Certified Legendary Thread The Cut

[Omar Little]

[Hulk] -Where are the quick play ons to advantage?
[Watts] - Roosy says quick movement of the footy is wicked.
[Dawes] - We just move backwards one kick to a contest at a time.
[Watts] - It's less fun that way.

[Dawes and Watts] Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark!
[Hulk] - Don't worry. A mark is no more harmful than a tackle.
[Dawes and Watts Screaming] - A Tackle?
[Hulk Groans] - They're gonna get eaten alive on Big Footy.

[Dawes] - And thank you for sending Jesse to protect us from the contest you sent.
[Watts] And please make Jesse tell us a bedtime story about power forwards named Chris and Jack.
[Dawes and Watts] - Amen.
[Hulk] - Once there was a number 1 draft pick named Jack
[Dawes] - Did he have a team mate?
[Hulk] - Yes, he had a centre half forward/uselesspinchhittingruckman teammate named Chris, who was one season older than him.
[Watts] - I don't like this story!

[Roosy] Oh, imagine that! Sleeping quietly after a contest.
And Jack's as dry as a bone! Jesse, you're a wonder.
I'm gonna recommend you to everybody! So long, Jesse!

 

[Klyntonius]

Roos: Now you have to play the Hawks this week, Billy.

Stretch: But I'm so scared Roosy.

Roos: You've gotta do this one for me Billy, Roosy.

Stetch: Okay, for you, Roosy.

Jackson: [later] Well Roosy, Billy is dead! They slit his throat from ear to ear.

Roos: Hey I'm trying to eat lunch here!

 

[d33my]

s**t that gave me a good belly laugh.

 

[Benwah83]

I just snorted my Milo! Well played.

 

[Klyntonius]

Stolen from Facebook:


Trigg : [chuckles] I'm sorry, I can't disclose any information about Eddie Betts' secret, illegal contract.

[hangs up]

Oh, crap! I shouldn't have said it was Eddie!...

Oh, crap! I shouldn't have said it was a secret!...

Oh, crap! I *certainly* shouldn't have said it was illegal!

[sits back, fanning himself]

Ah, it's too hot here.

 

[Klyntonius]

Jesse Hogan!
He's the man, whose name you'd love to touch, but you mustn't touch!
His name sounds good in your ear,
but when you say it, you mustn't fear!
Coz his name can be said by anyone!

 

[ponsdale]

Jesse Hogan!
He's the man, whose name you'd love to touch, but you mustn't touch!
His name sounds good in your ear,
but when you say it, you mustn't fear!
Coz his name can be said by anyone!

I'm soooo singing that with Shirley Bassey's voice in my head.

 

[Cannon82]

I'm soooo singing that with Shirley Bassey's voice in my head.

Now you've got me doing it.

 

[Sir Hugh Percy]

Jesse Hogan stands brooding at full forward before the first bounce as Collingwood's Nathan Brown approaches to stand him.
Brown: "I'm lookin' for Jesse Hogan."

Jesse: "That'd be me."

Brown squares up to Jesse.
Brown: "You're wanted Hogan."

Jesse: "Reckon I'm right popular. You a defender?"

Brown: "A man's gotta do somethin' for a livin' these days."

Jesse: "Losing's not much of a living, boy." [tension builds] "You know, this isn't necessary. You can just walk on..."

After a pause, Brown turns and walks begins to walk away a few steps. Jesse's teammates let out the breath that they'd been holding, maybe there'll be no bloodshed today. But brown pauses, then returns to square back up to Jesse.
Brown: "I had to come back."

Jesse: "I know..."

 

[TheDarkDwarf]

SIMONUS: I think we are too bold upon your rest: Good morrow, Roosius do we trouble you?

ROOSIUS I have been up this hour, awake all night. Know I these men that come along with you?

SIMONUS Yes, every man of them, and no man here But honours you; and every one doth wish
You had but that opinion of yourself Which every noble Demon fan bears of you.

This is Hoganius.

ROOSIUS He is welcome hither.

SIMONUS This, Domius Tysonious.

ROOSIUS He is welcome too.

SIMONUS This, Angustus; this, Garletta; and this, Tomas Maccus.

ROOSIUS They are all welcome. What watchful cares do interpose themselves
Betwixt your eyes and the game on Monday?

