Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[Garibaldi Red]

 

[Eddie Dingle]

How many employed actors does it take to change a lightbulb?

100

1 to do it and 99 to stand around and say “you were fabulous dahlink”

How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?

100

1 to do it and 99 to stand around and say “I could have been so much better in that role dahlink”

 

[Eddie Dingle]

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Ilene

What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg?

Irene

What do you call a man with 100 rabbits up his arse?

Warren

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell

 

[Tredz]

Rhetorical Question: Is the Pope Catholic?

I don't know about him, but his wife certainly is

 

[Grave Danger]

How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.

 

[shewho]

you're only as old as the woman you feel

idk if this is a dad joke but i did the old "did you hear that actress got stabbed... reese.." "witherspoon?" "no with a knife" to my mum like 10 years ago and it still haunts her

That joke has been around since the80s when the boxer who got stabbed was Tim...no....Witherspoon. Course no one remembers him now. Thak god for Reece.

 

[haveago]

two men fighting in supermarket for last roll of dunny paper......one suffers a nasty soft tissue injury

 

[haveago]

my 7 y/0 son said to me , Dad can we get a rabbit?
Told him maybe son but they are bloody hard to cook without them going dry

 

[dirty2]

This thread is so bad.... lol

 

[haveago]

A shy man in the old days with a fake eye is at a dance.
He spots a girl on her own with a nasty scar down the middle of her face in the corner
He summons up the courage to ask her for a dance
OOh yes wouldn't I she says.
Don't call me wooden eye , butt face he replies.

 

[Ford Fairlane]

A bear walks up to a rabbit in the woods and asks "Excuse me Mr Rabbit, but do you have problems with s**t sticking to your fur?" The rabbit ponders for a moment then replies "No, Mr Bear I don't have that problem". So the bear wiped his arse with the rabbit.

 

[tribey]

Q. How’d the barber kill his wife?

A. Gave her arse-a-nick.

 

[haveago]

A bear walks up to a rabbit in the woods and asks "Excuse me Mr Rabbit, but do you have problems with s**t sticking to your fur?" The rabbit ponders for a moment then replies "No, Mr Bear I don't have that problem". So the bear wiped his arse with the rabbit.

Classic, specially in this day of no dunny paper...... I own a foxy/chihuaha cross????

 

[jac147]

Q. Why is sand wet?

A. Because seaweed

 

[Tredz]

Classic, specially in this day of no dunny paper...... I own a foxy/chihuaha cross????

I'd rather pet foxy cleopatra - but to each their own.

 

[haveago]

An American. an Irishman and and Aussie sitting on top of Empire state building.
Yank says I could jump off here , fall all the way down and bounce straight back.
Irish says bull s--t.
Yank jumps....down,down, hits ground and bounces straight back!
Irish says well if a yank can do that an Irishman certainly can.
Jumps....down ...down....SPLAT!
Aussie dryly says, that was a dirty trick Superman.

 

[Ford Fairlane]

Some crocodiles got together to write parody songs.
It's a pun croc band.

 

[powerrrrrrrrrrrr]

What does the sign say on the door of the out of business brothel?

Beat it, we’re closed

 

[bomberclifford]

How do you know how heavy a chilli pepper is?


Give it a weigh now

Oh my lord, I just lost it.

 

[NoddyHolder]

The 7 dwarves were in the bath together when they started feeling sleepy




So sleepy got out

 

[bomberclifford]

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Ilene

What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg?

Irene

What do you call a women with two legs

Noelene

 

[Garibaldi Red]

What does the sign say on the door of the out of business brothel?

Beat it, we’re closed

I used to do a bit of work with some organisations providing shelter support to various at risk groups. They were located at Whitmore Sq. There are a few brothels in that area as well and one had a sign out the front which read "please use rear entrance".

 

[bomberclifford]

What do you call a bloke with a spade?

Doug

What do you call a bloke without a spade?

Dougless

 

[bomberclifford]

Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.

Knock Knock
Who is there?
MOOOOOOO!

 

[bomberclifford]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell

What do you call a man with no arms and legs on your front porch?

Matt