Should my mate have gotten married?

[dmc333]

Post your "should my mate have gotten married?" stories here and discuss if marriage is a smart option in this day and age.

I believe the pussy is one of the most dangerous pieces of equipment on the planet. Some guys seem to live in a state of "if I lose this one, will I ever see another one again?"

This guy meets this chick in year 11, by 24 he's married, by 29 he's divorced, but in those years he endured some of the most torturous behavior I've ever seen:

He was allowed one room in the house for his things. While her crap decorated the entire house.
Ma and Pa, the in laws, lived about 90 mins away, they visited most weekends, staying Friday and Saturday. On the weekends when they didn't visit, her brother would bring his clan over to stay.

If he went away, when arriving back at the airport, she wouldn't bother to pick him up - 'get a taxi'.

If she went away, he had to be parked outside the terminal.

He got a list of jobs each weekend which he had to do. If not, the house walls would have to be repaired the next weekend because she'd huff and puff and blow them in.

Holidays were to be taken when the in laws took their holidays - so they could all holiday together.

She'd spend most nights on the phone, to mum, relaying every detail of their lives.

One of her tantrums revolved around him deciding to bring her a meal back from Hungry Jacks without notice. She would have 'preferred just a cheese burger' and continued to go on and on about it in the presence of a mate. Then in the end she didn't eat anything at all and slinked off to bed.

He'd usually be the butt of her jokes when out to dinner.

Her money was her money, but his money was to be jointly shared.


He'd been told many times, especially by one mate who was always blunt enough to say, even before marriage - "I ****ing hate her and I think you shouldn't marry her".

Things deteriorated and somehow he still tried to patch it up, while she continued to treat him like garbage.

Financially, I think he exited ok. No children. Her family was well off, but despite their annoying traits, realised she was being an absolute bitch and made sure she didn't somehow **** him over, knowing he would have rolled over and given the shirt off his back, if threatened.

When it officially ended he announced "it's great to be a free man after all those years of hell".

Four months later, he'd hooked up with the exact same babyish, controlling bitch, only with brown hair.

Why the hell do some guys behave in this manner? My theroy is above, but what's yours?

 

[red+black]

Your mate is a great lesson for others. For some reason he went in blind. It's not that difficult to see the signs. Heck, I dumped a girl even when the sex was fantastic. The rest of the bullshit is never worth putting up with.

 

[Karl Pilkington]

Would not even consider marriage before the age of 50 (and even then only if the girl I'm marrying is an absolute Ferrari and 21 or under).

Not worth it. The older you get as a guy, the easier it becomes to realise why it isn't worth it.

 

[Karl Pilkington]

I saw Dylan Moran in concert a week or so ago and he summarised brilliantly:

In every young man's life, there is a time when he must choose what is more important: to be sane or to not be lonely.

 

[daddy_4_eyes]

That's an extreme example, isn't it?
Surely you can see what a person will be like before you get married?

A story from the point of view of a female friend of mine.

She and the husband had been seeing each other since the final year of high school. Got married when she was 24, he was 25. As soon as they get married he starts planning for kids. Wants to have them now, he put up their 1 bedroom unit on the market and put a deposit down on a 3 bedroom townhouse in preperation for kids without telling her. He even bought one of those family movers.

He has stopped her from seeing her friends and has made an effort to befriend only other couples with children or couples trying for children. She's not allowed to drink, stay out late, etc.

Worst thing? She thinks they're madly in love and doesn't see how controlling he is (as in dmc333's case, a mutual friend has no shame and told her exactly what we all think of the husband and why she needs to open her eyes).

This girl will either live out the rest of her life in ignorant bliss, or wake up one day and realise she wasted her youth, has 3-4 kids in tow and not in a (financial or emotional) position to leave him.

 

[Eagle87]

That's an extreme example, isn't it?
Surely you can see what a person will be like before you get married?

A story from the point of view of a female friend of mine.

She and the husband had been seeing each other since the final year of high school. Got married when she was 24, he was 25. As soon as they get married he starts planning for kids. Wants to have them now, he put up their 1 bedroom unit on the market and put a deposit down on a 3 bedroom townhouse in preperation for kids without telling her. He even bought one of those family movers.

He has stopped her from seeing her friends and has made an effort to befriend only other couples with children or couples trying for children. She's not allowed to drink, stay out late, etc.

Worst thing? She thinks they're madly in love and doesn't see how controlling he is (as in dmc333's case, a mutual friend has no shame and told her exactly what we all think of the husband and why she needs to open her eyes).

This girl will either live out the rest of her life in ignorant bliss, or wake up one day and realise she wasted her youth, has 3-4 kids in tow and not in a (financial or emotional) position to leave him.

She didnt marry an actual man. Everything about that description reeks of untruth. There are 25 year old men who lock their wives away and can think of nothing but children??

