Certified Legendary Thread Pets Grizzlym's Dad is a Freakin Legend - From 'bum soap' to 'lawnmower larceny' and much more

[grizzlym]

This thread will always be open for comments and stuff. The other thread is purely a story archive... oh the horror


Urghhh.... against my better judgment I have caved in and started a thread about my legend of an ol' man.

The guy is a legend. And a god damn freak. But more importantly, the guy is out there with decades of these exploits behind him.

He's currently living in a quiet suburb of Melbourne, in a quiet street, in a nice home. He's a doting grandfather, who's started to smell kind of old, but make no mistake, he's dangerous. I believe his best work lies in front of him still.

I'm not sure how many of these I'm going to write. Maybe only a few, maybe more. It depends how long the drugs last before I go to pieces like a leper in a wind tunnel.

So here's the short list of exploits in no particular order. There's more too.

It's like a list that a somber international prosecutor reads out at the Hague.


The Legendary Exploits of Grizzlym's Dad

1. The pot of soup
2. The sewerage
3. Hammer meets toilet seat
4. Locked out
5. Speaker wires
6. Stereo cabinet
7. Burning house down
8. Shoepolish on floor
9. Spaghetti disaster
10. Tools in ivy
11. Chisel
12. Compost bin
13. Mud bricks
14. Cheap things – newspaper etc
15. Broom stick
16. Smoking car
17. Grandma washing his car
18. Driving 140 KM to get a cheap service
19. Fishing
20. Bike helmet
21. ‘Bush’ tent pegs
22. Culinary delights:
> Water melon soup
> Cabbage
23. Going to Bali
24. Picking up bridesmaid
25. Pizza with extra cheese
26. The copper and the washing machine
27. Grandma chopping wood
28. Essendon grog squad
29. Pub floor money
30. Neighbours pool
31. Putty and water tank
32. Bed bugs
33. Tao of love and sex
34. Funerals
35. Rolling in dog s**t
36. Dodgy dental work
37. Ferreting
38. Scabby old BBQ expedition
39. Nail in shoe
40. Taking small planes through turbulence
41. Hypochondriac
42. New Age sex manuals.
43. Renovations
44. India
45. Rayon silk
46. Love potion number nine
47. Truffle oil Xmas
48. Loofah brush
49. Nudist Beach
50. Bum Soap
51. Lilo
52. Canapes
53. Grizzlym's Dad vs Beast
54. DIY
55. Razor
56. Fire, fire
57. Pension bending master class
58. Lawnmower
59. Redback Decking
60. Tennis balls or lemons?
61. Mashed Potato
62. Vaccinations
63. Judy Moran and friends
64. Choppin' grandma
65. Divorce books
66. Relief siatsu
67. Paper Round
68. Berlin Umbrella
69. Scary Movie
70. Lion Park
71. Coupon
72. Skeleton
73. The cousin's wedding

My dad is a freakin' legend, and these are his stories.

Oh yeah, feel free to post stuff, because, who knows, the more I talk about it, the more I might remember. Bit like suffering a head injury or other major trauma

Those is red are stories I've written, those in black are threats.

 

[grizzlym]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

49. Nudist beach

My father, soon after breaking up with my mother, took my brother and I to a nudist beach. I would have been about 8 or 9. Dad wore the big service station purchased mirror sunglasses, a determined grin and nothing else. I remember hiding in the car in utter embarrassment.

 

[Caesar]

Discussion for

Pretty sure Grizz wins the internets.

 

[Messenger]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Grizz's Dad needs his own stickied thread.

 

[Illinois Nazi]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Grizz's Dad needs his own stickied thread.

He probably did have at the nudist beach.

 

[HarryTiger]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Sunnyside Mt Eliza?

No I haven't been.

 

[grizzlym]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Believe it or not, I have a more cringeworthy story.

 

[walshy93]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Why does the above post stop after only one sentence? Surely that is card worthy!

Oh...

 

[frantelle]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Believe it or not, I have a more cringeworthy story.

Dear grizzlym,

Please start posting more stories about your dad.

Yours truly,
all of GD

 

[Crimson Azure]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Believe it or not, I have a more cringeworthy story.

Wow we have a lot in common. No nudist stuff just inexplicable dad stories.

If I told some of them, no one would believe the stories.

 

[Shell]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Dear grizzlym,

Please start posting more stories about your dad.

Yours truly,
all of GD

Seconded.

Come on, cant leave us hanging!!!



I have one about A mother. Not mine.. but I'll keep her annonymous still. She was shopping in David Jones, chinaware section. (yes this cant end well can it). Anyway, there was some loose bit of carpet or something, and she went flying, brings down a WHOLE china shelf with her.

Sounded like a bomb going off, reports say.

Customers, managers, duty managers, etc etc, security, all came running. (And mostly just stared at her).

(She was ok btw).

 

[WALL-e]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

My father, soon after breaking up with my mother, took my brother and I to a nudist beach. I would have been about 8 or 9. Dad wore the big service station purchased mirror sunglasses, a determined grin and nothing else. I remember hiding in the car in utter embarrassment.

Pretty sure Grizz wins the internets.

Grizz's Dad needs his own stickied thread.

He probably did have at the nudist beach.

Believe it or not, I have a more cringeworthy story.

Alright, Grizz's Dad needs thread NOW.

