So it was a tough day at the general store and the cerebral trauma hasn’t progressed as well as you would’ve liked?
I’m genuinely sorry to hear that, grub.
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Official Team Thread The Official Team Thread Of The Winners Again x 6 Minor Premiers Top Team Premiers Always Beatable Gold City Royals
- Thread starter The Filth Wizard
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So it was a tough day at the general store and the cerebral trauma hasn’t progressed as well as you would’ve liked?
I’m genuinely sorry to hear that, grub.
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #702
On the topic of Round 11, it happened to be Blacky's 200th game and Easty's 250th. For that incredible milestone, this was the banner we ran through. Marlowe is also on there purely for aesthetic purposes.
Why is this relevant?
Well not only are the three featured legends incredibly attractive, they also happen to be major figures in shaping the club's history and identity with astounding contributions over the seasons. For that reason, it is my high honour to induct the trio Easty, Marlowe and Blacky as the inaugural inductees of the Gold City Royals Hall of Fame!
Each of these three have made monumental contributions over a long period of time to hold a special piece of the club's history and have played for the Royals ever since our inception.
EASTY
Easty is the founder of the Gold City Royals and the club's inaugural captain, he spearheaded the expansion bid and put in a power of work to bring the concept of the Royals into existence, an incredibly difficult feat. After sticking with the club through many losing seasons I find it most poetic that Easty would still be here to enjoy our first ever grand final and premiership victory. And if you were to create a club hall of fame, Easty, the father of the club and the reason we're all here is first picked any day of the week.
MARLOWE
Marlowe is an absolute prodigious talent that everyone in Gold City is fortunate to be in the presence of. During the early days of the club, Marlowe quickly established himself as one of the biggest names in the league and is instrumental in establishing the club's identity as the beacon of quality creative, imaginative posting. He was a regular fixture in the All-SFA from S16-S19 and was crowned the best poster in the league in Season 18 as the club's first Beez winner. He took on the responsibility to captain the club either actively or nominally through S18-S21 and recently returned in a different era to once again dominate the league, recording his 5th All-SFA selection in S30 returning from a long hiatus. It's an absolute no-brainer that Marlowe is inducted into the Royals Hall of Fame in its inaugural class.
BLACKY
Blacky is the single most significant Royal of the past 10 seasons. Since taking over the club as co-captain in S21, Blacky took control of the Royals at a low-point and singlehandedly carried it as the resident "big name" poster for many seasons. Much like Marlowe, Blacky dominated the All-SFA selections managing to get into the team for 5 consecutive seasons between S21 to S25 reflecting what a consistent and powerful presence he was around the league. For that he was included in the All-Time All-SFA Team this season. His cutting wit and original posting peaked when he took out the S23 Beez in a landslide and is so selfless that he willingly subjects himself to the SFA Mod role. Blacky is inducted into the Royals Hall of Fame tonight, but he's not merely a club legend but a league legend and remains the only person to ever successfully recruit me from another club.
Congratulations once again to Easty, Marlowe and Blacky on being inducted into the S30 Gold City Royals Hall of Fame!!!
Well not only are the three featured legends incredibly attractive, they also happen to be major figures in shaping the club's history and identity with astounding contributions over the seasons. For that reason, it is my high honour to induct the trio Easty, Marlowe and Blacky as the inaugural inductees of the Gold City Royals Hall of Fame!
EASTY
Easty is the founder of the Gold City Royals and the club's inaugural captain, he spearheaded the expansion bid and put in a power of work to bring the concept of the Royals into existence, an incredibly difficult feat. After sticking with the club through many losing seasons I find it most poetic that Easty would still be here to enjoy our first ever grand final and premiership victory. And if you were to create a club hall of fame, Easty, the father of the club and the reason we're all here is first picked any day of the week.
