Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2021

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MC Bad Genius said:
And you call yourself a pilot. I have higher expectations of your geography based insult comedy. Pick it up next time round or there'll be trouble.
Click to expand...
I'm the best fake pilot on this website and you know it.
 
Mofra said:
Player #29 - Adam Saad
View attachment 1260870
Pictured: Adam(left) with some form of loliginidae, a creature with more backbone than Adelaide's pre-season camp review committee

Adam Saad was a former Coburg VFL player who selected in the rookie draft by the Gold Coast Suns.
He then chose to move from a team based on the Gold Coast to a team based in Tullamarine, which is kind of like cancelling a holiday in the Maldives to go to Kabul.

After his time at Essendon (who were so Covid safe they were vaccinating players dozens of times, many years before coronavirus was even a thing), he decided at the end of last year he preferred the smell of what Carlton were cooking.
Carlton, having recently overpaid for 3 flankers, decided this was a winning strategy and decided to overpay for a 4th flanker.

Saad, a regular top 3 finisher in the Essendon B&F, decided to take up Carlton's offer. I assume the mindset behind the move was that he'd rather not play finals at all if he was only ever going to play in losing ones.
Sidenote: Essendon ended up taking a guy (Hind) who provides a similar output to Saad despite costing far far less, making him basically the generic medicine of AFL players. This contrasts the Brett Kirk who I can only assume was the alternate medicine of AFL players.



This year Carlton failed to make finals, had some sort of sham coaching review, sacked their coach (again), and then appointed a guy whose last stint as a senior AFL coach was akin to listening to Frank Zappa and vaping DMT while trying to read Hunter S Thompson's horoscope through a kaleidoscope. He's also a ranga.

Back to Saad. His stats read similar to last year's output, except last year we had shorter games and... wait, Carlton gave up pick 8 for him? And are paying a half back flanker $650,000 per year? It's like Crazy Vossy arrived at Carlton a year early.
When Voss' arrival at an organisation means you are making fewer nutty trades it's less a job for a formal review than it is for a national convention of pyromaniacs. At night. By candlelight.

Anyway I'm sure Saad will flourish next year as Carlton are in the final few years of their 5 year plan that only started 16 years ago.

Adam, the Saadster, Ads. Good luck next year and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...


Hang on, that's not a picture of Adam Sa... oh, yes it is. Play on.
 
Mofra said:
Player #36 - Mason Cox
View attachment 1253373
Pictured: Mason Cox has been known to accept and wear samples from Alan Didak's T shirt business

Mason Cox is tall, a former American, and he played one good game (against Richmond) a couple of years ago. He's been dining out on that ever since. To be fair it was a final and it was amusing so he deserves some credit.

Cox grew up in Texas which is also known as the Lonestar state. He actually had the Collingwood cheer squad chanting "USA! USA!" once which is heart-warming to know they now know how to spell at least one country. Literacy rates will sky-rocket if they ever draft a player from the UAE or Chad, but I'm hoping that given the Lumumba experience they avoid anyone who grew up in the Republic of Niger.

After playing 24 games in 2018, Mason played 14 games in 2019, 11 games in 2020 and just 7 games this year. It sounds like he just isn't in their long term plans, like Nathan Buckley. So much so he's been told to 'explore his options' which is a nice way of saying he's likely to be delisted after trade period if no team comes a'runnin. Nominally a forward, he did kick 6 goals from his first 3 games this year - then just 2 from the next 5 games.

The problem seems to be he is easily bumped off the ball if he's running and jumping at it as a forward, and hasn't shown much in the ruck because Collingwood have always had better rucks than him so he's never had to do it, unlike Bulldogs midfielders. He has shown glimpses - averaging 2 goals in Grand Finals, which eclipses Gary Rohan's entire finals career.

Fun fact: In 2020 Mason became an Australian citizen, about the same time Joffa moved to Fiji which seems a fair swap to me. Joffa has some 'well known legal issues' at the moment and is no longer associated with the Collingwood cheer squad, which as a sentence is on par with being kicked out the Sidebottom family for 'looking too inbred'.

Anyway Mason good luck next year and I hope you get to keep your AFL dream alive for at least one more year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...
Gary Sidebottom🤣
 
Mofra said:
Player #34 - Sam Petrevski-Seton
View attachment 1254724
Pictured: SPS is clearly not a fan of deodorant

Sam Petrevski-Seton, SPS, is a Carlton first round draft pick who was actually taken directly by Carlton, not via GWS.

Nominally a midfielder, SPS has been tried in every conceivable position except in a hotel room with Ricky Nixon. He just hasn't worked out in any them.
Carlton took SPS with pick 6 in the draft year of 2016, the greatest year of football in the game's history. Much like a Richmond mature aged draftee he's been threatening to break out for years now but just hasn't done it.

