Game Day Round 7: Essendon v Hawthorne, MCG, Saturday May 5, 2.10pm

[VelvetSledge]

20 degrees, 30% chance of rain. 0-0.4mm if it does rain. Here's Jane Bunn again because you're all randy.

SportsBet:
ESSENDON BOMBERS: $2.45
HAWTHORNE HAWKES: $1.57
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CrownBet:​

ESSENDON BOMBERS: $2.35
HAWTHORNE HAWKES: $1.62
​

UBET:​

ESSENDON BOMBERS: $2.55
HAWTHORNE HAWKES: $1.52

Odds on James Sicily to continue being a tremendous ****wit?​

$1.01.​

​

ESSENDON BOMBERS​

Another week, another enormous disappointment. We've somehow figured out how to kick red time goals, only when we're behind by 50 points.
Max Gawn bent Matt Leuenberger over and absolutely pounded him with a cactus. Destroyed.
No pressure, no heart, no courage.
No backwards running. No defensive efforts. Nothing at all when it counted.
2-4 after six rounds, and the hopes of finals are fading faster than Tom Bellchambers hairline.
12 goals conceded in the second half to our 5 scored is pathetic. We were obliterated, and still haven't won a single third quarter all season.
Who is our skill coach? Benny Hill? Benny Hill's corpse?
If Sandy Roberts was going to sing the praises of that Spargo kid without even bringing up Mutch and how well he played on debut, I was going to climb through my TV and throttle him.
Daniher was woeful again, but his service was shithouse. Like being with Optus in the middle of the CBD.
Ambrose was good. Smith was good. Mutch was very good on debut. Stringer IS good. Thank god he's working out.
Not much else is. Piss.
Help me, I'm scared.



ESSENDON BOMBERS 10.12 72 def. by MELBOURNE DEMONS 16.12 108

BEST: Z. Merrett, Zaharakis, Ambrose, Hurley, McGrath, Smith
GOALS: Stringer 3, McDonald-Tipungwuti, Smith 2, Laverde, Stewart, Zaharakis
INJURIES: VelvetSledge (Broken Heart)
REPORTS: Nil


--------
​

HAWTHORNE HAWKES​

Made to work by the Saints, who are s**t. **** Hawthorn.
Smith booted 4 and is their most important player right now. Gunston and Breust slotted 3. **** Hawthorn.
Tom Mitchell just kept getting touches, finishing with a stupid 45 touches. **** Hawthorn.
It was a shitty game to watch, but my wife barracks for the Saints so I had no choice. **** Hawthorn.
Ben Stratton still has a mullet, and while I encourage this behaviour, **** Hawthorn.
James Worpel debuted successfully and looks like James Franco in Pineapple Express. **** Hawthorn.
James Sicily is a ****wit.

**** Hawthorn.



HAWTHORNE HAWKES 13.11 89 def. ST KILDA SAINTS 7.12 54

BEST: Smith, Mitchell, McEvoy, Morrison, Howe, Gunston, Breust
GOALS: Smith 4, Breust, Gunston 3, Howe, Impey, Morrison
INJURIES: Nil
REPORTS: Nil

​

ESSENDON EMERGENCIES​

Jordan Ridley, Kyle Langford (Sorry mate, see ya), Matt Guelfi, Shaun McKernan
​

HAWTHORNE EMERGENCIES​

Ryan Schoenmakers, David Mirra, James Cousins, Brendan Whitecross

--------------------------

ESSENDON INS: David Myers, Tom Bellchambers, Conor McKenna
ESSENDON OUTS: Matthew Leuenberger (Suspended), Jackson Merrett (Omitted), Matt Guelfi (Rested)

HAWTHORNE INS: Liam Shiels, James ****wit Sicily
HAWTHORNE OUTS: David Mirra, James Cousins (Both Omitted)


MILESTONES:

ESSENDON - #6 - JOE DANIHER
100 GAMES
180 goals, 2017 Mark of the Year winner
lol Jeremy Howe

Necessary changes, but somewhat confusing. Not much more to it. With Bellchambers having been rested last week and Leuenberger getting himself shafted for a week, we needed to bring two foot Tom back in. Fair enough. He's our first choice ruckman, so it makes sense. Matt Guelfi is a kid who's played 3 games in 11 days. Needs to be rested. Fair enough. Jackson Merrett just isn't an AFL footballer. Fair enough. Conor McKenna comes back in after digesting Tory Dickson. Fair enough.

I love David Myers, think he's a great bloke with a fantastic left peg. But his form does not warrant his spot in this side. Kyle Langford, Dylan Clarke? Midfielders who are earning their spot. Not on merit, not on the past, but on the fact that they are busting their arses in the seconds. Especially Clarke. Averaging 35 touches and 10 tackles in the VFL, and he still can't get a game. I have no idea what the coaches are thinking. I can't get a read.

James Sicily is a ****wit and he's playing. Liam Shiels is a damn good player and he's playing, but his team mate James Sicily is a ****wit. Mirra could consider himself seriously stiff to be dropped, but Cousins is probably one of those who could be considered to make way to the twos.