MARLOWE
Marlowe is an absolute prodigious talent that everyone in Gold City is fortunate to be in the presence of. During the early days of the club, Marlowe quickly established himself as one of the biggest names in the league and is instrumental in establishing the club's identity as the beacon of quality creative, imaginative posting. He was a regular fixture in the All-SFA from S16-S19 and was crowned the best poster in the league in Season 18 as the club's first Beez winner. He took on the responsibility to captain the club either actively or nominally through S18-S21 and recently returned in a different era to once again dominate the league, recording his 5th All-SFA selection in S30 returning from a long hiatus. It's an absolute no-brainer that Marlowe is inducted into the Royals Hall of Fame in its inaugural class.
BLACKY
Blacky is the single most significant Royal of the past 10 seasons. Since taking over the club as co-captain in S21, Blacky took control of the Royals at a low-point and singlehandedly carried it as the resident "big name" poster for many seasons. Much like Marlowe, Blacky dominated the All-SFA selections managing to get into the team for 5 consecutive seasons between S21 to S25 reflecting what a consistent and powerful presence he was around the league. For that he was included in the All-Time All-SFA Team this season. His cutting wit and original posting peaked when he took out the S23 Beez in a landslide and is so selfless that he willingly subjects himself to the SFA Mod role. Blacky is inducted into the Royals Hall of Fame tonight, but he's not merely a club legend but a league legend and remains the only person to ever successfully recruit me from another club.
Congratulations once again to Easty, Marlowe and Blacky on being inducted into the S30 Gold City Royals Hall of Fame!!!
brahj
Brownlow Medallist
- Mar 6, 2014
- 24,910
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- AFL Club
- Richmond
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- Boston Bruins, New York Giants
**We'll be back with more Double Down with Toni after these quick messages**
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
brahj
Brownlow Medallist
- Mar 6, 2014
- 24,910
- 48,392
- AFL Club
- Richmond
- Other Teams
- Boston Bruins, New York Giants
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #706
Rounds 13-16 write-ups are courtesy of Marlowe as you may notice by the sudden uptick in quality.
Season 30 – Round 13
Gold City Royals @ Roys FFC
Bottom line: we lost.
The straight dope: that sucked.
We entered this game close to the top of the ladder. We were either second or third. Perhaps even we were first. Who can say? I mean, I could, but I am not going to let reality and facts dictate the Round 13 Best & Fairest write-up. Sorry.
This match was Season 30 Gold City Royals unofficial ‘Recruit of the Year’ nannah’s 100th career match. I am currently admiring the fresh as hell banner Kennedy Parker made for the occasion. This one, brief moment where we ran through it (if only emotionally, not literally) exists now as a lone moment of joy on the day, something completely lost to time as the defeat we’re about to suffer at the hands of these old Roys bastards is going to overwrite the memory in our collective consciousness. But I would just like to bring it up one time, in order to set the pre-match mood. We were happy, nahnah was smiling, and all that was about to change.
The siren sounds and this is how the match began:
We are less than two minutes into the proceedings and up by three scores. Oh, brother.
I am not going to cover the entire match, I’ve already told you we lost, anyway.
Here are some highlights. We give up 15 points. We score a few more. We’re up my 5 points at quarter time when Kennedy Parker introduces us to this statistic.
Kennedy Parker said:
He gives the thumbs up. My heart sinks.
[Scooby Doo voice] Roh-roh!
Happy days for nahnah at least to kick off the second quarter:
I am going to flash forward to the third quarter to talk about myself.
At this point we have blown a bit of a lead and allowed this to become a coin flip game. We are up by exactly one goal at this juncture, when, I, our star midfielder – as-of-round 13 Mobbs Medal favourite and All-SFA’er, Marlowe – get placed in for Blacky at full back to play on the Roys full forward _Mike_. I am pretty sure this is the guy with a Stone Cold Steve Austin avatar. I have an Annie Edison avatar. Do I need to tell you how this is going to turn out?
I don’t know quite how many points that is – that he kicked on me – but I know we lost by 15 and that that was definitely - if, potentially considerably - more than 15. So, I am not getting votes for this match, and as such, I don’t really care about writing this summary any longer.