Does he have a vagina? (Thats possibly a rhetorical question).

 

[Eagle87]

I saw Dylan Moran in concert a week or so ago and he summarised brilliantly:

In every young man's life, there is a time when he must choose what is more important: to be sane or to not be lonely.

Absolutely spot on and brilliant.

If blokes were guaranteed to be largely non-lonely and to also regularly get a shag, why the **** would they get married?

 

[daddy_4_eyes]

She didnt marry an actual man. Everything about that description reeks of untruth. There are 25 year old men who lock their wives away and can think of nothing but children??

Does he have a vagina? (Thats possibly a rhetorical question).

Funny you say that. He's extremely feminine, and if he wasn't married you'd swear he was gay.

 

[Falchoon]

Heck, I dumped a girl even when the sex was fantastic.

I bet that's not how she tells it


Old mate of mine married a girl of ethnic persuasion, he was dinky die. It started off well then he slowly one by one was having his liberties reduced, the final straw was when she said the gameboy was not allowed home, it had to remain in his locker at work.

So they split up 6-9 months into the marriage, the punchline being that for the wedding they'd received as presents all the whitegoods/furniture etc for the house. When the relo's had heard he was leaving they all came and took back their gifts.

 

[dmc333]

Forgot about another friend, who also got married later than the first and split up in about a year.

The guy is a bit of a loose canon, so I was dismayed when I found out he was getting hitched. She started to control what he was doing, or attempted to, and his reaction was 'seeya.' So he regained his sense of self very quickly when the screws were turned.

The part I couldn't understand was his justification for getting married in the first place, did he even consider it? Do we have it drummed into us that it's just a logical step and in turn think - 'well I may as well'?

 

[Karl Pilkington]

dmc, I am probably the 'loose cannon' within my group of mates, and whilst I can't logically see myself getting married - I'd be liable to do it on a whim just for shits and giggles. Maybe thats what he did?

 

[raskolnikov]

My mate and his fiancee decided to get married in Hawaii. About 50 people flew over for the wedding. After the wedding my mate and his wife stayed on for their honeymoon. About a week later they came back on separate planes and divorced almost straight away. No one to this day knows what happened but obviously it was a major meltdown in their relationship.

 

[Hollow Knight]

With defacto laws the way they are, does your legal situation even change meaningfully when you officially get married?

 

[Chief]

I have to say that threads like this, while enticing for the voyeur in all of us, are a prime example of our tendency to remember certain types of outcomes.

Say, 50% of people get divorced (it's about 2.3% per year). Say that 50% of those divorces go smoothly and relatively fairly, 25% are a bit rough, 20% are bad and 5% are shocking.

For every shocking story you have a ton of stories that wouldn't raise an eyebrow. Guys who don't want to get married look for and relish the shocking stories as a confirmation that they are right not to get married.

2.5% shockers vs 50% marriages surviving. And this is before we discuss the number of blokes who die early (single blokes die earlier) and alone.


Now, more tales of misery and woe please...

 

[Chief]

My mate and his fiancee decided to get married in Hawaii. About 50 people flew over for the wedding. After the wedding my mate and his wife stayed on for their honeymoon. About a week later they came back on separate planes and divorced almost straight away. No one to this day knows what happened but obviously it was a major meltdown in their relationship.

Scuba instructor I bet.

 

[Barry Zuckercorn]

I saw Dylan Moran in concert a week or so ago and he summarised brilliantly:

In every young man's life, there is a time when he must choose what is more important: to be sane or to not be lonely.

This is brilliant Karl

Geez women change after things get even slightly serious. Be wary of girls who are overly close to their family. It CAN NOT and WILL NOT work out in the long-run as you will never be number one to her...That's my only tip.

Some things I've been ordered to do in relationships:

1) give up smoking
2) not allowed to grow a beard
3) not allowed to shave my hair off
4) not allowed to be late under any circumstances

Only one I complied with (sort of) was smoking... I went on the patches for a week. Then I ****ed them off.

Years ago I was seeing a girl from a very wealthy background. She was a solicitor and both her folks were doctors. Regardless, she was the biggest free-loading b*tch ever. It's not that I paid for every meal, every movie ticket etc that bothered me. What bothered me was that she never even looked like offering. It was unconditionally expected i pay for everything. This went on for a few months...

One day she met me at my work in the city for lunch. When we were done, I went to pay and realised I had left my wallet back at the office. I explained this to her and asked if she could pay this one time. Should have seen her face drop and her mood instantly change. She even said something like "when you go out with me, you have to be prepared for everything... This isnt good enough". Thats when I decided I had a great chance to get out. I told her to wait one minute... I went back to the office (about 5 mins walk), got my wallet paid for the lunch and told her that was our last one and went back to work.