**** Hawthorn.

​

ESSENDON BOMBERS - #6 - JOE DANIHER​

Happy 100th Joey. Please do this again.



Please. We miss you.

​

ESSENDON BOMBERS - #25 - JAKE STRINGER​

Not even going to write a lot in this one; money well spent. A rough few weeks at the start, and now, he's brilliant. Excellent.

Keep it up Jakey.

​

HAWTHORNE HAWKES - #3 - TOM MITCHELL​

ATT: John Worsfold



No, wait.

inb4 50 touches. Will maul us.

​

HAWTHORNE HAWKES - #7 - BEN McEVOY​

Big Boy is in the form of his life, and he will more than likely destroy Bellch. I love Tommy, but he's not a great tap ruckman, and our midfield is a serious weak link. Big Boy will feast on us.



If I'm being negative, it's because we're s**t.

​

Last Week - 28/4/18​

I simply don't have the passion to write an extensive rant this week. We played so badly, for the second week in a row, that my interest levels are waning. How can I invest that much time into this club if we're going to play so, so poorly?

I posted this early in the week.

It's just the distinct lack of gameplan, effort, passion; there's just nothing there.

The boys seem more keen on uploading photos of themselves on the golf course, eating brunch with their partners, or just pissing about, not focused.

They're on six figure salaries, and at this point, they should be getting paid 30k. If anyone else was as poor at their jobs as these boys are right now, then they would be getting the arse.

This is undoubtedly the most frustrating time I can remember as an Essendon fan; we don't have an excuse. We don't have a drug fiasco hanging over us anymore, we don't have half the team out injured. We're getting pummelled by completely average teams, and we have no reasoning behind it.

We re-signed Woosha after one good quarter early in the year, and his game plan (or lack thereof), is stuck in 2005. I don't know how I can keep writing up s**t every single week when I find it hard to care.

This is a seriously weird time to be an Essendon fan. We have no excuse for our boys at this point. We're close to full strength, and our personnel has certainly improved since last year. We're frustrated. We're desperate. We're annoyed. We're feeling useless.

We're Essendon fans.

We should really be used to it.
​

-VS​

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​

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This weeks rant is brought to you by alcohol, the LAX Lounge, Josh Green, and his alias, DERO .​

I thought long and hard about my rant this week. I then got into contact with my old mate Abasi to ask him to write a few lines as to why he hated Essington hoping it would help me get my creative juices flowing. He declined and suggested that I contact Gold Member who explained why he disliked Essington. I can't reprint what Gold Member wrote it but it was thought-provoking. He had had a really bad experience with a bunch of Essington supporters and to be brutally honest, his dislike of Essington is well and truly justified on that basis. I then used this as the basis for my own internal reflection.

Why do I hate Hawthorne so much? I thought about it and remembered my first football memory of Essendon was the 84 grand final and my Dad leaping out of the chair when Leon Baker did that blind turn. I remember some absolute floggings both ways, the line in the sand game and many other good and bad wins and losses. I remember routinely getting smashed and smug Hawthorne supporters singing the song at quarter time and reminding us that Buddy wasn't playing or the lack of empathy and pure schaudenfraude on display during the saga.

Thinking about this I realised that I like and respect Hawthorn the football club who have been a respected rival at all times over the years, who are well managed, well-organised and have consistently been a great opponent and provided me with so much enjoyment over the years. I then recognised that what I really hated was Hawthorne; the smug, classless, effete supporters who thrived on the saga, lack sportsmanship and are just generally pretty ordinary people who could not possibly get anywhere in life if they carried themselves the same way that they do within the bubble that is AFL football.

Thinking more broadly, I realised that Essington can be just as bad at times. As Gold Member's experience tells me, there are great people supporting both sides. We have our own supporters who let their emotions get in the way of rational thought. There is passion and there is taking things too far. Footy should be fun and should never get to the point where someone feels threatened, or feels the need to lash out.

It is not fun when we aren't winning but these things tend to be cyclical. The road to success will have the occasional pot-hole and we have hit a few this year. We'll be ok and it will be our turn soon so don't let it get you to down. Until then, we need to be patient. When the good times come, they will be so much better having stuck fat through the bad times.

I don't hate Hawthorn, I hate Hawthorne and I absolutely love Essendon.

-----------------------

Now I feel bad for saying **** Hawthorn so much.

Oh wait, no I don't.

If you would like to nominate for a guest spot as a ranter, please PM me!