Predicted votes (no one coordinated these write-ups, so I have less than no idea how we’re formatting them, I am just going to do predicted votes because I don’t actually know what I am supposed to be writing or doing, honestly):
3 – SmartysPower
2 – Grey Crow
1 – (milestone boy) nahnah
| Round 13 | Votes |
| Smartys Power | 9 |
| GreyCrow | 5 |
| CakeEater | 5 |
| Easty | 4 |
| MrPremiership | 3 |
| Kapow!!! | 2 |
| nahnah | 1 |
| Paddles_ | 1 |
Marlowe
𝓤𝓷𝓽𝓸𝓾𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮
- Mar 12, 2012
- 29,928
- 53,377
- AFL Club
- Melbourne
- Other Teams
- Gold City Royals
Wow, I got some of the votes right. 
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #708
Season 30 – Round 14
Mt. Buller Demons @ The Gold City Royals
You know, as I am writing these Best & Fairest match reports/reviews/thingies’, and I am trying to think of the most banal, minimalist yet professional formatting possible, and when I write out our club name out, I am thinking we should, as a club, begin calling ourselves THE Gold City Royals. Sort of the way in American collegiate athletics, Ohio State University are referred to as THE Ohio State University (as if there is another one). I don’t know, it’s just a thought, and what are these summaries for if not my unfiltered, off-the-cuff irreverent late-night ramblings?
We played the Demons in Round Fourteen. Fun was had by all. Or at least by me. I like the Demons. This match was prominent for being the only match thread in Sweet FA history where, I, Marlowe, the dude writing this, for the record, was the top contributor. It’s never happened before. I had 58 posts, 12 more than the next most prolific poster. We are 1-0 lifetime when I post the most. Food for thought. Hashtag Let Marlowe Cook.
If I am reading this match thread correctly – and, chances are, I’m probably not – the Demons entered the week riding a seven-match losing streak. Complete pushovers, right? Yes. Very much so. You’d be right to think such a thing, because it’s factually true. This was Paddles’_ milestone match, I think. I am not too sure, at some point I will look that up. He kicked two goals in the opening quarter though anyway. We were all thrilled for him. As did NTRabbit, he also kicked a pair. Filthy and BRAB contributed valuable six-pointers as well to add to the impressive bloodless rampage. We [Michael Caine voice] blew the bloody doors off [end voice] in the first term to take a 39-7 lead.
We booted another quick 20 points in the opening five minutes of the second quarter alone to completely put this match out of reach.
Look, it has been 30 mins of game time and we’re up 59-7. At some point during the second quarter, or early third, I get benched and sit there for the remainder of the match. I checked out of this match mentally at the time, and I’m doing so here too. I don’t need to bore all my lovely teammates with a list of every goal we kicked. We won. It’s probably the most dominate victory of our illustrious maiden premiership season – maybe in our entire club’s overall less equally illustrious history. It was Paddles’ milestone match too (I checked, his 150th). Just a bloody good day. This was when I first knew we could win the flag (I had suspicions when we were 3-0 earlier in the season, but this match really, truly cemented in my mind that we had what it took physically on the field, or in the sim and on the field in our role-playing minds, to tear the Sweet FA apart and run rampant, untouched, unchecked, with the grace and elegance of a Leopard striding confidently across the Serengeti, bathing in a boundless shadow beneath Mount Kilimanjaro).
Here is a list of all the goals we kicked on the day. I will actually post this. Congrats to everyone on this list, job well done, guys:
Code:
First Quarter:
4.13 - Goal to Paddles_ (GCR) - GCR by 6 point(s).
7.28 - Goal to NTRabbit (GCR) - GCR by 13 point(s).
13.33 - Goal to Paddles_ (GCR) - GCR by 13 point(s).
18.42 - Goal to The Filth Wizard (GCR) - GCR by 19 point(s).
