Ned_Flanders
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they share them, but its better now. being in separate houses has taken a lot of the tension out of day to day interactions
Society/Culture A Man's Right In A Marriage Breakdown
- Thread starter RegHickeyStand
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they share them, but its better now. being in separate houses has taken a lot of the tension out of day to day interactions
- Moderator
- #27
He sells the house, pays out thr loan and splits the equity. Or he borrows against the equity and pays her out that way. Or he drafts a binding financial agreement for (sum) in exchange for her to remove her name from the Deed, with the amount to be paid by (date) plus interest, with the house as security for the sum.
She isn't getting half the house. He's contributed more so he'll get a bigger share.
- Thread starter
- #29
Binding financial agreement! That is what he said. Could not remember it. But now you mentioned that, thats what they did.
But even so, it doesn't get sold the next day. There is a law stating 12 months separation before divorce. Weird, but he told me she was surprised when he told her he wanted a divorce and dragged her feet on that too. There is some way around the 12 months thing. She wouldn't agree. Its all about sex where the law is concerned about marriage and divorce, and Oct was the last time and she is hanging onto that. Go figure.
- Thread starter
- #30
He just rang, I suggested that. He said he does not want to live there any more.
- Thread starter
- #31
I didn't ask that. I asked did she leave the kids there when she left?
BTW, good that its better.
Reg
Good on you for being a good friend. You will be super valuable if you stay calm and rational.
2 cents:
1. Brad needs to understand the relationship is OVER - finished. Forever! except possibly joint care of kids
2. Number one priority is the kids welfare
3. Needs a very clear gathering of understanding his own financial position. Fact not guesses
4. Despite your praise for his solicitor. He needs to understand best as possible understand the legal position and direct (her?) what he wants the outcome to be, and in what general time frame.
5. Needs private (secret) clear discussion with his bank/ mortgage (manager) to explain the position and his borrowing capacity.
Does Brad have family and friends that can help care for the kids ?
Does boyfriend have an income? Is boyfriend willing to pay the mortgage plus pay Brad out? Put the heat on him... likely just a casual root!?
SEEK Proper or MORE legal advice
What is the SOLID grounds for separation last October? Is that air tight?
IF so Brad can only really force matters to divorce after 12 months.
I would STOP paying the mortgage IMMEDIATELY after private discussion with bank first. Force wifey's and the dill boyfriend's hand.
Insist on agreement for him to buy them out of his home. Or visa versa.
Alternatively set it at Auction sale post October unless agreement reached !
Also seek another confirmation (2nd legal opinion) about continuing to live there. It is a time bomb waiting to explode and with likely worse consequences!
The legals will try to drag it out as long as possible. More fees . Insist he wants it over no later than December 2020.
Keep it as cool and unemotional as possible!
( A extra loan of 125k over 30 yrs interst only bit over extra $100 bucks a week!)
Isn't he paying the mortgage already now ?
Good on you for being a good friend. You will be super valuable if you stay calm and rational.
2 cents:
1. Brad needs to understand the relationship is OVER - finished. Forever! except possibly joint care of kids
2. Number one priority is the kids welfare
3. Needs a very clear gathering of understanding his own financial position. Fact not guesses
4. Despite your praise for his solicitor. He needs to understand best as possible understand the legal position and direct (her?) what he wants the outcome to be, and in what general time frame.
5. Needs private (secret) clear discussion with his bank/ mortgage (manager) to explain the position and his borrowing capacity.
Does Brad have family and friends that can help care for the kids ?
Does boyfriend have an income? Is boyfriend willing to pay the mortgage plus pay Brad out? Put the heat on him... likely just a casual root!?
SEEK Proper or MORE legal advice
What is the SOLID grounds for separation last October? Is that air tight?
IF so Brad can only really force matters to divorce after 12 months.
I would STOP paying the mortgage IMMEDIATELY after private discussion with bank first. Force wifey's and the dill boyfriend's hand.
Insist on agreement for him to buy them out of his home. Or visa versa.
Alternatively set it at Auction sale post October unless agreement reached !
Also seek another confirmation (2nd legal opinion) about continuing to live there. It is a time bomb waiting to explode and with likely worse consequences!
The legals will try to drag it out as long as possible. More fees . Insist he wants it over no later than December 2020.
Keep it as cool and unemotional as possible!
( A extra loan of 125k over 30 yrs interst only bit over extra $100 bucks a week!)
Isn't he paying the mortgage already now ?
- Moderator
- #33
There is a way you can get divorced sooner, and she doesnt have to agree (but you need to take it to court). Sex isnt important under Australian Family law with regards to divorce; separation is.
That said, property settlements can be resolved well before Divorce, meaning the divorce itself is largely an administrative step formally dissolving the union at Law.
I feel for the bloke, but this is not a gendered situation (your mate could have just as easily started banging someone and the roles could be reversed). Men dont have more (or less) rights under any relevant laws here.
I actually have a lot of concern for how you described the situation in your Thread title and OP. It's got nothing to do with a 'mans' rights. It's got to do with a persons rights, who finds themselves in a situation your friend happens to find himself.
Banks very reluctant to foreclose and would not under the mortgage agreement likely to be able to do so within 3 months of default anyway. He needs to find it and read it and discuss it with bank manager.
He deposits the mortgage into a fixed deposit account arrangement at the bank. Tell her he has cancelled the payments.
Pressure to resolve and negotiate.
Her tactic will be delay delay delay obfuscate and more delay. You ought know that as a Family law specialist!?
- Moderator
- #36
And that works fine.
Just make sure if he has a parenting plan with her at present that he's happy with, he locks it in as Parenting ORDERS (via a Form 11 Consent Order application) at the local Family Court registry.
Where a lot of Blokes go wrong is, they separate, and then they move out of the house (the wife and kids stay in the house). When time comes for them to seek a Parenting plan for contact with the kids, the wife gets the larger share of 'custody' as a result (the kids are settled in the family home with Mum, and Dad is currently living in a small flat somewhere like a 20 year old again).
That works both ways; it's just (in my experience) its often the bloke that leaves the family home when things go pear shaped, or when it's the woman that leaves, she takes the kids with her.
If the latter happens (she takes the kids) you can get a Recovery Order from the Family court to bring them back, but you might not want to subject your kids to that (it involves the Police bringing them back to the house).
Ultimately all this s**t works better when the parties are being reasonable and rational. Unfortunately, we're talking a breakdown of a relationship, and contact with your own Kids, so 'reasonable and rational' is easier said than done.
- Moderator
- #37
Im not a specialist, I practice in the area.
I would never advise a client to do what you're suggesting. You're literally asserting he antagonise her, which would delay proceedings (increasing legal costs) and likely cause her to do the same in return, turning the whole thing into a 'tit for tat'.
All that happens here is both parties likely rack up considerable legal costs in back and forths, over a loan that needs to be repaid anyway.
The best thing about Lawyers is it takes the emotion out of judgements. They can advise impartially as to what your best course of action is.
My advice is always to get it resolved as quick as possible, to avoid any further costs. It's worth paying a bit more (rather than digging in your heels out of spite) to get it sorted early to both save that money in legal costs (which rack up fast) and to get on with your life away from your ex partner.
- Thread starter
- #38
Men and women are different, but equal.
Domestic violence situations where a boyfriend who won't leave when told to leave by the husband is a gender issue. This is an emotional and primal situation. And testosterone is a reality. Bugger the fact its half her house. If she can bring another man into the marital home and rub the situation in his nose, then its 0% his home. Reverse the sexes, but we don't have the same potential for violence. But maybe the impotence that the wife would feel could lead her to depression, illness or suicide. So...there ought to be a law, some safety valve to prevent an escalation.
So, a cop turns up because the husband complains and and wants him kicked out. The cop pulls the bf over and says, "look, in a way, you are the odd man out with respect to whose home this is. Why don't you leave and call her when you get home?" And the bf refuses and recites how it is half her house etc. The cop leaves knowing it will most probably escalate. Your solution? ps, (this has not happened.)
Ned_Flanders
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I answered that - they share them (so some days with her, some days with him)
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- #40
God advice. So far it has been 50/50. And they have written plans out, but she has not stuck to them, leaving him with the kids too long, but then not moving out of the house on the agreed day, and she has the kids and extra day. So, its been 50/50 in a scatterbrained way.
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- #41
OK. She gets in her car and leaves. Are the kids in her car when she is driving out of the driveway?
I don't mean an agreement once she is settled.
Ned_Flanders
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no, because she needed to set up a house
people need to be fair to the kids and not use them as weapons. their issues are with each other, not with how each is as a parent
- Moderator
- #44
Parenting plans arent legally enforceable. Parenting Orders, are.
All he needs to do is get a Form 11 from the local Family Court (application for consent orders) and get her to sign it, lodge it at the family court with the parenting plan and pay the fee, and he gets his parenting plan spat back out as Parenting Orders.
Those Orders are as enforceable as any other Court order.
His Lawyers can do this for him. She just needs to sign it.
- Thread starter
- #45
OK. This woman is trying to literally replace the father with the boyfriend. I won't go into detail, but it is creepy. I know her fairly well, and what he says is not surprising. She talks about "her" children. She is a domineering individual. Great that your friend got it sorted. This is a different situation. I'm pretty sure your friend would have a hard time leaving the kids like that if her husband was like this and she left the family home with another woman in the house with her husband.
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- #47
You want women to be able to fight and damage as much as men when they lose it? I don't know what you are trying to get upset over here?
Ned_Flanders
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and if she stops access he can get the court to intervene. refusing to leave until they are divorced wont make it any better
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- #49
What?! Maybe you didn't understand what I meant. I mean with the kids, everything.
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- #50
Should clarify. They don't live together. They share the house 4 days on, 4 days off. He goes to family, and she goes off with her boyfriend and stays at a hotel.
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