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[John Who]

I don’t come here often these days due to strenuous workloads and family stress. I just don’t have the mental strength to help others here as often as I used to. However, I just want to share a few things reading on some prior posts:
- mental health is common, you aren’t weak when you suffer, but your life circumstances is what’s weighing you down. It being an invisible force, you can’t easily combat it nor tell others of the “invisible monster” hurting your brain.

- some of the mental health you suffer may be self-inflicted; try and evaluate the thoughts that are wearing you down and work on reducing those thoughts.

- don’t rely on medications to “fix” you. Use them as a tool to help, not to cure.

- reduce your expectations of life and life will become easier.

Wish you guys all the best!

 

[Ando727]

I don’t come here often these days due to strenuous workloads and family stress. I just don’t have the mental strength to help others here as often as I used to. However, I just want to share a few things reading on some prior posts:
- mental health is common, you aren’t weak when you suffer, but your life circumstances is what’s weighing you down. It being an invisible force, you can’t easily combat it nor tell others of the “invisible monster” hurting your brain.

- some of the mental health you suffer may be self-inflicted; try and evaluate the thoughts that are wearing you down and work on reducing those thoughts.

- don’t rely on medications to “fix” you. Use them as a tool to help, not to cure.

- reduce your expectations of life and life will become easier.

Wish you guys all the best!

Are you doing ok, mate? You don't always have to be the strong helpful one - we're here for you too if you ever need it. Feel free to vent or drop me a PM if you ever feel like it. We all have our moments.

 

[Ando727]

Girl I ruined my life for - had an affair, got divorced, totally restructured everything about my life, dropped me like a bad habit 2 weeks ago because she thought I was cheating - I wasn’t - and that I was lying about getting divorced - I wasn’t - now she has cut me off completely, reported me to our boss (we work for the same company) for emailing her to try and find out why she won’t at least tell me verbally what I’ve done wrong.

If a bus hit me right now I simply would not give two *s

Damn, that's rough, mate. To be honest, it sounds like she made up the cheating and divorce stuff to justify her own decision to bail out. The fact that she doesn't want to listen to you at all suggests that. She's changed her mind about the relationship for whatever reason, and she's weaponising you to make it easier not to have to talk about it. Had you noticed anything at all that something was off with her?

It really sucks that this happened. All I can suggest it not to forget that, as bad as this new development is, you had already reached the conclusion that your marriage was not working. Try not to fall into the trap of thinking that if you had stayed with your wife, everything would have been fine. There were problems there that didn't seem to be getting better. I think this would be the time to take extra steps to support yourself with some therapy - with a particular view to working through issues around relationships and understanding where things went wrong for you and how you might address them. It might be necessary for you to learn and work through some stuff about your relationship with yourself before you get involved in another relationship.

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

Damn, that's rough, mate. To be honest, it sounds like she made up the cheating and divorce stuff to justify her own decision to bail out. The fact that she doesn't want to listen to you at all suggests that. She's changed her mind about the relationship for whatever reason, and she's weaponising you to make it easier not to have to talk about it. Had you noticed anything at all that something was off with her?

It really sucks that this happened. All I can suggest it not to forget that, as bad as this new development is, you had already reached the conclusion that your marriage was not working. Try not to fall into the trap of thinking that if you had stayed with your wife, everything would have been fine. There were problems there that didn't seem to be getting better. I think this would be the time to take extra steps to support yourself with some therapy - with a particular view to working through issues around relationships and understanding where things went wrong for you and how you might address them. It might be necessary for you to learn and work through some stuff about your relationship with yourself before you get involved in another relationship.

PhatBoy this sounds like very good advice. Good luck.

 

[PhatBoy]

Thank you guys I appreciate the support.

This girl is the most beautiful woman I have ever met and the feeling of simply being in her company is/was indescribable. She also has her demons and frailties though and I believe courtesy of actions of mine early in our attempt at a relationship, she is simply scared that it’s all going to go wrong and is protecting herself.

It’s hard for me because I know that I’ve become the guy she needed and wanted but for a few reasons - distance is the main one (she lives an hour away and until June I can’t drive due to a medical issue) she hasn’t been able to see that for herself.

I know that if given a chance to prove myself it will work. She is just terrified to take that chance and I have a hard time accepting that.

I’m speaking to a therapist at work in the next few days I hope.

 

[John Who]

Are you doing ok, mate? You don't always have to be the strong helpful one - we're here for you too if you ever need it. Feel free to vent or drop me a PM if you ever feel like it. We all have our moments.