20.02 - Goal to BRAB (GCR) - GCR by 25 point(s).
21.15 - Goal to Paddles_ (GCR) - GCR by 31 point(s).
Second Quarter:
.1 - Goal to GreyCrow (GCR) - GCR by 38 point(s).
1.4 - Goal to The Filth Wizard (GCR) - GCR by 45 point(s).
4.29 - Goal to ShaunDuggan (GCR) - GCR by 52 point(s).
10.11 - Goal to Marlowe (GCR) - GCR by 47 point(s).
21.39 - Goal to NTRabbit (GCR) - GCR by 40 point(s).
Third Quarter:
9.09 - Goal to The Filth Wizard (GCR) - GCR by 42 point(s).
13.29 - Goal to Ulahoopski (GCR) - GCR by 41 point(s).
17.2 - Goal to ShaunDuggan (GCR) - GCR by 47 point(s).
23.21 - Goal to nahnah (GCR) - GCR by 51 point(s).
24.55 - Goal to Ulahoopski (GCR) - GCR by 56 point(s).
Final Quarter:
5.31 - Goal to NTRabbit (GCR) - GCR by 63 point(s).
13.53 - Goal to The Filth Wizard (GCR) - GCR by 62 point(s).
24.51 - Goal to Ulahoopski (GCR) - GCR by 41 point(s).(hey, I'm in there!)
Predicted votes:
3 – Paddles_
2 – ShaunDuggan
1 - brahj
| Round 14 | Votes |
| ShaunDuggan | 9 |
| Paddles_ | 9 |
| brahj | 5 |
| Ulahoopski | 3 |
| The Filth Wizard | 2 |
| NTRabbit | 1 |
| spookism | 1 |
- Sep 26, 2012
- 35,182
- 52,352
- AFL Club
- Collingwood
when you get tagged but you only get 1 vote
but you only get 1 vote
Marlowe
𝓤𝓷𝓽𝓸𝓾𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮
- Mar 12, 2012
- 29,928
- 53,377
- AFL Club
- Melbourne
- Other Teams
- Gold City Royals
Look at me nailing these predicted votes. Really shows I absolutely read the match threads in preparation and not just skimmed the stat sheets.
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #711
Season 30 – Round 15
The Gold City Royals @ Baghdad B*****s
Personally, I think B*****s is a naughty word and I don’t think anyone should utter it in public or private.
Yeah, Round 15. It was heritage round. We were all profoundly confused as to what karmic injustice we committed to be matched up with these hateable freaks during a round celebrating historical rivalry. Don’t get me wrong, there’s certainly no love lost here. If a member of our respective clubs saw an opposition player on fire, there would be no hesitation to visit them in the hospital the next day and piss on them in order to add further insult to injury. But I don’t really understand what connection we’d ever actively forged together. I don’t know. It’s a small thing that doesn’t matter or have anything to do with our Best & Fairest, but I just think about it a lot, y’know.
Anyway. We beat these tasteless jerks. It was glorious. It was a close, tight, heavily contested, and high-scoring affair, and we pulled a win out of our ass to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and some other cliché superlatives.
Our boy Easty did this to clinch it:
And then, to add insult to injury, I did this - which is maybe my favourite on-field action of Season 30:
(me, Marlowe, celebrating an important if meaningless goal)
Predicted votes:
3 – Our benevolent Lord & Master The Filth Wizard
2 – Kapow!!!
1 – Paddles_
| Round 15 | Votes |
| The Filth Wizard | 9 |
| Kapow!!! | 9 |
| MrPremiership | 6 |
| Paddles_ | 4 |
| ShaunDuggan | 1 |
| spookism | 1 |
Marlowe
𝓤𝓷𝓽𝓸𝓾𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮
- Mar 12, 2012
- 29,928
- 53,377
- AFL Club
- Melbourne
- Other Teams
- Gold City Royals
I am really impressed with the accuracy of these predictions.