This year SPS has been tried a little bit forward and mostly back with minimal success, despite Carlton's glut of overpriced traded in flankers. He managed a meh-inducing 15 odd disposals in his 13 games this year, only once managing over 20 touches and even that was against a Gold Coast Suns outfit that can only tenuously be called a 'team'. 11 of those games were in the 22 and a couple of games he was named as the medi-sub so after all the years of developing a pick 6 he's not in Carlton's long term plans.
He's currently on the trade table to a West Coast Eagles team that is treading water so pathetically that if they were on the Titanic when it sank that selfish b*tch Rose would have shifted over slightly to let them on the piece of drifting door she managed to commandeer.

View attachment 1254730

SPS at the very least has an interesting back-story. He didn't learn English until age 15 after growing up in remote WA, although he now speaks the language better than half of the AFL's accredited journalists. He lists among his hobbies 'competitive bull-riding' becoming only the second AFL player to pursue this hobby, after Brent Harvey.

SPS good luck next year back in WA and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...
That sly dig in regards to Boomer. My goodness completely lost it🤣
 
Mofra said:
Player #29 - Adam Saad
View attachment 1260870
Pictured: Adam(left) with some form of loliginidae, a creature with more backbone than Adelaide's pre-season camp review committee

Adam Saad was a former Coburg VFL player who selected in the rookie draft by the Gold Coast Suns.
He then chose to move from a team based on the Gold Coast to a team based in Tullamarine, which is kind of like cancelling a holiday in the Maldives to go to Kabul.

After his time at Essendon (who were so Covid safe they were vaccinating players dozens of times, many years before coronavirus was even a thing), he decided at the end of last year he preferred the smell of what Carlton were cooking.
Carlton, having recently overpaid for 3 flankers, decided this was a winning strategy and decided to overpay for a 4th flanker.

Saad, a regular top 3 finisher in the Essendon B&F, decided to take up Carlton's offer. I assume the mindset behind the move was that he'd rather not play finals at all if he was only ever going to play in losing ones.
Sidenote: Essendon ended up taking a guy (Hind) who provides a similar output to Saad despite costing far far less, making him basically the generic medicine of AFL players. This contrasts the Brett Kirk who I can only assume was the alternate medicine of AFL players.



This year Carlton failed to make finals, had some sort of sham coaching review, sacked their coach (again), and then appointed a guy whose last stint as a senior AFL coach was akin to listening to Frank Zappa and vaping DMT while trying to read Hunter S Thompson's horoscope through a kaleidoscope. He's also a ranga.

Back to Saad. His stats read similar to last year's output, except last year we had shorter games and... wait, Carlton gave up pick 8 for him? And are paying a half back flanker $650,000 per year? It's like Crazy Vossy arrived at Carlton a year early.
When Voss' arrival at an organisation means you are making fewer nutty trades it's less a job for a formal review than it is for a national convention of pyromaniacs. At night. By candlelight.

Anyway I'm sure Saad will flourish next year as Carlton are in the final few years of their 5 year plan that only started 16 years ago.

Adam, the Saadster, Ads. Good luck next year and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...


I thought Saad was pretty good this year. Although as I am a Carlton supporter, my standards are admittedly pretty low...

Anyway I was prepared to go full melt at the injustice, but there was just so much champagne comedy in there I couldn't help laughing at the whole post.

5qiqwu.jpg
 
Mofra said:
Player #36 - Mason Cox
View attachment 1253373
Pictured: Mason Cox has been known to accept and wear samples from Alan Didak's T shirt business

Mason Cox is tall, a former American, and he played one good game (against Richmond) a couple of years ago. He's been dining out on that ever since. To be fair it was a final and it was amusing so he deserves some credit.

Cox grew up in Texas which is also known as the Lonestar state. He actually had the Collingwood cheer squad chanting "USA! USA!" once which is heart-warming to know they now know how to spell at least one country. Literacy rates will sky-rocket if they ever draft a player from the UAE or Chad, but I'm hoping that given the Lumumba experience they avoid anyone who grew up in the Republic of Niger.

After playing 24 games in 2018, Mason played 14 games in 2019, 11 games in 2020 and just 7 games this year. It sounds like he just isn't in their long term plans, like Nathan Buckley. So much so he's been told to 'explore his options' which is a nice way of saying he's likely to be delisted after trade period if no team comes a'runnin. Nominally a forward, he did kick 6 goals from his first 3 games this year - then just 2 from the next 5 games.

