Sellout Scully
Club Legend
- Jun 7, 2012
- 1,588
- 3,514
- AFL Club
- Melbourne
We Die As One: The Adelaide Streak
It was 6pm in the city of churches, and we were growing impatient waiting for our cab to arrive.
“Sellout, where are we going,” asked an impatient Biff next to me.
“Look, I told you Biff, we’re going to find out what makes the Crows tick,” I said.
“How is it they keep beating us? Why have we never had more than a two-match winning streak against them? How did David Mackay secure a Brownlow vote (the only in his 170 game career) against us in 2015, Kent Kingsley style? We need answers!”
Biff nodded understandingly. This was a top secret mission.
Earlier in the week we had received an anonymous tip off from someone called Vernie Bince as to the whereabouts of the Crows super-secret winning program. Vernie had faxed to us a piece of paper. All it said was ‘streak’.
We had been told to give it to a driver named Daniel and he would take us straight there.
Eventually our ride showed up and we gave the note to the driver. He had blonde hair, was wearing the full Crows attire and sunnies despite the fact that the sun was going down. Printed on his back was the number 12.
“Hi, I’m Daniel T. Are you the 19th man,” he asked us. We nodded, knowing we would be asked this question.
We opened the doors and got in our ride. The back was unlike anything I had been in before.
The seats were soaked in vomit and cat hair. There were several papers lying on the floor of the car and a bunch of lanterns hanging from the ceiling.
Before we even had time to put our seatbelts on the car took off and was soon going 40 kilometres an hour, almost double the average speed limit in the Adelaide CBD. I looked out the window to take in the sights of Adelaide; closed shops, construction signs, burst pipelines, old people complaining. It was like a weird combination of Florida and Detroit.
Biff was reading the papers on the ground. Written on them was the entire game-plan of the Sydney Swans, and signed ‘Love Michael’ on the back of the last page. How they had ended up in the back of this car was anyone’s guess.
“I’d best pass these on to Ponsdale,” said Biff, scrunching the Sydney notes and putting them into his pocket.
To our surprise Daniel drove past the Crows training ground at West Lakes and continued to head south, eventually stopping nearly an hour later at a beach.
“Welcome to Adelaide’s famous Maslin’s Beach, home of the streak,” Daniel said.
This was it. We knew we were in the right spot. We gave Daniel his money and started heading towards the beach.
“There’s no going back now Biff,” I said. “This is it. We’re going to learn the secrets of the Crows and their ability to go on winning streaks.”
We could smell fire, and hear loud chanting noises. Crouching down behind a boulder on a cliff overlooking the beach, we whipped out our binoculars to try and see what was going on.
Nothing could have prepared us for what we were watching.
A bunch of Crows footballers were running around a bonfire naked. Next to it several players were attempting to walk over hot coals unsuccessfully.
“Long live the streak,” they were chanting. One man then proceeded to wrap his face in plastic while the others bowed before him.
Biff and I looked blankly at each other, stunned at what we were witnessing.
No wonder Patrick Dangerfield, Phil Davis, Kurt Tippett, Jack Gunston, Jonathan Griffen, Ben Hudson, Nathan Bock, Sam Kerridge, Jarryd Lyons, Scott Welsh, Tyson Stenglein, Kane Johnson, Ivan Maric, Mitch McGovern (I’m calling it early) and Fergus ‘the original’ Watts demanded trades away from this place.
It soon came to our attention that the bonfire was not a fire at all, but in fact a radiating Kyle Cheney. We also noticed a giant cable coming from him that went all the way past where we were hiding and into a giant power generator 10 metres behind us.
“Look,” I said. “They’re using the brightness of his hair to power the entire city.”
It was clear what we had to do. We moved to the generator and grabbed hold of the cable.
“Ready. 1, 2, 3…”
With a small tug we unplugged the cable and the entire city went off the grid for the fourth time in 12 months. The players on the beach howled and screamed. One by one they started putting their clothes on and dispersed into the night.
