 6 metre roll of bubble wrap?"

He replied, "Just pop it in the corner."

It took me 4 ****ing hours!!!!!!!

 

[Wallaby]

Today I changed a light bulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar.

My life is just one big joke these days.

 

[Pistol Night]

Not approaching the new season he isn't. So much upside

Can’t be anymore shit

 

[HairyO]

Player 6 - Dyson Heppell

Pictured: The Essendon social media department left out 'finals wins'

Likes: Football
Hates: Bowls

Dyson Heppell was the Essendon captain during the 2023 pre-season ,then quit before the real stuff started when he finally realised he was not the man to lead them deep into August.

Nominally a defender or midfielder he was, by consensus, not really in the Essendon best 22 but was given games because of 'character'. Not quick enough to worry teams as a defensive player or offensive player, Dyson was largely left alone by opposition players. This year by foot he represented all the hurt factor of a hypothermic dal Santo. Apparently Brad Scott loves him more than he loves the roof at Marvel Stadium so performance and squad developmentbe damned, the guy gets to keep playing.

For some reason at the end of last year the Gold Coast Suns presented him with a 4 year contract offer (presumably Stewart Dew thought 'Heppell' was a type of Dyson Air-Fryer) but Dyson turned that down to stay loyal to Essendon who, for some reason, have offered him a contract for 2024. If Essendon really want more 'character' they really should make a play for Mickey Mouse who, much like Essendon, has a disturbingly racist past (Essendon were once known as the "Blood Stained... Naggers").

Of course, some stuff happened in 2016 too. Google it, mate.

Fun fact: Dyson Heppell once shaved off his dreadlocks for Charity, who was dating Jake Stringer at the time.

Good luck next season Dyson and welcome to the 2023 Bottom 50.

Is this the closest Doice has ever come to winning anything ever?

 

[Mofra]

Is this the closest Doice has ever come to winning anything ever?

Consider the top 10 to be like finals and Dyson failing to win

 

[HairyO]

Consider the top 10 to be like finals and Dyson failing to win

When Essendon Essendons: Based On A Real Story

 

[JoseMourinho]

Consider the top 10 to be like finals and Dyson failing to win

So Luke Jackson is going to be Number 2.

 

[caveman72]

 

[Saveloy Rockstar]

It's bad enough hearing these dad jokes the first time

Wife: Our neighbours are so much in love. He kisses her, strokes her hair, and hugs her - why don't you do that?

Husband: Because I don't know her that well yet.

 

[caveman72]

It's bad enough hearing these dad jokes the first time

Sorry He post so much manure it's hard to remember what he's used and what he hasn't. My guess if we go back through previous years he hasn't brought anything new to the table since he first hitched his wagon to Mofras coattails

 

[Saveloy Rockstar]

And you're highlighting that by re-reposting the same manure?



On another topic, it will be great when Mofra trolls us all by stoppping at #2

 

[caveman72]

And you're higlighting that by re-reposting the same manure?



On another topic, it will be great when Mofra trolls us all by stoppping at #2

Unfortunatly yes.
There could be a few extra special noms between now and the number 1 spot

 

[Mofra]

Player 5 - Nat Fyfe

Pictured: Nat Fyfe channeled his inner Fabio by also not playing much AFL this year

Likes: Helicopters
Hates: That AFL is not an individual sport

Nat Fyfe was the underwhelmingest player in the underwhelmingest team of the season this year.

Nat won the Brownlow in 2015 & 2019 playing predominantly midfield and entered 2023 as an aging player who was shoe-horned into a 'full time' forward role. Apparently he showed promise in that role during the pre-season, although to be fair he was only playing against Fremantle during this time.

Then the real stuff started and father-time caught up with him reeeeaaaal quick (unlike Geelong players, because they're only dealing with step-father time).
Nat would finish the year with 3 goals from 9 games, placing him equal 17ths on Freo's goal kicking list. As far as successful experiments go, Fyfe's 2023 as a forward ranks somewhere between AFLX and cane toads. This led to Freo's coach [frantically googles] Justin Longmuir

Justin Longmuir

Age

43

Ht

196cm

Wt

98kg

Pos.

F/R

Career

Season

Last 5

D

11.4

3star

K

6.9

3star

HB

4.5

3star

M

4.3

4star

T

1.4

3star

G

1.2

4star

No current season stats available

D

7.0

2star

K

3.6

2star

HB

3.4

3star

M

2.0

3star

T

0.6

3star

G

0.6

3star

to launch a public defence of Nat, stating “We won’t be shifting him anytime soon…I have got full faith he can turn it around.”

This faith must run deep because an aging, 0.33 goal per game forward has just been given a 2 year contract extension. Stephen Hawking showing up in Epstein's travel logs appears to be less of a surprise than Freo's list management although to be fair - as a player who doesn't want out, Fyfe is pretty unique over West. There seems little doubt that Fremantle Football Club being about as attractive to young men as Amy Schumer played a part in this (crazy) contract.

Fun fact: Nat Fyfe is rumoured to be dating Cricket and Soccer superstar Ellyse Perry. When she plays cricket she is an actual all-rounder, unlike Nat who is only rumoured to be.

Nat, good luck next year and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2023.

 

[Truckosaurus]

Is this the closest Doice has ever come to winning anything ever?

He beat Shuey for the Rising Star one year. He can't bring it up though in case Shuey brings out his Norm and premiership medal (and explains what they are).

 

[All Aust]

He beat Shuey for the Rising Star one year. He can't bring it up though in case Shuey brings out his Norm and premiership medal (and explains what they are).

Luke can also bring this out:


Doice has his Heppell heel. Pallid at best.

 

[Saveloy Rockstar]

JoseMourinho happy now?

 

[phantom13]

When she plays cricket she is an actual all-rounder, unlike Nat who is only rumoured to be.

Oooooooft. Nathaniel doth protest... not that much really.

 

[Trouto]

Nice Melt.

Most of Salty Walters were from blatant dives/staging for free.

One of the most overrated plonkers in the AFL

And yet STILL better than MaKay

 

[Elmer_Judd]

And yet STILL better than MaKay

You gaslighting Freo now ? Lol

 

[Trouto]

You gaslighting Freo now ? Lol

calling out truths when presented with them