The problem seems to be he is easily bumped off the ball if he's running and jumping at it as a forward, and hasn't shown much in the ruck because Collingwood have always had better rucks than him so he's never had to do it, unlike Bulldogs midfielders. He has shown glimpses - averaging 2 goals in Grand Finals, which eclipses Gary Rohan's entire finals career.

Fun fact: In 2020 Mason became an Australian citizen, about the same time Joffa moved to Fiji which seems a fair swap to me. Joffa has some 'well known legal issues' at the moment and is no longer associated with the Collingwood cheer squad, which as a sentence is on par with being kicked out the Sidebottom family for 'looking too inbred'.

Anyway Mason good luck next year and I hope you get to keep your AFL dream alive for at least one more year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...

Fancy having your tilt at becoming the third greatest team of the modern era derailed by this guy.

I like him though, for no other reason than that game was the beginning of the end of the criminally overrated Alex Rance.
 
This is pretty harsh on Saad, which convinces me that 90% of our list is due for Moffra's treatment this year.
 
Mofra said:
Player #35 - Patrick Lipinski
View attachment 1253994
Pictured: Gray Rohan, who like Lipinski didn't really play in the 2021 finals series either

Patrick Lipinski is a lifelong Bulldogs supporter who, weeks after attending the 2016 AFL Grand Final, was drafted by the Bulldogs and lived with Marcus Bontempelli.

Rated by Josh Bruce as the best kick inside 50 on the Bulldogs list, he has been unable to cement his place in the Bulldogs side and has decided to move to a team where it's much much easier to get a game.
Along with his elite footskills he has a large tank and regularly racks up 35+ disposals at VFL level as well as hitting the scoreboard.
So why isn't he getting more senior games at the Bulldogs you ask?

Pace. The guy is so slow his nickname at the club is 'vaccine rollout'. His full pace running is on par with the first half of trade period - drawn out, not much happens, and not quite getting where anyone wants. Since the start of 2020 all Bulldog running sessions have been schedule for mornings because if an afternoon session is scheduled than Lipinski runs the risk of breaking curfew by the time he's done.

His tackling needs a bit of work, in the same way the Adelaide Crows' pre-season camp 'could have been a little better'. This makes him a defensive liability in the middle so he gets shifted to being an outside player or a forward, where his opponents run off him at every opportunity. He can do most other things well, so in some ways he's kind of like Bontempelli if you ordered him from Wish - a vague resemblance to what you ordered, but just not quite right.

Only seen once after round 11, Lipinski managed to play 9 games this year, managing over 20 disposals three times. He was then rested and dropped a few times as well as being named the medical sub at least once.

He is expected to get to his preferred destination, Collingwood, by the end of trade week where he will become the second highest paid Bulldogs player on their books.
As an aside, given their report on institutional racism I applaud the 'new' Collingwood's commitment to diversity by paying for players at more than one club.

Patty, 'Monica', good luck next year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...

You should have mentioned that he drops his head faster than Salome on a banana peel.
 

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NSWCROW said:
Was a rite of passage for Adelaide kids in the 80's to have their class go to a taping of this and if you were lucky, get picked for BEAT THE TEACHER




Also, got a juicy Joey Moore ( female host ) story too.
Click to expand...


I wanted to choke that ******* duck so bad :oops:
 
Player #28 - Sam Frost
1634506843776.png
Pictured: Sam Frost. Reality TV star and anti-vaxxer, the worst of everything

Sam Frost started his career at GWS during their early years of getting flogged. He then moved to the Demons for a few years, while they were getting flogged. He has now spent the last two years at Hawthorn during Clarko's "grab a granny" strategy which is currently being copied by Geelong. If Hawthorn miraculously improve in the next couple of years he'll wind up in a BDSM dungeon as the sub because I assume that's where he feels the most comfortable.

A tall defender, Frost is very quick which according to the former Ms Mofra is not always an asset to be proud of.
He can actually find the ball and, well, that's where his problems begin. With the ball in hand nobody knows what will happen or where the ball will end up (again, BDSM dungeon etc etc). His decision making and kicking is so bad his teammates refer to him as "Lieutenant Dan" because that's how effective he is at using both legs.

This year he was a mainstay of the Hawthorn defensive unit which was a large part of why Clarko was sacked. He played all 22 games and tallied 194 kicks and 78 clangers. Some of his clangers were absolute howlers. Often he'd perform some amazing athletic feat, grab the ball in defence, stream through the middle and nobody (lest of all Sam) would have any idea of what happens next. He is the Choose Your Own Adventure book of the Hawthorn team in that every time he turns over a new leaf an unexpected starting point awaits. His decision making is so erratic it would cause Courtney Love's PA to have a nervous breakdown. And let's just take a second to appreciate Love's under-appreciated talent: it takes real ability to make a murder look like a suicide.