SIMONUS Shall I entreat a word?

ROOSIUS and SIMONUS whisper.

DOMIUS There lies the G: doth not the game start there?

ANGUSTUS No.

GARLETTA O, pardon, sir, it doth; and yon white lines
That fret the two are passengers .

ROOSIUS Give me your hands all over, one by one.

SIMONUS And let us swear our resolution.

SIMONUS But what of Petraccus? shall we sound him?
I think he will stand very strong with us.

ANGUSTUS Let us not leave him out.

GARLETTA No, by no means.

DOMIUS Shall no man else be touch'd but only Wattius?

SIMONUS Domius, well urged: I think it is not meet,
Chris Dawes, so well beloved of Wattius,
Should outlive Wattius: we shall find of him
With concrete hands; and, you know, what this
means, he can't improve them, and annoys us all:
Let Dawes and Wattius fall together.

ROOSIUS Our course will seem too bloody, Domius Tysonius,
To cut the head off and then hack the limbs,
Like wrath in death and envy afterwards;
For Dawes is but a limb of Wattius:
Let us be sacrificers, but not butchers, Domius.
We must stand up against the spirit of Wattius;
And in the spirit of men there is no blood:
O, that we then could come by Wattius' IQ,
And not dismember Wattius! But, alas,
Wattius must bleed for it! And, gentle friends,
Let's kill him boldly, but not wrathfully;
Let's carve him as a dish fit for the gods,
Not hew him as a carcass fit for hounds:
And let our hearts, as subtle masters do,
Stir up their servants to an act of rage,
And after seem to chide 'em. This shall make
Our purpose necessary and not envious:
Which so appearing to the common eyes,
We shall be call'd purgers, not murderers.
And for Chris Dawes, think not of him;
For he can do no more than Wattius' arm
When Wattius' head is off.

 

[Cannon82]

And for Chris Dawes, think not of him;
For he can do no more than Wattius' arm
When Wattius' head is off.

Indeed.

 

[Gysberts2Bate]

SIMONUS: I think we are too bold upon your rest: Good morrow, Roosius do we trouble you?

ROOSIUS I have been up this hour, awake all night. Know I these men that come along with you?

SIMONUS Yes, every man of them, and no man here But honours you; and every one doth wish
You had but that opinion of yourself Which every noble Demon fan bears of you.

This is Hoganius.

ROOSIUS He is welcome hither.

SIMONUS This, Domius Tysonious.

ROOSIUS He is welcome too.

SIMONUS This, Angustus; this, Garletta; and this, Tomas Maccus.

ROOSIUS They are all welcome. What watchful cares do interpose themselves
Betwixt your eyes and the game on Monday?

SIMONUS Shall I entreat a word?

ROOSIUS and SIMONUS whisper.

DOMIUS There lies the G: doth not the game start there?

ANGUSTUS No.

GARLETTA O, pardon, sir, it doth; and yon white lines
That fret the two are passengers .

ROOSIUS Give me your hands all over, one by one.

SIMONUS And let us swear our resolution.

SIMONUS But what of Petraccus? shall we sound him?
I think he will stand very strong with us.

ANGUSTUS Let us not leave him out.

GARLETTA No, by no means.

DOMIUS Shall no man else be touch'd but only Wattius?

SIMONUS Domius, well urged: I think it is not meet,
Chris Dawes, so well beloved of Wattius,
Should outlive Wattius: we shall find of him
With concrete hands; and, you know, what this
means, he can't improve them, and annoys us all:
Let Dawes and Wattius fall together.

ROOSIUS Our course will seem too bloody, Domius Tysonius,
To cut the head off and then hack the limbs,
Like wrath in death and envy afterwards;
For Dawes is but a limb of Wattius:
Let us be sacrificers, but not butchers, Domius.
We must stand up against the spirit of Wattius;
And in the spirit of men there is no blood:
O, that we then could come by Wattius' IQ,
And not dismember Wattius! But, alas,
Wattius must bleed for it! And, gentle friends,
Let's kill him boldly, but not wrathfully;
Let's carve him as a dish fit for the gods,
Not hew him as a carcass fit for hounds:
And let our hearts, as subtle masters do,
Stir up their servants to an act of rage,
And after seem to chide 'em. This shall make
Our purpose necessary and not envious:
Which so appearing to the common eyes,
We shall be call'd purgers, not murderers.
And for Chris Dawes, think not of him;
For he can do no more than Wattius' arm
When Wattius' head is off.