Women.. 99% are insane and marriage is a crock. I have nothing against people living together for the rest of their lives, I just dont understand why they have to get married. De facto IMO is the better way to go.

 

[smasha]

I tell you all.

The more good looking they are,the more pain you will cop.

 

[Power King]

I have to say that threads like this, while enticing for the voyeur in all of us, are a prime example of our tendency to remember certain types of outcomes.

Say, 50% of people get divorced (it's about 2.3% per year). Say that 50% of those divorces go smoothly and relatively fairly, 25% are a bit rough, 20% are bad and 5% are shocking.

For every shocking story you have a ton of stories that wouldn't raise an eyebrow. Guys who don't want to get married look for and relish the shocking stories as a confirmation that they are right not to get married.

2.5% shockers vs 50% marriages surviving. And this is before we discuss the number of blokes who die early (single blokes die earlier) and alone.


Now, more tales of misery and woe please...

Chief what your post fails to consider is the 50% of marriages that remain in tact yet either or both party is miserable in their partnership.

If you're going to break down the divorces, you also need to break down the marriages.

 

[dmc333]

I have to say that threads like this, while enticing for the voyeur in all of us, are a prime example of our tendency to remember certain types of outcomes.

Say, 50% of people get divorced (it's about 2.3% per year). Say that 50% of those divorces go smoothly and relatively fairly, 25% are a bit rough, 20% are bad and 5% are shocking.

For every shocking story you have a ton of stories that wouldn't raise an eyebrow. Guys who don't want to get married look for and relish the shocking stories as a confirmation that they are right not to get married.

2.5% shockers vs 50% marriages surviving. And this is before we discuss the number of blokes who die early (single blokes die earlier) and alone.


Now, more tales of misery and woe please...

Neither of my examples were shocking divorces. The relationships were bad, but both ended painlessly (including the first one)

In reference to TBD's post, I can cite a relative in de facto relationship who has been taken for 50% by two different women.

Maybe I haven't captured the tone I was after here. Possibly the title should read "why do these dopey morons get into these situations."

And I haven't discussed the male in the equation. Some would call them them emotionally immature. Their spare time is filled with video games, Fox Sports 1,2,3, ESPN, perfecting reverse dunks on mini basketball rings etc etc..

Another friend has a new girlfriend. When her lease runs out she'll be moving into his house. His last relationship ended because he wasn't feeling happy in it. Translation: She was impeding his ability to drink beer, play x-box, watch the NBA and generally float along in his spare time

Now give it 12 months and he'll be unhappy again, possibly faster considering she'll be cramping his space further. Unfortunately, I know he won't get anything signed and when things take a turn for the worst she'll have 50% equity in his house.

My feeling in all of these situations is there's been other forces at work. Family and work colleagues continually reminding them that there's more to life than pretending you're LeBron James in your backyard, when they're completely happy being LeBron James in their backyard. Or - "I need to meet her" "you have to take her to meet Granny" giving reassureance they're now a legitimate member of society.

 

[red+black]

Scuba instructor I bet.

Along came Polly.

 

[Power King]

Now give it 12 months and he'll be unhappy again, possibly faster considering she'll be cramping his space further. Unfortunately, I know he won't get anything signed and when things take a turn for the worst she'll have 50% equity in his house.

Surely not!

Nothing was signed, she's just a girlfriend, she moves in, and if they break up in just a year she can get half of that?????????????

i fail to see how that is justified no matter which sex is involved

****!!!

 

[kirky]

And this is before we discuss the number of blokes who die early (single blokes die earlier) and alone.

It would interesting to see some modern stats on this. Society has changed significantly from what it use to be like and I reckon that may have improved.

I would say that divorced men die before single men.

 

[kirky]

Surely not!

Nothing was signed, she's just a girlfriend, she moves in, and if they break up in just a year she can get half of that?????????????

i fail to see how that is justified no matter which sex is involved

****!!!

Not sure but I think they have to be in a defacto relationship for 18 months.

 

[vealesy]

Chief what your post fails to consider is the 50% of marriages that remain in tact yet either or both party is miserable in their partnership.

If you're going to break down the divorces, you also need to break down the marriages.

Over the years ive noticed that work colleagues who are married, always seem to have the same advice, don't get married.

I'm glad my parents instilled this into me too.

Marriage is a sham. Its a shame that most women seem to be looking for a husband to boss around than to have fun with.

Better to be happy doing what you want to do, than miserable doing what someone else wants you to do.

Same as KP said goes for me, i might think of getting married when im over 50.

Heard a good saying once from a guy who was married, "If they didnt have *****, we'd throw rocks at them."

 

[Chief]

Over the years ive noticed that work colleagues who are married, always seem to have the same advice, don't get married.

Every single one of them? Or you have just noticed that the few who have said it are married?