Sam is contracted for next year so we'll get to enjoy his on-field adventures again in 2022. There is a strong chance, like this year, that he will again make a fine contribution to the Bottom 50.
 
Mofra said:
Player #28 - Sam Frost
View attachment 1262675
Pictured: Sam Frost. Reality TV star and anti-vaxxer, the worst of everything

Sam Frost started his career at GWS during their early years of getting flogged. He then moved to the Demons for a few years, while they were getting flogged. He has now spent the last two years at Hawthorn during Clarko's "grab a granny" strategy which is currently being copied by Geelong. If Hawthorn miraculously improve in the next couple of years he'll wind up in a BDSM dungeon as the sub because I assume that's where he feels the most comfortable.

A tall defender, Frost is very quick which according to the former Ms Mofra is not always an asset to be proud of.
He can actually find the ball and, well, that's where his problems begin. With the ball in hand nobody knows what will happen or where the ball will end up (again, BDSM dungeon etc etc). His decision making and kicking is so bad his teammates refer to him as "Lieutenant Dan" because that's how effective he is at using both legs.

This year he was a mainstay of the Hawthorn defensive unit which was a large part of why Clarko was sacked. He played all 22 games and tallied 194 kicks and 78 clangers. Some of his clangers were absolute howlers. Often he'd perform some amazing athletic feat, grab the ball in defence, stream through the middle and nobody (lest of all Sam) would have any idea of what happens next. He is the Choose Your Own Adventure book of the Hawthorn team in that every time he turns over a new leaf an unexpected starting point awaits. His decision making is so erratic it would cause Courtney Love's PA to have a nervous breakdown. And let's just take a second to appreciate Love's under-appreciated talent: it takes real ability to make a murder look like a suicide.

Sam is contracted for next year so we'll get to enjoy his on-field adventures again in 2022. There is a strong chance, like this year, that he will again make a fine contribution to the Bottom 50.
Click to expand...
* yourself
 
i feel like this is purely a personal attack on myself.

Frosty had probably his best year ever, he won the hawks most consistent player came 6th in the B&F and was simply superb all year.

Was 8th in the comp for intercept marks and played very well on the best key forwards in the defence constantly under siege because the hawks suck.

I'm ashamed and appalled.
 
Mofra said:
Player #28 - Sam Frost
View attachment 1262675
Pictured: Sam Frost. Reality TV star and anti-vaxxer, the worst of everything

Sam Frost started his career at GWS during their early years of getting flogged. He then moved to the Demons for a few years, while they were getting flogged. He has now spent the last two years at Hawthorn during Clarko's "grab a granny" strategy which is currently being copied by Geelong. If Hawthorn miraculously improve in the next couple of years he'll wind up in a BDSM dungeon as the sub because I assume that's where he feels the most comfortable.

A tall defender, Frost is very quick which according to the former Ms Mofra is not always an asset to be proud of.
He can actually find the ball and, well, that's where his problems begin. With the ball in hand nobody knows what will happen or where the ball will end up (again, BDSM dungeon etc etc). His decision making and kicking is so bad his teammates refer to him as "Lieutenant Dan" because that's how effective he is at using both legs.

This year he was a mainstay of the Hawthorn defensive unit which was a large part of why Clarko was sacked. He played all 22 games and tallied 194 kicks and 78 clangers. Some of his clangers were absolute howlers. Often he'd perform some amazing athletic feat, grab the ball in defence, stream through the middle and nobody (lest of all Sam) would have any idea of what happens next. He is the Choose Your Own Adventure book of the Hawthorn team in that every time he turns over a new leaf an unexpected starting point awaits. His decision making is so erratic it would cause Courtney Love's PA to have a nervous breakdown. And let's just take a second to appreciate Love's under-appreciated talent: it takes real ability to make a murder look like a suicide.

Sam is contracted for next year so we'll get to enjoy his on-field adventures again in 2022. There is a strong chance, like this year, that he will again make a fine contribution to the Bottom 50.
Click to expand...
This is wild stuff, not only is that Sam Frost but it is also not Sam Frost.

Schroedingers Frost.
 
Mofra said:
Some of his clangers were absolute howlers. Often he'd perform some amazing athletic feat, grab the ball in defence, stream through the middle and nobody (lest of all Sam) would have any idea of what happens next. He is the Choose Your Own Adventure book of the Hawthorn team
Click to expand...

funny-nerd.gif


And let's just take a second to appreciate Love's under-appreciated talent: it takes real ability to make a murder look like a suicide.
Click to expand...

too-far-too-far-man.gif
 
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