POTY.

 

[LeverPuller]

 

[dee_mac]

This is how I watch all dees games, wins included. Just angry, bitter and judgemental

 

[Cannon82]

This is how I watch all dees games, wins included. Just angry, bitter and judgemental View attachment 154074

Add booze and you have the tried and true recipe for watching all sport.

 

[Benwah83]

 

[Topkent]

Thank god people are still using Simpsons jokes

The day that they become irrelevant on here I'm off this board

 

[stretcharmstrong]

Someone do one with Jackson's head please!

 

[Canary]

Roos: Alright little buddy, time to play in the seniors.
[Michie moves to run out on the MCG. Roos stops him.]
Roos: Uh-uh I mean my little JAY buddy.
JKH: That's very nice Paul, but it's wrong for you to reward me with a game in the seniors on my potential as a young player for the future. However I will play in the seniors for you if it's a genuine appreciation for my efforts in the VFL.
Roos: Ok, Jay.

[The siren for the first quarter sounds]
Roos: Sucker! Untapped potential! That's why you're here!

[Jay grumpily sits on the pine with the red vest]

 

[tasmanlvr]

Melbourne's Game Review.

Anthony Hudson: It's Melbourne vs Brisbane at the MCG!
Paul Roos: Uh, let's watch something else.
Mark Jackson: Roosy, you're trying to talk them into winning more games.
Roos: Oh, yeah, that's right. Let's watch this.

(the video starts, looking at Melbourne in 2013 when Jackson walked in)

Jackson: Look at this place.
Nathan Jones: Somebody ought to build a game plan that works.
Roos: Somebody did.

(the video shows Cale Morton turning into Dom Tyson, Paul Johnson turning into Jesse Hogan and our ladder position turning from 17th to 15th)

Roos: It's called Melbourne Football Club - a planned premiership blueprint designed for the takeover by Simon Goodwin.
Melbourne Football Club, where dreams come true.
Hudson: Melbourne's dreams may vary from those of it's fans, its subsidiaries and shareholders.

 

[Topkent]

Melbourne's Game Review.

Anthony Hudson: It's Melbourne vs Brisbane at the MCG!
Paul Roos: Uh, let's watch something else.
Mark Jackson: Roosy, you're trying to talk them into winning more games.
Roos: Oh, yeah, that's right. Let's watch this.

(the video starts, looking at Melbourne in 2013 when Jackson walked in)

Jackson: Look at this place.
Nathan Jones: Somebody ought to build a game plan that works.
Roos: Somebody did.

(the video shows Cale Morton turning into Dom Tyson, Paul Johnson turning into Jesse Hogan and our ladder position turning from 17th to 15th)

Roos: It's called Melbourne Football Club - a planned premiership blueprint designed for the takeover by Simon Goodwin.
Melbourne Football Club, where dreams come true.
Hudson: Melbourne's dreams may vary from those of it's fans, its subsidiaries and shareholders.

He then headbutts Jack Watts and faces the media naked

 

[PerfectFooty]

Glen Bartlett: Peter, did you see this Melbourne Game Roos Coached?
Peter Jackson: Oh, it's BEAUTIFUL. Wonderful!
Glen Bartlett: Peter, look at it.
(Jackson changes the channel)
Jackson: AAAHHH!! Burn it, send it straight to Hell!

 

[mrmonkey]

Peter Jackson on the phone
I've seen teams suck before, but they were the biggest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

The team walks into the change room

Oh I got to go, my Damn weiner team just walked in.

 

[The Professor]

Paul Roos: You couldn't even give me one lousy good game, Dawes. You will always be a loser. Now take your check for a hundred thousand dollars and get out of my sight.

Chris Dawes: I don't need your stinking money! [carefully folds the check and puts it in his pocket]

 

[Klyntonius]

Stolen from Facebook

[With so many Freo players rested, Ross Lyon goes to Colin Sylvia's apartment to ask him to play on the weekend]

Lyon: Aaah! Colin, what have you done to yourself?
Sylvia: I thought I'd get into shape, so I've been drinking nothing but milk shakes.
Lyon: You mean those diet milk shakes?
Sylvia: Uh-oh.