The streak was over.
Melbourne by 4 Megawatts
It was 6pm in the city of churches, and we were growing impatient waiting for our cab to arrive.
“Sellout, where are we going,” asked an impatient Biff next to me.
“Look, I told you Biff, we’re going to find out what makes the Crows tick,” I said.
“How is it they keep beating us? Why have we never had more than a two-match winning streak against them? How did David Mackay secure a Brownlow vote (the only in his 170 game career) against us in 2015, Kent Kingsley style? We need answers!”
Biff nodded understandingly. This was a top secret mission.
Earlier in the week we had received an anonymous tip off from someone called Vernie Bince as to the whereabouts of the Crows super-secret winning program. Vernie had faxed to us a piece of paper. All it said was ‘streak’.
We had been told to give it to a driver named Daniel and he would take us straight there.
Eventually our ride showed up and we gave the note to the driver. He had blonde hair, was wearing the full Crows attire and sunnies despite the fact that the sun was going down. Printed on his back was the number 12.
“Hi, I’m Daniel T. Are you the 19th man,” he asked us. We nodded, knowing we would be asked this question.
We opened the doors and got in our ride. The back was unlike anything I had been in before.
The seats were soaked in vomit and cat hair. There were several papers lying on the floor of the car and a bunch of lanterns hanging from the ceiling.
Before we even had time to put our seatbelts on the car took off and was soon going 40 kilometres an hour, almost double the average speed limit in the Adelaide CBD. I looked out the window to take in the sights of Adelaide; closed shops, construction signs, burst pipelines, old people complaining. It was like a weird combination of Florida and Detroit.
Biff was reading the papers on the ground. Written on them was the entire game-plan of the Sydney Swans, and signed ‘Love Michael’ on the back of the last page. How they had ended up in the back of this car was anyone’s guess.
“I’d best pass these on to Ponsdale,” said Biff, scrunching the Sydney notes and putting them into his pocket.
To our surprise Daniel drove past the Crows training ground at West Lakes and continued to head south, eventually stopping nearly an hour later at a beach.
“Welcome to Adelaide’s famous Maslin’s Beach, home of the streak,” Daniel said.
This was it. We knew we were in the right spot. We gave Daniel his money and started heading towards the beach.
“There’s no going back now Biff,” I said. “This is it. We’re going to learn the secrets of the Crows and their ability to go on winning streaks.”
We could smell fire, and hear loud chanting noises. Crouching down behind a boulder on a cliff overlooking the beach, we whipped out our binoculars to try and see what was going on.
Nothing could have prepared us for what we were watching.
A bunch of Crows footballers were running around a bonfire naked. Next to it several players were attempting to walk over hot coals unsuccessfully.
“Long live the streak,” they were chanting. One man then proceeded to wrap his face in plastic while the others bowed before him.
Biff and I looked blankly at each other, stunned at what we were witnessing.
No wonder Patrick Dangerfield, Phil Davis, Kurt Tippett, Jack Gunston, Jonathan Griffen, Ben Hudson, Nathan Bock, Sam Kerridge, Jarryd Lyons, Scott Welsh, Tyson Stenglein, Kane Johnson, Ivan Maric, Mitch McGovern (I’m calling it early) and Fergus ‘the original’ Watts demanded trades away from this place.
It soon came to our attention that the bonfire was not a fire at all, but in fact a radiating Kyle Cheney. We also noticed a giant cable coming from him that went all the way past where we were hiding and into a giant power generator 10 metres behind us.
“Look,” I said. “They’re using the brightness of his hair to power the entire city.”
It was clear what we had to do. We moved to the generator and grabbed hold of the cable.
“Ready. 1, 2, 3…”
With a small tug we unplugged the cable and the entire city went off the grid for the fourth time in 12 months. The players on the beach howled and screamed. One by one they started putting their clothes on and dispersed into the night.
The streak was over.
Melbourne by 4 Megawatts
Last edited: