Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2018

[Mofra]

Player #7 - Jack Watts

Pictured: We got the swimming pool, (inflatable) big breasted birds...

"Swimming and ****"

If somebody said at the start of 2018 that Jack Watts would find a way to elevate himself even higher into Bay 13 folklore you would have been left scratching your head thinking "how would he do that?"

This is a guy who has given a lot to the bay over the years. His smarmy, private schoolboy looks, his getting smashed by three Pies players in his first minute of football, his subservience to NicNac after Melbourne took Watts first, and one embarrassing photo after another. We can now add a whole bunch of photos to that particular album:

So when Jack is not organising lines of blow off women's boobs, trying to hook up three-ways, talking about swimming and ****, or sneaking women into his bedroom, Watts plays a little footy on weekends.

Despite being a high profile no 1 pick under contract, Melbourne shipped him off to Port at the end of last year as part of Port's "trade out the players we developed for fringe mercenaries" strategy. Bold strategy Cotton, let's see if it pays off.

Well, Jack did manage 19 games as a sort of 4th forward, kicking 18 goals. Was dropped after a middling game, came back and played some middling games. He's barely noticeable on field and is certainly never going to be the difference between Port winning and losing. It's not just the dropping and the holding onto a spot as the 20-22nd player picked most weeks, it's the fact he seem happy to just drift through football on his talent, put in some effort, and enjoy the trappings the AFL lifestyle affords him (namely, swimming and **** - and let's not ignore the irony of Port playing games in China which is in no way renowned for their abundance of either).

Even (comparatively) respected football identity Robert Walls weighed in, "the former Demon’s career could soon be over if he failed to improve his hardness at the contest this year." Apparently hardness is not a problem for him mid-week so Jack is at least making some inroads on this issue.

Anyhoo he has two more years under contract at Port which I hope he sees out in full. He has given a lot to the Bay over the years and just when you think he's done, he raises the bar higher. Kudos, our hero.

Fun fact: Only once has Watts kicked more than 22 goals in a season. It was 2016, the greatest year of football ever.

Jack, Wattsy, swits (not sure of that will take off). Thank you for everything, welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2018.

 

[Tbonefreo]

God damn savage

 

[Bont2Bruce]

Given his obvious staying power, really wasn't expecting Watts to arrive this early.

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

When will people, especially "famous" people, realise that EVERYTHING they text, photograph, post will one day....

I give up.

 

[____]

Player(s) #10 - Tom Lynch (C) & Steven May (C)
Now I don't want to say the Gold Coast Suns are dead as an organisation but the best thing you could say about them right now is that they are 'pining for the Fjords'.

Player #7 - Jack WattsApparently hardness is not a problem for him mid-week so Jack is at least making some inroads on this issue.

Those two lines are an absolute crack up

 

[3rd Grade Maggy]

#swits

 

[Starburns_]

6 players worse than Watts, I'm shocked to be sitting here. Safe to say if he couldn't manage it this year, there's no way he'll ever be replicating his draft position in the bottom 50.

Player #8 - Joe Daniher

Pictured: I take it back. Some pharmaceutical experimentation might be in order here

Joe Daniher has been talked up as a potential star of the competition for some time and was an AA selection in 2017. He also won mark of the year that year.

Joe's 2018 was a disaster in almost every sense of the word. I'll sum it up in one word: Clanger.

JD (as he is probably known) averaged 5 clangers per game, the second highest in the competition after Nat Fyfe. Nat Fyfe plays in the midfield, often disposing of the ball under pressure and averages 28.7 disposals per game. JD averages under 14 touches per game as a ruck/forward.

Joe's highlights include a 22 disposal game with 10 clangers against Collingwood (Essendon lost), a 14 disposal game against Freo with 7 clangers (Essendon lost) and an 11 disposal game against Hawthorn with 5 clangers (Essendon lost). Sense a pattern? Daniher was a total liability on-field this season which makes a nice change at Essendon as normally their famous names are only a liability off-field.

The guy struggles to kick the pill (that's slang for ball - have to specify that when we're talking about Windy Hill Tullamarine) to the point where he's even tried snapping at goal from a set shot. He still managed about a goal per game this year (and slightly more than one behind per game), and one hit-out per game which makes the 'ruck/forward' description a little dubious. Unless you name is Con and you had relations with a goat, you need to do something more than once to earn yourself a title like that.

Daniher is of course a famous name, his dad having played more than 100 games for both Essendon and Sydney. He had three uncles also play for the bombers back in the 'salary cap is a mere suggestion' days of the VFL so he chose to be picked up by the Bombers as a father son pick in the first round of the 2012 draft.
It was a simpler time in the VFL days - players could grab a beer after the game, there was no such thing a social media, and football club and bowls club could co-exist peacefully.
Unfortunately we didn't get to see Joe after round 7 this year as, like his former coach in Paris, he had groin trouble.

He also strangely has the teeth of someone who smokes:

Pictured: That god-awful ugly thing (in the top left corner ruins this photo)

Which this secret footage also corroborates:

Pictured: The only smoking hot ass associated with the name 'Daniher'

On the plus side though Essendon 'won' trade week again which served them so well in 2018, and the 13 consecutive years before that.

Anyway Joe you've been friendly to chat with at music festivals so good luck with your recovery and a bounce-back next season. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2018.

Inb4 "injury troll. "

 

[Werewolf]

Player #8 - Joe Daniher

Joe Daniher has been talked up as a potential star of the competition for some time and was an AA selection in 2017. He also won mark of the year that year.

Joe's 2018 was a disaster in almost every sense of the word. I'll sum it up in one word: Clanger.

JD (as he is probably known) averaged 5 clangers per game, the second highest in the competition after Nat Fyfe. Nat Fyfe plays in the midfield, often disposing of the ball under pressure and averages 28.7 disposals per game. JD averages under 14 touches per game as a ruck/forward.

Joe's highlights include a 22 disposal game with 10 clangers against Collingwood (Essendon lost), a 14 disposal game against Freo with 7 clangers (Essendon lost) and an 11 disposal game against Hawthorn with 5 clangers (Essendon lost). Sense a pattern? Daniher was a total liability on-field this season which makes a nice change at Essendon as normally their famous names are only a liability off-field.

My favourite Daniher moment this year was against us in R3. I flew over to Melbourne to watch the game with Dad. Dogs were 33 points up in the last qtr, then Essendon kicked 3 goals and Daniher took a towering contested mark just outside the goal square and we thought FFS. But he handballed to a team mate and Caleb Daniel intercepted and we rushed a behind. Then Toby McLean kicked the winning goal a minute later

 

[TedDougChris]

6 players worse than Watts, I'm shocked to be sitting here. Safe to say if he couldn't manage it this year, there's no way he'll ever be replicating his draft position in the bottom 50.



Inb4 "injury troll. "

Daniher deserves it for stupidity of facial hair alone.....

Watts should have been higher...

 

[AlecDuncan]

So when Jack is not organising lines of blow off women's boobs, trying to hook up three-ways, talking about swimming and ****, or sneaking women into his bedroom, Watts plays a little footy on weekends.

Well, it worked for Jack Darling.

 

[hawkman]

Sets up a goal, refuses to acknowledge a high 5

 

[Sainter3and7]

Mofra , far be it from me to question your knowledge, but geez, I would have sworn that #swits had risen to Bay immortality this year and was a shoe-in for number one. Swits is a Bay 13 God!

 

[GetDimmaBack]

Won't somebody get rid of that stupid hash brown?

It's still there! Why?

Why?


Why-hy-hy-hy?

 

[WillHayward]

Jack Watts would have been a worthy number 1.

 

[3rd Grade Maggy]

Mofra , far be it from me to question your knowledge, but geez, I would have sworn that #swits had risen to Bay immortality this year and was a shoe-in for number one. Swits is a Bay 13 God!

Stop trying to make #swits happen Gretchen. It's not going to happen.

 

[TedDougChris]

Jack Watts would have been a worthy number 1.

Must be some serious s**t still to come...

Including an appearance from a Dogs premiership hero....

 

[Thrawn]

My favourite Daniher moment this year was against us in R3. I flew over to Melbourne to watch the game with Dad. Dogs were 33 points up in the last qtr, then Essendon kicked 3 goals and Daniher took a towering contested mark just outside the goal square and we thought FFS. But he handballed to a team mate and Caleb Daniel intercepted and we rushed a behind. Then Toby McLean kicked the winning goal a minute later

They don't call him Daniderp for nothing.

 

[WillHayward]

Must be some serious s**t still to come...

Including an appearance from a Dogs premiership hero....

Always next year for Jack to go number 1.
He has no ceiling. No limit to how high he can climb in Bay folklore.

 

[WillHayward]

My favourite Daniher moment this year was against us in R3. I flew over to Melbourne to watch the game with Dad. Dogs were 33 points up in the last qtr, then Essendon kicked 3 goals and Daniher took a towering contested mark just outside the goal square and we thought FFS. But he handballed to a team mate and Caleb Daniel intercepted and we rushed a behind. Then Toby McLean kicked the winning goal a minute later

Watched that a few times and it is clearly Josh Green's fault. Hungry little turd is clearly calling for it.
Not the best handball but Green never should have called for that cheapie.

 

[TedDougChris]

Always next year for Jack to go number 1.
He has no ceiling. No limit to how high he can climb in Bay folklore.

He seems to be a very slow learner, so every chance to ‘improve’ next year....

 

[Chief]

Jokes on this fellow, Mofra NEVER tries to be funny!

 

[The_torpedo]

Jokes on this fellow, Mofra NEVER tries to be funny!

Melt of the year

 

[Ant_]

Sets up a goal, refuses to acknowledge a high 5

To be fair I'd not want to touch that flog either

 

[peppy la pew]

Mofra at his quintessential best

 

[Chief]

Sets up a goal, refuses to acknowledge a high 5

Also, the AFL social media work experience kid doesn’t know what a high five is.