Thanks for the shout out! I’ve been through some episodes of burnout during the pandemic but overall it’s really an easy fix for me as I’ve been cutting my workload and playing more sports, and trying to get more fit.

I don’t come on here as often as before due to other life ventures and focusing more on the family with more catch-ups and such. Also the BF board can be a haven for negative nellies who like to troll and over-dramatise everything, and they bore me.

I guess another general advice I can give is that don’t let the internet overwhelm you with fake news and needless drama.

 

[Feraligatr]

Thank you guys I appreciate the support.

This girl is the most beautiful woman I have ever met and the feeling of simply being in her company is/was indescribable. She also has her demons and frailties though and I believe courtesy of actions of mine early in our attempt at a relationship, she is simply scared that it’s all going to go wrong and is protecting herself.

It’s hard for me because I know that I’ve become the guy she needed and wanted but for a few reasons - distance is the main one (she lives an hour away and until June I can’t drive due to a medical issue) she hasn’t been able to see that for herself.

I know that if given a chance to prove myself it will work. She is just terrified to take that chance and I have a hard time accepting that.

I’m speaking to a therapist at work in the next few days I hope.

You deserve better.

I know what it's like to do everything for the one you want but it's not worth beating yourself up over.

There is someone out there who will want you for you and you won't have to go through the messed up games for it.

 

[Feraligatr]

To be honest with you, if it wasn't for my cats and the love I have for them I probably would have taken my life ages ago.

 

[PhatBoy]

To be honest with you, if it wasn't for my cats and the love I have for them I probably would have taken my life ages ago.

I’m really sad to hear that mate but glad you haven’t taken that step. My kids keep me going, they’re incredibly supportive. I just can’t catch a break at the moment though - I arranged to go out with my best mate on Saturday and listen to a live band at a local pub. Music is my life away from my kids and it’s the only thing I have left that never lets me down. I show up to the pub and there is my ex-wife with her new boyfriend.

This girl that I love - she doesn’t deserve what I have to offer now. While I acknowledge that I let her down badly initially by flip-flopping about whether to start a life with her or fix my marriage, I had put that behind me. All she needs to do is give me 20 minutes of her time to speak and we will fix this, I know it. But I can’t get her to speak to me. I am spiritual and for the moment I am putting it in God’s hands and hoping he will prompt her to reach out to me even if it’s just a ‘hello’

 

[Feraligatr]

My head is in such a messed up place at the moment. I'm really struggling with my breakup and the fact my ex jumped straight from me to another woman. And the rest as well. I feel like I'm drowning sometimes.

I've got an appointment with the GP tomorrow so I hope I'll be able to get referral to a psychologist that doesn't charge like a wounded bull.

I know in a years time I'll probably be past this but 365 days is a long time when you're at the start of the tunnel.

 

[The_Wookie]

My head is in such a messed up place at the moment. I'm really struggling with my breakup and the fact my ex jumped straight from me to another woman. And the rest as well. I feel like I'm drowning sometimes.

Ive been there. Its a tough time to be in. Keep talking to good positive people, take all the time you can and get all the help you need.

When I got divorced I was young and i thought that the tunnel wasnt so much a tunnel as it was a mine shaft that just went deeper an deeper. I became withdrawn and depressed, and it was only through the assistance of friends, family (and the fact that my football club werent crap for once) that I was haulled back into a light I feared would never come.

I've got an appointment with the GP tomorrow so I hope I'll be able to get referral to a psychologist that doesn't charge like a wounded bull.

Thats certainly a good place to start. Also I too have a cat. And it charges at me like a wounded bull.

I know in a years time I'll probably be past this but 365 days is a long time when you're at the start of the tunnel.

Going to be days when you feel like that, but knowing that it WILL pass is also something to grab onto, and you will come out the other side better, stronger and wiser for the experience.

 

[BobbyMorri]

Going to a GP is fantastic. But they are not mind readers. I know it is hard but tell them how you are feeling. The first step is always the hardest.

My life turned around 2 years ago. I wish I had seen a GP about getting help years before 2021. Been seeing a psychologist for the last 2 years and they have really helped in addressing some bad thought patterns.

 

[The_Wookie]

Going to a GP is fantastic. But they are not mind readers. I know it is hard but tell them how you are feeling. The first step is always the hardest.

My life turned around 2 years ago. I wish I had seen a GP about getting help years before 2021. Been seeing a psychologist for the last 2 years and they have really helped in addressing some bad thought patterns.

Always the way I think. You either think you can manage without them, or its too hard to deal with them, but once you get your toe in the water, its much easier than you thought.