 

[J_Moore]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Holy s**t, grizzlym, you need to stop posting "I have the best story about my dad but I'm not going to tell you now" material.

Should be a cardable offense.

 

[grizzlym]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Holy s**t, grizzlym, you need to stop posting "I have the best story about my dad but I'm not going to tell you now" material.

Should be a cardable offense.

Sorry been busy, will try to get around to it this arvo. But yes, this thread has forced me to remember suppressed memories and it 'aint pretty.

 

[WALL-e]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

So long as your old man wasn't surpressing his package in your special place, lets go!

 

[jo172]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Sorry been busy, will try to get around to it this arvo. But yes, this thread has forced me to remember suppressed memories and it 'aint pretty.

Subscribing

 

[grizzlym]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

58. Lawnmower

Our story begins many moons ago in the leafy eastern suburbs of Melbourne.

It was that special time of year, the modern day equivalent of the summer solstice festival, a time of spiritual significance for my father and many like him.

On this special day, like many before it, Dad bundled me - and on this occasion a couple of my mates - into his car and we headed off to perform the important ritual that guaranteed us a bountiful year ahead.

Hard rubbish collection.

My Dad loved hard rubbish collection. He saw it as the universe's way to readdress the karmic and material balance that existed between the social classes. He also saw it is as a way to save a few Roubles.

My first serious cricket bat was a Grey Nicholas 4-scoop my old man had spotted on a nature strip in Logan St. Sure the handle was a bit wobbly, but nothing a screw, some gaffer tape and piece of dowel wouldn't fix.

"Right as rain, son," he said bursting with pride, "Don Bradman used to play with a cricket stump."

As an aside, many years later he found a Duncan Fernley bat washed up on a beach. It was encrusted in small marine creatures, a quarter of the bottom was eaten away by the extended exposure to the sea and elements, and it had no string let alone rubber on the handle, but that didn't bother dad. "What a beaut bat, Grizzlym, just like what Ian Botham uses," he uttered.

Another year Dad purloined an old telephone and set about re-engineering it as our extension line. He had that glint in his eye that said 'screw Telstra, I'm not paying for another phone'. The phone sort of worked, but you had flick a big toggle switch that he installed on the front of the phone to get it going Eventually, he swapped it with my grandmother's phone (my mum's mum) when he was over mowing her lawn one day. Her eyesight wasn't good and his line of bullshit was impeccable: "It's a special seniors phone, Edie, the switch is so you can save money on your electricity bill," he shamelessly spun.

Another time he loaded the car with a bunch of old floorboards for firewood - we had open fires at home. But that turned into a disaster of biblical proportions when it was discovered that the timber was infested with termites who, soon after moving into our house, started munching on the floorboards in the loungeroom. Dad, in his own style, did the pest extermination himself with copious amounts of mineral turps.

But what happened on this day made all of these 'triumphs' seem like small change.

We were cruising down a street looking at people's discarded hard rubbish, when Dad stopped the car suddenly. He then spoke in an excited and urgent manner. "Guys, get out quick, Grizzlym, over there, see, it's a lawn mower."

And sure enough across the road was an almost new lawnmower, complete with grass catcher sitting on a naturestrip. "Grizzlym, you get the lawnmower... Steve you open the boot... I'll keep the car running 'cause you know how people feel about their rubbish"

So I tentatively set off across the road towards the lawnmower. And it was a beauty. "C'mon son, we don't have all day," he hissed in a low tone.

I tentatively touched the lawnmower to find it was still warm.

"Dad, it's warm," I called out.

"Shhhhh son," he replied in the same urgent low tone, "the sun's out that's why."

So with Dad urging me on in an increasingly urgent tone while softly gunning the engine, I wheeled the mower to the car, where Steve was waiting. We somehow bundled the mower into the boot and just got back into the car as Dad took off.

And as we took off a guy emerged from the driveway of the house brandishing a leaf rake, waving it furiously, he started chasing us down the street. Dad took a look in the rear vision mirror and said with disgust, as he sped off, "gee people are mighty precious about their hard rubbish around here".

When we got home, he put the mower in the shed and said, "not a word to your mother now, I have a surprise planned for her."

And sure enough, 2 months later he proudly gave mum the mower for her birthday.

True story.

To this day I'm convinced he knew he was getting his kid to steal the dude's lawn mower. The poor guy had obviously gone out the back for something or other after mowing his lawn and my father had pounced under the tenuous cover of hard rubbish scavenging.

 

[smiths]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

reported to the police

 

[Scootyb]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

You're dad sounds like a legend!

 

[Gabbie]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

I can see a comedy TV show based on Grizzly's Dad as long as Grizzly is the writer.

 

[Papa Juggs]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

"Dad the lawnmower is still warm"

"It's just been in the sun"

 

[Poseidon]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

"You know home some people feel about their rubbish"

Hahaha, I lol'd hard

 

[Gabbie]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Mr Grizzly = Darryl Kerrigan

 

[dales.girl38]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

Oh man, epic read.

'The sun's out, that's why'.

 

[grizzlym]

Re: Embarrassing moments caused by your parents

I sat down before and typed out a list without any great thought and came up with 37 stories of the ol' man's exploits. And in typing this post I remembered the one where he picked up a bridesmaid at a wedding we went to.