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #713
Season 30 – Round 16
Gumbies FFC @ The Gold City Royals
We started this match on fire. Kicked three unanswered goals and lead by 26 halfway through the first quarter. Bear witness to this passage of Qooty poetry:
Peerless Qooty. This is the kind of ferocity you only see on the Qooty field when a team has cracked the code. Final game of the home & away season and we boot nine goals in the first quarter. It’s a kind of unnecessary display of aggression akin to cycling as fast as one can while going down a hill – there’s simply no need to exert so much physical energy when gravity will accomplish automatically for you. But we do it because we’re fit, we’re not tired, we fear no reprisal of getting sideswiped by an unseen vehicle turning into our path from their driveway; we’re having fun, and we want to feel the breeze flow through our hair one last time before the s**t gets serious (or at least, gives the appearance of seriousness (finals are srs bsns after all)). That maiden premiership is in sight, we can taste it, we can almost feel it on our fingertips, what’s so wrong with wanting to use this opportunity against a useless Gumbies outfit to catch this fair maiden’s attention and strut a little on our walk home. The journey to the promise land is almost at an end…
Actually, we nearly blew this match. After such a sterling first quarter effort, we eventually allowed the Gumbies to come crawling back in and they took a lead at three quarter time. Luckily, Kapow!!! was there to lift the rest of us cocky bastards; hurling us up and over onto his chiselled back and carrying us over the finish line in a clinical manner befitting Jose Canseco’s slavish Herculean effort in dragging that lady’s washer and dryer out of that burning house in his appearance on that baseball episode of the Simpsons that one time. Just a sterling effort. He deserves an honorary fourth exclamation point for that. I am not going to copy and paste his highlights. Do yourself a favour though, honour his efforts by doing the hard, ugly, and dirty work of searching them yourself, and then read them, and then clap and cry and celebrate and cu—oh I am not allowed to say that on TV (oh, this isn’t on TV?)
Predicted votes:
3 – Kapow!!!
2 – Marlowe
1 – Ulahoopski
| Round 16 | Votes |
| CakeEater | 9 |
| Marlowe | 7 |
| Ulahoopski | 6 |
| Smartys Power | 6 |
| spookism | 1 |
| Paddles_ | 1 |
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #714
That's the end of the Home and Away season. Before we go into the finals and reveal the last few batches of votes I'll take a moment to shoutout all the Royals who have managed to attain some prestigious individual honours in Season 30.
Firstly, congrats to our captain The Filth Wizard on being the club's first Fred Medallist and earning a record 13th All-SFA nod. Congrats to Marlowe, CakeEater and Noobz0r as well on achieving All-SFA selection in S30.
We had a couple of Royals make the All-Time All-SFA team including The Filth Wizard and Blacky which is an incredible achievement.
And props to spookism on leading SA to another State of Origin Title.
Firstly, congrats to our captain The Filth Wizard on being the club's first Fred Medallist and earning a record 13th All-SFA nod. Congrats to Marlowe, CakeEater and Noobz0r as well on achieving All-SFA selection in S30.
We had a couple of Royals make the All-Time All-SFA team including The Filth Wizard and Blacky which is an incredible achievement.
And props to spookism on leading SA to another State of Origin Title.
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #715
FINALS write-ups are courtesy of The Filth Wizard
1st Qualifying v Roys
GCR SENIORS Vs ROY SENIORS
GCR 5 2 10 7 12 9 14 9 93
ROY 0 2 1 2 4 5 10 9 69
The Royals had done everything right in the season but traditionally the finals was a whole new ballgame. Whilst there was less pressure on the team with the double chance in hand it was paramount that direct passage to the prelims was achieved. As it was the Royals stunned the Roys right out of the box and were 50 points up before the Roys registered their first major. Marlowe said it best at half time "Are we playing the Roys or the St. Crocks of sh*t? Are these opponents called the St. Crocks of sh*t?" and even though this spurred the Roys to a bit of a comeback the damage was done and the Royals were in the prelim after a 4 goal win. CakeEater was as good as best on with 4 goals but he was ably assisted by Ulahoopski, Paddles_, Easty and GreyCrow amongst the best.
| QF | Votes |
| Kennedy Parker | 10 |
| CakeEater | 7 |
| Paddles_ | 6 |
| GreyCrow | 3 |
| Easty | 2 |
| Ulahoopski | 1 |
| Blacky | 1 |
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #716
1st Preliminary Final v Bombers
GCR SENIORS Vs BOM SENIORS
GCR 2 2 6 6 9 11 10 11 71
BOM 2 2 5 2 7 2 11 4 70
The Royals were on the precipice of their maiden Grand Final with the Bombers standing in their way and this was a game for the ages, one of the greatest prelim finals in Sweet FA history. It was the third quarter, the "premiership" quarter that separated the teams in the end, however a lot of that was inaccuracy in front of goals. This was the season though where the Royals were able to dig deep again and it came down to an absolutely bone crunching hit on Kilroy by brahj as the Bombers were streaming into goal with a point in it to secure the win. Stats wise it was tight and dour but The Filth Wizard's three goals were important, as were solid games by GreyCrow, Smartys Power and Blacky who found himself with a nice new pocket for miggs.
| PF | Votes |
| GreyCrow | 10 |
| brahj | 4 |
| Smartys Power | 4 |
| Paddles_ | 4 |
| The Filth Wizard | 3 |
| Marlowe | 3 |
| BRAB | 2 |
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #717
Grand Final
GCR SENIORS Vs SCS SENIORS
GCR 7 0 11 5 17 7 18 10 118
SCS 4 2 6 4 8 7 13 7 85
The most important game in the history of the Gold City Royals and not once did they show it, this was a dominant display from start to finish and with many Royal nerves dissipating by three quarter time, the team was finally able to lay claim to being the Sweet FA premiers. It was a game where the side functioned like a well oiled machine from line to line - the stacked six was miserly, the mids fired and the entire forward line contributed. It was clear that Marlowe was best afield but the rest of the votes will be well spread... 7 goals between The Filth Wizard and grumbleguts, Ulahoopski a killer at HFF, brahj and nahnah having a field day, Blacky again holding a full forward to one goal and GreyCrow winning the ruck battle.
| GF | Votes |
| Marlowe | 10 |
| brahj | 8 |
| The Filth Wizard | 5 |
| Ulahoopski | 5 |
| nahnah | 1 |
| grumbleguts | 1 |
The Filth Wizard
Just here for the zipline
- Jul 26, 2007
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- Thread starter
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Did he really? Well done spooks.
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #719
Now that all the votes have been revealed now for the top 10 countdown for the Season 30 EASTY:
In 10th place on 27 votes we have Kapow!!!
In 9th place on 29 votes we have Paddles_
In 8th place on 30 votes we have MrPremiership
In 7th place on 36 votes we have nahnah
In 10th place on 27 votes we have Kapow!!!
In 9th place on 29 votes we have Paddles_
In 8th place on 30 votes we have MrPremiership
In 7th place on 36 votes we have nahnah
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
MrPremiership
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8th! I'll take thatNow that all the votes have been revealed now for the top 10 countdown for the Season 30 EASTY:
In 10th place on 27 votes we have Kapow!!!
In 9th place on 29 votes we have Paddles_
In 8th place on 30 votes we have MrPremiership
In 7th place on 36 votes we have nahnah
brahj
Brownlow Medallist
- Mar 6, 2014
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- 48,392
- AFL Club
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- Boston Bruins, New York Giants
Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
Marlowe
𝓤𝓷𝓽𝓸𝓾𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮
- Mar 12, 2012
- 29,928
- 53,377
- AFL Club
- Melbourne
- Other Teams
- Gold City Royals
Noobz0r
Tom Jonas Fan Club Junior VP
- Aug 18, 2009
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Absolutely the highlight of the season for mine, heck the Bombers.
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