 

[Feraligatr]

Ive been there. Its a tough time to be in. Keep talking to good positive people, take all the time you can and get all the help you need.

When I got divorced I was young and i thought that the tunnel wasnt so much a tunnel as it was a mine shaft that just went deeper an deeper. I became withdrawn and depressed, and it was only through the assistance of friends, family (and the fact that my football club werent crap for once) that I was haulled back into a light I feared would never come.



Thats certainly a good place to start. Also I too have a cat. And it charges at me like a wounded bull.



Going to be days when you feel like that, but knowing that it WILL pass is also something to grab onto, and you will come out the other side better, stronger and wiser for the experience.

Thanks, it was really comforting to read what you wrote.
I have posted in the depression thread about it before but when I look back at all the red flags I ignored because I was in love with him, I feel so stupid. I thought I was just being paranoid, now I realise I was just dumb.

I thought I'd be starter than that but I now really understand the "loge is blind" cliché.

 

[The_Wookie]

Thanks, it was really comforting to read what you wrote.
I have posted in the depression thread about it before but when I look back at all the red flags I ignored because I was in love with him, I feel so stupid. I thought I was just being paranoid, now I realise I was just dumb.

We all do dumb things in these situations. Hell my life could be used as an example to others as to how not to live your life.

I thought I'd be starter than that but I now really understand the "loge is blind" cliché.

We all think we're going to be smarter than others until it happens to us. We all want to think we'll learn from the mistakes of others, but no one ever really does I think.

 

[Elixuh]

My head is in such a messed up place at the moment. I'm really struggling with my breakup and the fact my ex jumped straight from me to another woman. And the rest as well. I feel like I'm drowning sometimes.

I've got an appointment with the GP tomorrow so I hope I'll be able to get referral to a psychologist that doesn't charge like a wounded bull.

I know in a years time I'll probably be past this but 365 days is a long time when you're at the start of the tunnel.

A friend of mine is a psych and says wait times are very difficult at the moment and some aren't taking on new clients (I think this is common knowledge) so if your GP can recommend a couple of options that might be helpful to you.

 

[FreoRicci]

How do people even cope with potential break up/separation/divorce with kids.. the thought, holy shit. If it does happen, honestly don’t know how to get through life.
I’m in a tough spot. Recent baby. My family - kids and wife are struggling. My immediate family-father, mother. Are genuine assholes. The two collide and my wife has had enough.
I’m someone that is a kind hearted good person. Not going to work. I’m unsure at what to do. My immediate family have piled all the blame on me for not communicating and poor relationships. I’m trying to keep both sides happy. And that has failed. Big time.
I choose my wife and kids but feels like it has reached the point of no return. I may leave and have nowhere to go, no one to turn to.

 

[Ando727]

How do people even cope with potential break up/separation/divorce with kids.. the thought, holy s**t. If it does happen, honestly don’t know how to get through life.
I’m in a tough spot. Recent baby. My family - kids and wife are struggling. My immediate family-father, mother. Are genuine assholes. The two collide and my wife has had enough.
I’m someone that is a kind hearted good person. Not going to work. I’m unsure at what to do. My immediate family have piled all the blame on me for not communicating and poor relationships. I’m trying to keep both sides happy. And that has failed. Big time.
I choose my wife and kids but feels like it has reached the point of no return. I may leave and have nowhere to go, no one to turn to.

Man, that's a tough situation to be in. As hard as it would be to do so, I think you have no choice but to choose your wife and kids over your parents. Of course, you shouldn't have to choose at all, but if pushed to that point, that's the way you have to go because they are your family and your responsibility.

I think you can take control of the situation to the extent that you can keep your family away from your wife and allowing only limited, supervised interaction with your kids. If they are that bitter towards your wife, they will find ways of commenting to your kids about things they don't like about her. It needs to made 100% clear that they can have their feelings about your wife, but that you are not interested in hearing about it anymore, and that your kids are to be kept out of it. If they cross that line, you bundle the kids up and take them home, and repeat the message that their access to their grandkids depends on their ability to control their behaviour. I know what I'm talking about here - I had to put my foot down to my own father and threaten to take his access away if he couldn't control his mouth. I also said I'd be watching him. That's what it took for him to learn his place.

Parents (and siblings) are not as all powerful as you think they are. They fear losing, control, influence and access - you have the ability to exercise your power. You might even find that your relationship with your wife improves if you do because if she's feeling like you are too weak to stand up for her against your parents, that would be doing untold damage to your marriage. If your immediate family wants to tell you about your communication being to blame, tell them "ok, hear this clearly - keep out of my marriage and keep your thoughts to yourself". Just because you were born into a family, doesn't mean they have unfettered access to you for your whole life. This lack of boundaries is probably a big part of why your communication has deteriorated. Trying to please too many people results in withdrawing yourself.