​

ROUND 1, 2017​

Crowd: 78,294 - MCG
The Comeback Story Game​

​

ESSENDON BOMBERS 17.14 116​

def.​

HAWTHORNE HAWKES 12.19 91​

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ESSENDON BEST: Heppell, Fantasia, Z Merrett, Goddard, Watson
ESSENDON GOALS: Fantasia 4, Hooker, Heppell, Daniher 3, Stanton 2, Zaharakis, McKernan

HAWTHORNE BEST: Mitchell, McEvoy, Smith
HAWTHORNE BEST: Roughead, McEvoy, Puopolo 2, Rioli, Schoenmakers, Shiels, Breust, Smith, Hartung

---------
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CHANGES SINCE THEN:​

ESSENDON OUTS: Watson, Stanton, Mckernan, Kelly, Fantasia, Colyer, Langford, Gleeson, Hartley, Green
ESSENDON INS: McKenna, Saad, Mutch, Laverde, Stewart, Smith, Bellchambers, Stringer, Myers, McNeice

HAWTHORNE OUTS: Rioli, Gibson, Schoenmakers, Vickery, Birchall, Hartung, Puopolo
HAWTHORNE INS: Impey, Hardwick, Howe, O’Brien, Morrison, Worpel, Burton

MELBOURNE:
TV: FOX Sports 3 (LIVE at 2.00pm AEST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 2.00pm AEST)
RADIO: 3AW, ABC, ABC Grandstand, Triple M
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

SYDNEY:
TV: FOX Sports 3 (LIVE at 2.00pm AEST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 2.00pm AEST)
RADIO: -
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

ADELAIDE:
TV: FOX Sports 3 (LIVE at 1.30pm ACST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 1.30pm ACST)
RADIO: -
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

PERTH:
TV: FOX Sports 3 (LIVE at 12.00pm AWST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 12.00pm AWST)
RADIO: -
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

BRISBANE:
TV: FOX Sports 3 (2.00pm QLDT), FOXTEL Now (2.00pm QLDT)
RADIO: -
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

TASMANIA:
TV: FOX Sports 3 (LIVE at 2.00pm AEST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 2.00pm AEST)
RADIO: ABC, ABC Grandstand, Triple M, NIRS
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

DARWIN:
TV: FOX Sports 3 (LIVE at 1.30pm ACST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 1.30pm ACST)
RADIO: NIRS, ABC, ABC Grandstand
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

****
​

Hawthorne by 54.​

 

[Doss]

Fantasia of all people as our banner player? That's a downer of an omen!

 

[VelvetSledge]

Fantasia of all people as our banner player? That's a downer of an omen!

I made that in February back when I thought WE WOULD BE GOOD DOSS

Now everyone can be as disappointed as me

EDIT: I legitimately thought he would be an in when I started writing this

 

[Lore]

Sitting in GA wth the fam today and I have no bloody idea where that is... anyone able to help? Seating maps are total garbage, show other areas but the GA doesnt highlight on the map


Edit: found it. For anyone else;
http://www.mcg.org.au/whats-on/events-calendar/2018/may/essendon-v-hawthorn-may-5

 

[MarkG]

Live close to MCG. Bombers fans out in big numbers already. Hope we play as one and not as individuals.

Expect Merrett to get heavily tagged, and Hawks to play keepings off to take away our run by forcing us to chase them across the park (if they get away with it).

Merrett needs protection! We must keep possession of the ball, with no crap kicks. And that means you Heppell! And Hurley! And no early easy goals from a Goddard brain fade pass deep in the backline.

Also expect Hawks to position players to the area where our game plan says to kick the ball to.

Have a look where u r kicking to ball to Dons. Use some common sense!

Expect Daniher to cop some heat. Stand up and play like a man Joe! Get angry. And kick straight for G#ds sake.

Expect Hawks to gang tackle with aggression just prior to half time to rattle the timid Essendon. Rather than go backwards and put in a soft 3rd term, need to stand up as one and not take any more of this crap. Hit them equally as aggressively as they do to us.

Dons have more talent across the park and have the ability to win this game. Please put in and make it happen!

 

[Yidaki]

Apologies for the intrusion but I have a feeling you guys will win today.

Oh and **** hawthorn.

 

[Macca18]

Hawthorn by 60.

 

[JayJ20]

Hopefully our "proper" line in the sand game. Proper because the Hawkes lost their "line in the sand" game by 74 points

 

[pepsi]

Yeah I'm far from convinced of any typical essendon turnaround win after s**t performances. Think we'll lose by a fair bit.

 

[baz_machine]

Meh

 

[TheGreatBarryB]

Bags warming up with forwards

 

[raskolnikov]

Eddie should not be allowed to commentate our games. He blatantly barracks against us.

 

[Loonerty]

Just want some real effort today.

 

[sameolds33]

We're looking tired in the warm up....a bit scared

 

[raskolnikov]

C'mon Belly.

 

[Loonerty]

Bellchambers is usually a good kick at goal.

That was not a good kick.

 

[AcuteWhistle]

new kick in strategy?

 

[quotemokc]

Who is Mcgraph

 

[Teflon Dons]

Merrett and Heppell getting shoved around before the bounce. No retaliation. * we’re just so soft in the middle

 

[Loonerty]

Eddie has said both Mutch and McGrath wrong so far.

 

[Drummer_19]

Got the distinct feeling I'm going to get very annoyed listen to this commentary crew.

 

[Loonerty]

Hurley looking off so far.

 

[AcuteWhistle]

Who is Mcgraph

& Mootch...

 

[SherbertLemon]

Hurley.... fmd he's been a bloody turn over merchant for the last 5 qrts

 

[BOMBERS 4 LIFE!!!!]

Sigh