As much as that advice is about prioritising your own family, I think it's probably pretty important for you at this time in your life to draw some boundaries and take a stand on something. You sound a bit shut down to me, so getting your house in order is a very important step in moving forward into the next stage of your life - and that's true whether you ultimately stay married or not. You've got to get control of your life and how you expect to be treated.

 

[The_Wookie]

How do people even cope with potential break up/separation/divorce with kids.. the thought, holy s**t. If it does happen, honestly don’t know how to get through life.
I’m in a tough spot. Recent baby. My family - kids and wife are struggling. My immediate family-father, mother. Are genuine assholes. The two collide and my wife has had enough.
I’m someone that is a kind hearted good person. Not going to work. I’m unsure at what to do. My immediate family have piled all the blame on me for not communicating and poor relationships. I’m trying to keep both sides happy. And that has failed. Big time.
I choose my wife and kids but feels like it has reached the point of no return. I may leave and have nowhere to go, no one to turn to.

I feel for you mate.

I was bought up to be heavily religious. I got married at 19, had two kids and was divorced by the age of 22. And my world ended. My fanatically religious church which included my entire family effectively abadoned me as they first blamed me for everything as "head of the house" - and then while going through my divorce they all moved to Perth lol. My inlaws had always hated me so no support coming from there. My daughter wasnt even a year old.

I didnt eat much, I couldnt sleep and I didnt work. I was living out of friends spare rooms and lounge rooms for a while. It was friends that got me through it all.

 

[Feraligatr]

How do people even cope with potential break up/separation/divorce with kids.. the thought, holy s**t. If it does happen, honestly don’t know how to get through life.
I’m in a tough spot. Recent baby. My family - kids and wife are struggling. My immediate family-father, mother. Are genuine assholes. The two collide and my wife has had enough.
I’m someone that is a kind hearted good person. Not going to work. I’m unsure at what to do. My immediate family have piled all the blame on me for not communicating and poor relationships. I’m trying to keep both sides happy. And that has failed. Big time.
I choose my wife and kids but feels like it has reached the point of no return. I may leave and have nowhere to go, no one to turn to.

I really feel for you.

I think that you might have to go non contact with your immediate family. You don't owe them a relationship and your kids need their daddy. I know it'd hard especially when you're kind hearted (I am exactly the same). But you don't deserve to be treated poorly by your parents.

Don't worry about keeping both sides happy. Cut the parents off and focus on your wife and kids. Your kids are your number one.

 

[laverton_nuffy]

I didnt eat much, I couldnt sleep and I didnt work. I was living out of friends spare rooms and lounge rooms for a while. It was friends that got me through it all.

I can relate to this… currently my situation

Now with the cost of housing I’m pretty much farked

 

[Truetiger]

I can relate to this… currently my situation

Now with the cost of housing I’m pretty much farked

All the best with everything, that goes for everyone on here that are experiencing mental health concerns. I have been their myself, talking to people no matter how hard that can be at time is def the best thing for you.

 

[nobbyiscool]

Man it terrifies me seeing stories like Heather Anderson taking her own life and being diagnosed with CTE after wearing a helmet forever and only having one diagnosed concussion.

We know so little about it... I wonder how many of us are wandering around with mental health issues linked to CTE that we currently can't treat, cos we don't have sufficient understanding of it.

 

[Mitchell Madness]

Man it terrifies me seeing stories like Heather Anderson taking her own life and being diagnosed with CTE after wearing a helmet forever and only having one diagnosed concussion.

We know so little about it... I wonder how many of us are wandering around with mental health issues linked to CTE that we currently can't treat, cos we don't have sufficient understanding of it.

Concussion is the brain rattling around. The brain doesn't get protected by a helmet. You're more likely to get a concussion from whiplash than impact

 

[laverton_nuffy]

Had to go to court last week because my nut job ex mrs put me in to the cops for msging her contravening the bullshit order she had put it place… never touch her never threatened her

Anyways she started msging me saying she knows I’d never hurt her she’s rescinding the Order…. Which was all bullshit

Anyway we started talking Again im just hoping to resolve it to a decent point… which I thought we achieved


Next day call from the police for me to appear arrested charged and interviewed for msging her saying I hope she’s doing ok

Had to appear in court magistrate was pretty fair could see I wasn’t a threat and was employed etc etc.


Im expecting another apology from her in the next couple weeks once she realises she’s been a real campaigner